Eyes Wide Open: The Blackstone Affair, Book 3 (16 page)

Ethan kissed me in his father’s garden for far more than a moment, but I could have done it all night. His lips and tongue were magic from the beginning and still were. Ethan made me feel precious when he kissed me. No other man had ever made me feel so loved.

He pulled back finally and held my face in his hands. His thumb brushed over my lips in a caress that dragged over my bottom lip just enough to send the message. A “you’re mine” gesture that did strange things to my insides. The simplest touch from Ethan could do that, though, and I was familiar with the feeling by now. It just made me love him more, if that was even possible.

“I bought you something when we were at Hallborough. I found it in an antiques shop when I went into the village and knew it was for you. I’ve been waiting for the right moment to give it to you.” He pulled a small rectangular package out of his jacket pocket and placed it in my lap.

“Oh . . . I have a present?” I lifted the package and unwrapped the soft blue tissue. It was a book. A very old and very special book. My heart started thumping hard as I realized precisely what Ethan had given me. “
Lamia, Isabella, The Eve of St. Agnes, and Other Poems
by John Keats?” I choked out in complete shock.

“Do you like it?” Ethan’s expression was hesitant and I realized he might have struggled over this gift, unsure about whether or not I’d enjoy it. An early edition Keats had to cost a fortune, and this one was an early edition. Bound in green leather and still bearing faint gold embossed lettering on the spine, it was a work of art to me.

“Oh my god! Yes, you could say that, baby. This is a beautiful, magnificent gift. I’ll cherish it always.” I carefully opened the cover and held it up to one of the garden lamps to see. “There’s an inscription. ‘For my Marianne. Always, your Darius. June 1837.’ ” I brought a hand up to my neck and looked over at Ethan. “It was a lover’s gift. Darius loved Marianne, and gave her the book.”

“As I love you,” he said softly.

“Oh, Ethan. You’re going to make me cry again if you keep doing things like this.”

“Well, I don’t mind your tears, really. I never have. And especially when they’re not sad ones. You can cry happy anytime you want, baby.” He leaned down to touch his forehead to mine. “I adore the taste of your tears,” he said before pulling back.

I touched his cheek and whispered, “I love you too. And you give me far too expensive gifts.”

“Never, baby. I’d give you the world if I could. You never ask for anything. You’re so generous with yourself and you humble me with your spirit. I’m in awe of you most of the time. It’s true.” He nodded to emphasize his words. “I’m not lying.”

“Now it’s my turn to ask you if you’re real.”

His eyes roamed over me as he nodded again. “I think I became real when I met you.”

My heart dropped down to the cobblestones beneath my feet when Ethan got up from the bench and knelt in front of me. He took my hands in his.

“I know I’m a bit rough around the edges and I know I’ve trampled my way into your life, but I do love you with all my heart. Never doubt that. You’re my girl, and I want you and I need you with me forever. I would have wanted a future with you regardless. The baby coming is just more of a sign that this is right. We’re right, my beauty. We’re so right together.”

I couldn’t speak, but I agreed with him. We were so right together.

All I could do was look into his beautiful eyes and fall more in love with everything that was Ethan Blackstone. My amazing man.

The paths we take in life are never clear, and nobody can predict the future, but the night I laid eyes on Ethan, I knew there was something special about him. When I went to his flat that first time to be with him, I knew. I knew the decision would be life-changing too. For me it had been. He was everything I could have ever dreamed of in a partner, and even more about him that I never could have possibly imagined. Timing is always off. You deal with what comes, when it comes into your life.

Ethan was simply . . . the one for me. I squeezed his hands with mine. It was the only response I could give, considering my heart was beating so fast I felt sure I would float away if he wasn’t holding on to me.

“Brynne Elizabeth Bennett, will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me? Be my wife and the mother of our children.” He tilted his head and whispered the rest. “Make me real. Only you can do that, baby. Only you . . .”

“Yes.” I nodded fast.

I don’t know how I managed to even respond with that one little word. I heard myself speak it aloud, but all I could really do was look at him. Look down at him kneeling before me and feel the love he was pouring out back to me. There was so much more I could have said, but I didn’t. I wanted to just be in the moment and remember how I felt when Ethan asked me to make him real.

I understood what he meant when he said that to me. I understood it because I shared the same feelings about him. He’d brought me out from the dark and into the light. Ethan had given me back my life.

Something cold and heavy slipped onto my finger. When I looked down to see what it was, the most gorgeous ring was perched on the fourth finger of my left hand. Antique ornate and huge—a hexagonal, deep-purple amethyst, set in platinum with diamonds, glittered up at me. I held it in the glow of the garden light so I could really get a good look. It was magnificent, beautiful and far too extravagant for me, but I loved it mostly because Ethan had chosen it. My hand shook and the tears started. I couldn’t have stopped them for anything. It was a good thing he’d just said he didn’t mind my tears because they would be dripping all over him in another moment.

These were definitely of the joyful variety, though.

“I-I want to m-marry you. I d-do. I love you so much, Ethan.” My words came out on a sob. I just was so overcome by him I could hardly absorb everything, and I’m sure my state of hyper-hormonal didn’t help either.

Ethan picked up my hand and kissed it, the familiar brush of his goatee paired with his warm lips comforted me in a way that I couldn’t describe with words. He just made me feel cherished, and he always had. I belonged to him now, and I was embracing the realization with open arms. It had taken me a bit of time to make it, but I’d gotten there. I had accepted Ethan’s love and offered to him my whole self in return. Finally.

I never knew it was possible to be so happy in life.

♥
Whiskers teased my flesh. A hot tongue flicked over my nipple, swirling it into a tight, tingly bud. I arched into his mouth and moaned a luxurious sound of pleasure, which only seemed to spur him on. Somebody was wide awake and intent upon making me come before breakfast. The very best way to start my day.

My eyes fluttered open and locked onto his, my waking like a signal light giving the go-ahead to drive on through. I loved waking up to Ethan like this. His weight pressing me down, his hips settled in tight between my legs, his hands pinning mine to the bed. He flared his eyes as his cock filled me up with a determined slide. I voiced my pleasure and arched up to meet as much of him as possible. He just took my mouth with his tongue and found another part of my body to claim.

It was good to be claimed by Ethan. So good.

He moved slow and steady, building the rhythm up with deep thrusts that ended with a little grind each time he swiveled his hips. I squeezed my inner muscles hard around him, knowing it would help him along and get me to my release that much faster. I was greedy for it these days.

“Not yet, baby. You gotta wait this time,” he rasped down at me, “I’m coming with you, and I’ll tell you when.”

I felt him roll us quickly, settling me on top, but he wasn’t content for me to ride him like that. Ethan hefted himself up to sitting position and clutched me hard at the hips so he could maneuver me over his cock, bringing me down very deep with each plunge, our faces within inches of each other’s as our bodies connected. He could see everything written in my eyes; how much I loved him, how much I needed him, how much I wanted him.

“Ooooh, God . . .” I shuddered, trying desperately to control the crash about to consume me, knowing it was impossible because Ethan was a master at giving it to me. He was a master at directing the sex too. His dominant nature came out in full force, controlling when I could orgasm. He would make me wait sometimes. Today was one of those times. I had no worries about the eventuality of where he would take me, though. The waiting just made what was coming at the end so much better.

“You feel like heaven down on my cock,” he said, his lips finding mine again, silencing any more words for the moment. “So wet for me . . . and your tight cunt squeezing me. I love your cunt, baby.” I waited for this part of the ritual—the dirty talk from him. Nothing could get me hotter than the stuff that came out of his mouth. Well, maybe what he actually did with his mouth. And his cock. Ethan could get away with saying “cunt” and not make it sound nasty. The word didn’t hold the same meaning among Brits anyway. It wasn’t the horrific slur here that it was back home. Ethan’s erotic ramblings made me insane with lust.

I took him in and let him have me, the merging of our tongues only gaining in intensity as he drilled into me with his cock from below, my movements controlled by him, lifting and dropping me over and over again down onto his swelling shaft. I felt him get harder and prayed for the end to swallow me.

“Please . . .” I begged on a whimper that he swallowed up with his mouth and tongue.

“Does my beauty want to come?”

“Yes, I want to so badly!”

I felt his hands leave my ass where he’d been guiding me and move up to pinch my nipples. “Say my name when you do.”

The sharp sting bit into me, breaking the huge wave of sensation I’d been holding back, allowing the crash to happen. “Ethan, Ethan, Ethan . . .” I chanted, collapsing forward onto him, no longer able to rein in my body. Everything became involuntary for me after that, but I was aware of him climaxing. I heard his harsh groans and I felt the heat of the spurts of cum shooting deep inside me, reminded me that this was how we’d started our baby. Just like this. Our bodies connecting in a wicked frenzy until nirvana occurred and nothing else mattered.

He held me up, his hips grinding slowly to work the very last ounce of pleasure out of this encounter. I purred against his chest and never wanted to move. Ever.

“Well, good morning to you, Mrs. Blackstone,” he said on a soft laugh.

“Mmmmm . . . it was, wasn’t it?” I moved over his hips, and flexed around his cock, still semi-hard inside me. “I’m not Mrs. Blackstone yet.”

He gasped in a breath, “Easy there, my beauty, don’t kill me off before I can make an honest woman of you.”

I laughed. “I think I’m more in danger of that than you are. God, you do crazy things to me.” I nuzzled his lips and nose, loving our time together and the knowledge that Ethan was all mine for the next little while until he had to leave for work.

He was so stretched with the Olympics and working so hard, I was determined to help him in any way I could. Giving him some mind-blowing sex to start off his day was one way, and I got to share in the benefits of that too.

“I love doing crazy things to you. I love you.” He kissed me sweet and slow. “And you’ll be Mrs. Blackstone soon enough, so you might as well get used to me saying it.”

“Okay. I think I can do that for you.” I splayed out my left hand and looked at my ring again, the dark purple stone looking almost black in the dull morning light. “And I love you too.” It still shocked me a little seeing it there on my hand. I was engaged to Ethan, and we really were getting married. And I really was having his baby. When did the bottom drop out from beneath me? I had to keep telling myself this was not a dream.

“Do you really like the ring?” he asked softly. “I know you like antiques and that was so unusual I hoped you might like it instead of something modern.” He held my face to his and rubbed over my jaw with his thumb. “But if you want a different one, just say. I know it’s not a conventional engagement ring and I want you happy in all things.”

I clutched my left hand with my right one protectively. “I love my ring and you’re never getting it back,” I teased. “You know, in certain light it almost looks black sometimes. A black stone.” I smiled wide at him.

He smiled back at me as realization dawned. “Good?”

“Very good, Mr. Blackstone. You have remarkable taste with your gifts, which are far too extravagant but that I love all the same. You spoil me rotten.”

He rotated his hips down below, reminding me our bodies were still connected. “My prerogative, and I’ve hardly gotten started, baby. Just you wait.” He winked.

“I haven’t given you any gifts,” I said, plucking at the sheets bunched under my knees.

“Look at me.” His voice was all seriousness, the teasing gone.

I lifted my eyes to meet his blazing blue ones.

“Don’t say that. It’s not true. You’ve given me this.” He took my hand and placed it over his heart. “And this.” He put his hand over my heart. “And this.” He put both our hands over my belly and left them there. “There
are
no greater gifts, Brynne.”

15

♥
T
he shopping expedition proved my theory that this would be an exercise in lunacy.

“What do you mean you’re not wearing these shoes?” Benny held up what had to be at least a six-inch Louboutin stiletto encrusted with crystals. “They’re hot. You can pull it off, luv. Will make your legs miles long.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “And the point of that is?”

“To look sexy?”

I shook my head at Ben. “No, darling. The point of the day is to get married, not to look like I work for an escort service.” I pointed to my belly. “Pregnant, remember?”

“Yeah,” Gaby said sarcastically at my left. “I still can’t believe you kept it a secret from me for nearly two weeks!”

“Sorry, it wasn’t intentional, and have I mentioned that it was a total shock to my system? In more ways than one.” I returned the sarcasm right back with good measure. “I’m barely starting to feel human.” I frowned. “Emphasis on the
barely
.”

Gaby shook her head. “I bet,” she said, looking over a rack of dresses in hopes of finding something that could pass for a maid of honor’s. “Seven weeks, Bree. We have seven weeks to get this wedding together. It’s insane.”

“I know. I wish we could have a little more time to plan this, but Ethan wants it done as soon as possible. We get a whole two weeks’ leeway after the Olympics finish up.” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “He thinks being married in a big public event and announcing we are expecting will deter whoever is watching me from taking any action. I can only hope he’s right.” My stomach did a little flip, but I pushed the fear away. I really didn’t have time to worry about who might be after me anymore. I was having a baby—another person to protect now. It surprised me how easy it’d been to fall into that role too. Biology was hardwired into us, I realized. Protecting my unborn baby was just a natural instinct that I had to follow. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that Ethan had me well guarded, and that I didn’t take risks. Not anymore. No, that freaky message on my old cell had spooked me thoroughly, along with the idea that two of my attackers on the video were most certainly dead. I looked over to where Len was literally standing guard, the bridal shop not deterring him even the slightest little bit. He was my shadow these days, with Ethan and Neil so busy with the Olympics. I smiled at him and saw the softening of his expression for just an instant before he went back to guard duty, scanning the room and keeping the crazies away. Thank God.

Gaby must have sensed my worry, because she put her arm around me. “You’ve been through so much. How in the heck are you not stark raving mad by now, girl?” She barely paused to take a breath. “Color? You want us in a shade of purple or lavender?”

“That is a very good question. One I’ve got no answer for.” I shrugged. “I was referring to the stark raving mad inquiry,” I told her with a sigh, “and I would love you in purple if you find something that strikes your fancy. I want you and Elaina to feel good in whatever you choose, Gab. And your dresses don’t have to be the same at all, or even the exact same shade or material. I want you guys to wear what you love. You’ll be beautiful in anything—”

“Okay, enough useless prattle, ladies. We have to find a wedding dress, and time is slipping by,” Ben announced imperiously with a theatrical look down at his watch. “Can you tell me what your requirements are in a gown, darling? If I know what you’re looking for, I can do this.” He snapped his fingers on both hands with a flourish.

Gaby rolled her eyes at Ben’s announcement. “That’s a little bold, Ben. You are a guy. What makes you think you can locate Bree’s wedding dress out of the million shops in London?”

Ben looked at Gaby and clucked at her. “I’m gay. ’Nuff said, woman. When have I
ever
steered you wrong?” Ben gave Gaby a thorough long look up and down. It was no secret he picked out her clothes all the time, and that she always took his suggestions to heart. Ben was good with fashion and design. God, I loved them both so much.

“I like your earlier suggestion, Benny. Something vintage-inspired, simple—lace is pretty, and I want sleeves. They can be short, but no sleeveless gown for me.” I gestured with my hands over my stomach. “Maybe a higher waistline would be best, in case I start to explode. A little splash of purple, maybe?”

Ben rolled his eyes. “You don’t look up the duff at all, darling.” He cocked his head curiously. “Will you have a bump by August the twenty-fourth?”

“I don’t know and don’t start, please. All the guests know I’m pregnant so it’s not like we’re trying to hide the fact. Trust me, I’ve heard all about it from my mother already. Like she thinks pretending we aren’t having a baby will be more respectable somehow. Ugh, I loathe the drama she creates. Why can’t she just be happy for me? She’s going to have a grandchild, for Christ’s sake!”

Gaby placed a hand on my shoulder. “Bump or no bump, you’ll be beautiful, and your mom will just have to get over it. We’ll wow her with such a gorgeous wedding and you such a lovely bride, she won’t have a choice but to love the whole thing.”

They were sweet for telling me so, but I didn’t have high hopes about turning my mom around. She didn’t want to hear about Ethan and our relationship. She had actually had the gall to tell me I was throwing my life away on Ethan and our baby. She asked what the last four years was for if all I was going to do was get pregnant again. That hurt. She really thought so little of me. The first time was not my fault, and this time . . . well, I didn’t intend to get pregnant. I know Ethan and I acted irresponsibly, but I wouldn’t regret this outcome. I couldn’t regret it. I touched my belly and rubbed over the area back and forth. Conceiving our baby had been done in love no matter what my mom said, or what I thought of myself. That much I knew was true. I loved Ethan and he loved me. There was no other choice I could make, whether my mom understood the concept or not; there was no other choice in this world for me.

“Thanks, you guys. Really . . . I don’t know how I’d pull this together without you two in such a short time,” I said with a sigh. “Even Elaina and Hannah are hard at work. I hope we can actually pull this off.”

“As if we couldn’t,” Ben scoffed. “You’d have to hold me at gunpoint to keep me away from helping you with this posh, A-list celebrity, country-manor wedding
that Her Majesty has been invited to
!”

“Yeah, well, let’s pray she doesn’t come. Thank God for Elaina turning me on to that little wedding planner—Victoria something. I’ve been assured she will take care of anything having to do with queens and princes. I wouldn’t know the first thing about the protocol involved with having royalty at one’s wedding.” I looked at Ben and Gaby and threw my hands up in the air and swallowed hard as the realization hit me. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“Nope. No more sick, my darling girl,” Ben said determinedly, hanging his long arm over my shoulders. “We’re going to sit down for a nice lunch and get fortified first, then it’s back to work finding the perfect dress for your posh country celebrity wedding. Which is happening in seven short weeks.” Ben looked upward and crossed himself. “We can do this.”

♥
I couldn’t resist texting Ethan over lunch. He seemed to enjoy our banter and usually replied if he wasn’t in a meeting, and sometimes even when he was. Naughty texts too. I grinned as I typed:
I might hav to go naked 2 marry u. No dress luck yet. Havin lunch now ?
♥
U

I didn’t have long to wait before my phone vibrated.

No baby. U have it wrong. OK 2 B Naked for honeymoon ONLY! Dress essential 4 wedding.
xx

I laughed out loud and gained the unwanted attention of my friends. I tried to cover my mistake by delving into my salad. Didn’t have a chance of working, though.

“Sexting again?” Ben asked with a smirk.

“Sorry. It happens spontaneously.” I tilted my head and shrugged. “Blame the hormones?” It was worth a shot to use the hormones at least once in my defense.

“Gotcha, darling,” Ben said with a grin, his nosey radar on full alert. I swear he could charm a nun out of her panties if he wanted to. Some scary shit, the way he figured things out.

“They just have to look at each other and the people in the room could spontaneously combust by merely watching them.” Gaby’s voice was laced with sarcasm again as she took a big swig of her wine.

I pouted that I couldn’t join her in a glass, deciding it was okay to be insanely jealous of her right now. “Don’t be a bitch, Gab, you’re already pushing it by teasing me with wine. I can’t help it if Ethan gets me to spontaneously combust.”

Gaby laughed and refilled her glass of Chardonnay. “It’s no surprise Ethan got you pregnant. I imagine it was hard for the two of you to take in enough food and drink to keep yourselves going in the early days. All you did was have at it like rabbits.”

I gave her my best stone face. It lasted all of ten seconds before I started giggling. “It really, really was.”

We were goofing around, being idiots when my phone went off. Mom? At this hour? She never called me at her mornings.

“Shit! It’s my mom calling. Do you think she could sense me talking smack about her?” I decided to let it go to voice mail.

“The theme music from
Psycho
is the ringtone for your mother?” Gaby asked, her French fry stopped in midair.

I shrugged. “Ethan put it on there for me.” Uncomfortable silence. “He’s always playing around with apps and gadgets.” The silence grew steadily louder. “I mean, if the shoe fits . . .” I valiantly tried to latch on to something light and amusing.

Benny saved me when he started laughing and it became contagious. Hell, if I had to put up with this sucky animosity from my mother, I might as well try to find the little humor there was to be had. Ben had met her and lived to talk about it. My mom tolerated him, but she loved Gabrielle, so I’m sure Gaby thought I was being a tad harsh. I wasn’t. Ben could attest to the fact.

A minute later, my phone signaled a new voice mail, which was no surprise. My mom left voice mails all the time. She knew I screened her calls, and it just pissed her off more than she already was with me. I suddenly felt tired. It was exhausting keeping up this battle between us. I just wished for peace. It would kill me if I had such a tortured relationship with my daughter, or even my son down the road.

Sipping my lemonade, I ruminated for a bit, content to listen to Gaby and Ben chatter about different styles of veils and the pros and cons of white vs. cream for the knocked-up bride. Until the guilt started to creep in.

What did that say about how I was handling the situation? What if someday my daughter didn’t want to talk to me? Couldn’t stand to be around me? Thought I was a hypocritical bitch?

I’d be crushed.

I picked up my phone and hit voice mail.

“Brynne, I need to speak with you. It’s—it’s . . . an emergency. I’ll try calling Ethan and see if I can reach him.”

Cold fear washed over me instantly. If my mom was humbling herself to call Ethan, then it was something very bad indeed.
No! Don’t let it be Daddy. Don’t let it be him.
I wouldn’t even go to that place in my head. I froze on the line. Her voice was
not
normal. She sounded like she was crying. My mother never cried.

My hand shook as I pressed her number on speed dial. I noticed that a text notification had just come through from Ethan, but I ignored it. And then Ben’s phone lit up like a Christmas tree.

“What’s wrong, Bree?” Gaby reached out to touch my arm.

“I don’t know. My mom . . . said it’s an emergency . . . she was crying—”

The walls started closing in fast, my heart beating so hard I could feel my body shaking. Ben answered his call. His eyes flashed to mine, and he spoke: “She’s right here. Calling her mum now.”

I knew Ben was talking to Ethan, and I knew it was bad news. My head felt foggy as the call connected and I heard my mother’s voice on the other end. Everything was moving so fast I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I wanted to stop time.
Stop it. Please stop this . . . I don’t want to know whatever she has to tell me.

“Brynne? Sweetie, are you with anyone?” My mom never called me
sweetie
and she never sounded like she did right now.

“Mom! What’s wrong? I’m with Ben and Gaby. We’re shopping for my wedding dress . . .” I could hear my voice starting to break. “Why did you call Ethan?” The silence from my mother was like the blade of a knife sliding into my heart. I knew she wasn’t silent because of my wedding dress comment. I wanted to believe it was the reason, but I knew better.

“Brynne . . . it’s your father.”

“What about Daddy? Is he . . . okay?” I could barely get the questions out. I looked back over at Benny and saw a look of sheer pain settle over his face. Then he started speaking softly into his own phone. He wouldn’t look at me, just kept his eyes down. I knew what he was doing. Ben was talking to Ethan and telling him which restaurant we were in so he could come for me.

Noooooooooo! That meant something very bad had happened.