He frowned. “I don"t know.”
“What do you have to lose?”
“I"l think about it.”
I hesitated but decided to speak. “There"s not only a
job at the post office but the stable is hiring as well.” When I
saw him clench his jaw, I realized he wasn"t listening to me.
“I"ve had it! I"m tired of hearing you complain about your job.
I don"t understand why you don"t quit.” It hadn"t been my
intention to raise my voice but the more I spoke, the louder I
got.
He glared at me. “Unlike some people, I don"t run
away from my problems.”
I bolted to my feet. “That"s the last time I"l try to help
you!” I quickly ran into the house before I said something I
would regret.
I locked myself in my bedroom. So what if I left
Virginia in order to get away from Kent and Rebecca? Todd
didn"t refuse to take me with him! I crossed my arms and
sat on my bed. Perhaps leaving Virginia the way I did
wasn"t the smartest thing I ever did, but I liked it here. I
didn"t regret coming out here, even though I missed my
parents and Agnes.
I spent most of the night fuming at his words. Did he
think I was staying here because I was still mourning over
Kent? Did he think that was the only reason I stayed
married to him?
By the time morning came, I was tempted to make
Todd fix his own breakfast. I stared at the stove and oven. I
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wondered how long it would take him to figure out how to
make pancakes and biscuits.
“I"m sorry, Ann. I didn"t mean to say that about you
running away from your problems,” Todd softly stated.
I hadn"t heard him enter the kitchen. I turned
around, my heart melting. “I"m sorry too. You know how to
handle the situation at work better than I do.”
He seemed as relieved as I was to have things go
back to normal. Unlike the other times we apologized, he
hugged me. The action startled me for a moment, but then I
returned his hug. I found that I enjoyed hugging him.
Maybe fighting wasn"t so bad after all.
“You don"t run away from your problems,” he said
when our hug ended. “If you did, you wouldn"t be here. I
know it wasn"t easy for you to learn to cook and clean. It"s
hard work, and I want you to know that I appreciate it.
Thank you for taking care of me.”
My eyes lit up at his compliment. I kissed his cheek
to show my appreciation. “Of course, you take care of me
too.” Again, I was thankful that he loved me and treated me
so well. I gladly turned to the stove and made his breakfast.
***
The next afternoon when he came home, he rushed
into the house and said he had a surprise for me.
Interested, I followed him out to the barn and paused when I
saw my gift. He bought me a horse?
“Do you think this is a good idea?”
“Of course it is,” he replied, smiling proudly at the
brown animal that was eating hay in her stall. “Do you want
to name her?”
“Why do we need another horse?”
“I notice you go into town more and thought if I was
at work and you needed to go to town, you can hook up
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Thunder and this horse to the buggy. You can go anywhere
you need to while I"m at work.”
I considered my words carefully. I didn"t work at the
Coley"s so he could buy things we didn"t need. “I appreciate
the thought. You are very kind to think of me.”
He frowned. “But…?”
I shrugged. “I don"t know. I just think that it may be
unnecessary. Barbara takes me into town whenever she
goes.”
“I thought you would be pleased.”
I noted his disappointment. “I am but isn"t a horse
expensive?”
“Are you saying I can"t afford it?”
“Can you?”
“Yes.”
I rubbed my forehead. I saw the budget that night. I
knew he couldn"t. Not real y. Not without sacrificing
something important, like food or clothes or blankets for the
winter.
He sighed and looked at Thunder and Lightning who
rested in their stalls, munching on their portion of the hay.
He turned back to me. “I work all the time to give you what
you want and no matter how hard I try, I can"t please you. I
real y thought you"d appreciate this horse. I bought her for
you.”
“I don"t need a horse.”
“You want more clothes?”
“No. I"m content with what I have.” Why was he
getting upset? I was trying to ease his financial burden, not
increase it. “You don"t have to buy me things. I don"t need
things to be happy. I just want to be a blessing to you.”
He looked as if he was about to say something but
decided against it.
I shook my head. “Forget about the Thanksgiving
trip and the horse. You don"t have to work overtime at the
bank. Do you think I want you to suffer over there just so I
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can have more things? I already told you I wasn"t going to
buy as many clothes anymore and I have managed to cut
back on the food expenses. I did all of that for you, but you
take the money I have saved you by not spending it and you
run off and buy an animal I don"t need. Then you"re going to
run back to the bank and overwork yourself again.”
“I keep telling you we can afford things. Why don"t
you ever listen to me?”
He was too proud to admit that he needed help.
I couldn"t make him tell me the truth, and I didn"t
want to have another fight about his job. I turned to the
mare. He did show a great deal of thoughtfulness in buying
her for me. I should graciously accept it and just hope it
didn"t create a hole in our finances. “Thank you for the
horse. I"m sorry I wasn"t appreciative of it before. I do like it
when you buy things for me.”
He looked uncertain. “You do?”
I nodded. “It lets me know you think about me.”
He smiled back. “That"s good information to have.”
Relieved, I returned his smile. “Why don"t we name
her Storm? I think it goes well with Thunder and Lightning.”
“I like it. Storm it is.”
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Todd’s Point of View
One night, I couldn"t sleep at all. Thoughts of Ann
continually replayed themselves in my mind. I recalled the
day I brought home her dress for her birthday and how
beautiful she looked in her robe. I recalled her perky white
breasts when she leaned over to touch my forehead. I
wanted to see everything that was under that robe. I
managed to drift off into a fitful sleep halfway through the
night, and my dreams were filled with images of Ann coming
to me. My hands caressed her breasts. I recalled the feel
of her silky hair, the way her lips felt on mine, and how her
body felt when I hugged her. I reluctantly willed these
thoughts away as I woke up. I was too aroused to go back
to sleep. I jumped off my bed and opened the window.
I shivered as my body temperature finally dropped. I
didn"t dare close the window. Instead, I decided to go
downstairs. I didn"t feel like taking of my sexual needs that
night. I"d just ride it out. I quietly walked down the stairs
and lit a candle in the parlor. I went over to the desk by the
window and opened the top drawer where I put the papers I
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wrote on to plan our spending and savings. I took out my
pencil and began working on a new idea on ways I could cut
spending. I had already cut back as far as I could on my
clothing. I had enough warm clothes. I did odd jobs for
John for some hay to feed the horses, so I managed to save
aside some extra money there.
I looked at Ann"s clothing and the food budget. I
sighed loudly and stood up and paced in front of the desk. I
hated to cut back on the things she enjoyed. She had
bought some warmer and prettier dresses, which I liked.
She not only looked good in them but she had fun buying
them. It was one of the things she did enjoy back in
Virginia. I sat back down in front of a pile of papers and
considered cutting back the food budget. I wrote some
amounts down to the few foods I knew. I did enjoy her
cooking, and she had fun trying new recipes. Some of them
were fancy but it tasted just as good as the other stuff she
made. If I cut back on the food and clothing, it would save
more, but I didn"t want to do that to her.
I stared out the window and recalled the last time
she brought a new dress home. Her face glowed with
pleasure. I wished she liked me as much as she liked those
dresses. I threw the pencil down in aggravation and paced
the floor again. I didn"t like thinking such thoughts. I had to
be important to her in some way. She wouldn"t even tell me
she loved me, but she had no trouble expressing her
pleasure for cooking and buying clothes. I groaned. So I
wasn"t going to sleep tonight. I blew out the candle and
crept up the stairs. Despite my frustration, I quietly shut the
bedroom door. I wanted slam it so she would wake up and
come running out of her bedroom to ask me what was
wrong.
Then what? I would get to look at her in her
nightgown which didn"t hide as much as the dresses did, but
she"d be oblivious to the fact that I was in pajamas which
didn"t hide much either. She"d be relieved that I was alright
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and go back to her room. She wouldn"t invite me to her
room or come into mine. Then the next day, I"d be just as
miserable but with the reminder that she didn"t care to do
anything interesting with me the night before when she had
the perfect chance. I laid on my bed and resigned myself to
another sleepless night. Again, the thought crept into my
mind that I should have left her back in Virginia.
***
That Sunday evening, we sat on the porch again. I
sat in one of the chairs. I was finding it harder and harder to
sit next to her. Instead, I put as much distance between us
as possible. I was afraid if I got close, I wouldn"t be able to
control myself. There were too many intimate thoughts
running through my mind. If she had any idea, she would
probably think there was something wrong with me or,
worse, reject me.
I wanted to ask Ann what she thought about sex but
knew it wouldn"t be appropriate since we weren"t actually
having it. Or would it? Could it be something that would
open the door to consummating our marriage? I could talk
to her about anything else. So why not this?
“It was nice that we spent the day together,” Ann
said. “We always have fun with John and Barbara, but
sometimes it"s nice to spend some time alone.”
Breaking out of my thoughts, I turned to her in
interest. Did she enjoy being with me?
She shifted on the porch swing and cleared her
throat. “It"s just that sometimes I feel like I don"t get to see
you very much. You work so many hours at the bank. Not
that I"m complaining,” she quickly added. “I know you"re
doing everything you can to provide for us.”
“You like having me around?”
She blushed. “Of course I do.”
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I appreciated her comment more than she realized.
“I like being with you too.”
I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the
chair. It had been a good day. She sat closer to me than
usual in church. Usually, there was some space between
us, but now that I thought about it, our arms were touching.
I had assumed she sat close to me because Molly wanted to
sit right by her and she didn"t have enough room to leave
some space between us. Was it possible that she
intentionally sat close to me? There was enough room on
Mol y"s side. Then I recalled the way she sat next to me at
dinner and touched my arm a couple of times. I had
assumed it was innocent Ann behavior. Was there more to
it than that? A spark of hope went through me.
“If you want, I could stay home more.” Suddenly, I