Face the Music (58 page)

I looked at my hands and spoke slowly.  “I have to finish out my contract with the studio.  There are only three kids left, and honestly I don’t see them lasting much longer.  So I don’t know, exactly, but I’m guessing around Thanksgiving.”

“Thanksgiving?  That’s what,” she glanced at the calendar, “like three weeks away?  What about school?”

“It really doesn’t matter much anymore.  I have some money saved up.  I think I could make it as long as I find work by January.”

She threw her dishes in the sink.  One of our dinner plates cracked against the force.  “No.  This isn’t going to happen.  You can’t just give up on your dreams, Allie.  They’re too important.”

I snorted.
“What do you know about dreams
?  You never went for it.  At least I can say I tried.”

***

Lauren showed up at my apartment early Saturday morning.  I wasn’t sleeping, but wasn’t ready to get up either.

“Allison Banks!” she yelled, banging a fist against the door.  “I know you’re in there.  Open up!”

I took my time opening the door. 
“What?” I asked, yawning.

“What’s the matter with you?  Emi
ly told me what you’re planning
.  Are you trying to give us all panic attacks?”

“Come in, I’ll make a pot of coffee,” I said, closing the door behind her.

She followed me to the kitchen. 

“I’m this close,” she said, illustrating with her fingers, “to calling him.  Enough is enough.”

“Call who?  Paul?”

“No.  Chris.”

I gave a sarcastic laugh.  “Go ahe
ad.  C
all him.  He doesn’t care what I do.  Didn’t Emily tell you that?”

“Yeah.”  Her tone softened.  “I’m really sorry.  I never would have thought he’d re
act
that way.  I thought for sure you’d work everything out.
”

“Me too.  Guess we didn’t know him as well as we thought.”

She frowned.  “But this doesn’t mean you have to run away!  And to Paul, for Christ’s sake.  Have you thought this through?”

“Thinking things through doesn’t work for me anymore.”

“You’re quitting school?”

“Not quitting, just putting it on hold for awhile.  Until I get things figured out.”

She poured creamer in her coffee and took
her
time stir
ring it.  “Okay.  I get it.  Y
o
u’re sad and lonely and need an
escape.  But seriously, Allie, Paul?  You can do so much better than that.”

“Chris was better.  Look at how well that turned out.”

“Would you stop being so damn
ed
difficult?”

“I need to get away, alright?  Paul, well
,
he’s been there for me.  He understands and wants to help.”

“I understand
.  I want to help.”

“But you’re
here
.  I don’t want to be
here anymore
.”

She scowled.  “Fair enough.  Go anywhere, China, I don’t care, but don’t go to Toronto.  Nothing good can come from it.”

“I don’t have anywhere else!  Don’t you get it, Lauren?  Aside from people here in Chicago, there isn’t anyone.  I’ve got nobody.”

***

I went to work the next Monday in better spirits, knowing of the change that was soon to come.  Not wanting to see anyone, I spent little time outside of my classroom.  I especially steered clear of the snack bar.  My efforts to hide were futile, though, as Jake found me during lunch.

“Hi
.  How’s life?  I
missed you like crazy last week,
”
he said.
  I hadn’t seen or talked to him since the ordeal with Chris.  “I wanted to stop by, but I figured you probably needed some time to yourself.” 

“Yeah.  I’m okay, thanks.”  I offered him a smile.  “Did Emily tell you?  I’m going to Toronto.” 

He slouched into a desk.  “T
oronto, huh?  I’ve been there.  I
t’s a nice place to visit, but I sure wouldn’t want to live there.  When are you leaving?”

“After Thanksgiving.”

He gave an approving nod.  “That’s good.  A v
acation is just what you need.  T
ime to clear your head.  How long will you be gone?” 

He didn’t know.  I broke the news quickly.  “Indefinitely.  I’m getting an apartment.”

It took a minute to sink in. 
He shifted
his weight around in the desk.  “What are you telling me?”

“I’m moving
.”

He turned white.  “Why in the hell would you move to Canada?  Your life is here, in Chicago.”

I took a big breath.  “My life used to be here.  There’s nothing tying me down, now that Grams is gone.  I need a change of scenery.”

“I can understand that, but do you really need to move to a different country?”  He took that same
,
patronizing tone that Emily had used when I first told her.

“I just need to get out of here, you know?  Too many memories.  I’m going to start a new life.  Can you be supportive of that?”  I was getting tired of defending myself.

“Of course I can,
if that’s really what you want.  But geez, Toronto?  Who will I hang out with?”  He flashed me one of his crooked smiles.

“You are never in need of company, Jake.  You have more friends around here than I can keep up with.  Besides, you have Emily now, right?”  

***

Paul called to tell me he’d found an apartment.  “It’s an unfurnished studio,” he said.  “But the price is more than fair.  Do you want me to come down and help you load your stuff?”

“No.  I’ll get it packed up and hire a mover.  Just
meet me at the airport, okay?”

“I’ll be there.”

Emily’s muffled voice traveled down the hall.  She sounded upset, so I went to her room to see what was wrong.  The door was mostly shut, but I peeked through the crack and saw her sitting on her bed, facing away from me.  She was on the phone. 

“
What
am I going to do, Jake?  She can’t go.”
 

For the first time since I came up with the plan, I had dou
bts about leaving.  I felt bad. 
I’d been Emily’s only stability these past few years, and she depended on me.  I hadn’t thought about how much my move would really affect her.  Was I being selfish?

I tiptoed back to my room and pulled open my top dresser drawer.  I hated packing- it was so much work.  In the back of the drawer, under a pile of shirts, was the velvet box that contained Grams’s earrings.  My fingers pulled back the lid
,
and I sucked in a sharp breath as I remembered the day Chris had returned the one I’d lost.  It was so sweet of him to
go back and find it.  He had always been so good to me.

I snapped the lid shut and put up a mental road block to stop that
line of thinking
.  No sense fretting about the past.  I
had my future to worry about.  A
big change was just around the corner.

***

Jake was leaning against the classroom door when I got to work the next
morning.  He was a total mess.  H
is face was covered with stubble and only half of his wrinkled shirt was tucked in.  He looked like he’d suffered through a long night. 

“
Rough
morn
ing?
” I said once he
was in earshot. 

“Are you still hell
bent on leaving?”   He moved out of the way so I could unlock the door. 

“Excuse me?”

He didn’t back down.  “You
heard me.  How can you do this
?  How can you just abandon everything?”  His face was red with emotion.

“The decision is already made.  There’s nothing for me here.”  He flinched when I said ‘nothing’.  “I’m sorry.  I know you don’t approve.  This is just something I have to do.  Please understand.”

His eyes glistened with unshed tears, but he looked away and blinked them back.  “Why?  You have so much here.  What about Emily?  What a
bout school, and your job, and,
what about
me
?”

I looked at the floor, feeling my own eyes starting to swell.  “You have Emily,” I whispered.  “And what will you do once the season ends?  Go back to California?  What’s the difference?”  I paused, searching for the right words, words that would make him understand.  “This is just a job,” I said, looking around the classroom.  “I’m sure I’ll find another
.  I know you don’t understand
, but you have to trust me.  This is for the best.”

His eyes were hard as he looked past me.  “When are you leaving?” 

I turned my back to him.  “As soon as my last student is voted off.”  I didn’t tell Jake, but I hoped it was soon.  The longer this took
,
the harder it would be for me to go.

He mumbled something and walked towards the door
,
but paused before stepping out into the hallway.  “This is because of him, isn’t it?”
  He glared at me for a second before leaving my room.

I was crushed.  Jake and I were close, but I never dreamed he would take it this hard.  Whatever it took, I had to make him understand, had to make things right.  There was no way I could leave knowing he was so upset. 

When lunch
time came
,
I headed out to find him, but he wasn’t at the snack bar or in the
tech
room.  I was on my way home when I spotted him, sitting at one of the patio tables just outside the front entrance of the studio. 

He was on his cell, having an intense conversation with the person on the other end.  “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?  You have to make this right!”  He listened for a long minute and then said, rather smugly, “I hope you do.”  He then snapped his phone shut, and
,
not seeing me, stormed off in the opposite direction. 

I didn’t follow.  He was obviously mad. 
I’d never be able to get through to him.

That night I sat with Molly and watched as my last student was voted out.  I felt a sense of relief, knowing that my time in Chicago was about over.  I was almost free.

The next day I went back to the studio to collect my personal i
tems.  I didn’t have much left,
most of it was already packed. 

Jake came in just as I was taping the box shut.  “Hey,” he said without expression.

I was so relieved to see him.  I set the roll of tape down and gave him a hug. He forced a tight smile and looked around the empty room.  “When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow.”

He sucked in a breath.  “So soon?”

“No sense putting it off.”

His expression melted.  “I’m going to miss you, Allie.  More than you’ll ever know.  I hate this.”