Falling (Bits and Pieces, Book 1) (31 page)

* * *

That night during dinner, I asked my folks what the plan was for Thanksgiving. I should have seen it coming, but I guess, I always hope for something that won’t happen with them. It was a good thing I asked toward the end of dinner, because I immediately lost my appetite after receiving their answer.

I brushed my teeth, changed into my nightshirt and climbed into bed. I called up Patrick, “Hi.”

It was really good to hear the voice of someone who cared, right about now. “Hey, Liz! Can you come to the party? Are you staying home?”

Am I staying home? Hmph. “Yeah, I am. So, I’ll be there.”

He pulled back on his enthusiasm and was empathetic, “If you don’t want to, I understand. There’ll be a bunch of people you don’t know. They’re all family and friends, so you’ll be safe. I promise, you’ll have fun. Trust me.”

Trust him. He was the only person I completely trusted. “I do. That’s not it…”

“Did they not want to let you go?” Confusion was setting in.

“That’s not it… exactly.” How do I explain it? Do I want to relive it? I pulled the covers over my head and curled into a ball. I held the phone close to my ear and lowered my voice even more. “My parents…”

“What happened?” It was almost like he was afraid to ask. I didn’t blame him. I was almost afraid to say.

“Basically… my dad has some business trip early next week. My mom is going with him because she always wanted to go to
Toronto
. They are going to make a vacation out of it. Go up this weekend and come back next Sunday.”

He hesitantly spoke, “And you’re not going?”

“No…”

“I don’t understand why you’re not going.” He sounded very confused.

I didn’t want this to get to me, but it did. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. “Well, first they claimed that I had school and didn’t want me to miss it. Why couldn’t my mom just fly out after my dad’s meeting when I was done with school? Who knows. Then they said, ‘Look at the trouble you got yourself into in
San Francisco
. Imagine what could happen if you came to
Toronto
. You’re staying home.’”

He was speechless. The only sound I heard was rustling in the background.

I tried to harden and disconnect myself. “So, I guess, it’s more important to them to go on vacation than to spend Thanksgiving with me. Whatever.”

“I’m sorry.” He managed to get out.

Then I turned angry. “Oh, and get this… then they said my 70-year-old grandmother was going stay and babysit me. Just in case of an emergency. That’s when I started to lose it. How was
she
going to do anything if there was an emergency? She can’t drive. She lives in one of those old-folks apartments where they have a button to push if
they
need help. I’ll wind up watching her and making sure she doesn’t die in her sleep or something. I was able to talk them out of
that
.”

“How?”

“I turned their own logic against them. My grandma plays bingo twice a week downtown. Her apartment complex has a senior shuttle bus that takes them to and from. It’s one of their activities. If she came here, I’d have to take her. To downtown. At night.” I sarcastically laughed. “Yeah, that’s what changed their minds. They didn’t want me going downtown at night. A 70 year-old woman downtown at night was acceptable. Me? Not.”

I thought about the bright side of it all. “At least I won’t have to deal with them for, like, nine days. I’ll get the house to myself. So, I guess, I’ll get my own vacation, after all.”

“That’s a good way to look at it.” There was a tinge of relief in his voice.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” I felt bad.

“What do you mean?” The rustling had stopped.

“You don’t have to rush over here and see if I’m okay.” At that moment, I knew what to give him.

“I… I wasn’t going to.” He rushed to say.

“Hey. Truth.” I reminded him.

“You’re right. I was about to.”

I knew it.

“But if you need…” He immediately corrected himself. “
Want
me to. I can be there in a few.”

“No, it’s okay. Unless you want to check up on me.” I teased him.

“If you say you’re okay, then I believe you.”

I was feeling a little better, so after we were done talking, I got up to work on his present. I went to my desk and rifled through the drawers until I found some card stock paper. I started working on a design for the card I wanted to make in Photoshop.

It would be about the size of a business card. I took one of the pictures of the giraffes we saw at the zoo and digitally cut out one of them and placed it on my design. I did the same with a picture of the penguins. I centered one vertically on each side of the card. In the middle of the card, I simply wrote in a scripted font:

I promise.

For the other side of the card, I put the giraffe and penguin on it and wrote:

To think and try not to over think.

To breathe, but not hyperventilate.

To try to envision the best, and not dwell on the worst.

To call you when I’m in trouble.

To not do anything permanent on a situation that might be temporary.

I played with the formatting until I liked the layout. I printed it on a marble grey sheet of card stock. Thank goodness, my printer had the ability to print two-sided on a sheet. I was glad to not have to mess with putting the sheet upside down, right side up or whatever. I cut the card out of the sheet. I took one of my small blank note cards and on in the inside wrote:

Patrick,

Thank you for everything.

Always,

Liz

I put the card I made inside and sealed the envelope. This was a good way to end my day. I didn’t feel like the whole evening was emotionally bad. I went to sleep looking forward to tomorrow and giving it to Patrick.

* * *

When I got to Mr. D’s the next morning before school, Patrick was the only one in the room. “Morning, Liz.”

“Morning. Mr. D here?” I was in a decent mood.

“Nah. He had to go to the supply room and the office or something.” He watched me carefully. “How you feeling?”

I took a deep breath and smiled. “Okay. All things considered.”

This was probably the best chance I’d get to give him his present alone. I pulled it out of my backpack. All of a sudden, I was nervous.

“Umm… Patrick. This is for you.” I handed him the card.

“What’s this?” He looked at the front of the envelope then at me.

“I wanted to get you something as a thank you for saving my life… twice. But I couldn’t think of anything that I could get you that was… well, enough or near enough to show my appreciation.”

“You don’t have to get me anything.” He was polite and sweet.

“I know, I don’t
have
to. I
wanted
to. Anyway, just open it.” I insisted.

“Okay. Okay.” He opened up the envelope. He read the note card and stared at each side of the little card I made. He held the little card and looked at me. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear. His voice cracked, “Thank you. It’s the perfect present. This means so much to me.”

“You’re welcome.” I was really happy that he liked it and it meant as much to him as it did for me. I let go and looked at him. “I realized last night that I probably freaked you out. Honestly, I didn’t mean to. But, ‘cause I wasn’t able to make that promise before, I thought that you might think that I always think of it as an option or something.”

“Kind of. There’s something in your voice last night that reminded me of the night of the carnival.” Looking into his eyes, I could see the fear that he had.

“The night of the carnival, there was no way I could promise not to do anything. I never thought I could make that promise. All I wanted was to end my life.” I think that was the first time I really said the words out loud. It was chilling.

“And… you can promise me you won’t, now?” His eyes went from black holes of fear to dancing with hope.

“Yeah. I can.” I couldn’t help but smile. “I don’t really know how to explain it, but it’s like this haze that I’ve grown so used to be surrounded, suffocated by, has thinned. I feel like things are not as dismal. I just know there’s a difference. Eh, besides… I realized that I wasn’t going to get the kind of support I wanted from my parents. So, I was going to make it despite of them.”

“That’s great.” He grinned and gave me another hug. “That makes me happy. Well, not that you’re parents don’t support you like they should but… You know what I mean.”

“Yeah.” I laughed. “I do.”

It was nice to know I wasn’t the only one who had ‘open mouth insert foot’ moments.

Mr. D walked in, “Hi, Liz. How are you doing?”

“Alright. Do you need any help?” His hands were full with papers and a box of office supplies.

“Sure. Thanks.” He handed me the box. “Can you guys put that stuff in the right spots back there?”

We went to the back room. Mr. D was always so organized that he had little labeled bins in the back. It was easy to tell where stuff should go. Patrick put the card I made into his wallet. He bumped his shoulder into me, leaned over and softly said, “Thanks again.”

20. FRESH EXPERIENCES

We left the house before the sun was even up on Saturday morning. I drove my parents to the airport. Well, it was more like, my dad drove and I rode along to bring the car back. I tried not to be upset about them going to
Toronto
for over a week without me and abandoning me over Thanksgiving. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make me mad. But there wasn’t anything I could do about it. So I continued to focus on my own vacation at home sans the parental units. I’d be able to practice my singing all night if I wanted – that would be nice since the concert was about three weeks away.

I walked into the empty house, just as the sun was rising. In one sense, it wasn’t all that different than any other day, and yet it felt different. Maybe it was knowing that they wouldn’t be back tonight –which made me happy. Maybe it was the fact that I wouldn’t have to tread lightly around them, watching what I say. That I could actually relax at home – which also made me happy. Maybe because it was so freaking early in the morning.

What I didn’t like was how much bigger the house seemed when it was empty. It was almost like it was hollow. Since every distant sound made me jumpy, I always left on the television on in the family room and my bedroom. It helped mask the random sounds of the house creaking or from outside, that I know I shouldn’t worry about, but did. The sound also kept me company. It was familiar, made me feel not so alone. So, the first thing I did when I got home was go through the house and turn on the televisions.

What should I do next? I was still sleepy, but I didn’t feel like climbing back into bed. I grabbed a blanket and pillow and curled up on the couch in the family room. I fell asleep to some random morning news program.