Falling From Grace (8 page)

She turned to him with an expression of irritation and distress. “Why would you want to ruin an otherwise wonderful morning?”

“Because I spent a year of my life broken to pieces over what happened. You don’t think that warrants a tiny bit of explanation?”

“Oh, so this is all about you? How about me? Did it occur to you that I don’t want to talk about it because it’s a really dark time in my life that I’d rather just forget?”

Confused, he shot back,
“What do you mean? The day you left me, you said you were going back to the
love of your life
and right after that your career exploded and you had everything you said you ever wanted. So…what was so dark about it?” She actually looked green when he threw her words back at her and he knew something wasn’t right. Miles went to her and grasped her hand, smoothing the soft skin and forcing her to look at him. “What’s really going on? People don’t go into tailspins for no reason. The Dani I fell in love with would’ve never put herself in this position unless something had happened to change her. So, tell me,
what happened
?”

Tears welled in her eyes and he knew a moment of pure frustration when her mouth seamed shut and she shook her head in a desperate motion. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” She pulled her hand free. “Please, just let it go.”

“You tried to tell me earlier and I wasn’t ready to hear it. I’m ready now. Please tell me what happened.”

But she shook her head, almost desperately as she said, “You were right…a confession isn’t going to help anyone, it’ll just confuse things and why ruin a great morning? Whatever is in the past…let’s just leave it there and
go forward,
please
.” Her pleading confused him but her refusal to give him a single answer rubbed him wrong.

“How can I let it go? Tell me, how? I loved you, Dani,” he said, putting it all out there. “Did that mean
anything
to you?”

“Yes!” Her eyes sparkled with tears that he didn’t understand. She’d broken his heart and yet she was the one looking at him like
he was some kind of jerk-off because he needed answers? “Jesus, Miles, I can’t talk about this right now, okay?”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to share that part of my life, my past, with you.”

“You were going to earlier!”

“I changed my mind,” she shot back, wiping at her eyes. “I’ve since realized it would’ve been a bad idea, okay? It’s just way too personal and I’m not ready.”

He drew back, stung. “
We just had sex. Seems pretty personal to swap bodily fluids but let’s draw the line at sharing something as personal as the reason you stabbed me in the back and tossed me to the side. I get it. It’s always on Dani’s terms, right? I want answers, feel entitled to answers, but too fucking bad, right? Yeah, I get it, loud and clear, babe.”

“No, it’s not like that,” she protested, following him into the living room, tears flowing down her cheeks. “Stop, don’t act like this, please.”

Beyond frustrated and more than a little hurt for her stonewall, he didn’t know how to handle the mystery of her tears. If anyone ought to be crying, it was him. He shoved a hand through his hair and sank into the sofa, when in fact, what he really wanted to do was walk away, doubletime. In the end, he tried to cool his temper because he knew she was fragile and he wasn’t going to be a total dick and stomp on her when she was already broken. He drew a deep breath and gestured for her to come to him. When she hesitated, unsure, he pulled her gently into his lap. “I promise I won’t bite,” he said with a deep sigh. “I didn’t mean to lose my temper. Even though I can talk a pretty good game about not letting our past get in the way, I guess I’m still pretty raw about the whole situation between us. Dani…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she muttered against his chest wall with a small hiccup. “
I’m the one who’s sorry.”

Was she sorry for refusing him answers or sorry for breaking his heart? Miles bit his tongue so he didn’t pepper her for clarification. He supposed it didn’t matter either way. The fact that she was clinging to him like a spider monkey, shoulders still shaking from silent tears killed him. He wrapped his arms around her and she cuddled more snugly against him. “We’re going to come back to this conversation at a later date, okay?” She nodded against his chest and he took that as a good enough agreement to let it drop for now. He changed the subject for his sanity and for hers. “There’s a band tonight at one of the local bars. You might like it. Want to check it out?”

“Can we just stay in?” Her voice, small and vulnerable, squeezed his heart.

“Yeah, of course. I just thought you might get bored in the bungalow.”

She lifted her head and brushed a salty kiss against his lips. “With you, I’d never get bored.”

Said with such brutal honesty, without an ounce of guile or coy innuendo, Miles felt something shift inside him, and he wasn’t talking about in his board shorts, no, it was deeper, something far more integral to life and fear squeezed his chest. He couldn’t fall for her again. Dani had no idea the power she held over him, the way he lived and breathed for her every smile, every happy, contented sigh, and he wasn’t about to hand over his life to a woman who’d been clumsy
with it the first time around. He shifted and moved her from his lap to the cushion beside him. “We should talk about what happened in the shower,” he said with regret, knowing it wasn’t bound to make her a happy camper. “I know you said it was okay but it really does make things messy between us.”

A frown crossed her features and
something akin to resignation followed. “I understand.”

“Do you? Because I’m not sure you truly do. You’re not ready to talk about what happened on your end but I can tell you what happened on my end. Can you listen, at the very least?” At her slow nod, he settled into the sofa and decided to put it all out there and let the chips fall where they might.
Maybe the sharing would be cathartic. Maybe it would just sting like hell and leave a new open wound. There was only one way to find out.

-8-

Dani knew Miles needed an explanation and he sure as hell deserved one but the idea of sharing how her ex had manipulated and blackmailed her into staying with him, not to mention the other things he’d done to her, made her skin crawl with shame and revulsion. She didn’t want him to see her in that light. God, she never wanted him to lose that beautiful light in his eyes when he looked at her.
It was the one thing in her life that remained pure, no matter what she’d done to destroy it. And so even though he desperately needed to know…she couldn’t bring herself to give it. But she could listen to his side. She would do that for him no matter how much it hurt to hear.

“I know it’s cheesy to say I fell in love with you the first moment we met but it’s true. That day on the set…I’d never seen anyone who could light up a room like you. You had an inner glow that, honestly, I never knew existed until you bounced into my life, shocking me with your touch. And then, that night…Jesus, girl, if I’d been an older man I might’ve died of a heart attack. Maybe it was my fault for falling so hard, so fast but I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I just had to wait for the appropriate amount of time to pass so I could put a ring on that finger of yours. I didn’t want you to think I was weird or some kind of stalker by popping the question the following day,” he admitted with a sheepish chuckle.

“I never would’ve thought that of you,” she murmured, caught between sadness and joy at his admission. She’d felt the same instant connection, that touching of souls that only happens in boo
ks and movies. She would never mock him for his admission. Ever. She’d been so drunk on emotion she might’ve thrown herself into his arms and said yes if he’d asked. Goodness gracious, what a mess that would’ve been. Richard would’ve found a way to ruin Miles.

“
Every day spent with you was unreal. I didn’t think people could be that happy. The day you broke it off…I was actually going to ask you to move in with me.”

Tears stung her eyes and her lower lip trembled. “Really?” She couldn’t help herself. His apartment had become like home, more so than that giant monstrosity she lived in now had ever been. They’d spent countless hours loving each other in every possible room and floor as well as cooked together, muddling through culinary disasters with plenty of laughter, and even watched more than their share of B-flicks, groaning at the ridiculous one-liners and terrible acting. It’d been sublime. “I wish things had ended differently,” she said, wiping at her tears. “I really do. Deep in my heart of hearts…God, I swear it.”

“Then why did you break up with me? Was it something I did?” The note of desperation plucked at her conscious and she knew it wasn’t fair to let him keep thinking that it was something he’d done to make her run. “I never would’ve held you back in your career. I believed in you, in your talent. I wanted to help you get to wherever you wanted to go.”

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She couldn’t hold back any longer. This sweet, sweet man didn’t deserve the heartache she’d served up and it wasn’t fair of her to hold back the truth just to save her own feelings. Dani grasped his hand and brought
it to her mouth, tenderly kissing him before she began. “It wasn’t you. It wasn’t ever you. I loved you, too. I loved you more than I ever thought was possible and the day I said goodbye…I didn’t think I’d survive it.”

“Then why?” he asked, his voice breaking. “Why’d you leave?”

Her shoulders shuddered as even saying that wretch’s name made her gut sick. “It was R-richard,” she said, shaking as the pain and humiliation came rushing back. “It’s true I was married when I started seeing you but I knew it was over with Richard and I’d been in the process of leaving him but he…he…”

“He what?”

She shook her head, that terrible day swamping her ability to speak.

“What did he do to you?” The note of alarm in Miles voice made her break down even more. “Damn it, Dani, tell me what he did to you and I’ll break that mother fucker’s face open.”

“He blackmailed me into staying. He basically forced me to leave you because I was afraid of what he’d do to my career. He even told me what to say to you,” she admitted in a shamed whisper. “I hated myself that day for what he’d made me do.”

Confusion marked his features. “What do you mean? People get divorced all the time, it doesn’t affect their careers.”

“He had something over me. Something terribly embarrassing that would’ve killed my career if it got out.” She held her breath, afraid of what his reaction would be but she’d come this far, and there was no backing down now. “Early in our marriage, Richard talked me into doing a s-sex tape” she swallowed the bile in her throat, hating the words leaving her mouth. “I didn’t realize how stupid that would be until the day he used it as a weapon. He blackmailed me into staying with him with that footage. I was afraid and I didn’t want to take the chance. Everything was just starting to go my way…I’d worked so hard…and everything was going to go down the tubes if Richard leaked that tape. And he knew it.”

“What a bastard,” Miles breathed under his breath, his nostrils flaring. “Where’s the tape now?”

“I destroyed it. That was one good thing that came out of all this. Once he thought I was under his thumb again, he let down his guard and when I found that footage I destroyed it.” She braced herself for the sharing of her worst moment of her life. “The night he blackmailed me into staying, he did more than just force me to break things off with you…he raped me in the most brutal way possible.” Her throat squeezed shut on the words, barely able to breathe, much less continue. “I should’ve gone to the hospital. I bled for days and I couldn’t sit without crying. Richard laughed and said it was penance for running around on him.” Miles’ gaze darkened with rage and she put a restraining hand on his. “It’s in the past. I’m over it. I’m just glad he’s out of my life.”

It took Miles a moment to calm himself before he asked,
“Did you report it?”

She shook her head. “Richard made me believe that no one would take me seriously because no one r
eally believes in marital rape.”

“That lying piece of shit,” he muttered with violence in his normally gentle gaze.
“You should’ve reported it anyway and taken your chances.”

She shivered at the raw, primal
rage in his eyes and the fear that the information had soured his feelings for her made her ask, “How do you feel about me now?”

“I feel sick,” he answered and her heart stuttered with fear until he pulled her into his arms and said, “because I wasn’t able to be there for you. Why didn’t you tell me he was blackmailing you? I would’ve done something.  I wouldn’t have let him bully you, much less touch you. Jesus, Dani, right now I want to kill him.”

“You don’t think I’m disgusting for what happened?”

“Disgusting? What are you talking about? You were a victim of some asshole who was trying to hold onto his meal ticket. Of course, I’m not disgusted with
you
. Dani…if you’d told me…our ending would’ve been much different than it is today.”

She sucked back a wild sob. “I was scared of losing everything and I was stupid to care about something that couldn’t love me back.
I was so driven by my fear of failure, of ending up like everyone back home in Miner’s Edge thought I would, that I was desperate. I thought I wanted fame but I don’t. I hate it! Paparazzi follow me everywhere and I never have a moment’s peace. The other day I found a guy camped out in my bushes in the backyard and scared the shit out of me. I had to have a nine-foot fence installed and they still find ways to take my pictures and then plaster them all over the Internet. I’m so tired of living this life. And to top it all off, I lost you in the process. I created this hell for myself and I have no one to blame but me.”

“Stop,” he said sternly, forcing her to look at him. “I don’t want to hear you talk about yourself that way. No one has a crystal ball. You chased your dreams and there’s nothing wrong with that. Hell, that’s pretty admirable. Most people give up on their dreams before giving them a real chance.
You didn’t. You chased that dream until it gave you what you thought you wanted. So it didn’t turn out the way that you envisioned. So what? You adjust. It’s that simple. When I was fresh out of med school, I thought for sure I was going to love working for the Peace Corps but as it turns out, I didn’t love it and I was a bit devastated by that sudden awareness of my own shortcomings. So I wasn’t cut out to live in grass huts every day but I did discover that I could handle grass hut living in short bursts, which is how I found the Doctors Without Borders volunteer gig. And I love it. I get to help people who really need the help but I don’t have to give up showering and clean clothes for years at a stretch. It’s a win-win.”

At that Dani couldn’t help but laugh through her tears. “Seriously? You’re comparing my situation with volunteer work that is so much bigger than my first-world problems? Thanks for putting it into perspective,” she said wryly.

“No, it’s not like that,” he said, laughing too. “Although someone else might point out that you’re crying about being famous and call bullshit, but that’s not me. I’m saying, adjust your sails, sweetheart. Don’t sink the boat.”

“I should’ve come to you,” she admitted, shaking her head, curling her hand around his head to draw him closer. “I was stupid to let you go. Not only are you incredibly smart, a fantastic lover, and an overall good guy, but you still manage to make me laugh even when you’re showing me how ridiculous I am.”

“Well, it’s a gift,” Miles admitted with a cheeky grin that she adored. He pushed her gently onto her back and followed, pressing her into the soft cushion with his solid body. “Now, about that fantastic lover part…seems I have a reputation to protect.”

She nodded gravely. “Oh yes. I’m not entirely sure I got a fair show of your talents in the shower,” she said, causing him to arch his brow and a giggle escaped as her fingers found the drawstring on his board shorts. “But I’d be happy to see what else you can do right now.
I’ve heard good things…”

“
Oh, have you? Glad to hear that the word on the street is favorable,” he said, moving to her breast and seeking out the nipple hidden behind her bikini top. “Have you heard of what I can do with these?” And then before she could quip something witty or clever, he sucked the nipple into his mouth and sucked hard, causing her to forget all about everything, which was absolutely wonderful.

Before long, she was twisting and crying out, urging him to fill her with his cock, and grabbing at him like a greedy little whore who couldn’t get enough. That was the thing about Miles, he made her insatiable. And she seemed to have the same affect on him, which was a huge ego boost.

She could spend her entire life in Miles’ arms, basking in his love and adoration, sinking into utter bliss but there was a small Debbie-Downer part of her that knew…it couldn’t last.

#

Later that day, after a few hours spent in the water, and a quickie on the empty beach, they found themselves wandering into a few of the shops in the plaza so Dani could get a feel for the island flavor and a jewelry store caught Dani’s eye and she popped inside, dragging him with her. She wandered around until she saw the soft teal of the larimar stone, the namesake of the Bell resort and exclaimed at the pretty stone. “Oh! This is pretty, what is it?” she asked and the jeweler smiled answered with a sparkle in his eye at being able to share the local gem.

“This is larimar, the only stone exclusive to the Caribbean,” he said, pulling a few pieces from behind the glass. “It is found in the
Dominican Republic and is very rare. Would you like to try it on? The color would complement your skin tone very nicely.”

She nodded eagerly and the jeweler slipped the ring on her finger, looking to Miles for his opinion. “What do you think?”

“It’s beautiful,” he said, agreeing with the jeweler that it looked fantastic against her golden skin. Then he added in a silky whisper meant for her alone, “The legend of larimar is that if you take it away from the Caribbean, it will compel you to return someday.”

He pulled away and a tiny smile lifted the corners of her mouth as a moment of swe
et promise flowed between them but then a shadow dimmed the lovely light in her eyes and she forced a different kind of smile as she pulled the ring from her finger and handed it back to the jeweler. “It’s gorgeous but I think I’ll pass today.” Before he could ask her why she pulled him from the jeweler’s shop and announced that she wanted to try boiled bananas.

He chuckled but at the back of his mind, he knew something was still troubling Dani…something that made her hold back from loving him again. He didn’t know if that was a blessing in disguise or simply a painful truth that he wasn’t ready to accept.

Miles took her to a hole-in-the-wall diner that the locals frequented, The Lazy Donkey, and after they gave their orders, he grasped her hand in his and decided to broach the subject that was most on his mind. “What are we doing here?”

She gazed at him quizzically and answered, “Eating boiled bananas. Or was that a trick question?”

“C’mon, babe. Don’t play dumb. You know what I’m talking about. What are we doing with each other?”

She tried a sweet smile and said, “Can’t we just keep doing what we’re doing and not worry about putting a label on it?”