Falling From Grace (5 page)

Stay focused, Dr. Lassiter. Stay focused.

#

Dani knew it was a dream but she seemed stuck in a loop nonetheless. Richard, the spineless prick who’d somehow managed to convince her that he was a good guy, was holding up that cursed, homegrown DVD with a smug grin, wagging it at her like a weapon because that’s what it was –
 a lethal weapon against her career.

“It’s fun to play the good girl, isn’t it?” Richard grinned wider. “But I know for a fact, you like being the bad girl even more.”

“Give it to me,” she demanded, her palms actually sweating as her nerves screamed in panic at the idea of that wretched moment in her life landing in the wrong hands. “Richard, I swear to God, if you—“

“If I what? This DVD is my property
and it’s going to stay in my hot little hand until you see reason.”

“Reason? What the fuck is wrong with you?
I’ve met someone else and I’m leaving you. Don’t you get it?”

Richard’s grin faded and his gaze hardened into twin points of black granite. “No, bitch, you don’t get it. I’m not through with you, which means you don’t get to call the shots around here. I
made
you! Without me, you’d still be in Miner’s Edge, waitressing down at The Tasty Cup, begging for tips to make rent. You hear me? I pulled you out of obscurity and put you in touch with the right people so you could shake that scrawny ass in front of people who fucking matter. So, don’t go trying to say, just because you think you’re hot shit that you’re done with me ‘cause that ain’t happening. And just in case you think that’s the way it’s going down, I have this little insurance policy right here to keep you home where you belong.”

Dani swallowed the sickening ball of fear and disgust in her throat. “Are you
blackmailing
me?”

“I like to think of it as protecting my marriage
— and investments — at all costs,” he said.

“I don’t love you anymore,” she said, hoping to appeal to some sense of decency in the man but she should’ve known any shred that might’ve clung to the edges of his miserable soul had long since been flushed. “Please, Richard…that DVD…if it got out could
ruin
me.”

“And why would I care about that if you’re leaving me?” he countered with a hard look. “If you’re leaving, what the fuck do I care what happens to your career? Now, let’s say, we’re still together, then that changes things doesn’t it? Suddenly, I have a reason to care about the welfare of your career, right?”

She stared, unable to believe he would sink so low as to blackmail her into staying with him. Dani immediately thought of Miles and all the pretty sparkles and rainbows in her heart died. Maybe she could tell Miles that Richard was blackmailing her and he could help her get out of this situation. No, that wasn’t fair to Miles. She couldn’t drag him into her nightmare. Miles was a respected physician with a brilliant career in the medical circles he traveled. He volunteered with Doctors Without Borders, for fuck’s sake. He couldn’t have someone like her with an incriminating sex tape floating around out there. She could just imagine how mortified Miles would be when he found out about that wretched footage. Damn it, why did she allow Richard to talk her into that stupid idea? That dickhead had neatly slipped the noose around her neck without causing her to blink an eye. How stupid could she be? And now Richard was cinching the noose so tight it was cutting off her airway.

“You’re a bastard,” she bitterly, fighting angry tears. “I can’t believe you would sink this low.”

“Baby, I’m not the one getting railed in the ass,” he said, wagging the DVD in her face with a lecherous grin that made her want to vomit. “I’ll bet this footage would sell for a mint at Vivid.”

“I’d sue you for every dime they managed to put into your dirty palm,” she promised, wishing she could stab him in the heart and get away with it.

He laughed at her threat, then he smiled indulgently as if he were merely allowing her to vent and now it was time to make up. “Babe…no need to get nasty. Let’s just forget about this little spat and agree that this was just an unfortunate blip on the radar. I love you, honey-pie and if nothing else, this just goes to show the lengths that I will go to prove my love.”

“Blackmail isn’t love,” she said in a flat tone. Richard tried to wipe away the tears tracking down her cheek and she jerked away. “Don’t touch me.”

“I bet you don’t say that to your new lover boy, do you?” His stare turned mean and he yanked her to him hard enough to pop a gasp from her lips. “Such a smart mouth…I think I have a better use for it. You’re going to use that mouth of yours to break the news to your boyfriend that you’re leaving him to go back to your loving husband. You got it? You’re going to burn that bridge so bad there’s no way he’ll ever want your dirty ass again. You’re going to piss on his heart so that the very sight of you makes him want to puke. You hear me, you little skank? You’re nothing without me and don’t you
ever
forget it!”

“
Don’t make me hurt him,” she begged, tears springing to her eyes. “He’s a good man. Better than you’ll ever be! I fucking hate you! I’ll hate you until I die!”

“Yeah? Well, nice guys finish last,” he quipped darkly, h
er insult bouncing off him as he dragged her kicking and screaming into the bedroom to throw her onto the bed even as she tried to claw his eyes out. “You know what? I feel a sequel coming on,” he said with a cruel laugh as he ripped her pants down, scraping tender flesh and scratching skin with his fingernails as he flipped her roughly to her stomach, holding her down with the weight of his body.
Noooo
! He fumbled behind her and the sound of metal teeth opening caused her to thrash even harder but the iron steel of his arm across the back of her neck kept her locked in place. “Tell me, baby, did he fuck you as good as me? Naww, not possible,” he said, leaning to say against her ear, his breath harsh as he pressed his cock against the twin halves of her ass even as she struggled. “I’m gonna remind you what a real cock feels like. I’m gonna fuck you so good, every time you sit down, your bleeding ass reminds you who you
fucking
belong to!”

A part of her couldn’t believe what was happening but the stark reality was hard to escape the moment Richard shoved himself deep inside
her ass without a drop of lube. Pain bloomed red and frantic as he wedged his cock past the resisting sphincter, grunting with the effort as he ripped tender places and paralyzed her with agony.
Ohmyfuckinggod
!

“
R-Richard, noooooo!
…” It was all she could manage before the screaming started as Richard’s thrusts went deeper and harder, as if he were determined to punish her as much as humanly possible without killing her. Tears streamed down her cheeks as the comforter muffled her screams, just wanting to escape this moment and the torture of knowing that her shiny, happy future with Miles had been destroyed with one colossally bad decision. A moan of pure agony escaped as she blacked out from the pain and the misery…and it was a blessing.

-5-

Miles awoke with a start and realized Dani was twitching and mumbling in her sleep. She whimpered and shifted against him, burying her face against his bicep as if he could shield her from whatever was chasing her and a rush of protectiveness threatened to batter the carefully constructed wall of protection he had around his heart. Who was in her dreams? Why was she trembling? Against his better judgment, he gently smoothed the hair from her cheek and she immediately settled at his touch. A tiny sigh escaped her pink lips and he had to fight himself from bending to press a kiss to the top of her head. He had no business entertaining any thought that included kissing Dani — anywhere.

Why couldn’t he stay focused on the big picture? Easy. When Dani was in the room, he immediately suffered tunnel vision.
The
fasten your seatbelt
light dinged and the captain announced their descent, which gave him a good reason to wake Dani. “Hey, time to wake up,” he said, giving her head a small nudge with his shoulder. “We’re about to land.”

Dani awoke disoriented, something about her gaze appeared wounded and scared as she pulled away, smoothing her hair and trying to shake off whatever still had her in its grip.

“You okay?” he asked. “You were whimpering in your sleep.”

She paled just a little. “I was? What did I say?”

“No words. Just little cries. Bad dream?”

She nodded and her voice cracked just a little. “The worst.”

He wanted to know what put that frightened look in her eyes even though it wasn’t his business. “Was it about that guy?”

She startled. “What guy?”

“That guy I pulled off of you this morning.”

Her shoulders tensed but she shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. It was just a bad dream.”

Sensing she wasn’t going to share any more details, he considered himself lucky because he should’ve just listened to his gut and kept his questions to himself. Frankly, he didn’t need to know what demons chased her in her sleep. Knowing would only make him care a little bit more about a woman who had already proven couldn’t be trusted with something as precious as his heart.

“
I slept pretty hard,” she said with a yawn, moving away from him and stretching a little. “I hope I didn’t kill your shoulder.”

He ignored her comment and informed her,
“The Caribbean is pretty humid. You might want to put your hair up.”

“Oh, thanks,” she said, quickly pulling a hair tie from her purse and tucking her hair up in a messy ponytail. Good grief, did she look inherently sexy no matter what she did? Her long, auburn hair had a slight curl to it and he knew the humidity would make it curl even more. Sexy bed-head would be her hair style for the time spent in St. John. Fabulous. His weakness.
She risked a glance at him to ask, “Miles…are you going to be snappy with me the entire time we’re around each other?” Before he could answer, she said, “Listen, I know you didn’t want to do this and you’re doing this to help someone else but I just want you to know that I really appreciate your help. Since being around you, I can actually think straight for the first time since we broke up.”

He swallowed at her stark honesty and raw vulnerability and all he could do was nod in acknowledgment.
He supposed she was right. There was no need for him to be mean. In fact, this intervention might be more successful if he treated her with the same amount of kindness he treated all his patients with. Besides, certainly he wasn’t so petty that he couldn’t put aside his personal feelings, right? He was a bigger man than that. Drawing a deep breath, he nodded, saying, “I’ll work on my attitude” and she nodded with gratitude. He chanced a small smile. “Maybe we can work on being friends.”

Her smile faltered and something flickered across her gaze that immediately made him realize that she didn’t want to be friends any more than he did —
 they both wanted more but they knew that wasn’t likely either. “If that’s the best that I can hope for…I could use a real friend,” she admitted. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the last year, some of which I don’t even know how to make amends for but I’ll start with making amends with you.”

“That’s not necessary,” he said gruffly, almost afraid of what her confession would do to him. If he wasn’t
nursing that grudge against her how would he withstand the powerful pull of his attraction? Dani was his Achilles heel. “Let’s put a pin in any type of confession, okay? The past is in the past, there’s no need to dredge it up.”

“But there is,” she insisted. “I hurt you and I feel terrible about it. I’ve always felt bad but I couldn’t tell you what was happening.”

“I don’t care what happened,” he said bluntly and that was partly true. There was nothing she could say that would change his opinion on what’d happened between them. She’d used him, plain and simple. And he would always harbor a grudge against her for doing it. He ignored her wince of anguish and was thankful when the plane landed seconds later. He didn’t want to have this conversation, now or ever. Miles changed the subject, saying, “As soon as we disembark, there will be a booth with free samples of rum, I would suggest you bypass the offer.”

Dani looked away, hurt in her eyes. “Yes, Doctor.”

He sighed. “Listen, I don’t want to hurt you, which is why I’m trying to be honest. We have an unfortunate past between us and sometimes it gets in the way but I’ll do my best to remain civil and professional, just as I would for any patient, okay?”

“So…that’s all I am? Just a patient?”

“Yes,” he answered, hating that he knew his answer would cut her. What did she want from him? She couldn’t have her cake and eat it, too. She broke his heart and walked away without a second glance. She doesn’t get to have him back just because now, she wants him again. Refusing to feel bad, he tried to keep his thoughts trained on what was necessary but when he sensed a heaviness about Dani, smothering the light and joy that usually emanated from her, he tried to coax a small smile from her. “I’ll make up for the no rum by taking you to the best burger place you’ve ever experienced. How’s that?”

For a long moment she didn’t respond until she reluctantly admitted, “I am hungry” then asked,
“You buying?”

He laughed at her stingy little soul. She made millions but she wanted him to spring for lunch.
What did it say about him that he didn’t mind paying for lunch? He feared it revealed his little caveman heart. “Of course,” he said, grinning. “Now, get ready to feel humidity at its finest.”

They disembarked and the warm, salty air hit him like a wet slap but unlike the first time he’d experienced it, this time, it felt like home. “Ahhh, nothing like your lungs sticking together when you breathe,” he joked, eliciting a tiny, rueful chuckle from Dani as they passed through the checkpoints and
into the open-air baggage terminal of the St. Thomas airport. As he promised, a rum vendor smiled and offered them some Caribbean flavor but they both smiled and kept walking. Within moments, they had their luggage and were packed away in a cab to catch the ferry to St. John.

The 30-minute ferry ride was a chance to regroup and take a deep breath of chill-out, which was exactly what he was doing as they churned through the azure waters and the warm air kissed their cheeks. In the time that he’d moved to St. John, he’d found living elsewhere had lost its appeal. He’d come to crave the insane humidity and laid back atmosphere of the tiny island more so than he’d ever enjoyed living in Los Angeles.

“Man, now I know why you ditched LA,” Dani said, a big smile wreathing her face as she turned toward the spray, loving how it cooled and refreshed. He remembered the first time he’d ridden the ferry from St. Thomas to St. John and the spray had been a welcome respite from the crushing humidity. “This place is gorgeous.”

“Wait until you see St. John,” he promised, enjoying sharing the special beauty of his new home. “It’s quiet and laid back. The people of St. Thomas call it, St. Yawn and conversely, the people of St. John call St. Thomas, St. Trauma. It just goes to show how different the mentalities are.”

“I think I’m down for a little St. Yawn, to be honest. I’ve been exhausted since November.”

An easy silence filled the space between them for the first time since seeing each other again and Miles wondered if he’d been overly harsh. He didn’t know what it was like to have people dogging his every move, parasites and paparazzi stalking him to catch him blow his nose or something equally mundane —
 
Oh look! He shops at the grocery store like a regular dude!
— good grief, what a pain in the ass. Yeah, he wasn’t cut out for fame. He was content to simply do his job as a physician, saving lives and making a difference in a quiet way rather than constantly seeking the limelight.

“I want to eat something distinctly Caribbean. Any ideas?”

“Boiled bananas are a staple for some,” he suggested.

“Boiled bananas? Is it gross?”

“Do you like bananas?”

“Yes.”

He grinned. “Then you shouldn’t have a problem. There’s only one way to find out. After lunch I’ll take you to a place where the locals go.”

She smiled and he tried not to sink a little further into that joyful place that he’d locked away from the influence of her sunny smiles but it was hard. He wanted to make her smile. He hated that look of scared misery haunting her eyes, hardening the natural softness of her personality. “I saw
Judgment
,” he admitted, shocking her. He made a small self-deprecating noise. “Hey, I’m a sucker for a good action flick with an actual plot. It was well done.” And she’d been fantastic. “It’s no wonder you hit it big.”

Her eyes sparkled as if his opinion carried a lot of weight but she looked away and remained silent. He took that as a sign that they ought to keep those kinds of comments to themselves.
Miles smothered a sigh of frustration at not being able to be real with one another. Each direction they stepped, they faced a land mine. Can’t be friends, can’t be lovers. Can’t be in the same room with one another without wanting to tear each other apart or rip each other’s clothes off. Seemed a bad position to be in but what choice did they have? Miles ignored the questions because there weren’t any real answers and just enjoyed the ride.

#

Dani wanted to cry. An odd mixture of joy and grief were playing hockey with her emotions and she was too spun out to hold it all back. Hearing Miles admit that he thought she’d been good in
Judgment
was the release pin for the grenade. His favorable opinion meant more than the critics and accolades and the realization that she wanted him back in her life was more than she could stand. He was the forbidden fruit that she was too afraid to grab but she desperately wanted to sink her teeth into. She was damn grateful he’d forced her to leave her comfort zone and get out of LA. She wanted to forget everything that she’d done in the last six months and wipe the slate clean. Maybe then she could start to forgive herself for hurting Miles so badly when she’d been too afraid for her career to brave telling Richard to go stick his sex tape up his ass, and fuck the consequences. Maybe then, she would’ve had the balls to walk straight into the police department and report Richard for raping her that day. Of course, Richard had sneered at her tears saying that no one, least of all the authorities, believed marital rape existed because, hey, they were married and husbands and wives fucked — that was what married couples do — and she’d been too terrified of losing everything she’d been working so hard to gain to risk it.

However, in hindsight, having sex with Richard again —
 was the most degrading experience of her life, so really, maybe she should’ve taken her chances with the public humiliation. Unlike sex with Miles, which had been transcendent, sex with Richard had just been revolting.

The only good thing that’d come out of her indentured servitude with her ex had been access to that damn footage. And because Richard wasn’t as smart as he thought he was, she’d destroyed the leverage as soon as he’d let his guard down. Walking out on Richard had been the most satisfying experience of her life. She let out a determined breath as she focused on better things and a smile found her mouth as the ferry docked at the most picturesque little plaza she’d ever seen.
“Is this it?” she asked, turning to Miles. At his nodding grin, her smile widened and she followed him off the ferry with their bags. Bright color exploded everywhere in tropical detail — big, broad-leafed green plants rustled in the gentle breeze and flowers of all sorts and sizes sprang from the ground in a crazy kaleidoscope of rainbow array — while the bluest water licked at the sugar sand beach as anchored boats bobbed with the tide. “Oh geez…this place…” she didn’t have the right words and Miles understood. She beamed with pure pleasure, forgetting for just a moment that this wasn’t a vacation, but an intervention. “So where are we staying?” she asked, then quickly clarified with a slight blush to her cheeks for the slip. “I mean…where am
I
staying?”

“You’re staying with me.
”

Her silly heart skipped a beat.
“Oh? How does that work?”

“Well, the truth is, I hadn’t exactly planned to bring you back here, it was a spur of the moment decision so I haven’t made arrangements for you and this place is hard to find vacancies without a little advance notice but don’t worry, I promise to be a complete gentleman.”