Authors: Kelly Hogan
"It's pretty great, they really should market this stuff," I say as a sudden revelation dawns on me, "Is this legal Ash? Oh god, is this drugged?!"
"Relax Stella, it's not drugged. It just contains some ingredients that probably wouldn't pass the FDA. It's perfectly harmless, trust me."
"Can I ask how you know about this place then? It doesn't seem like the kind of hangout even sketchy you would frequent? It seems a little too bad ass if you ask me. More like gross ass with a bit of dank and dreary mixed in," I say taking another gulp.
"I like it here. People don't bug you when you want to be alone, and the Zeppelin cover band is kick ass."
I can't help but laugh picturing what kind of characters this place draws on a Saturday night. I'm trying to be all tough and hard to get, but it's becoming moot. The way he's staring at me, this amber drink that's making me feel all warm and fuzzy and now all I can think of when I look at him is that kiss in my kitchen. I can feel myself start to blush so I avert my eyes and start a new topic. One that won't lead to sexy talk.
"So, tell me about your Mom."
At first his expression goes dark as he avoids my eye contact and plays with his glass; his shoulders stiffen to the bouncing quarters off them state. I guess the question was a little out in left field. I see his jaw muscles clench and retract, wrestling with whatever demons he has hidden. After a few moments he softens a wee bit and turns his head to meet my eyes.
"I never knew my Mom actually. She died while giving birth to me," he paused. "My Dad took it really hard though. He went mad afterwards, it's a wonder I made it out to be so sane. Well mostly," he says with a smile that never quite reaches his eyes.
"I know she was special, a strong independent woman who always stood up for what she believed in. Relatives have told me that she was a force to be reckoned with, a real Shit disturber. I wonder where I got THAT from." He raises his eye brows and looks back down at his hands, rolling his large silver ring around his finger.
"I know she was over the moon to be pregnant with me, couldn't wait to see what I'd look like, act like. She wasn't sure she was ever going to be able to conceive, and when she did, she was so excited. But I guess it was just never meant to be. There were some complications that she just couldn't be brought back from. I really think my Dad blamed me for it. I mean he never came out and said it, but he was a tough father, still is, and I know that she was the light of his life, so I sort of understand why he would've hated me."
He goes silent, reliving a memory that is dark and painful. I know exactly how he feels. I place my hand on his shoulder which immediately feels warm.
"Ash, I am so sorry. In my lame quest to understand who you are and where you came from, I'm afraid I crossed the line, I am so so sorry I asked you about her."
He looks up at me and gazes into my eyes for a few seconds, making my heart skip a beat.
"Don't be Stella. I've worked through my issues long ago. It took me a long time, but I realized that we are all on this earth alone, and no one can or should be able to make you feel a certain way. I am not responsible for my Mom's death, I know that, but I understand why he would resent the thing that killed the love of his life. I actually do get it."
Grabbing his arm I say, "Ash, he couldn't possibly still think that? I mean grief makes us crazy but we all pull ourselves out of it eventually."
"Really Stella, is that why your Dad never remarried? Tell me. Where is
your
mother?" he says this with no malice, but it still cuts through me like a knife. I can feel the blood drain from my face and my mouth go dry. Don't deal it if you can't take it Stella.
"My mother left us when I was a few weeks old. She couldn't handle the pressure and skipped town." I shrug and take deep breath, it's been awhile since I had to tell this story. I thought time was supposed to make it better. It's supposed to heal all wounds, nope.
"My Dad was devastated too, but I never felt like he blamed me for it. He loved me the best way he knew how, and did as much as he could for me."
"Except move on with his life and find a new partner. Why do you think
that
is?" asks Ash.
"Who knows," I shrug, "maybe he never found that 'special someone'. I don't talk about my dad's love life with him you know." I'm starting to get a little peeved. He's turning his twisted views onto me and it isn't fair. I take a big swig of liquid courage and keep going.
"Look Ash, I'm sorry about your mom, I really am. I didn't ask you these questions to get your back up. I asked you so that I could get to know the whole story about you, figure out what this is between us," I say gesturing back and forth. "I don't think it's fair that you're turning your blame game onto some deep seated issues my Dad does or does not have." I turn my body forward so I'm facing the bar and staring at all the half drunk liquor bottles sitting on the shelf behind it. I can tell he's still staring at me, but I refuse to let him win.
"You're right Stella. You're right. It does appear as if I'm always looking for that hidden agenda. I guess I'm more then a little jaded but I shouldn't be pushing that on you. I'm sure your Dad is just fine and happy and over your Mom."
But as he says this, I know I'm lying. There is no way my Dad is over my mother. No way he can't blame me just a little for what happened. The thought crushes me with an overwhelming sense of sadness. I think about that far away look he always has on his face, his inability to date anyone, that strange look he gives me when he tells me how much I look like her. Classic case of denial. What is it about this guy that makes me so uncertain about myself and my life? First the melt down at The Grind, then the strange make out session, now this. Maybe
I'm
the one who's too damaged. Suddenly I don't want to be here anymore, I'm ready to go home.
Ash breaks the weird silence. "I'm an ass Stella. Can you understand now why my dating life is so weak? What kind of a guy does this to a girl. I am utterly, hopelessly, failing at wooing you. I don't suppose I could have yet another do-over?"
I look over at him and his expression is pleading. He REALLY sucks at this. I can't help but laugh at this situation. Two broken kids, sitting in a scary bar, drinking some weird booze and telling horror stories about their sucky parents. I'd say we both blow at dating. I start to giggle at the absurdity of this whole night.
"Let's just say that we have some things to work through, but not tonight ok?" I say holding up my drink to toast a new beginning.
"Deal." He smiles and clinks back.
A whip of wind comes in from the front door and blows my hair up over my shoulder. I turn slightly to see our new patron. Or should I say patrons plural. Really scary, tattooed, perhaps former prison inmate mofo patrons. Great.
The noise level in the bar increased substantially when our new 'friends' make their appearance. I turn back to Ash sensing him tense, but trying to remain aloof and calm on the exterior.
"Maybe we should head home now?"
"Sure," he says, "let's get moving, it seems to have gotten a little crowded in here." He smiles but the sentiment never really reaches his eyes; he's not even looking at me, instead he's scanning the group over my shoulder. As I stand up and turn to leave, a huge burly guy with snake tattoos slithering up every inch of his arms and neck, shaved head and way too many piercings to count, appears right before me. Every thing about this guy screams bad ass. It's such a cliche but I can't think of another descriptive expression. He's wearing worn black leather biker boots, scruffy jeans, an old black t-shirt that stretches tight against his ginormous chest and I already mentioned the plethora of tattoos. He even has a snakey moustache that goatees into a scraggly beard on his chin.
"Well, well, well. Look at what we have here. I guess it's getting close to bedtime, gotta get the 'kids' home to mommy," he sneers with a laugh as his gang behind him assemble in a bit of a tough guy formation. Their intense stares are enough to get my knees rattling.
"Just heading out gentlemen, if you'll please step aside, we'll be on our way," Ash says with no intimidation showing, but steps in front of me as I gratefully slink up behind him and peer over his shoulder.
"Aww, isn't that sweet. Young love. Makes me go all fuzzy inside." He eyes me up and down with a look that makes my skin crawl. "A nice, young one at that too. Perhaps just finished the change? All fresh and new. Makes me want to take her out for a little test drive. What do you think boys, it's shaping up to be a much more interesting night then we thought." I hear some throaty laughs coming from behind him; the kind of voices you expect from years of drinking, smoking and nasty vices.
"Look guy, we don't want any trouble. Although if what you're looking for is a hot piece of ass, I have to admit I'm flattered, but I do prefer my dates to be of the female variety." This garners a few laughs from the back up gang which is silenced by burly guy as he shoots his hand up in a warning to shut the hell up; he is clearly NOT amused.
I look up at Ash with my mouth gaping open. He must be on drugs to challenge THIS guy. Burly dude stares at Ash with a burning glare, the bar is utterly silent now aside from the crackly jukebox tune in the background. This can't end well. The group starts to shift their positions to that they are now surrounding us in a bit of a 'u' formation with two guys flanking each side of the 'leader'. Time seems to go on at a snails pace, but I'm sure no more then 10 seconds have passed. I feel like I can hear the condensation dripping down the other patrons glasses, like I have some sort of super sonic hearing aid on.
"You might be new to this area, but I'd say you need some help minding your mouth, demon. This is MY territory you've crossed into, and I would appreciate some respect and ass kissing from a little shit like yourself." His stare at Ash is terrifying, my whole body is alive with fear. Adrenaline must be starting to kick in. The boss starts in again, never breaking eye contact with Ash.
"I think I'll start by teaching you a lesson in respecting your elders. Let's see, what would serve the trick? Perhaps we take off a few fingers? Maim that pretty face just a little? What do you think boys?" He crosses his arms, mentally creating a list of evil unmentionables, before settling his dark eyes onto me; taking in every inch and making my skin crawl in disgust. "She is a pretty one though. Looks like a good time. Yeah I think that's it, we need to prepare this little one for the real world. I'm pretty sure that would teach you some respect. Perhaps we take her out for a spin, make you watch as each one of us breaks her in, letting her feel what a real man can do for her. Would that be enough? Her skin looks pretty soft and easy to - tear," he spits out, showing all of his sharp teeth in a macabre sneer.
He says this like he's thinking of a great steak dinner. I start to shiver uncontrollably.
"Perhaps not as easy to heal back though. Maybe it'll leave a few reminders of tonight for good measure. It might be just enough to make you think twice before you come into my bar and insult me." He's licking his thick, fat lips, my stomach churning at the thought of his hands on my skin. I can sense Ash's body tighten, ready to lash out to protect my virtue, which I can say I appreciate, but there's no way in hell we can win, not a chance. I try to lighten the mood.
"C'mon guys, let's just chill for a sec. We were just leaving, and really had no intentions of pissing anyone off. I mean we're just some dumb teenagers ok. Really not worth your time, trust me." My lame attempt at diffusing the bomb didn't work, no one even looks my way but continues to remain in a tense stare down. Ash is as rigid as a steel bar, while my confidence is crumbling swiftly away. Everyone is staring at us, waiting for something, and then I get it, they're waiting for a cue.
I then see the slightest nod of the main dude and suddenly the bar erupts in chaos.
It happened so fast, like a blurry hot mess. Suddenly gigantic rough hands grab my arms from behind and hold them in an iron vice. My feeble attempt to kick and escape my captor is futile, he is just SO strong. I start to feel my arms bruising already from the pressure. I opened my mouth to scream as loud as I could but with one hand he is able to hold me in place and with the other he clamped his fat fingers over my mouth; apparently not a fan of screaming chicks.
I continued to squirm without as much as an inch gained, scanning the crowd for Ash. My vision is skewed from the huge hand as my whole body fills with dread, desperate to see him, to know if he's ok, which of corse he couldn't be – who am I kidding?
I see a flash of movement in front of me, but it's just too fast, chairs are flying, bodies are flailing about, bottles are being smashed and yet I think I can still make out the other patrons that were here when we arrived, sitting in the corner still enjoying a drink?
For an instant I spot Ash crouched in the corner by the jukebox, squaring off with the main snake tattoo guy, doing that circle dance you see in movies. Then I spy two of the other guys actually lying limp on top of each other, on the ground beside the stage, faces bruised and bloodied. Did Ash do that? Impossible. It feels like we are in the middle of a hurricane, my hair is whipping around my face obscuring my view, did someone leave the door open? I see flashes of light fly from Ash's hands and the sound of crackling thunder deafens my hearing as the main big dude flies back hitting a group of tables. I finally get a better look at him as he emerges from the heap of broken and splintered wood; he has taken on a humped shape, with his ears going up in points and gigantic fangs emerging from his mouth. His hands are now like giant talons ready to slash Ash apart. What was IN that drink? Definitely drugs.