Read Fading Away (Hardest Mistakes #1) Online
Authors: Dannielle Wicks
Sammy
I stretch in the plastic hospital chair and rub my sore eyes. I’ve fallen asleep again against Kai’s bed. He’s still human, which feels strange, and he’s still unconscious. The oxygen mask is doing most of the breathing for him. The surgery to fix his sides took hours and the nurse warned me that he would sleep for a long time. I haven’t mustered up the courage to call Ashlee yet, but I’m sure she’ll turn up soon.
The beeping of the machines attached to Kai speed up slightly and I look up to find his eyes fluttering open. I stand up quickly, knocking the plastic chair over. He stares straight ahead for a moment, focusing; the silver of his eyes is darker, but glowing again.
“Kai?” I whisper softly, leaning closer to him. His eyes shift to me and his forehead creases in a frown of confusion. “I’m so glad you’re awake. I’m so sorry for everything. How do you feel?”
He lifts his hand up slowly and pulls the oxygen mask from his face. “Who are you?”
I gasp, my mouth drops open in shock and my eyes start burning with tears. “It’s me, Sammy.”
The frown deepens. “Who?”
A hopeless feeling settles over me and I let the tears escape down my face before turning and pushing through the door, running down the hall to the elevator. I smash my palm against the down button repeatedly until the doors open. Once the elevator reaches the lobby and the heavy doors slide open, I take off again, heading for the front desk to call a taxi.
Someone grasps my arm and swings me around just as I pass through the main doors. I jerk my arm away and turn to Ashlee. Her face is red and blotchy with tears but she smiles weakly at me. “How is he?”
I scowl. “Ask him yourself.”
“He’s awake?” Her eyes widen when I don’t answer. “Sammy, I need to tell you something.” She snatches my arm again, her fingers digging into my skin as she pulls me over to the benches in the hospital front garden. I exhale a heavy breath and sit down beside her. “We weren’t kissing.” I stare at her incredulously, she shakes her head. “What I mean to say is, it was a goodbye kiss. He told me how much he cares for you. You misunderstood everything,” she pleads.
I glance away quickly and then back at her sad face. “So what you’re saying is, this is all my fault. Kai is hurt because of me and my stupidity?”
She snaps her mouth shut and frowns. “That’s not what I meant.”
I push myself off the bench. “It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t even know who I am, anyway.” I get up and walk away from her. She doesn’t stop me. My taxi pulls up just as I reach the curb and I hop in without looking back. I stare out the side window after telling the driver my address. My eyes go blurry with tears. I feel empty.
As soon as I get home, I dash up the stairs and strip down to jump in the shower. The scalding hot water burns down my back, but it feels so good. I stay under the water until the warmth is long gone, and then I wrap myself in a towel and curl up on my bed, tears dribbling down my nose onto my bedspread. I feel as though I’ve lost everything all at once.
Ashlee knocks on my bedroom door early the next morning. I’m still wrapped in my towel, but I mumble out a come in. She peeks around the door frame at me and then pushes it all the way open.
“Hey,” she says, handing me a tall glass of water—a peace offering. I nod and sit up to accept it. I feel a lot better today, hollow inside, but better. “The news turned up at the hospital after you left.” I glance over the rim of my glass at her. “They keep asking Kai where he’s been and what happened. He keeps telling them he doesn’t remember.” I look away and place the glass on my nightstand. “Maybe you should go see him again. He might remember you. I’ve never seen him like that before. Sammy, he really did love you.”
“No.” My answer is final. Just hearing her say those words makes me want to curl up in a hole, somewhere away from the pain. Securing the towel around myself, I stand up and head for my bathroom to get dressed. I don’t need the pain it will cause to see the confused look in his eyes because he can’t figure out who I am, especially after all the time we’ve spent together. It will be easier to just end it now and forget about everything.
When I come back out Ashlee is gone; I can hear her in the kitchen downstairs. I gather up my courage and plod down the stairs to help her with breakfast.
We sit down on the sofa later that night to watch a movie together. Ashlee turns on the TV and a news anchor flashes up on screen. The image changes to one of Kai in his hospital bed. He looks so weak and tired. I lean across Ashlee and snatch the remote to change the channel. She sighs but doesn’t say anything.
Kai
I’m choking; my breaths come short and quick, never reaching my lungs. I’m shaking, my eyes fly open and I claw at the oxygen mask over my face. I push my palm into my chest and use my other hand to rip the tubes out of my arm. A nurse bursts through the door and places her hands on my shoulders, holding me still. She says something to me, but I can’t hear her. I close my eyes tightly and swallow. The machines beside me are going haywire, screaming and beeping at the nurse. She lets go of my shoulders and fixes the oxygen mask back over my face, then she slowly cleans the wound on my arm and reinserts the needles and tubes. Once she’s happy I’m okay, she pats my hand and leaves the room. My eyes feel heavy; she must have given me a sedative.
***
They let me leave the hospital after a week of being trapped in the ICU. The doctor told me I was attacked by a bear in Black Pike, a small city two hours away. I don’t know how I got there. The reporters keep asking me questions about things I don’t remember and the nurses poke me with needles and take me for scans, none of it is helping; it’s all blank. It’s like the whole last year never happened and doesn’t exist. But I feel different. Changed.
My house feels empty when I arrive home, like no one has lived here in a long time. It no longer feels like my home. I don’t know how long I’ve been away. Where are my parents? I step slowly up the staircase heading for my bedroom. The familiar blue paint and colorful posters on my bedroom walls don’t feel right; like something’s missing.
I walk into the bathroom and twist the taps in the shower. Nothing happens. Has the water been shut off? I turn to the sink and try those taps as well. Nothing. Weird. I’ll have to call Serena in the morning. I glance up at the mirror and pause, staring at my reflection. When did my eyes become grey? How does that even happen? And how did I get all of these scars? Reaching up hesitantly, trying not to freak out, I touch the fading scars running around my neck and down my shoulders. How did I get them? Where have I been? I frown, leave the bathroom, and climb under the covers on my bed. They feel stiff and old, but I’m too tired to really care.
My parents are standing at the end of the hallway, smiling and reaching for me. I stretch out my hands but I can’t touch them. My mother breaks down, sobbing and looks away. “Mom?” I call out to her, my voice echoes oddly. My father shakes his head and then turns his eyes to the floor. They both turn around and start walking away from me. I follow them, but before I reach them, they fade away. I can’t see anything.
My surroundings change suddenly and I’m lying on the muddy ground, rain falling on my face and soaking through my clothes; a face appears above me. A girl. She looks familiar; her dark hair falls forward over her shoulders, brushing my face. Her tears fall from her puffy eyes and onto my cheeks. It’s the girl from the hospital when I woke up; she looks so sad. My vision goes blurry as she leans closer, her breath tickling my throat as she whispers in my ear, “I love you, Kai.” She disappears and my surroundings shift again. I’m crouching close to the ground; a huge hulking shadow is standing across the other side of a clearing of trees. The shape turns toward me and roars. The bear stands up on its back legs and then comes back down with a heavy thump before charging directly for me, its jaws snapping inches from my face.
I jerk awake and into a sitting position in bed, covered in sweat. The blankets are twisted around my legs. My whole body is trembling, I can’t breathe. I’m choking. I press the palm of my hand against the sharp pain in my chest, struggling to suck in a deep breath, and then my heart rate starts to slow down. I take another breath, my throat opens up, and my chest stops hurting. The shaking slows until it’s nearly gone. What the hell was that? Another panic attack?
I glance toward the window. I might as well get up. It’s still dark outside but I’m not getting back to sleep after all that. I throw a pair of jeans on and pull a shirt over my head.
My hands shake as I grasp the handle on the fridge and pull the door open. Its empty? The light doesn’t even come on. What's going on? I shut the fridge door and glance around the house. The place looks dusty, like it hasn’t been lived in for months. Serena should be here in a few hours, I make a mental note to ask her what’s happening when she arrives.
***
A knock on the door just past mid-morning startles me from where I’m stretched out on the sofa. Serena still hasn’t arrived, I figure she must have forgotten her keys, so I jump up and open the door to let her in. It’s pouring down rain outside. I find Jacob and Luke standing on my front porch watching me; opening the door wider, I let them in. They make themselves at home and get comfy on my sofa.
“Dude, where have you been? You’ve missed some of the best parties,” Jacob calls as I follow them into the living room and sit across from them.
“We thought you were dead,” Luke chimes in from his place beside Jacob. I lift my shoulders in a dismissive shrug. Why would I care about a stupid party? Jacob starts describing the details of his latest party and the girl he hooked up with. That sort of stuff used to interest me. I was usually the one experiencing them, but now…it just seems stupid. I find myself spacing out, not really paying attention to their drivel.
They pick up on my mood quickly. “We’re going to leave; you obviously haven’t got your head on straight yet.” Jacob stands up and motions for Luke to follow him out the front door. I tag along behind them to shut the door, but not before a reporter shoves her shoe over the door jamb. God, they must be desperate to be out in the rain waiting for me. There’s about six of them lined up behind her all holding phones or voice recorders up under their umbrellas, hoping to catch whatever information I give them.
“Kai Jordan, you’ve been missing for over a year. Can you tell us where you’ve been?” The reporter holds a voice recorder up into my face; I shove it away and scowl at her.
“Leave me alone, I told you all before. I don’t remember.”
“What happened?” one voice calls out.
And then another, “How do you feel about finding out about your parents’ death while you were missing?”
I freeze on the doorstep, my mouth dropping open in shock. “What did you just say?” The frenzied voices go quiet and no one answers. “What happened to them?” Why has nobody told me? Suddenly the state of the house and the lack of electricity and water makes sense. The cowards just stand there, filming my reaction on their smart phones.
Turning, I slam the door in their faces and sprint up the stairs into my mom and dad’s bedroom. I walk around the large dark room, looking for any clue to tell me what the reporter said is true and what happened to them. I stop and glance down at a mark in the dust gathered on the nightstand. A picture used to sit there. Where is it?
I wander around the room, searching, and find the shattered remains of the photo frame lying on the bed. Picking it up, I push my back against the wall and slide down until I’m sitting on the cold wood floor. The tears well in my eyes and I bow my head, dropping the frame and placing my hands on the back of my head.
As I sit there with the tears dribbling off of my nose and onto the polished wood beneath me, a sharp pain lances through my head. I cry out and squeeze my eyes shut tightly. Falling sideways, I crash to my side on the floor, clutching at my temples. Images start flashing behind my eyes faster and faster until they all blur together, the memories flickering so fast my brain feels like it’s being ripped in two.
The pain stops abruptly and I gasp. “Sammy.” My eyes fly open as the name leaves my lips.
Sammy
I spend the rest of the week lingering around the house; cleaning, baking, and once I actually went outside and pulled weeds out of the gardens around the house. The work keeps my mind busy and I go to bed tired at night, which is a relief, because I can feel Kai’s absence every time I lay down in bed. I wake up on Friday, ready to mow the lawn, only to find it’s pouring down rain again. Damn this spring weather. I sigh heavily and drop onto the sofa to read my book. Classes start again on Monday.
***
Four days of drizzling rain brings my already low mood down even further. I tilt my face with my eyes closed up toward the dark sky, pausing on the footpath, ready to trudge through the puddles all the way home. The light sprinkling drops land on my face and dribble down my chin.
“Miss Stevens!” I jump and turn to find a red-faced Professor Mosley. “Miss Stevens, I’ve been calling out to you since you walked past my car.”
“Oh, I’m really sorry, Professor, I didn’t hear you.” I wasn’t paying attention as I left class to walk home. To be honest, I haven’t been paying attention to anything over the past few weeks. Nothing really holds my interest.
“Is your brother okay?” The professor shuffles his bag onto his other shoulder.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts. “Pardon me?”
“You haven’t come to pick up any notes or hand in any assignments and I haven’t received any emails.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, I haven’t heard from him in a little while.” It’s as good a lie as any and he seems to believe it. Nodding, he moves to walk away.
“Let me know when you get in contact again.” He smiles and waves over his shoulder, heading in the opposite direction.
The house is dark by the time I make it home. I throw my soaking coat and bag on the floor as I walk through the entryway to the living room. Curling up on the sofa, I bury my face in the cushions. It seems silly to be moping over some boy, but I just can’t shake the feeling, it’s like I’ve lost half of myself.
Ashlee walks into the room a while later, switching on the light and blinding me. I growl at her as she walks across the room and adjusts the curtains on the windows. She twists around with a frown on her face, the curtains clutched in her hands. “Sammy, there’s someone outside.”
I narrow my eyes. “In the rain?” She nods and points out the window. I push myself off the sofa and walk to the front door, swinging it open and walking out onto the porch. I switch the light on to reveal a soaking wet Kai Jordan walking up the driveway with his hands in his pockets and his head down. He stops when he sees me. I take a few steps toward him without thinking; the rain soaks into my clothes and into my still damp hair. I take my glasses off and push them into my pocket. Kai opens his mouth to speak. I shake my head and interrupt him. “Do you want me to grab Ashlee for you?” I ask, throwing my thumb over my shoulder. I know she’s been to visit him a lot. He remembers her.
He frowns and pulls his hands out of his pockets. “Sammy, I…” I hold out my hand to stop him as he takes a step toward me.
“Kai, what are you doing out in the rain? You’re soaking wet.” The corner of his mouth lifts in a smile. He walks forward until he’s standing right in front of me, our bodies only a few feet apart. His dark hair is spiked and messy; some of the wayward strands hang across his forehead. He watches me for a moment, his silver eyes glint in the porch light, and then he looks down at my hand and gently brushes his fingers against my arm.
My eyes tear up at the realization. “You know who I am?”
He peeks at me through his lashes. “I didn’t feel right, like something was missing, and then I was looking everywhere around my house for this picture of my family that used to sit on their dresser…I don’t know how I could’ve ever forgotten you. You fixed me, Sammy.” He grabs my other hand gently. “I feel lost without you. Everything before you, my whole life, it means nothing without you.”
What is he saying? I hold his gaze and pull my hand out of his grasp. His face twists in frustration. “Did you hear what I just said? Sammy, I love you.”
I inhale a shaky breath and take a step back. “What?” His silver eyes are watery, I’m not sure if it’s from the rain or something else.
“Please, I love you.” It’s quieter this time. He moves closer, wraps his arms around me and gathers me to his chest. The tears spill down my face and onto his wet shirt. He leans back and lifts my chin up to face him. “Say that I can stay with you?”
I swallow the sob in my throat and reach up to place my hand on his chest. “You can stay.” A grin spreads across his face and he crushes his lips to mine, holding my face in his hands gently.
The rain seeps through my clothes, making me shiver. Kai pulls away reluctantly and pushes me toward the porch steps. Ashlee gives us a faint smile and sits down on the sofa to watch TV as we walk inside. I turn and lead Kai up the stairs to my room. I place my glasses on my nightstand, and as soon as the door is closed, Kai pushes me toward the bed, crawls on top of me, and presses his lips to mine. His tongue flicks my bottom lip. We’re both soaking wet but I don’t care. His hands run up my side and I pull the hem of his shirt up and over his head, it lands on the floor with a wet splat.
My fingers trail down his sides until I feel something lumpy and he gasps in pain. He lifts his head and I look down at his torso. The stitches along his side are nearly healed, but they look sore. I frown and push him off. He rolls onto the bed beside me. He gazes up at me from the bed as I lean over him and gently touch his skin. I shake my head in mock disapproval and run my fingers across the old scars on his neck and down his shoulders. His silver eyes watch my face as I lean down and kiss the ridged skin.
“We should change out of these wet clothes,” I say, standing again and heading for the bathroom. Kai gets up slowly and follows. I snatch a towel off the rack and motion for him to bend down so I can dry his hair. When I finish he grabs the towel off me and throws it over my head to do the same. I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face when he leans down to kiss me afterwards.
I chuck his clothes I have stored in the bathroom at him and push him out to close the door. Once I’ve changed into my boxers and a tank top, I open the bathroom door slowly. Kai is standing beside my desk, looking at the photo of his father. I tip-toe out and over to the bed, sliding under the covers. Kai puts the picture frame down and lies down on top of the covers facing me. I stare into his eyes. “You kept your silver eyes?”
He raises an eyebrow. “Did I?”
“What, don’t you ever look in the mirror?” I joke and he chuckles. “I’m used to them now. I can’t even imagine your brown ones anymore.” I stretch my fingers out and trace his eyebrows softly. He closes his eyes and sighs contently.
“Thank you for everything, Sammy. I don’t know if I could have survived without you.” His eyes are still closed. He turns his head to kiss my palm. “You saved me.”
I muster up the courage and ask, “Do you want to get under the blanket with me?”
His eyes fly open. “Are you sure?”
I shrug. “It’s not like you haven’t slept in the same bed with me before.”
“Yeah, but I’m human now. It’s a bit different.” My gaze darts away and then back to his—I nod. He rolls over and pulls the blanket over himself. I can feel the heat rolling off his body instantly. He settles on his back and turns his head to face me. I hesitate, unsure, and then slide over to him and lay my head on his chest, wrapping my arm over his stomach. His arm comes under my neck and around my back as he holds me close. “I love you so much,” Kai whispers into my hair.
I smile into his chest, twining my bare legs around his. “I love you too, Kai.” I feel so safe and whole. It isn’t long before my eyes drift closed and I fall into a deep sleep.
***
Kai is still fast asleep when my eyes flutter open in the morning light. I lift my face to look up at him. His dark hair curls around his ears and over his forehead. I move my hand up gently to touch the soft dark strands. His breathing changes and his silver eyes drift open. For a brief moment my heart seizes in my chest. Does he still remember me? The fear vanishes instantly when his mouth turns up in a soft smile. “Morning.”
I return his smile and snuggle into the crook between his neck and shoulder. “So…what now?”
He sighs and pulls me closer. “I have to visit my parents’ lawyer again. They’re returning all of my parents’ assets; the company, the house, and all of their money to me.”
My eyes widen in surprise and I tilt my head to look back at him. “Weren’t your parents rich?”
He glances away quickly. “Technically.” A knock on the door stops me from answering.
“Sammy? Kai has a visitor,” Ashlee calls from the other side of the door.
***
Dylan is waiting in the living room when we come downstairs. As soon as he sees Kai, he pulls him into a hug. They pat each other on the back and then step back.
“Where have you been, man?” Dylan takes a step closer. “And what happened to your eyes?”
Kai glances at me quickly before turning back to his friend. “I don’t remember.” Dylan tilts his head in confusion and stares at Kai for a moment. I smile at Dylan and give him a hug; he hesitantly wraps his arms around me briefly before letting me go and stepping back.
Kai and Dylan sit at the table talking while Ashlee and I cook up some pancakes on the stove. She gives me funny little smiles every now and again, until finally I stare at her. “What?”
She shakes her head. “Nothing, I’m just happy for you.”
“Really? Thank you.” She smiles and slaps the pancakes onto a tray to take to the table.
Kai
I walk into Sammy’s room and pause at the doorway to watch her. She glances over at me and smiles, placing her book on her desk. I close the space between us and pick her up; she wraps her legs around my waist and I walk us to the bed; laying her down gently.
I gaze down into her eyes, running my fingers up her cheek and taking her glasses off. “You are so beautiful.” A pretty pink blush sneaks up her neck and onto her face. She stretches her neck and kisses me. Holding her lips, I reach down to the hem of her shirt and pull it up over her head. I undo her pants slowly as she pulls my shirt over my head. I stand up to take my own pants off and then crawl back on top of her on the bed, kissing her everywhere, starting with her neck. Pressing closer, I lift my hand and run my fingers over her lips. “I will never leave you. I’ll never stop needing you. I love you so much, Sammy.”
She drags my head down, pulling me close and whispering in my ear, “You will never be alone again; I will always love you, Kai.” I nearly choke up at the sincerity in her voice before I press my lips against hers again.
THE END