Falling (6 page)

**********

The whole ride to the football game, Leah and I discussed what I would wear on my date. We decided on a short skirt with a T-shirt. I thought Blake would like it. The ballgame was at our home stadium which meant we always sat in the same seats. As soon as we got there, Leah found Miles and latched onto him. I sat quietly beside her watching the game and listening to her and Miles flirt with each other. I found Blake on the field, number 21. He looked good in his tight football pants. My eyes wandered over the player next to him, number 45.  I continued to divide my attention between Blake and Connor the whole night. As I watched Connor, I felt guilty for liking two boys at the same time. Could I date Blake while I still had feelings for Connor? Are my feeling
s for Connor real?

"What are you thinking about?” asks Leah.

“Nothing really. So how is the fabulous Miles doing?”

“He’s wonderful. I think we are going out tomorrow night. Maybe we will end up in the same movie as you and Blake, and I can spy on you.” She laughs.

“Or I can spy on you" I answered.

“I can’t believe it. The "nerd herd" girls have dates,“
she says and we both crack up.

**********

“So, Connor and Samantha are saying good night on the porch. Want to spy on them with me, Abby?”

“No. Are they kissing?" No more Connor spying, it just makes me feel nauseated.

“I think so. I really don’t like Samantha. I can’t believe they are dating. She’s always hanging on him. That usually drives him crazy, but he must really like her because he lets her do it.

“Are we starting a movie or what?” I protest, enough about Samantha.

“Yeah, you pick something and get it started. I will go get some popcorn and sodas." As Leah leaves the room, I start going through all her DVDs looking for one to watch. Romance or action? I feel like an action movie I think.
The Avengers
sounds good. I hear a knock on the door as I am putting the movie in.

“Come in.”

“Hey there, Klutzy.”

“Hey loser. Sorry about the game tonight. I hate it when we lose. “

“Yeah, me too. So are you guys watching a movie tonight or what?”

“I just put in
The Avengers
, if you want to watch. Leah went to get snacks.“ I stretch out on the floor trying to find a comfortable spot.

“Yeah, okay. Scoot over Klutzy. Share the floor." I move over giving him some room. 

“Okay snacks are here. So you’ve joined the pajama party, Con. I don’t know how long my eyes will stay open tonight. I might be asleep after the first ten minutes." I think Miles gives Leah an adrenaline charge and then afterwards she is Miss Sleepyhead.

I have seen this movie several times, but I always get caught up in the action scenes. I am so into the movie, it takes me a minute to realize that I hear Leah snoring. I glance over at Connor and he is also asleep. I need to move to my sleeping bag but Connor is in the way. I move around until I am right beside him. I gently shake his arm and whisper his name. His eyes open a little, “Connor, time for bed. I need to go to sleep and you are in the spot where I lay my sleeping bag. Could you move please?” He gives me a sleepy grin and stretches his arms over his head. I move to stand beside the door to give him room to get up. As he gets up he stumbles, and I grab his arm to steady him. When he raises his head, I notice that our heads are almost touching. He looks at me and then glances at my lips. He lifts his hand and runs his fingertips along my
cheek. I shiver under his touch. We stand there frozen just looking at each other. He starts to lean forward when Leah shifts and starts snoring loudly. We both laugh and step back from each other.

We continue to look at each other until Connor breaks the silence, “Good night, Abby." As he passes me, he glances at me once more, before leaving.

I can barely stand, much less think, because I do believe Connor almost kissed me.

Chapter 7

“So what do you think Leah?” I ask, as I spin around in one of the many outfits we are deciding between. Leah came over to my house to help me get ready for my date with Blake. She has a date with Miles too, but she insisted he pick her up at my house so she could help me get ready.

“That one is the winner. Blake will take one look at you and drool." I continue to dance around in front of the mirror. The jeans are tighter than my normal ones, and the shirt is a black clingy material that shows off my figure.

“Okay, I guess drooling would be good as long as he doesn’t get it on me.” I giggle. I am so nervous. I have been on a few dates but mostly just on group outings. I am really excited about going out with Blake, but I can’t seem to forget that moment last night with Connor. Was the moment real, or did I imagine it? Was Connor really about to kiss me?

“I think you should wear your hair down around your shoulders. It will look sexy. You are going to have so much fun tonight with Blake.” Leah interrupts my thoughts. I have to stop thinking about Connor and focus on Blake.

“Me? Sexy? I don’t think those two words belong in the same sentence. But I think I will leave my hair down,” I say as I brush my hair once more. Leah is standing by the window watching for Miles, who should be here any minute.

“There’s Miles! Wish me luck!” she calls out as she runs down the steps and out the door. I look out the window just in time to see Miles open Leah’s car door for her. Leah gives him a huge grin, and I feel so happy for my best friend because she has found someone that suits her perfectly. I
shake my head, thinking about all the months they have been circling each other during Mathletes. Connor’s face flashes in my mind, and I realize that I want someone who suits me and wants me too. If Connor hasn’t noticed me yet, that is his loss. I am ready to find someone who will make me grin like I just saw Leah do. I am tired of waiting on my dream guy.

“Abby, Blake is here,” my dad calls from the living room. I saw Blake get out of his car and come to the door. I know my dad wants to do the typical first date introductions so I am giving him time. As I walk downstairs, I see Blake standing in the living room and watch to see his reaction to my appearance. I want his face to light up and look at me like I am the only girl in the world.

“Hey Blake,” I say I as I walk down the steps. His eyes drift over my jeans and shirt, finally meeting my eyes.

He smiles, “Be careful coming down those steps. I would hate to start our date with a trip to the emergency room,” he chuckles remembering my many clumsy moments at school.  I roll my eyes but can’t smother my laugh. As I step off the last step, he takes my hand, “You look great.”

“Thanks. So do you,” I reply. Blake looks more than great. He is wearing jeans and a green polo shirt. I can see the outline of his muscles under his shirt. He looks hot.

Blake has planned our date, and it is so romantic. But there seems to be something missing. He is wonderful and cute, but I feel like I am hanging out with a friend. We have held hands several times so far and not once did I shiver.

“So you want popcorn or something to drink?” he squeezes my hand.

“No thanks. I am still full from dinner. So
Texas Chainsaw
3D?" I smile and shake my head at him.

“What? It was the only horror movie playing here. Studies have shown that girls like to cuddle during scary movies." He grins and flips his eyebrows at me. He then looks at someone over my shoulder and waves.

“Blake, hey buddy.” I know that voice, Connor. Fate must be out to get me because it is like I can’t get away from him or my feelings for him.

“Connor! Hey Samantha. So you two come to see the moving pictures tonight?” Blake jokes.

“Yeah, Connor wanted to see a movie, so here we are. What are you two seeing?” Samantha asks Blake. She totally ignores me, like usual.

“We are seeing
Texas Chainsaw
. Abby has a thing for horror." Blake winks at me which makes me laugh.

“Yeah, I remember. We are seeing that movie too, want to sit together? I know you guys are on a date, so if you want to be alone we will understand." Connor asks Blake, glancing in my direction for the first time. I told him the other day I wanted to be alone, so what is he thinking.

“Fine with me. The more the merrier, right Abby?”

“Yeah, great." I can’t believe this. How is it possible that I am now going to be on a double date with my fantasy guy and his hostile girlfriend. I just want to go home. I wonder if I pretend to get sick, Blake will take me home.

When we finally sit down, I end up sitting between Blake and Samantha. Well, this is a dream come true, sitting beside the girl who loves to torture me. Blake grabs my hand as soon as we sit down and starts rubbing his thumb back and forth on my wrist. I glance away from our tangled hands because it just doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to hold Blake’s hand, I want to hold Connor’s. Goodness, I feel like crying. As I look away from Blake, my gaze wonders over to Samantha and Connor. They are whispering and laughing, looking totally happy. At that moment, Connor’s eyes meet mine. He just stares at me for a moment, looks at my hand caught in Blake’s, then turns towards the movie screen. For the next hour and a half, I can barely concentrate on the movie. My emotions are on meltdown. Between my guilt for not liking Blake and the mysterious moments with Connor, I don’t know how to feel.  I finally need a break from all of it, including the blood and gore on the screen, and excuse myself to go to the restroom. After giving myself a pep talk in the mirror, I exit the bathroom to find Connor leaning against the wall beside the door.

“You okay?” he asks with a glance at my outfit.

“Yeah, fine. I am just a little unsure about Blake. I feel like I am hanging out with a friend, not a date.”

“Really? From the looks of it I thought you guys were hitting it off,” he questions.

“Yeah, well, looks can be deceiving, can’t they?" I say sadly, as I go back into the theater. As Connor and I sit down, Samantha shoots daggers at me with her eyes. I turn towards Blake and smile. I sit with my hands under my legs so Blake won’t have the opportunity to grab my hand again.

On the way home, Blake continues to make me laugh with funny stories. When we get to my house, he is a perfect gentleman. He walked me to the door, gave me a kiss on the check, and said he would call me tomorrow.

Once in my bedroom, I shut my door and just leaned back against it with my eyes shut. What am I going to do? I can’t continue to date Blake if I have feelings for Connor. That is just wrong, and I couldn’t do that to him. He deserves better than that. I am determined to like Blake. He is great and he likes me. I will give it a week and if it doesn’t work, next Saturday I will tell him the truth, or a version of it.

I spent Sunday thinking over my life
while I completed my chores, and now I am more confused than ever. I talked to Leah about Blake and she agrees that I should give it a week. I didn’t mention to her the weirdness between Connor and me, she would only question him about it. I am not ready for that yet. Blake called and we talked about school and Mathletes, but the conversation felt awkward and forced. Why do boys make everything so much more confusing?

Chapter 8

School sometimes passes in a flash, and then other days it drags by like it will never end. I have spent the last couple of days avoiding Connor and Blake, in hopes that the situation will become clear to me. I am still thinking about the other night with Connor, but Blake is just so nice that guilt is about to eat me alive.

As I walk into history class, I notice that Leah’s desk is empty. Where is she? The bell rings and still no Leah. After history, I slip into the bathroom and call Leah’s cell. She is home in the bed with the flu. Well, that is just great. Now on top of everything, I get to go through school alone. I have other friends, but Leah is the one that understands me. I hate it when she is absent. I guess since we have all the same teachers, I can at least gather her work and take it to her after school. 

Before heading to the cafeteria for lunch, I stop by my locker to throw my stuff inside. As I am opening my lock, someone bumps into me from behind.

“Excuse me. I’m standing here.” I spit out.

“Sorry Klutzy, didn’t see you there. Someone having a bad day?"

“Hey Connor. Sorry, didn’t mean to bite your head off. I just have a lot on my mind.”

“What’s going on? You okay?”

“Just confused about some things. Makes my brain hurt to think about them.”

“Well, I wanted to talk to you about something. The other night after the football game . . . I didn’t mean to . . . I mean I am with Samantha but . . . I know you and Blake went out . . . but I wondered if . . ."  Oh great, he is trying to explain that the almost-kiss-moment was an accident. This day is just getting better and better.

“Oh, that,” I laugh interrupting him, “I haven’t even thought about it. No big deal. Nothing to worry about." Every word I say is forced. I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest. I knew the almost-kiss-moment had to be a mistake. No way could someone like Connor like someone like me. I am not hideous or anything, but we are just not in the same league.