Exquisite Betrayal (38 page)

“
They know you’re human, too. So, when
are you coming back?”

“
That’s the thing, Tills. I don’t
think I am.”

“
What?”

“
It’s too hard; being back there,
knowing how close she is and not being able to touch her. It’s
self-inflicted punishment and I can’t do it anymore.”

“
Shit. I don’t know what to
say.”

“
There’s nothing to say. Will you do
me a favor?”

“
Sure.”

“
Try to visit her.”

“
Oh, I don’t know. She hates me,
too.”

“
Yeah, but maybe she’ll talk to you.
Please.”

“
I’ll try.”

***

It’s the first Thanksgiving Tilly and I’ve
spent apart. It’s strange, but I need my space. She does come for
Christmas and we both mope around like two fools. The snow arrives
early so we’re able to get some skiing in. It’s the second most
somber Christmas since Mum and Dad died.

I’m glad to turn the New Year over. I pray
that this one turns out better than the last, especially for
Fallon.

Tilly tells me when she tried to visit
Fallon, her apartment was empty, so I can only assume she’s left
San Francisco.

I send her a text wishing her a happy and
healthy new year along with telling her that I hope it holds big
promise for her. I don’t get a response, nor do I expect one. It
makes me wonder if her cell phone number has changed. If it has,
there won’t be any way for me to contact her anymore. Not that it
matters, yet knowing I still had that one small attachment had
given me a sense of security. Now, even that has slipped away.

With my move to my new apartment behind me,
I’m finally settling in. My new place is great and I’m in love with
it. The girls were right. This is giving me a new look on things
here in the city. Kristie has worked miracles for me and I’m now
employed with The Erudite Analyst. It’s a dream job and I even get
to work from home. Thanksgiving’s around the corner and I’m a bit
edgy about it.

My blogger girls keep calling me about
Ryland Thomas being on TV. They say he’s doing all sorts of
national appearances, but I couldn’t care less. I’ve told them to
stop pestering me about it because they’re not helping me at all in
my cause to get over him.

Kristie invites me to spend Thanksgiving
with her, so I accept. We have a nice time with her family, however
I go home feeling empty and lonely. I miss that spirit of having a
family, that atmosphere of closeness I briefly discovered with
Ryland Thomas and Tilly.

When I get home, I decide to go through my
email and I’m shocked to see the number of messages. It’s weird
because they all contain video links. So I click on one, and it
opens up to one of the network morning shows. It’s an interview
clip of Ryland Thomas. My first inclination is to exit out of it,
yet something about him draws me in. Maybe it’s the look on his
face or the pain reflected in his eyes. Or maybe it’s the sleeve of
tattoos that weren’t there before. Whatever it is, something
compels me to watch, and so I do.

The interviewer asks about the breaking
story of his true identity and he doesn’t miss a beat.

“
It’s old news now. Everyone knows.
What I’m here about is
how
it
happened. I handled it completely wrong and I’m here to hopefully
help make that right. You see, the young woman who supposedly broke
that story did no such thing. She was a victim as much as
I.

“
No, that’s not really true. She was
wronged much more so than I. The company she worked for used her to
get to me, and I, being the jerk that I was, didn’t give her the
time to explain what happened. So I let the world think she was the
bad guy here. And that simply wasn’t the case. I ruined her life
and it’s a terrible thing to realize that you’ve destroyed the only
person you’ve ever loved.”

I hit the replay and listen to it
again. I check my inbox and see the other messages and open them.
They all contain clips of Ryland Thomas saying the same thing on
different shows… telling the world that he was the dickface and
treated me like a piece of dirt. But on one show
—
the show with the largest ratings and biggest
viewing audience
—
he reads the
original article I wrote… the one I gave him the day I brought the
box to him. He tells the world that this was the article Fallon
McKinley really wrote about R.T. Sinclair, not the one everyone
saw. Then he begs the world to forgive me because I did no wrong.
He tells them to place all the blame on him if they want because he
should’ve manned up and came forward long ago.

The interviewer asks him some very pointed
questions, but he never backs down. He accepts the burden of
responsibility every time and admits he was a douche. In fact, he
uses that exact word, even as the interviewer cringes.

The final straw is when he looks
straight at the camera and says, “
Fallon,
if you’re out there and you’re listening, please know that I’m not
asking you to forgive me because I know that’s not possible. I just
want you to know that what I did was reprehensible and I’ll pay for
it for the rest of my life
.” The camera fades to
black.

The first person I call is Kat. “Did you
know?”

“
Yes.”

“
Why didn’t you tell me?”

“
He asked us not to.”

“
Us?”

“
We all knew… Amanda, Mandy and
Andrea.”

“
Shit.”

“
He loves you, Fallon. With everything
he has.”

“
What should I do?”

“
That’s a decision only you can
make.”

“
Come on, Kat, I need
advice.”

“
And if I give it to you, and it goes
bad, I’ll feel responsible. I’m not saying a word here.”

“
What would you do if it were
you?”

“
Not a fair question,
Fallon.”

“
If I go back to him, and he pulls
this shit on me again, it will kill me. I mean,
physically.”

“
After all this, do you think he
doesn’t know that?”

“
I don’t know if I can ever forgive
him.” Somewhere in the back of my mind, I can hear my dad’s voice
trying to force its way through.

“
That’s a pretty severe thing to
say.”

“
You saw how I was, Kat.”

“
I did. And I saw how he was,
too.”

“
So you’re saying I should do
it.”

“
I’m not saying you should do
anything, but from this conversation, it sounds like you want
someone to tell you that. Is that what you need? For someone to
push you out the door to him? Because the time’s here for you to
make your own decision, Fallon. You have to determine if this is
the right thing for you. I can’t tell you that. All I know is that
everyone deserves forgiveness. Hell, you’ve even forgiven your mom
for all the crap’s she’s pulled over the years.”

She’s dead right. Besides, there’s my
dad’s voice surfacing. He always said we should forgive. He also
said it may be harder to forget, but that forgiveness needs to be
given because no one is perfect and everyone deserves other
chances. “
We’re all human, and as humans,
we all make mistakes. Some are horrible ones, but they’re mistakes
nonetheless. Forgive, Fallon. It will make you a better
person
.” My eyes scan the room because I swear I can
hear my dad’s voice.

***

My indecisiveness has lasted through
Christmas. I’ve run more than I ever have, and it’s helped clear my
head. The week after Christmas, my feet carry me past Ryland
Thomas’s and I check out his place. It looks deserted. On a whim, I
run up the steps and ring the bell. My heart is clanging in my
chest and I’m tempted to turn around and run like hell. But after a
few minutes, when he doesn’t answer, my heart starts to slow
down.

I peek in the sidelight and see nothing
except emptiness. He’s moved. There isn’t any furniture in there.
Ryland Thomas has left San Francisco.

My heart crashes to the porch.

I don’t know why, but I never expected
this.

Running down the steps, I head to Tilly’s.
She doesn’t answer, but her decorations are everywhere so I’m
relieved to know she’s still here. As I jog home, I begin to
breathe easy again.

***

It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m at Kristie’s
parents’. They’re throwing a party and I’m having a good time, I
suppose. At least I’m attempting to have a good time, but lately
all I can think of is a tall, dark blond haired guy with emerald
green eyes. I dream about him, I think about him and there isn’t
anything I can do anymore where thoughts of him don’t consume
me.

The whole thing is pointless. I’ve
been waiting to figure out how to decide what to do when it’s
really been staring at me in the eyes all along. I need to see him,
talk to him. We need to give it a chance and see if it works. Maybe
date. Start
somewhere
because
I’m drowning in him right now.

Around one a.m. I leave the party, happy to
arrive home where I can put my aching feet up. Heels… I hate them.
They kill my feet. Why do we women torture ourselves by wearing
them? Especially to parties where we stand all night long? I rub my
feet and grab my phone, seeing a missed text. I open it and gasp.
I’m punching the letters as fast as I can.

Happy New Year to you. Sorry… I was at a
party at Kristie’s parents. Didn’t get this till now. Where are
you?

And I wait. And wait. And then…

Ryland Thomas:
I’m in Tahoe. You?

Me:
SF. I
moved to a different apartment. Closer to Cow Hollow.

Ryland Thomas:
Nice. Do you like it?

Me:
Yes. Can
we talk? I mean live. In person. Face to face. Sometime.

Ryland Thomas:
YES. Now? I’ll drive in now!

I giggle. Whether it’s the champagne I’ve
had or his emphasis on coming here, I don’t know. I hit his number
and call him. I’m laughing when he answers.

“
What’s so funny?” Oh, his voice makes
me shiver. Even after everything that’s happened.

“
You. Your response.”

“
Fallon. I’ll get in the car right
this second to talk to you.”

“
Ryland Thomas. It’s going on two in
the morning. You need to sleep.”

“
Fallon, do you think I’m going to
sleep at all, knowing we’re going to actually speak face to
face?”

“
No. Have you been
drinking?”

“
Only water.”

“
You swear?”

“
I swear.”

“
Okay. It’s your call, but I’ll worry
about you. You’ll have to call me a lot on the way.”

“
You’ll worry about me?” His voice
cracks a little.

“
Yes,” I whisper. “Just because you
hurt me, doesn’t mean I stopped loving you.”

“
Jesus, Fallon. I love you, too. And
I’ll call you, but don’t worry about me.”

“
I will. You know I will.” I give him
my new address.

“
See you in three hours and then
some.”

***

Four phone calls later, he knocks on my door
and I want to swallow him whole. He’s lost weight, but not much. It
just makes his cheekbones a bit more pronounced. I grab his hand
and walk him to my bed.

“
Don’t get any ideas. I’m so damn
sleepy, and I know you must be, too. Let’s get some
rest.”

I must be looking at him sadly because he
says, “Don’t look at me like that, Fallon.”

“
But…”

“
But nothing. Come here, dangerous
girl. Let’s sleep.”

He takes my hand and we get under the
covers. I curl up next to him and for the first time I can remember
since we’ve slept together, he doesn’t pull me on top of him. I
nuzzle close to his neck and I’m sleeping before I know it.

Thanks to my blackout curtains, we sleep
until early afternoon. I stretch and feel his abs tense beneath me.
I look up to see his eyes on me. Why is everything so uncomfortable
the next day?

“
Hey,” I say.

He smiles and his hand reaches for me then
stops. “You can touch me, Ryland Thomas.”

“
I’m afraid.”

“
Of what?”

“
That if I do, I’ll never let you
go.”

I take his hand in mine. “I forgive you. We
have a ways to go before we get where we need to be, but I forgive
you, Ryland Thomas.” Then I’m on top of him, in that place that
feels completely right, and he’s holding me so close that I can
feel every muscle in his body shake. I don’t have to look at him to
know he’s crying. We both are. It’s time for us to cleanse away the
pain that nearly destroyed us and move forward again. My dad was
right. People make mistakes. We all do, and we all deserve to be
forgiven.

Later that afternoon, we’re sitting on the
floor in front of my couch facing each other. My legs are wrapped
around his waist. He hardly takes his eyes off me. We’re just
finishing up the Chinese food that was delivered to us. He’s fed me
every bite, and we’ve laughed a lot because some of it doesn’t
quite make it to my mouth.