Face the Music (32 page)

I felt both pairs of eyes on me.  “No.  I’m just going sit here
awhile
.”

“Y
ou look awful,” he continued to plead.  “Why don’t you come with m
e
,
and we’ll go to the snack bar.
”

I hated when people fussed over me, and in this exhausted state my patience was nearly expired.  “Jake, I’m not hungry.  I’ll eat something later, okay?”

“But,” he began to protest when Chris cut him off.

“Hey, man, she said she’s not hungry, okay?”  Chris gave him a sharp look.

Jake threw his hands up.  “Sorry, geez, I’m just trying to help.” 

“She doesn’t need your kind of help,” Chris snapped back.  His voice was harsh.

Jake looked at me. 
“
Y
ou know where to find m
e if you need me, right babe?”

I nodded and
waited until Jake was out of the room before turning to Chris.  “Listen, about the other day
, at lunch, you need to know that-
.”

He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut.  “You have other things to worry about, and you certainly don’t owe me anything.”

“But-”

He stood, not letting me finish.  “I have to get to rehearsal.  Do you need anything before I go?”

“No.  I’ve got everything taken care of.”

“I’m sure you do.  But if you think of anything, promise you’ll call, okay?”  He squeezed my hand. 

The next afternoon passed in a blur, and before I knew it Emily and I were standing over Grams’s grave.  It was a peaceful morning, not as cold as it had been earlier in the week.  The sun was shining, a pair of robins pecked at the ground, and a slight breeze rustled through the trees.  A few people stood around t
he grave.  S
ome faces I recognized from the studio
,
and others from Emily’s restaurant.  They had all come by to pay their respects.  Jake was among the faces, and he came to stand behind Emily and me when the pastor said he was ready to begin. 

We were just starting the small service when I heard a motorcycle pull into the cemetery.  Chris rushed over and stood next to me, pulling my hand into his own. 

When all was said and done, I thanked the people for coming and told them that Emily and I appreciated their support and prayers.  I then broke away from the small crowd and wandered to Mom’s grave.  It was littered with twigs and leaves.

Chris stood behind me as I stared down at her plot.  “You didn’t have to come,” I said sadly
, “but thank you
.
”

He took a step forward.  “I wanted to be here
for you.  I’m sorry I was late. 
I wasn’t sure how to get here.” 

I placed a single white rose next to Mom’s headstone.  Chris wrapped his arm around my shoulders.  “What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know.  Go home, I guess.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“I don’t know how
good of
company I’ll be.”

He rested his chin on my shoulder and
dropped
his hands
to
my waist.  “I don’t mind.”

Emily and I got a ride home from the funeral director.  Jake and Chris met us at the apartment.
  Emily unlocked the door, and we all followed her inside.

“Al, are you hungry?” Emily asked.

“No,” I heard myself say.  I watched as she dug through the various baskets and dishes of food people had sent home with us.  I’d have to remember
to keep track of who sent what so we
could thank them later.  Chris helped Emily uncover the food.  Jake sat by me
on the couch
but didn’t attempt to make conversation. 

“A
re you sure you don’t want anyth
ing?”  Emily tried to hand me a piece of a
sandwich, but I shook my head.  I had no appetite. 

The guys ate and helped Emily clean up and put things away.  I didn’t move from my spot on the couch.  It was like I was inside a TV, looking out at everyone as they went through the motions.  Occasionally
,
someone would throw a concerned glance my way, but they mostly left me alone. 

Chris sat next to me after J
ake left.  We sat for some time in complete silence
while Emily busied herself in the kitchen.

“She woke up.  She recognized me
.”
I said to Chris.

He looked at me.  “Really
?”

“Aside from the other night, I can’t even remember the last time she recognized me.”

He reached over and took my hand.  “I don’t know what to say to that.”

I intertwined my fingers through his and shook my head.  “
Is it wrong that a part of me is relieved?  Because I feel so guilty right now
,
for feeling that way.”

Chris
folded me in his arms
and pulled me closer.  I took comfort in his presence, in his willingness to sit there and let me cry.  He didn’t say a wor
d, but would
,
from time to time
,
run his fingers through my hair or rest his cheek against the top of my head.  We seemed to share an intimacy, a connection on some level that I’d never shared with Paul.  The realization of it hit me hard, like a giant tidal wave, drowning me with a new sense of awareness. 

Chapter 17

I woke up around eleven the next morning, my stomach
twisting
with hunger.   Emily had already left for work, and I found a note in the kitchen saying she took Molly
with her
.  Looking for something easy, I pulled opened the fridge.  Containers of leftovers from the day before had been strategi
cally stacked, and I knew that
,
with my luck
,
removing even the top dish would cause them all to tumble down.  I dec
ided it wasn’t worth the risk.

The doorbell rang.  Chris was standing in the hallway holding a beautiful bouquet of pink stargazer lilies. 

“Chris!  Oh my goodness, these are beautiful!”  I buried my nose in the enormous blooms and breathed in their sweet scent.  I then gave him a reprimanding look.  “You didn’t have to bring me flowers.  These must have cost
you
a fortune.” 

“You smiled.  They were worth every penny.”

Feelings from the night before overw
helmed me, and
,
without thinking
,
I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek against his
hard chest.  As always, he smelled delectable.

“Thank you, they’re wonderful.  You’re wonderful.”  I closed my eyes and lost myself, feeling so safe in his arms, like nothing else in the world mattered.

He squeezed me and then pu
shed me out to an arm’s length.  I was still in
my robe and
had
matted hair.  “Did I wake you
up
?”

I yawned and then grinned.  “No, I actually woke up a few minutes ago.  I slept all morning.”

“Good.”  He looked pleased.  “Feeling better?”

“A little. 
I’m glad it’s over
.”  My stomach let out a ravenous roar.  I grabbed my midsection
.  “I’m so hungry.”

We went to the kitchen, and he
laughed when I pulled a bizarre looking fruit from one of the baskets
on the counter
.  It was a stumpy
,
yellow thing.  “What is this?”

“I think it’s a pawpaw,” he said. 

“A what?”

“
It’s li
ke a banana. 
I had one once in Florida.  They’re pretty good, you should try it.”

I eyed the fruit for a second longer and put it back in the basket.  I wasn’t
feeling
adventurous.  “Maybe later.”

“Why don’t you go get dressed?  I’ll take you out.” 

My stomach rumbled again. 
“
Yeah?”  My mouth was already watering.

“Absolutely,” he said.

“
That would be great.  I’m gonna take a quick shower though
, okay?  Make yourself at home. 
I’ll just be a minute.”

“Take your time.  I’m in no hurry.”

My stomach growled in objection, and we both laughed.  “I am.  I haven’t eaten in days.  Be right back.” 

The shower and fresh change of clothes
served
well in lifting my spirits, and I smiled as I leaned against t
he wall and pulled on my shoe
s
.

“Do you like Chinese?” he asked when I reappeared in the living room.  “There’
s a good place downtown, an all-you-can-
eat buffet.  How does that sound?”

M
y stomach growled again.  “Perfect, let’s go.”

The food was delicious.  I ate until I was full
,
and then went back for more.  He gave me a hard time when I brought back a
plate
piled high with egg rolls, shrimp, and Crab Rangoon.  “Where do you put it all?”

I stuffed an entire egg roll in my mouth and chewed. 
“I t
old you I was hungry.” 

After I had
finished,
he
handed me a fortune cookie.  “You first.” 

I cracked it open and read the message. 
“
Your greatest blunder could be your own foolishness
.”  I just stared at it for a second, trying to derive some deeper meaning.  I couldn’t.  “Well
,
that’s nice,” I said dryly.
 
“
Your turn.”

He opened his cookie, silently read the message, and then looked at me.

“What does it say?”

He shook his head.  “Nope.”

“Aw, come on!  It can’t be any worse than mine.”  I reached for it.  “Let me see.” 

He crumpled it up and dropped it by his napkin.  “No.”

“That’s not fair!” I complained. 

“Life’s not fair,
”
he teased.

When he went to
the restroom
I picked it up and unrolled it. 

The one
you love is within reach
.