wanted to be with her. Perhaps I should stop working
overtime and see if more would come from her actions.
“I understand that you need to be at work as much
as you are,” she argued. “I don"t want you to stop doing
what you need to do.”
I frowned. “What do I need to do?” Be away from
her? Did she want me around or not?
She looked startled. “I didn"t mean anything rude.
I... Well, you know what you need to do. That"s why you
work overtime.”
I blinked, confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing. Forget I said anything. It doesn"t matter
anyway. We"re having a lovely day. Let"s not ruin it with
another argument.”
“I don"t want to forget it. I want to know what you"re
talking about.” I sat up in the chair, aware that I was getting
upset. Something in her comment bothered me and I didn"t
know why.
“I"m not saying you"re inadequate. You do a great
job.”
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“Why should I feel inadequate?” Was that why she
didn"t want to have sex with me? Because I didn"t measure
up to her standards?
“You shouldn"t feel inadequate.” She looked
alarmed. “Real y, I meant nothing wrong.”
“Fine. Then you can tell me what you meant.” I
didn"t mean to sound as harsh as I did, so I forced myself to
take a deep breath to calm down.
“You do a great job at the bank. You"re a hard
worker.”
What did that have to do with sex? “Are you trying to
avoid the topic?”
“No. I"ve been talking about your job. That is what
you"re talking about too, isn"t it?”
Her words broke through my confusion. She was
talking about my role as the provider. “Why should I feel
inadequate about work?”
“No reason. Can we just forget it and talk about
something else? What did you think of the preacher"s
sermon today?”
I narrowed my eyes. I couldn"t let go of her
insinuation that I wasn"t a good provider. “Are you saying
you don"t get enough money?” How many dresses or food
could a woman possibly buy? I thought I was already being
generous on those accounts.
“No! I"m not saying that at all.”
“I don"t believe you.” Now I was fuming. “This may
not be Virginia where you had tons of money to throw
around, but I work hard and I do make a good living at what
I do.”
She looked like she was ready to panic. “Of course
you do.”
“I"m sorry I don"t meet up to your standards, Ann.
Perhaps you"d like to go back.”
She angrily stood up. “I"m not going anywhere. I like
it here and you can"t make me leave. It"s my house too!”
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“You sure do enjoy living here. It"s almost like I"m
living with one of my sisters.”
She gasped. “Is that what you see me as? A
sister?”
“You treat me like I"m your brother.”
“I can"t believe you said that. I"ve just been giving
you time alone. You"re so upset with your job that it"s hard
to be around you.”
“Or are you upset because you can"t buy everything
you want?” What was going on? Were we real y having this
conversation? I wasn"t even sure what we were talking
about. Were we talking about money, sex or my job?
“That"s it! I can"t take this anymore. You go ahead
and stay at your job all you want, and we"l spend all of our
Sundays with the Russell family. I told Barbara that I
wanted to spend the day alone with you since I do enjoy
being with you. But all we do lately is argue and I don"t
understand how your job can affect your mood so poorly.
Real y Todd, if it"s that much of a pain, then quit and do
something else.”
Again, she was insisting that I quit my job. “In case
you haven"t noticed, I"m a man. I can handle my job. I don"t
need you to tell me what to do.”
“Fine. And in case you haven"t noticed, I am a
woman. I am not one of your sisters, nor do I consider you
to be my brother. Apparently, I was the only one who
listened to the preacher today. I am sorry that I offend you,
but I refuse to leave. It"s too bad you"re stuck with me.” She
ran into the house and slammed the door behind her.
I sat on the chair, unable to process what had just
happened. I knew it wouldn"t do any good to follow her.
She usually ran up to her room and locked the door. I didn"t
understand her. She was too complicated. One minute she
was telling me how much she enjoyed being with me, then
she told me to work more, and then she acted as if I had
insulted her. What did I say that was wrong? Irritated, I
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closed my eyes and rocked back and forth in the chair. She
was right about one thing. Whenever we spent time
together, we did fight. I couldn"t remember the last time we
had a pleasant day all through the day.
I didn"t imagine that marriage could be so hard. I
loved Ann for years. I thought we were having fun being
together up until the beginning of this month. What changed
in that time? True, I did complain about my job and dreaded
going to it, but I didn"t think it was as bad as she said. Was
she afraid I was going to stop working so she couldn"t afford
her precious dresses?
I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. I
understood that we would have our fights when I married
her. I didn"t expect things to always go perfectly. I even
anticipated female mood swings that were common with my
sisters. But Ann was a lot more complex. Why couldn"t we
get along anymore?
***
The next morning, I went to the kitchen. Ann stood
at the sink and stared out the window. She liked to look
outside while she cooked. She said it gave her a feeling of
peace to look at the flat landscape.
I took a deep breath as I drank in her beauty. She
wore her hair down so that it reached the middle of her
back. Her waist and hips were incredibly feminine. How
could she think I saw her as one of my sisters? I never
looked at them the way I looked at her. She knew I loved
her. I had told her I did. Granted, I hadn"t told her recently,
but did she really need to hear it all the time? If she would
give me some indication she was the slightest bit interested
in me as her husband, then I could show her what I thought
of her.
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One thing I did know was that I didn"t want to fight
with her. Neither one of us enjoyed that very much. “I"m
sorry, Ann,” I said.
She jumped around, obviously startled. “Why don"t I
ever hear you enter the kitchen?”
I smiled, glad the tension was broken. “Apparently, I
have quiet shoes.”
She returned my smile. “I"m sorry too. Will you eat
some French toast?”
“Aren"t you going to eat anything?”
“I"m not hungry this morning. I"l make a snack later.”
She usually didn"t eat much when something was
bothering her. I sighed. I didn"t know what else to say so I
sat down and ate my breakfast while she cleaned the
dishes. I couldn"t take my eyes off of her. Wasn"t she
aware of how attractive she was? Just as I finished the
French toast, she sat next to me.
“Please don"t think I intended to criticize you
yesterday evening,” she began. She considered her words
carefully. “You are a good husband. I know how hard you
work for me, and I appreciate it. I may not seem grateful for
you but I am. And I don"t look at you as a brother. You"re
very handsome.”
I was pleased by her words. “Thank you, Ann. We
can afford the dresses you like to buy. Do you need more
money?”
“No. I"m doing fine. I"m even getting good deals on
some food from Mrs. Coley"s store. I"ve learned how to
economize. I don"t want to be a burden to you.”
Where did she get the idea that we didn"t have
enough money for the things she wanted? I never told her
we were having financial problems. “You don"t have to do
that. We have plenty of money.”
“I want to learn to watch what I spend.” She paused
for a moment. “I don"t miss the things I had back in Virginia.
They were just things. What matters is you.” She put her
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hand on my arm. My body tingled in response. “You are a
wonderful man. I admire and respect you.”
“I don"t think of you as one of my sisters. You"re too
beautiful for that. Don"t you know that I love you?”
“It"s nice to hear once in awhile.” She smiled and
peered at me through her thick lashes. “You real y think I"m
beautiful?”
Did the sun light the day and the moon light the
night? “You look in the mirror. Surely, you can see how
desirable you are.”
“I know I"m not the most beautiful woman in the
world. I just want to look good for you.”
“I disagree. You are the most beautiful woman in the
world.”
She blushed. “You are very kind. I am glad we"re
married.”
“Me too.”
“I hope you have a good day at work.”
She leaned over and kissed me. Right on the lips. It
wasn"t one of those pristine kisses on the cheek. Before I
could respond, she stood up. I wanted to bolt out of the
chair and grab her so I could kiss her. I wanted to kiss her
the way I"d been wanting to kiss her ever since we were
sixteen and she showed me how to play Solitaire.
She took the empty plate and put it in the sink. She
left the room. Curious, I followed her. She brought me my
coat and hat.
“I thought I would get your things for you today,” she
explained. “I know you have to get going.”
I glanced out the window on the kitchen door. The
sunrise graced the barn. It would be a nice day, even if it
would be chilly. I looked at her. She was smiling, and her
eyes twinkled in a way that I"d come to learn was a clue that
she was happy.
I didn"t know what to do. Was she giving me
permission to touch and kiss her? Or was she trying to
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make amends? I wanted to kiss her, to see how she"d
respond. I wanted to touch her soft hair. I wanted to hold
her so I could feel her body against mine. But I did none of
these things. Instead, I put my coat and hat on and thanked
her before I left.
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Ann’s Point of View
In the beginning of November, Barbara picked me up
to take me into town.
“These blankets wil keep us warm,” she said as I
hopped into the carryall carriage.
“Where is Molly?”
“John decided to keep her home so they can discuss
what gift to make for me this Christmas.” She urged the
horses forward. “John didn"t say that"s what he"s doing, but
I know it. I think he likes to make gifts with them. Children
can be a handful but they are worth it.”
“They are adorable, except when they"re fighting. As
I grew up, I wanted a brother or sister that I could argue with
over things like candy. Todd was the oldest of seven
children and since they were girls, he didn"t argue with them
very much. Despite all the fights his sisters did have
amongst themselves, they were close.” I sighed. I missed
Agnes and her funny stories.
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I decided to tell Barbara my two favorite Agnes
stories, and she couldn"t stop laughing as I told them. We
reached town by the end of the second story.
She yielded to a couple who crossed the street.
“You"re wonderful with Calvin, Bruce and Molly. They look
forward to when they can see you.”
“I have a lot of fun with them. They know how to
brighten my day.”
She smiled at me before she urged the horses
forward. “You"re a natural mother. I bet you and Todd can"t
wait to have children. Who knows? Maybe you"re expecting
and don"t even know it yet. That would be a good Christmas
gift, wouldn"t it?”
I didn"t know how to respond so I stayed quiet. I