THE BEAT OF THE WATER felt good against my clammy skin, the steam from the shower clouding my thoughts further. My heart ached with the hatred that ran through me. I hated how I craved him, needed him. My body was constantly stimulated. I wanted to think it was because I hung on to the thought that it was just me craving attention, needing the connection that his body gave me in my loneliness, but I needed to be honest with myself.
I wanted him to make me feel good again.
I tipped my head back under the stream, rinsing away the suds from my hair. The river running down my spine brought on memories of Mr. Troy’s fingers sliding down my back. I shivered, trying to remove the pictures that made goosebumps erupt all over my over sensitive body. The scent of the shampoo I found awaiting me today made the strands fall like silk. Everything felt sexual since the day he took me, my body sensitive to any slight movement or touch.
It had been three days since he had been inside me, or even visited me. I couldn’t drive the thoughts away, the opinion that he had been disappointed in me. Had I not satisfied him like he did me? I didn’t have any memories to compare it to. I didn’t know if I had been good, or if anyone had ever told me I felt good around them. Should I care?
NO!
Did I?
YES.
I asked to shower in the hope he would come to me. He had always been here in the past when I showered but today the giant had taken me to the door and gestured for me to go inside. I was alone.
My heart panged for something. I didn’t acknowledge it was him; I put it down to my consciousness yearning for something from my past, something out of my reach. My memories were still keeping my life locked away in the darkness of my mind.
The turmoil inside me was incredible. I didn’t know if this was my life, what I had been or was used to in my past. Was this normal for me? Was being here who I was? Yet deep down I knew the answers. This wasn’t right. What was happening to me was far from right.
Maria had been brought back into the room the night Mr. Troy had taken me, surprising me. She had changed, however. Her abhorrence of me was physical. She didn’t say anything or acknowledge our change of status, but I caught her glares, the ire in her stares. I’d caught her looming over me when I had woken in the night, the silhouette of her rigid, angry posture vibrating above me.
I didn’t understand what I’d done but I couldn’t help but think it was because Troy had taken me fully. Maria had said he didn’t fuck, he just demanded oral pleasure. Was she jealous of me? Of the fact he’d gone one step further with me than he did with her? If so, that was stupid because it didn’t make him want me anymore than her. He hadn’t demanded me again and as much as I despised myself, it left an itch under my skin; a nervous humming. What if he was finished with me now? What would he do with me?
I cut off the shower and grabbed the towel from the hook then wrapped it around myself. A shiver crept up my spine. I took a deep breath, trying to bury the unease living in me before stepping out into the adjoining area. The soles of my wet feet slid when the guy I’d come to know as Theo stood leaning against one wall. His arms were crossed over his chest, his accusing eyes narrow, his cold glare on my face.
“I thought you were never coming out.”
I stiffened as I pulled the towel tighter around me. I didn’t like Theo; he was mean to me without cause making me wary of having my back to him or ever being alone with him - which had never happened until now. Oh God, why didn’t I stay in my room and why did the giant have to give in to my request so easily?
“I’m sorry, the... my guard.”
“Malik!” he spat. “His name is Malik and he’s not your guard! You’re not special enough to warrant one.”
My eyes closed from his verbal whiplashing through the air, biting at my morale. “Malik said I could shower.”
He shrugged and inhaled deeply. “I’m not arguing that. I’m wondering what you were doing in there.”
I frowned, not understanding what he was getting at. “I’m sorry, I was showering.”
He pushed off the wall, his short dumpy legs moving across the room until he stood before me. “Were you touching your filthy cunt?”
My eyes widened, my mouth dropping open at his crudeness. “What? Of course not.” My voice trembled as fear shook me
He didn’t reply. I stood stock still when his eyes dropped from my face to where my hand clutched the towel. Pulling it tighter, I shifted from one foot to the other. My eyes shot around the room. I didn’t like how this felt, how the atmosphere told of his arousal or the way his eyes blazed hungrily with lust and distaste.
“Let go of the towel.”
I gawped at him, shaking my head. “No… why…?”
His brows lifted, his jaw tightening with my refusal. I winced when his hand shot out, his fingers circling my throat, crushing my windpipe in his furious hold. “Don’t tell me no, you fucking bitch.”
A sob tore up my throat when he yanked at my towel, pulling it away from me and slinging it to one side of the room. Everything inside me seized up, nerves locking down my muscles, fear chilling my bones. I was used to my nudity being on display but not to be molested by this disgusting vermin.
My feet left the floor when he propelled me backwards, my back slamming into the wall, firing an agonizing pain up my spine as my head hit a shelf holding towels, bottles of shampoo and body washes. The back of my head cracked with so much force I felt a lump already forming. All the contents from the shelf fell to the floor around me.
I scrambled around, crawling along the floor to get away from him. His fingers circled my ankle, the sudden pull causing my face to smack the floor, in turn colliding my nose with the unforgiving wet slabs, making blood trickle down over my lips.
I kicked out at him, natural instinct fighting him the closer my body came to his. He was on top of me in seconds, his thighs locking me down as he straddled himself over my back.
“Come on, bring out the inner whore I know is in there. You love the fight don’t you, Star? Love the thrill of it. You don’t deny me because you don’t want it, you deny me because it turns you on.”
I shook my head rapidly. “No…. please….”
“I watched you. Watched the way you spread your easy legs for Dante. Watched you beg him to fill that hungry, nasty cunt of yours. God, you act too perfect but I knew there was a dirty slut in there.”
His fingers yanked my hair, snapping my head back as he shuffled further down me, his knees parting my legs. I cried out when the whole of his hand cupped the back of my head and slammed it down on the floor. The world spun beneath me as vomit rolled up from my stomach, burning my throat on its mission to be freed.
“NO!” I screamed when his grubby fingers clawed between my legs, my gut rolling with his touch. “Please don’t,” I sobbed loudly.
“Fuck!” he hissed out when he rammed a finger inside me. “You’re so tight.”
That would be because I was so dry, but the asshole didn’t notice that part. He was delusional, thinking my fighting was part of some sort of sick sex game.
“No wonder Dante likes to get off on you. Fucking tasty little slut.”
I was scrambling around under him, my fingers digging into the tiles as I tried to get leverage to pull myself away from him. The sound of his zip lowering had me crying louder, my loud weeping the only sound in the room apart from this bastard’s heavy breathing.
He flipped me round so I was facing him, my head shaking at him desperately to stop. He sneered at me. “Ready to be fucked properly? I’ll show you how it should be done. Yow owe me this, bitch.”
I slapped at him with a hand I’d managed to get free, my other hand dragging over the tiles until a cool bottle touched my fingertips. It was a can of deodorant. I grasped it in my palm, bringing it up and firing across his cheek.
Pain erupted as his knuckles spilt my lip, the blood spraying across his stomach from the force of his hit. My tears stung the wound, the salt biting and stinging.
I was sure I felt my cheekbone fracture when he punched me again, the throb unbelievably hot. My hand fell, the can clanking and rolling out of my reach straight into his.
My back slid across the floor when he thrust the object inside me. I was so dry, the fill of the intrusion ripped me apart, fire igniting and tearing through me. I screamed, causing him to clamp his hand over my mouth, cutting off my nose at the same time. “Like to play with toys, Star? How does that fucking feel?”
Everything became blurry as he suffocated me, his hand pushing harder into my face the more frantic his thrusting became. My hands flapped as I became despondent and weak. I didn’t want to die with him violating me. It hurt so much. How cruel must I have been in my past life to deserve this punishment? Vomit curled and I panicked. I would choke to death on my own sick.
Time stilled as everything became surreal. I seemed to float above myself, the world below me, and the air too thin to ground me. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as a smile touched my lips when my life flashed before me in snaps of images so quick I struggled to keep up with them. Momma swung her hand in mine. Daddy taking pictures at my graduation. Jennifer, my best friend, winking as she passed me the bottle of tequila we’d sneaked from her parent’s liquor cabinet. A party somewhere unknown, revelers singing Auld Lang Syne. A beach, the sun burning my naked body, someone’s lips gently idolizing my bareness. A ring sliding onto my finger via a thread wrapped around my finger and…
HIS.
I gasped, air filling my lungs too quickly when Theo disappeared from me, the sudden weight loss causing my lungs to inflate rapidly, claiming their fill as swiftly as they could. I rolled over, coughing and spluttering.
“GET OUT OF HERE! HE WILL KILL YOU FOR THIS!” Malik roared.
Nothing felt real. Everything was blurred and dreamlike. I was moving, my body floating through the air. My heart rate had slowed down to a random thump inside my chest as blood roared around my body causing dizziness and light-headedness.
“Ssh,” his voice soothed as my sobs wrenched my chest when a current of water covered me. Its torrent slammed against my face, smarting the throb in my cheek and biting the cut to my lip.
I couldn’t control the raging weep that tore my chest in two. I couldn’t control anything; my breathing, my thoughts, the vomit that surged from me.
“Okay,” his soft voice echoed in my head. “I’ve got you now. I’m so sorry, Star. I just went to the bathroom.”
I screamed, punching out at him. “This is your fault! This is all your fault. You did this. You let this happen. You let him do that. No…”
“I’m sorry, Star! Dante will kill him for this.”
I continued to abuse him, my fists pounding on his chest, the sopping material of his t-shirt tearing beneath my fingers as I clawed at him. I had finally lost it. Gone mad with it all.
“He’s a bastard. You’re all fucking evil. Let me go! Please! No more.” I scratched at him, my nails digging into his flesh as I tried to tear him to pieces. “I hate you, I hate him. I HATE THIS! SAVE ME PLEASE. SOMEONE SAVE ME!”
Unconsciousness finally won when my mind shut down from the horror of what my life had become.