Read Fading Away (Hardest Mistakes #1) Online
Authors: Dannielle Wicks
“With what?” Kai stands.
Ashlee glances at me and winks. “Sammy’s birthday party.” Kai frowns, but follows her back to her room.
I don’t like surprises, but Ashlee insisted that I don’t have any part in planning the party. I have my own mission today anyway; I’ve just been putting it off. Dragging myself off the bed, I sprint downstairs to get my car keys. Riley is ignoring me again, and I’m sick of putting up with it. His car’s not in the driveway when I pull up at his house, but Mark’s car is. I hop out and knock on the door. Mark calls something out and then the door swings open.
“Oh hey, Sam. How are you?” He’s holding a bowl of something that looks like yogurt or custard.
I smile. “Hello, Mark. Is Riley around?”
“No, he’s at work.”
“Okay, thanks.” Mark nods and shuts the door as I walk back down the path to my car. Riley works at the local book store, so I make my way over to find him.
Kai
“So I was thinking Masquerade?” Ashlee asks as she pushes me into a sitting position on her bed and sits beside me. She’s looking at me expectantly.
“That’s actually a really good idea.” I smile and glance around her room. “Why do you need my help exactly?”
She scrunches up her nose at me as if I’m being dense. “I don’t. I just haven’t had a chance to spend any time with you.” Her hand creeps up my back and into my hair. I flinch and shuffle away from her on the bed. She follows and pulls my face around to press her lips to my mouth. For a moment I relax into old memories. Then my eyes jerk open and I place my hands on her shoulders to gently push her away. She frowns. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just—I don’t know.” I look away from her. She sighs and nods before sitting back down at her desk and pulling out a notepad and a pen.
“So I have already booked Black Pike Castle.”
Sammy
The doorbell dings as I open the shop door. I pause for a moment and look at the shelves upon shelves of books. I’m in heaven. Rustling at the back of the shop catches my attention and I walk through the dusty shelves to investigate. Riley has his back to me as he sorts books from a small trolley beside him. I come up behind him and tap him on the back; he turns to face me with a surprised look.
“Sammy? Hi.” I smile and lean in for a hug. He wraps an arm around my back hesitantly and then pulls away. “Are you okay?”
“You weren’t returning my messages; it’s been over a week since I’ve heard from you.” I frown at him in confusion.
“I’m sorry; I’ve been really busy, as you can see.” He gestures to the bookshelf behind him and smiles. I can’t stop the disappointment from showing on my face. “Don’t worry; I’ll definitely be there for your birthday party next Friday. I promise.” He kisses me on the cheek and runs his fingers through my loose hair before turning back to his trolley full of books.
When I return home, Ashlee and Kai are still upstairs. I snatch a chocolate bar from the fridge and stretch out on the sofa, devouring half of it in one bite. My phone beeps in my pocket and I fish it out to look at the screen.
Dylan: Hey Sammy. How have you been? Riley still busy?
I type out a reply.
Sammy: Yeah. He seems to be busy a lot lately.
Dylan: A bit suss?
Sammy: I know right.
You don’t have to tell me twice.
Ashlee and Kai choose that moment to emerge from her bedroom and join me in the living room. Ashlee shoves my legs off the sofa and sits down. I glare at her and cram the rest of my chocolate bar in my mouth.
“Have fun?” I ask with my mouth full.
She glances knowingly at Kai with a smile. “Yes, actually.” She’s probably only referring to party plans, but she was all alone with Kai for an entire hour while he was human, not to mention they were dating when Kai disappeared. Wait a minute; I think I’m jealous. Damn it. I have a boyfriend. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I snatch the remote off Ashlee and change the channel. Today was not a good day.
***
I sit at my desk and twiddle my pen around in my fingers. What to do? What to do?
“Are you awake?” Ashlee calls out before barging her way into my room, swinging the door open with a loud bang.
I arch an eyebrow at her. “If I wasn’t before, I would be now.” She grins and grabs my arm, pulling me out of my chair and out into the hallway. “Where are we going?”
“We’re going shopping for your birthday dress.” She locks the door behind us, shoves me in the car, and drives us to the mall. I don’t know how many dresses I try on, but after an hour and a half, my feet are starting to hurt. I grumble as Ashlee drags me into another dress shop. She pulls a beautiful glittery white dress off of a hanger and holds it out in front of me.
“I think this is it,” she declares, looking it up and down. “Try it on.” She thrusts the dress at me and I close myself into a dressing room. It looks absolutely stunning and even better when it’s on.
Ashlee isn’t around when I emerge from the dressing room wearing my own clothes. I shrug and head over to the counter to pay. Just as I’m about to pull out my credit card, Ashlee slaps hers down on the counter and smiles at me.
“Happy Birthday, Sammy.”
***
Ashlee applies the final touches to my hair as I sit in front of the vanity in her room. I’m already wearing my beautiful white dress and matching heels. When she’s finished, she spins me around to face her and holds out a black box with a smile.
“What’s this?”
“Open it,” she replies eagerly. I lift the lid off to find a glittery white half face mask. I look up at her in surprise. “We’re having a masquerade.”
I grin in anticipation. She helps me put the mask on before we leave for Black Pike Castle.
***
We pull up right in front of the main doors. They’re huge with gorgeous deep carvings running along the edges. We step inside and I gasp. The ballroom is glowing in candlelight and glitter. The DJ is set up on stage and everyone is already here wearing masks of all different colors and shapes.
“Oh Ashlee, it’s absolutely beautiful.” I throw myself at her and squeeze her in a tight hug. “Thank you so much.”
She laughs, pushing me away. “Please don’t cry, you’ll ruin your perfect makeup.”
We walk down the stairs together and into the crowd. Someone in a black suit with a red tie and mask strolls up to me and kisses me on the cheek. I gaze up into Riley’s bright green eyes.
“Hi.” He smiles and spins me out into the middle of the floor to dance. I hold Riley’s gaze as we turn in circles. I want him to kiss me, but he’s not taking the hint.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.” I move closer, smiling. He glances out around the ballroom, not answering me. “What’s wrong?”
The song ends and he takes a step back, releasing me with a nervous smile. “Nothing’s wrong.” His eyes dart away from me. “I’ll be right back.” He turns abruptly and walks away, leaving me to stand in the middle of a swarm of dancing people by myself.
“You look amazing. Happy Birthday.” Dylan appears in front of me wearing a dark grey suit with a blue mask and tie. His brown hair is messy around his face, he looks very handsome.
I blush at his compliment. “Thank you.” He grabs a hold of my hands and pulls me into a dance. I want to enjoy myself, but I’m annoyed at Riley. He’s supposed to be here with me. Where is he?
After the song ends I scan the ballroom, searching. When I can’t see him anywhere, I shuffle along the edge of the crowd until I come to the hall leading to the private rooms and bathrooms of the castle. I open the first door to find a lavishly decorated sitting room in purples and golds. A couple is making out on one of the plush sofas.
“Oh, sorry,” I apologize, spinning on my heel to close the door. I do a double take when I catch a glimpse of red. “Riley?” He jerks away from the blonde girl and his eyes widen in surprise as he spots me.
“Sammy?” My heart shatters into a million little shards, each piercing my chest individually. I turn and sprint from the room.
“Sammy! Wait!” Riley calls after me as I dash down the hall and out into the swarming ballroom. I look around quickly and then head over to the refreshments. Surely someone has spiked it by now. I fill a plastic cup and swallow it in one gulp, then another. When I’m starting to feel the effects of the weak alcohol spiked punch, I take one last swallow and bury myself in the surging crowd in the middle of the room, spinning and dancing in no particular rhythm as I head for the back doors.
Kai
I tap Ashlee on the shoulder and she swivels to face me, her purple mask glittering in the light.
“You can’t be here. Someone will recognize you from school. Dylan is right over there,” she says in a hushed whisper, pointing across the room to where Dylan is slow dancing with a pretty blonde. I hold up my plain black half mask and smile while putting it on. She shakes her head and drags me out onto the dance floor, wrapping her arms around my neck. She looks up at me expectantly, and then rests her head on my chest. I feel guilty, remembering our kiss. I can’t just go back to the way things were. I’m not the same person anymore.
The song finishes and she releases me. “Where’s Sammy?” I ask quietly before the next song starts. She gives me a curious look and gazes out into the sea of people, searching.
“I don’t know.” Her brow creases with concern.
I touch her arm reassuringly. “I’ll find her.”
I push my way through the crowd, looking everywhere. By the time I reach the other end of the ballroom, I’m getting worried. I turn and glance out the huge glass door behind me that leads into the gardens.
Opening the door, I step out into the glittering fairy lights. Sam spins in circles around the dark courtyard, her white dress sparkling in the dim lights hanging in the trees. I take a step toward her and she stops to face me.
I can see the confusion in her glittering brown eyes behind her mask. “You look familiar.”
She sways slightly. I hurry to her side and wrap my arms around her waist, groaning when I smell the faint alcohol on her breath. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”
“So…?” she answers defensively.
“What happened?”
“Why does something have to happen for me to have a drink? Besides, the punch was already spiked before I got there.” I pull her closer as the music echoes through the open doors into the garden. She wraps her arms around my waist tightly and we rock side to side in time to the song.
“You don’t drink in public and whoever spiked the punch is an idiot.”
“Well, aren’t you just a little ray of sunshine.” She’s completely serious as she tilts her head back to watch the glittering lights above us. I smirk, watching her as we spin.
“Where’s Riley?” It suddenly occurs to me that I haven’t seen him the entire time I’ve been here, not even when I was scouring the ballroom for her.
Her head snaps back and her eyes fill with hurt. “I don’t know.” What did the creep do?
Speak of the devil, Riley pushes past a dancing couple and out the glass doors, coming to a stop beside us. Sam turns her face away from him.
“Sammy, it wasn’t what it looked like, she’s just an ex-girlfriend. I didn’t mean to—I’m sorry,” he pleads, glancing up at me briefly. I inhale sharply and take a brief moment of satisfaction when I see that I’m taller than him.
Sam ignores him and looks up at me for support. I pull her closer and glare at Riley. He’s not wearing a mask, so I can see the expressions flash across his face in the dull light while he tries to figure out who I am. His eyes narrow before he turns and strides away.
I feel like a hypocrite—after all, my ex-girlfriend kissed me only just last week. I’m not Sam’s boyfriend, but I feel just as guilty. I have to tell her.
Sammy leans her head against my chest. I look down at her wet cheeks, feeling useless as we start swaying again.
Sammy
Kai holds me close while I sob into his chest. The buzz from the punch is wearing off and the hurt comes crashing back in. I feel lost. I thought Riley was a good guy, I trusted him. Kai’s hand brushes down my back as he pulls away slightly. I lift my head and gaze up into his bright, sparkling silver eyes behind his black mask.
His fingers come up and brush my cheek. “My time is up.” I nod slowly and glance back down at my hands clenched in his shirt. “Dylan’s on his way out here. He’ll look after you, okay?” He tilts my chin back up so he can see my face.
I manage a weak smile before he turns and disappears back inside through the crowd of people.
Dylan stops beside me and places his hand on my elbow as he gazes at the gap in the crowd where Kai just left.
“Are you okay?” I nod and he wraps his arm around my waist, leading me back inside to one of the tables set up at the edge of the room. I sit down and gaze at the beautifully decorated golden ballroom.
“I caught Riley with another girl.” The words tumble out before I can stop them. Dylan doesn’t look surprised; he just dips his head and walks away. He comes back to the table a moment later with a plastic cup of punch and hands it to me.
“I’m sorry.” I smile and swallow the contents in one gulp. He sits down beside me and takes a sip from his own cup.
“Dylan?” I ask, slowly turning to face him. He raises his eyebrow curiously. “I called you a dickhead once.”
He opens his mouth in surprise. “You did?”
“Not to your face. You’re completely different than the person I thought you were.” I glance away shaking my head. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I’m really sorry. You’re definitely not a dickhead.”
“Thank you?” He grins, although he still looks slightly confused. “How much of the punch have you had?”
I purse my lips. “A lot.”
He nods and stands up, helping me from my chair. “I think it’s time to go home.”
I wave goodbye and give my thanks to party goers on our way to the front door. Riley stands at the edge of room watching me. Dylan gives him a harsh look and pushes me faster out of the main doors into the parking lot.
***
My head pounds and my eyes hurt. I squint at the midday sun shining through my bedroom window. How long have I been asleep? I roll over under the covers and something pokes me on the face.
“Oww.” I rub my cheek and blink quickly to focus, grabbing my glasses from my nightstand and putting them on. There’s a giant bar of chocolate lying on my pillow. I sit up and stare down at it in confusion. There’s a note reading ‘Happy Birthday’ in block letters taped to the front of the packet. Who? Slipping out of bed slowly, I hide the chocolate in my dresser as I pass. My head pounds as I trudge down the stairs and into the kitchen wearing my pajamas.
“You’re awake,” Ashlee chirps from the stove top. “Thank god. Your phone has been going off all morning.” She gestures to where it’s lying on the dining room table. I relax into a chair and take a look at the screen. Six missed calls and nine text messages all from Riley, and they all look like apologies. I make a face at the phone, switch it off, and slide it across the table away from me.
Kai trots over and sits at my feet. He nudges my knee, silver eyes gazing up at me. I bend down and run my hand down his neck with a whisper in his ear, “Thank you for my birthday present.” He wags his tail, making a small noise in his throat before walking over to Ashlee for breakfast.
Once the eggs have finished cooking, Ashlee dishes everything out onto three plates and places one in front of me. I’m not hungry, I keep re-thinking the weeks leading up to now; Riley avoiding me and saying he’s busy. He’s been lying to me the entire time. I feel so betrayed and stupid. I should have known. It was staring at me right in the face. Now there’s a gaping hole in my chest where he ripped my heart open. I pick up my fork and push the scrambled eggs around the plate.
“He’s not worth starving yourself over.” Ashlee reaches across the table and covers my hand with her own. I nod, take a deep breath, and fork some eggs into my mouth. The greasy food does help with my headache.
The doorbell rings just as I start filling the sink with soapy water to do the washing up. I glance over at Ashlee, who’s already walking toward the front door. I peek around the corner to see who it is when she opens it. Riley spots me over Ashlee’s shoulder and tries to push past her.
“Sammy, I just want to talk. Please? I’m sorry,” he pleads as Ashlee drives him back over the door jamb.
“She doesn’t want to see you. Go away.” She slams the door in his face and turns to face me with a sigh. “When you’re finished, let’s go lie on the deck. The fresh air and sunlight will do us good, plus I have an assignment to do.”
“Okay.” I twist back to the sink and submerge my hands into the bubbles. When the washing is complete and everything is dry and put away, I dash upstairs to grab my notebook to finish my assignment as well.
Ashlee looks over at me when I sit down in one of the deck chairs. “What are you writing?”
My gaze wanders around the yard as I answer. “Ideas.” She raises an eyebrow before looking back down at her own notebook full of diagrams for one of her classes.
“We should go out, just us—maybe to the movies. That new Disney movie is out,” she suggests while sketching something on her page.
“Done. I love Disney movies.” I smile and settle into my chair to write notes.
I study the day away on the deck in the partial sun; by the time it’s dark, I’ve completed my assignment and the next textbook on my reading list. Ashlee and I decide on Friday night for the movies. I’m actually really looking forward to it.
I head to my room for a shower before bed and then change into my comfy flannel pajamas. I take my glasses off and climb under the covers, switching the bedside lamp out as I go. Kai’s weight dips at the end of the bed, but he doesn’t lie down. Dull moonlight shines through my open window. I can just make out his shadow. He creeps up the bed and settles himself beside me. I roll over to face him, his silver eyes twinkle. Stretching out my fingers, I curl them in his fur and close my eyes.
***
It’s early morning when I wake in a rush, the sun hasn’t risen yet. For a moment I lay still, trying to determine what woke me. Kai makes a noise, trembling slightly on the bed beside me. He’s having another panic attack. His eyes are still closed, his breathing is shallow and quick, and he’s making little noises under his breath. I gently brush my hand along his ear and down his neck. He doesn’t wake, but he stops shaking and his breathing calms down. I want to help him, I just don’t know how.
***
We arrive home from the cinema late on Friday night and sit cross-legged on the kitchen floor, laughing and eating the leftover popcorn. Well, mostly eating. Some may or may not have been thrown around the kitchen.
***
I hear Ashlee get up and move around the house early the next morning. I’m not rostered at work today. Cuddling my pillow, I try to block out her noisiness so I can sleep for another couple of hours.
Deciding today is the perfect day to read, I stretch and get out of bed, grabbing my glasses and my book off the dresser before dashing back to the warmth of my bed and snuggling into the covers.
Before long, the book lies forgotten on my chest and I’m staring out the window at the trees swaying in the wind. My bedroom door bangs closed loudly, making me jump and look over at Kai in confusion, who’s only wearing his sweat pants. His silver eyes dart to mine and he tilts his head slightly in a question, briefly reminding me of his dog-self.
“Don’t you own a shirt?” I joke sarcastically, pulling my glasses off and placing them on the bed. He grins but doesn’t answer as he sits on the edge of the bed. His hair is getting long again, curling over his forehead and at the base of his neck.
“I did tell you he wasn’t right for you. I knew he was an idiot.” He glances away from me with a smirk.
I’m momentarily confused at the sudden conversation. “What?”
“Riley. I knew he was an idiot, I told you so. In the time I’ve known you, he was one of the silliest choices you’ve ever made. You could see it from a mile away.”
“Did you just say you told me so? And call me silly in the same sentence?” I’m offended.
“Yes, actually, I did.” His smug smile makes my nose twitch in anger.
Glaring at him, I smack my book down beside me and sit up. “I think you should leave before I hit you. Especially if you can’t handle my silliness—” I’m cut off before I can finish. Kai pushes me back on the bed by my shoulders and presses his lips to mine, gently at first and then with more force. He’s basically on top of me. I lose myself in the feel of his body pressed close to mine and wrap my arms around his back before running them up his bare chest and twisting my fingers into the soft hair at the base of his neck. His fingers touch the hem of my shirt and he pushes it up, his hand exploring my stomach and brushing the edge of my bra. He lets out a groan and pulls my shirt back down. I’m out of breath when he stops and pulls away hesitantly; his face still hovering over mine, silver eyes glittering. I suck in a deep breath and let it all out in one big rush. Wow.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” He runs his fingers along the nearly faded scar on my arm and he flinches as if I’ve stung him. “I’m sorry about that.” I’m confused—is he sorry for kissing me or sorry about the scar on my arm? The ones around his neck and shoulders are definitely worse. He moves aside and sits back on the edge of the bed facing away from me, the muscles rippling across his back as he hunches over.
I consider him for a moment, thinking. “I’ve been a pretty bad friend, haven’t I?” I pause. Friend? I think we just crossed that line. I move to the edge of the bed to perch beside him. “I’m sorry we haven’t been trying to find a way to help you.”
He throws me a weak smile. “It doesn’t matter, there’s no hope, anyway. I can’t be fixed.”
I reach over and pull his stubbly chin around so he’s looking at me. “You don’t need to be fixed, Kai, there’s nothing wrong with you. And there’s always hope.”
His eyes search mine for a moment before he turns away and stands up. “Not for me.”
I rise from the bed to follow him, but he freezes just beside the door and looks down at my backpack. Crap, he can’t be that perceptive can he?
“What’s that?” He bends down and snatches the bag before I can grab it off the floor.
“It’s nothing. Please, Kai, just leave it.” I reach out to seize it, but he jerks it away from me. Sticking his hand in, he pulls out a photo frame. He looks at it and drops the bag. His eyes meet mine, his mouth open in shock. “Please don’t be mad at me.” I hold out my hands and take a step back.
He glances back down at the frame and frowns. “When did you take this?”
“When we were at your house, I slipped it in the duffel bag. When we got back I bought a frame for it. I’m sorry. I thought you might want something to remember your father by. I know you miss him.”
He stares at the photo for another minute and then places it on my nightstand and walks out of the room without a word.
I scramble down the stairs after him. “Kai, I’m so sorry,” I apologize as I catch up to him, grabbing his arm and turning him to face me. He doesn’t look angry, it’s hurt that glimmers in his eyes, and I’m the one that put it there. I feel awful. He shakes his head with a sigh before pulling me into his arms. I lay my cheek against his chest and wrap my arms around his back. I feel something swell up inside my chest. It’s like I’m only now realizing how much I really care for him.
“Thank you for taking the picture,” he whispers into my hair. “It just hurt to suddenly see my father, that’s all.”
“I’m sorry for keeping it.”
“Doesn’t matter.” He leans back and brushes the loose strands of hair from my face. “Look, I know you’re still upset about Riley and I’m sorry for what he did, but he was an asshole.” His silver gaze holds mine. “I’m sorry that I rejected you before and I’m sorry I said we should just be friends, but I’m falling for you, Sammy.”
I go completely still and stop breathing, what did he just say?
“Which is why I need to do the right thing. I have to tell you; Ashlee and I kissed, but I swear it didn’t mean anything and I stopped it before it went any further.”
Hold on, what? I take a step back and Kai drops his arms, glancing down at the floor, looking defeated. I spin on my heel and walk back up the stairs to my room slowly. Kai doesn’t follow. I know I shouldn’t be angry or hurt, it’s not like we are together, but I can’t help it.
Kai
I need to give her some space. That’s obviously what she needs right now, but I don’t want to waste the rest of my valuable time as a human just sitting around on the sofa when I could be talking to her or touching her. I put my head in my hands. I’m such an idiot. I told her I wanted her even if she was taken and then I let Ashlee kiss me. I was just trying to do the right thing by telling her, but I shouldn’t have said anything while she’s still hurt over Riley. Standing up, I start pacing around the living room. I need to make it up to her.