My mind worked at a furious pace as I tried
to register which incident he was talking about. We had so many
hospital incidents it was hard to pin point which one he was
thinking of.
"It was the night after the party. Christmas
Eve. I came home and couldn't find you. I saw the blood in the…so I
called Derek," he continued, but he closed his eyes as he spoke.
"He told me that you were pregnant and that you'd miscarried." I
shuddered and Kyle wrapped his arm around my shoulder and tucked me
into his side. "My world collapsed in the minutes it took me to end
that phone call and get to you. And when I got to your hospital
door I was faced with the lioness."
"Cam," I sighed.
"Yeah," he chuckled. "Slapped me so hard I
saw stars."
"Cam slapped you?" I gasped. I hadn't known
that. It sounded like something she would have done. She'd been
furious that night.
"I deserved it, Lee," he said with a small
smile. "I'm just glad all I got was a slap. For a moment I'd
thought she was gonna castrate me."
"Okay," I mumbled as I shook my head. "How in
god's name was that your best day?"
"You walked away from me that night, Lee," he
admitted with a sigh. "You broke up with me, ripped me apart and
woke me up all at once. It was the biggest reality check of my
life. I went home after you kicked me out and started going over
and over every second I'd spent with you from the night I'd kissed
you in my kitchen to the night of that stupid party. I didn't like
the person I was. I was a liar and a fucking cheat and I couldn't
stand the thought of being those things with you–to you. The way I
treated you..." His voice broke off as he ran a hand roughly
through his hair before sighing heavily. "All I could see was this
young, vulnerable, amazing girl who I'd broken. I've never felt
shame like that before. You were so good and I wasn't. I wanted to
be good for you, Lee, good enough for you." He turned to face me.
Stroking my cheek, he pressed his forehead to mine. "Me loving you
has never had anything to do with babies. You saved me from myself
a long time ago and Hope saved us from me. I clung to the hope that
you might need me, that there may be a possibility that you'd give
me another chance. The pregnancy was my way back to you. I wasn't
going to let you down again, not intentionally. I knew it, I just
needed you to know it. So yeah, that's my best day. The day I woke
up."
"You," I breathed as I tried to form a
straight sentence. I was drowning in the emotion I felt from
hearing his thoughts on that night. "You are a dangerous man with
words."
Kyle laughed softly as he stood up and
stretched. "And you have no reason to feel insecure. I'm going
nowhere. Whether we have fifty more kids, or only have Hope, I'm
yours. Have a little faith in yourself. Have some confidence."
Leaning forward, he gripped me under my arms and picked me up like
I weighed nothing. "Because, baby, if you could see yourself
through my eyes you'd never put clothes on again," he purred as he
walked around to my side of the bed before setting me back down on
my feet.
"Snap," I said with a small smile.
"So, are we cool?" he asked as he stood in
front me smirking, with his hands on my hips. "No more tantrums?"
He grinned widely causing the dimple in his cheek to deepen. "No
more meltdowns?"
"Ha-ha," I grunted as I crawled into bed.
"But seriously, Kyle,
that
isn't going to happen for us
again."
Kyle snorted as he climbed over me and
settled down beside me. "Relax your brain, woman. Let's just take
every day as it comes, okay?"
"Do I have to worry about you piercing holes
in the condoms?" I asked with a smirk.
"Smart mouth," he chuckled as he rolled onto
his side and pulled me into his embrace. I rested my head on one of
his arms and he snaked the other arm around my waist, resting his
palm against my stomach. "Don't over analyze this," he murmured
softly, his lips brushing against my neck as he spoke. "Don't worry
about condoms. Don't worry about a damn thing. I've got you, baby.
I'm gonna take care of you."
"It won't happen," I warned him as I snuggled
my back against his front. "I won't get pregnant."
"Yeah, princess," he yawned as he kissed my
shoulder. "Whatever you say."
****
Derek
"Hey, man." Kyle grinned as he sank onto the
couch next to me. "Can't sleep either?"
"Something like that," I mumbled as I lowered
the volume on the TV. Kyle had a habit of sneaking downstairs to
check on me at night when Lee was asleep. He pretended it was
because he couldn’t sleep, but I knew it was because he was
worried. He checked the locks on the doors, and the alarm system at
least twice a night, and still hadn’t given me the access codes. He
was afraid I would break out and go drinking. I couldn’t blame him
for his lack of trust. My previous antics hadn’t exactly inspired
his trust in me. I would earn it back–and his respect.
I was seeing things a lot more clearly since
I left the hill. I felt like I could breathe again. I felt like I
was breathing for the first time in months, but with my awakening
also came my shame...
I was so fucking ashamed of myself. Kyle had
saved my life repeatedly for months. I'd hit him, pushed him away
and insulted the hell out of him and he never walked away. He kept
coming back and he had pulled me away from the edge. I could never
repay the guy. He was one in a million. If I died trying, I would
earn back the right to call myself his friend.
"You hungry?" Kyle asked as he folded his
arms behind his head and stretched his legs out in front of
himself. "I couldn’t eat at damn thing at dinner." Kyle laughed
quietly. "Dude, I love that girl to death, but I have a real fear
she's gonna poison me someday."
"Yeah," I chucked. Lee couldn’t cook to save
her life. She was a liability in the kitchen, but she had these
big, glassy gray eyes that were a fucking deadly weapon. One damn
puppy dog gaze and she could make you do whatever the hell she
wanted you to do–even if that involved eating incinerated
chicken.
"By the way," Kyle said before yawning
loudly. "Thanks for keeping an eye on Hope for me tonight."
"Dude," I growled. "I am living in your
house, rent free. The least I can do is watch the kid for an hour."
Hope had gone to bed willingly for me tonight, which made a change
from when she lived in Thirteenth Street. The nights Kyle had gone
to check on Lee in the hospital, I'd sang every nursery song I
could think of until I'd discovered Hope was a reggae baby.
No
woman no cry
was more her style than
humpty dumpty
.
And Hope made me feel better. I knew that
sounded stupid since she was a baby and couldn't talk, but she did.
I loved that kid and she seemed to provide exactly what her name
suggested. When I was at my lowest, and felt like I couldn't lift a
finger from the pain, that little girl's innocent face made me drag
my ass up and keep going. In my eyes, Hope was a miracle baby. She
had survived almost impossible odds. The day she was born was a
pretty damn good day–blood and goo aside.
It was the last time we were all together and
smiling. Even though Cam and I were broken up when Hope was born,
I'd felt so fucking close to her. We stood side by side and watched
a family being born. The volume of pure love that had spilled from
the backseat of that car was indescribable and had cloaked over the
both of us. She'd held my hand for the briefest of moments as we
watched our two best friends transform into parents right in front
of our eyes. It was instantaneous. It was humbling… "I did
something, Kyle," I whispered. I needed to tell him. I didn’t think
I'd ever sleep again if I didn’t get it off my chest. "And I think
you're gonna hate me for it."
"Okay…" Straightening in his seat, he turned
to face me. "Is this a conversation where you need to be at least
ten feet away from me before you tell me?" He smiled but it was an
anxious one. "'Cause I gotta tell you, dude, I'm trying real hard
to rein it in lately, and I really don't wanna mess up my clean
sheet. For Lee's sake."
"I fucked Anna," I blurted out. Jesus, the
weight that fell from my shoulders was huge. Kyle's face remained
impassive, his eyes unblinking, and I wasn’t sure if he was in
shock or if he was planning all the ways to make me bleed. "I'm
sorry," I added as I edged away from him.
"Anna?" Kyle whispered.
I nodded.
"As in Anna my stepmother?"
I nodded again.
Kyle groaned. "You fucked my step mother."
He shook his head and shuddered. "What the fuck…Uh, I think I'm
gonna puke."
"How mad are you?" I asked as I watched him
lean over and clutch his stomach. "Should I start running?"
"I'm not mad," he growled. "I'm fucking
repulsed."
"She is kinda hot, dude," I said with a
smirk, feeling a little better now that it was out there. "She's a
beautiful woman."
"She's a geriatric woman," Kyle countered as
he glared at me. "How did this happen…No, no, don’t tell me." He
leapt off the couch and started pacing. "I really don’t think my
stomach can handle it…Wait, does he know?" Kyle glared at me. "Is
that why he fucking drugged you?"
"No," I said calmly. Bringing Kyle's asshole
father into this conversation could make him flip. "I don't think
he knows…at least, I didn’t tell him. He drugged me because I
slashed the tires on his Lexus and barfed on his cat." I wasn’t
proud of myself–especially for throwing up on the white Persian
cat–but from the way Kyle's eyes lit up when I told him, I guessed
he was.
"Nice," he said in an appreciative tone and
for a moment I thought he was going to high-five me. "Mr. Tinkles
is a sly son of a bitch."
"Mr. Tinkles?" I asked as I burst out
laughing.
Kyle nodded, his eyes gleaming with
mischief. "Yeah," he chuckled. "He belongs to Mike. Idiot used to
take that fleabag with him everywhere when we were younger…" he
stopped talking immediately and I tried to pretend that it didn’t
hurt when he spoke about Mike. It did hurt. It annoyed the hell out
of me that Kyle had promoted him, but I didn’t own him. I could
hardly say 'your my friend, you can't be his friend, too.'–even if
I wanted to. I hated his guts and I always would, but Kyle…dammit,
he was too fucking forgiving. The one small perk was that Lee was
still boycotting all things Mike Henderson. It shouldn’t make me
feel smug, but it did…
"Okay, tell me," he blurted out as he
resumed his pacing. "Not in any detail." He shuddered. "Just the
bare necessities."
"She came onto me a couple of times in the
past," I told him. He paled and if he wasn’t such a temperamental
fucker I would have laughed at his expression. The memory of one of
his punches sobered me. There would be no smiling. "I was drunk and
missing…" I forced myself to say her name. I needed to talk about
her–according to Lee. "I was missing Camryn and I wanted
revenge."
"And now?" Kyle asked quietly.
"I haven’t slept with her in months," I
promised him.
"No." He shook his head. "I meant Cam."
I sighed heavily. I hated what I was about
to say, but I needed to say it. It was the only way forward. "I'm
always gonna miss Cam," I admitted. "I'm always gonna be in love
with her..." I stopped and stared straight in the eyes. "But I am
also going to live. I am going to live my life, Kyle. I am going to
survive this and…" I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. "I am going
to move on."
Kyle's face broke out in the biggest smile.
"You asked me a question before," he said, his smile indulgent.
"You asked me if I believed in god."
"Yeah," I muttered in embarrassment.
The
shit I'd spurted…
"And I told you I didn’t know," Kyle
continued. "Well, I've changed my mind. I believe now, Der."
"Do you think she's looking down on us?" I
asked quietly. "Do you…do you think she'd be happy for me?"
Kyle sighed heavily and sank down on the
couch beside me. "She's probably bossing the hell out of every
other poor soul as we speak," he said with a chuckle. "And if
there's anyone Camryn Frey is looking down on, then it's Derek
Porter."
"But she left …"
"Doesn’t matter," Kyle said as he nudged my
shoulder with his. "One love, Der," he said simply. "You were
hers."
"Yeah," I whispered.
And she was mine…
****
Chapter 19
Progress
Kyle
"I've been thinking about what you said,"
Lee murmured as we sat in the car having just come from the
courthouse. I'd passed Rachel's mom in the corridor and I felt so
bad for the woman. She'd looked at me first, and when she looked at
Lee her whole face had caved. I'd rushed Lee out the door before
Mrs. Grayson had a chance to say anything. She didn't need to be
apologizing to anyone. The woman had done the best she could. She'd
brought a child into the world and had loved her with all her
heart. It wasn't her fault, nor was it in her power to prevent
Rachel's actions. The trial was in five weeks, and Kelsie still
hadn’t made progress with getting Rachel to change her plea, and to
be honest, I was starting to doubt we would. I was beginning to
accept the fact that there would be a trial next month, where my
girl would be interrogated and terrified…
Forcing all thoughts of the trial out of my
mind, I turned my face to look at Lee. There was a determined glint
in her eyes. "Which part?" I asked as I stashed my strawberry
milkshake into the cup holder in my car.
"About speaking to Tracy." She inhaled
deeply. "One meeting to thank her. Nothing else, Kyle. I don't want
to hear her reasons, excuses or whatever else she's had twenty
years to think up. I want to thank her for coming forward and
saving my life, then walk away with a clear conscience."