My head is really pounding now.
“But no,” he continues. “You had to break up with him. He was crushed, Ivy. He didn’t know if he could live without you.”
Give me a break. “Couples split up every day, Aaron. It’s called dating. If he couldn’t handle it, that was his problem, not mine.”
He narrows his eyes as he assesses me. I get the sense that he wasn’t expecting me to argue with him. “You like wearing the pants in a relationship, don’t you? Chase tried to teach you that life doesn’t work that way, but you wouldn’t listen. Does your new boyfriend let you talk to him like that? Does he enjoy being pussy-whipped?”
I don’t dignify his bullshit questions with an answer.
As I look at him and listen to his words, it becomes clear to me that I’ve been giving Aaron way too much power. Maybe my mom was right on some level. It’s easy to read words on a screen and think that there’s an intelligent human being on the other end making the claims. You think, what’s wrong with me? What did I do? When the real question should be, what’s wrong with
him?
It’s easy to see the messenger for who he really is. A misogynistic, egotistical bully, just like his brother.
I may not be able to make Aaron go away online, but my attitude about the power he has over me has changed. Unlike back home, I have people here who support and care about me. People who believe me. People who will protect me. I will not let him intimidate me again.
“Chase thought that if you got pregnant,” Aaron says, “you’d settle down.”
Pain spears through my temples, but I try to ignore it. “As in barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen, catering to his every desire?”
Aaron smiles. “Yeah. Something like that.”
I can’t take it any more and laugh. Right in his face. “Last time I checked, it’s the twenty-first century, dickwad, not the fifties.”
In a flash, he grabs me by the wrist. “Think that’s funny?” I try to jerk away, but he holds on tight. “You know what would’ve been goddamn funny is if Chase’s plan had worked.”
“What plan?”
“Don’t you know? He was sabotaging the condoms, trying to get you pregnant.”
“What?”
Condoms?
Pregnancy. Baby. Marriage.
My legs turn to rubber as a white-hot pain splits my head open. Aaron lets go and I fall to my knees.
I can see it now. It all comes back to me in rush of memory.
We’d been at a party out on Miller Quarry Road. People were hanging out, laughing, talking. Music blaring. I’d broken up with Chase earlier, but he wanted to talk.
We walked out to his car and before I knew it, he shoved me inside and took off. He told me he loved me and couldn’t stand the thought of me ever being with someone else. When I told him to take me back to the party, he told me not to be stupid. And when I demanded to know where he was taking me, he just laughed. It became clear that he’d been planning this. I had visions of him locking me up again somewhere, but for longer than a weekend. Cut off from my family and friends. Cut off from anyone else but him.
Then, as I cowered in the passenger seat, trying to figure out how to get away from him, he admitted he’d been poking holes in the condoms in order to get me pregnant. That way, if I were carrying his baby, I’d never be able to leave him. He would always be in my life.
That’s when I told him I’d been on the Pill since high school. One time I thought I was pregnant, which had really freaked me out, so Deena and I drove to a neighboring town, went to Planned Parenthood and I got on birth control.
Chase totally flipped out. Screamed at me. Called me a fucking whore and a cunt.
He reached over and grabbed me by the hair.
And then…
Tires screeching against pavement.
Then metal.
More screaming. Me this time.
Sparks.
Breaking glass.
Flying.
From somewhere above me, a female voice pulls me back to the present. I’m down on all fours, staring at the sidewalk.
I didn’t kill Chase. I know that now for sure. He did it to himself.
I wasn’t the one driving, as Aaron likes to suggest, and I didn’t grab the steering wheel. Chase was the one who’d almost killed me, and in the process, he killed himself.
Dani helps me to my feet and asks if I’m okay. I nod then instantly regret moving my head. It feels like my skull is about to split apart.
“What did you do to her?” Dani points to Aaron accusingly.
Aaron holds up his hands like he’s Mr. Innocent. “We were just talking. We know each other from back home, right Ivy?
Before I can respond, I hear loud footsteps coming up from behind, then Jon steps out in front of Dani and me.
“What the hell is going on?” he demands. “Ivy, are you okay? I saw Dani—” His gaze bounces between Aaron and me then turns ice cold. “Who is this asshole?”
“I’m…fine.” My voice wavers. I can tell he doesn’t believe me, but I don’t want things to escalate any worse than they already are.
Dani tells him what she saw.
A white-hot anger flashes in Jon’s eyes, like they did when he confronted his father backstage, and he takes a menacing step toward Aaron. “You fucking touched her?”
“Whoa, dude, relax. I know her.”
“Ivy?” Jon doesn’t take his gaze off of Aaron.
Taking a deep breath, I gather my courage. I need to deal with this. I can’t sweep it under the rug and pretend that everything’s all right. This needs to come out in the open. It’s gone on long enough. “He’s the one who’s been harassing me online. This is Aaron. Chase’s brother.”
A muscle in his jaw ticks. “Dani,” he says calmly, like the eye of a storm with chaos ready to erupt. “Take her back to her room. I have some business to take care of.”
Panic shoots through me. He can’t do anything to jeopardize his standing here at school. A fight off campus is one thing. But here? In front of the dorms?
I glance around, noticing for the first time that other people are watching as well. A few of them have their camera phones out. No matter what he does or where he goes, he always draws a crowd.
“Jon, please. He’s not worth it.”
“Maybe not, but you sure as hell are.”
My heart swells in my chest, ready to split into a million pieces. Jon Priestly is my everything and I’ve been lost this week without him. He’s my spirit. My soul. My strength when I have none. I need him like the air I breathe. And I’m about to lose him again.
Jon flexes his fists. Aaron must’ve figured he was going to get punched, because he ducks to the side. Jon lunges, but instead of hitting him, he grabs Aaron’s arm and twists it up behind him. The guy drops to his knees and howls in pain.
I cringe, expecting him to go MMA and start wailing on Aaron any second. “Jon, please, no. I don’t want another fight.” I’d seen too many. Chase once beat the shit out of someone because he thought the guy was hitting on me.
Jon hesitates, shoots a glance in my direction, then frowns.
“You’ve worked too hard and overcome too much to have it fall apart.”
“But I won’t let him get away with what he’s done to you.”
I point at Aaron. “
That’s
not your future.” Then I sweep my arms wide, looking at the surrounding campus and the people gathered around us. “This is.”
“You’re wrong, Ivy,” he says through clenched teeth. “None of it matters.
My heart sinks. I put my hand to my forehead. I don’t want to see this.
“None of it matters to me more than you. And our future together.”
I jerk my head up as he hauls Aaron to his feet.
“But I’m
not
going to let him get away with this.” There’s something different in his expression now. The anger has turned to determination. “Did I tell you, Ivy, that PSU’s Athletic Director is a fan of my show? We became friends when I played football. He’s the one who put in a good word for me at the station. I think he’ll be very interested to learn that one of his baseball recruits has been stalking and harassing one of PSU’s female students.” He looks at the crowd as if he’s known they were there the whole time. “Don’t you think so?”
Several bystanders, who I’m pretty sure are on the baseball team, nod their heads in agreement. “Yeah, he’ll be pissed,” one of them says.
“No doubt.”
“Totally.”
“Jesus, Aaron,” a guy says, adjusting his PSU baseball cap. “What a loser. You sure as hell don’t belong here.”
Shoulders sagging, Aaron drops his head in defeat.
Dani leans closer. “There was an incident a few years ago,” she explains. “So they have a zero tolerance policy for that kind of shit.”
“I’ll meet you back at the room, Ivy.” Jon pushes Aaron forward, hustling him down the sidewalk toward the Athletic Department. The crowd follows.
“Bye, asshole,” Dani calls. “Have a nice life.”
chapter twenty-six
Look inside your heart. I’ll be waiting there.
~
From Jon’s collection of lyrics
Ivy
Early morning sunlight streams in through the dorm window. I shift slightly, trying not to disturb Jon behind me, but it’s hard. It’s a twin bed. And Jon’s not exactly small.
The Athletic Director was very interested to hear about Aaron. They were going to look into the matter and would be in touch with me.
However, as I’ve been lying here, I decide that I might stay at PSU, even if Aaron does get to stay. After yesterday, I don’t feel quite so powerless anymore. I stood up to him and didn’t back down. People believed me…and it felt great. Now that I know the truth about what happened that night, Aaron has nothing over me anymore. I have friends who support me. I wouldn’t be standing up to him on my own.
When I roll over and face Jon, the covers slip down, revealing his tattoo—the one on his ribcage, underneath his left arm. As I’m studying its intricate pattern, I suddenly feel the heat of his stare.
“Like what you see?” he asks, his morning voice extra low and sexy.
I trace my finger lightly over the black ink. “It’s very beautiful. But you’ve never told me the story behind it.”
He brushes my hair behind my ear. At first, he says nothing, and I think he’s going to change the subject again. “I told you my mother had cancer, right?”
I nod.
“She had a mastectomy and was very self-conscious about the scars. I tried to tell her that it didn’t matter, but she was convinced that no one could ever love her looking the way she did. So she decided to have the scars tattooed with vines and roses. She was scared, though, so I offered to go first. This is the tattoo I got.”
The depth of his compassion never fails to amaze me. “And what does it signify?”
“That love comes from inside, but I’m thinking of having some modifications made to it.”
“You are? Like what?”
“I’m going to have the color filled in, change the rose to red, and add some ivy leaves.”
“What for?” I ask, even though I have an idea.
“It means that my love for a girl named Ivy comes from deep inside my soul, where it will remain forever.”
Tears sting behind my eyes as I rub my hand over his chest. I don’t feel broken anymore. “God, I love you. More than I ever thought was possible.”
The breath catches in his throat as he trails a finger over my jaw. “You’re my light in a sea of darkness. You’re the reason I want to become a better person. My heart…it beats only for you.”
My hand stills. “You don’t need to
become
better, Jon. I love you just the way you are.”
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me even closer. I’m instantly reminded that he doesn’t wear anything to bed. “I’m so sorry for being such an ass.”
“You’ve told me that. Several times. I forgive you, baby. I really do.”
“When I got your text about going backstage, I fucking lost it. That’s how my dad and mom hooked up. He’s been pulling girls back like that for years. I was ready to rip his head off if he touched a hair on your head.”
His body is tense. I snuggle closer, kiss him in the little hollow behind his ear, and he relaxes again.
“And then afterward, when I saw you wearing his shirt, I assumed you were as star-struck by him as everyone else.”
“Shhh. I know, baby, I know. But you need to remember something, okay? The only one I’m star-struck by…is you.”
And then, in my small dorm room bed, he makes love to me again.
* * *
Jon
Some people come into your life for a reason. Like a tattoo etched on your skin, their mark ends up lasting a lifetime. You’re forever changed.
Before Ivy, I mistakenly thought I was happy—the parties, the drinking, the girls—but I was just going through the motions, keeping myself numb enough that I didn’t have to think about what I was running from.
Somehow, that beautiful, amazing girl managed to smooth the jagged edges of my heart. I’m not the angry, messed up guy I thought I was. She grounds me. Makes me believe in myself. Because of her, I am…better.