“Is that a good hmmm or a bad hmmm?” he asked after the waitress left.
“It’s more like an ‘I don’t want to move too fast and say the wrong thing to scare off the cute boy’ kind of hmmm.”
He laughed. “I was worried that it was too soon to talk about
future questions as well.”
She looked across the table at him, her smile dropping away. “Does it feel too soon?”
He shook his head. “Really, I have no idea. But I think we should know where we stand. Set some parameters.” A delicate line appeared in the middle of her forehead. “No?”
She shrugged. “Like what kind of parameters?”
God, was this a test? He’d fail if it was. All of a sudden he
felt like a fish out of water. “I’m going on tour in five months. I’ll be somewhere else in the world until this time next year.”
“Ah.” She reached across the table and traced her index finger down his. “I knew that. Are you saying you’d like whatever happens between us to be over by then?”
This was why he floundered. He
couldn’t
say that. But hell, he didn’t know if they’d make it to New Year’s,
let alone May. “I just want you to be aware,” he said gruffly.
“Duly noted. What else?”
“Uhm, I can’t talk about work most of the time. But you already know that.” What else did one warn a potential girlfriend about? “I snore.”
Her eyes sparkled. “Okay.”
“What about you? Anything you want to tell me?”
“I don’t like getting dressed and going home after sex.” He choked on his sip of tea and
she giggled. “Too much information?”
“Jesus, no. Please tell me no one has ever kicked you out of bed.” She winced. “Damn. No, I’m never going to do that to you. I might leave before you wake up, but it’s only because I go to work at dark o’clock.”
“So you’re thinking…yes for sleepovers?”
The thought of
not
sleeping with her already pained him. “Pretty sure I’m going to be in favor. I bet you’re
adorable in the morning.” His confidence hadn’t gone far, apparently, because it slid back into place. “I do have a side of the bed, though. You’ll have to accommodate it.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“The middle.”
She giggled. “You’re beyond charming.”
The waitress arrived with more food, and they tucked in. Cassie leaned back against the booth. “I don’t understand why someone hasn’t snapped
you up. You’re perfect boyfriend material.”
“That comes with expectations.”
“Ah, right.” She darted her tongue across her lower lip. “Have I been reading the signals wrong? If you’re going to be in the middle of my bed all night…”
This he had no doubt about at all. Like a panther on the prowl, he stretched one arm across the back of his side of the booth and hooded his gaze. “I want to have
sex with you, Cassie.”
She flushed a pretty pink and nibbled her lower lip. “Why me?”
He shrugged. “You snuck up on me. That whole friends-to-lovers thing, I guess. I like you. A lot. And now that I’ve seen you in a different light, I can’t
unsee
you, if that makes sense.”
“You mentioned a high school girlfriend. You didn’t see her that way? Or anyone else?”
“Yeah. Hannah. We dated from the
middle of junior year to the middle of senior year, and then she dumped me when I wouldn’t put out.” He’d gotten over Hannah in a week and a half. Exactly the length of time it took her to find a new boyfriend, and for him to learn the lesson that desperately wanting to make love to that one special person was an ideal full of holes—because he’d thought Hannah was more special than he’d evidently
been to her.
“And then after that?”
“I joined the Navy.”
“Right out of high school?” She blinked. “How did I not know that about you? I thought you just finished your training a year ago.”
“That was my SEAL qualification.” He gave her a quick rundown of his career progression to date. “And we’re never really done training, it just becomes an ongoing cycle of deployment and courses.”
“So you’ve
been busy.” He nodded. “But not too busy to learn how to kiss.”
His gaze dropped to her mouth. He liked her smile. “I’m not a monk.”
“But you were never tempted to just…do it? Like a hook-up?”
He dragged his eyes up to hers with a sigh. “Never. I’m the product of a one-night stand. And I never knew my father.”
— SEVEN —
That wasn’t what Cassie expected Jared to say at all. But when she thought about it, she didn’t know much about his family life. Her chest ached for him, but she didn’t know how expressing her pain for him would go over—if he wanted her sympathy, he would have told her about his family sooner, right? He must be telling her now for another reason.
She swallowed hard and nodded. “Wow.”
He held her gaze. “I grew up in a two-bedroom apartment on the wrong side of town. Could have been worse. Could have been one bedroom, or I could’ve bounced in and out of the system. My mom did the best she could, but I wasn’t her first oops, and by the time I came around, she was old and tired before her time.”
Cassie tried to desperately do the math. Jackson was, what, five years older than
Jared?
“My mom is forty-four.”
Holy sugar
… “She had Jackson when she was fourteen. She lived with my grandparents until she finished high school, and then she got a job as a receptionist. She never went out. Never dated. But when Jackson was five, my grandparents took him camping for the weekend, and some of her friends talked her into going out to a bar. Nine months later…”
Cassie checked
to make sure her mouth wasn’t hanging open. “Did your grandmother help raise you, too?”
He nodded. “Without her, my mother would have been in a world of trouble.”
“So that’s… I can see why…” She offered a weak smile. “I don’t want to say the wrong thing here.”
He made a face, but took her hand at the same time. “You couldn’t. It’s kind of a lot of heavy shit to dump on you. You can react however
you want.” He looked down at their hands. “There’s more, if you’re willing to hear it.”
How did she explain that she wanted to know everything about him without seeming voyeuristic? “Of course. Up to you.”
“By the time I was in school, my mom had added part-time bookkeeping on the side, and she finally started to get ahead. We drove to Disney World one year, and rented a house in Galveston a
different summer. I actually had a pretty great childhood, the parts I remember. But then my brother started dating girls, and my mom hated it. They’d have the worst fights about it. She didn’t want him to get into trouble.”
All of a sudden, Cassie realized what was coming next, and her heart broke—for Jared’s brother and his mother. And Jared, too.
“Jackson’s girlfriend got pregnant in their
junior year of high school. Her parents were horrified. My mother lost her mind. And his girlfriend wasn’t ready to be a mom. She wanted to put the baby up for adoption.”
“What did Jackson want?” Cassie’s voice was barely above a whisper.
Jared tugged his lips into a half-hearted smile. “It didn’t matter.”
“Oh, your poor brother.” Hot tears threatened behind her eyelids and she took a deep
breath. “Does he know anything about the child?”
Jared shook his head. “It was a closed adoption. And he’s never forgiven my mom for not supporting him. But she couldn’t do the baby thing again.”
“Wow. How old were you at the time?”
“Ten.”
Now it was her turn to shake her head. “Hell of an education.”
— —
No shit. Any innocence he’d enjoyed up to that point had been stripped away.
By the time he hit puberty, he’d heard more conversations about how stupid and dangerous sex was than most people heard their whole lives. And it had scarred him. Not deeply. Just enough to be self-conscious. Self-limiting. Just enough that he hadn’t wanted to share that part of himself, because he wasn’t sure that his family wasn’t cursed.
“I’m not messed up,” he said, realizing he was repeating
something he’d said to her earlier.
She blinked at him. “I would be.” She laughed softly. “I am, in different ways. Aren’t we all?”
“I mean, I’m not too messed up to have sex now. And you’re perfect.”
“Hardly,” she said quietly, reaching for the last
edamame
.
“You’re perfect to me.” She really was. Even if she did like to eat soybeans.
“But…” She slowly squared her chopsticks to the edge
of her plate, then pushed all of her dishes away from her a bit. Like she wanted something to do with her hands. “I guess I’m a pretty safe bet for you to jump off the cliff with, then,” she said quickly and didn’t look up at him.
Damn. “That’s not a factor for me.”
“You wanted to take things slowly earlier today.”
“You did, too. I still should. The problem is I can’t keep my hands off of you.
That was true before you said you couldn’t have kids, by the way.” He drained his teacup. “I can see how you’d wonder and worry, but my attraction to you didn’t change at that point. Didn’t increase, didn’t decrease.”
“I believe you.” Her voice said otherwise and she looked up, making an apologetic face. “I do. It’s just…are you sure this is a good idea?”
“I bought condoms,” he blurted out.
She blinked at him. “Tonight. I ran out while you were getting ready. Because I honestly didn’t even think about your fertility. Doesn’t that show that I want to get in your pants because it’s time? Because you’re perfect and sexy and while I thought I was waiting for other reasons, maybe I was just waiting for you?”
“I have condoms, too,” she said, finally smiling, but the sparkle hadn’t returned
to her eyes.
“We have one more date before we can use them. How about breakfast tomorrow?”
Her eyes crinkled at the corners and her smile turned into a grin. “Perfect.”
After paying the bill, he offered her his hand and she slid out of the booth. He pulled her close, sliding his hand around her waist and keeping it there as they walked slowly back to his truck. He got her door, then jogged
around to his side. She turned on the radio as soon as he started the engine, but took his hand when he offered it. They sat like that, fingers entwined, not talking, until they were over the bridge and almost home.
“You’ve never told anyone that, have you?” she asked quietly.
He could feel her eyes on him, even though he was staring ahead. He shook his head slowly.
“Thank you for trusting
me.” Her voice cracked. “And thank you for tonight. It was a great second date.”
He squeezed her hand, then let go as he steered into his parking spot. “It doesn’t need to be over just yet.” He wanted more time. He didn’t want this to be how the night ended. “Let me come in for a drink.”
She pressed her lips together, suppressing a smile—sort of. “A drink?”
“And maybe some making out.” He twisted
in his seat and stroked his fingers over her cheek. “Shake off the heavy talk with a little spark.”
She leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. He didn’t mind. It gave him a minute to look at her, soak in all the soft planes and delicate peaks of her face. The bow of her lip and the point of her nose. Her freckles. Even in the dim light from the street lamps he could probably count them if
he got close enough.
He was almost there when she blinked her eyes open. “Hey there,” she said softly, smiling.
“I was about to count your freckles.” He eased his hand back into her hair and down to her neck.
“You know…” He brushed his lips against her jaw and she sighed. “There’s no rush. The three-date thing. That was a minimum. Which is kind of silly, too. It’s all so…” She gasped as he
kissed her neck. “I mean, this is nice. And earlier. That was amazing. We can do other stuff. Maybe it might be—”
“Cassie?” His dick had a lot to say to that, but really, it was simple.
“Hmm?”
“I’m done talking for tonight.” They’d sort it out. They’d have sex, and probably soon. Or not, if she changed her mind. But right now he just wanted to kiss her in his truck for a minute. Then against
the side of his truck. And definitely on her couch again.
“Oh.”
He took her mouth before she was done with her squeaky acknowledgement, and she moaned against him. God, she tasted good. Like the orange candy they’d been given with the bill at the restaurant and a sweet warmth that was uniquely Cassie. She moaned again, softer and longer this time, and he broke away reluctantly.
“Upstairs,”
he whispered.
“You’re bossy.”
“Yep.”
She held her position just a few inches from his face and gave him a curious look. “Is that important to you?”
“What?”
“Is being bossy how you’ve managed to avoid being tempted over to the dark side so far?”
He hadn’t thought about it like that, but… “Yeah, I guess. It’s an easy way to impose limits.” He grinned. “I’ve never had any complaints.”
She
sank her front teeth into her plump lower lip and stared at him. “Tell me about it.”
“Upstairs.”
“Tell me about it now and I’ll do whatever you say when we get upstairs,” she whispered. “I promise.”
Jesus. She’d just taken the night from some sweet kisses to filthy promises in a heartbeat. “You want me to tell you…”
“Yes.” She laughed, a nervous trill. “No. God.”
His pulse pounded in his
head. And his cock. There was something irresistible about showing her his experience, but he didn’t want to cross the line and offend her—they were from two very different worlds. Hers probably didn’t include finger banging in dark corners of bars.
He swallowed hard and tried to guess what she wanted. “When I was nineteen, I went to New York on leave with some friends. We went to a club that
had these private alcoves. I was dancing with this girl and she kept saying, ‘take me home, sailor.’ Well, I knew better than to do that. But I wasn’t a boy anymore. I wanted to touch her. And I thought…maybe, if I tell her she can’t touch me, I could make it work…and it did.”
“So you just…for her?” Her lips curled into a surprised
O
.