couldn"t breathe as images of Kent breaking into my house
flashed through my mind. I didn"t want to look out the
window but I forced myself to go to the parlor and check the
front yard. I cried with relief when I saw that Patches was
playing with the two cats. Kent was nowhere in sight.
I stumbled back to the kitchen. My tears fell down
my cheeks as the reality of my fear consumed me. I had
been paralyzed when I thought he was coming. I knew I
was safe but I wanted to feel safe too. I hated Kent! I knew
he was terrified of Todd now that Todd had pulled a gun on
him. I knew he wouldn"t come back because Todd would kill
him if he ever saw him again. But I didn"t
feel
safe!
Struggling to complete the lunch, I set the tomato
onto its side. My hands shook.
Stop it. You’re safe. He’s
all the way in Europe. He can’t harm you anymore.
As
much as I repeated these things, my shaking and crying
wouldn"t stop.
I angrily sliced the tomato until I realized I was
cutting the board too. I threw the knife in the sink, picked up
the board and banged it against the table, pretending I was
hitting Kent with it. If I pounded the table enough, I could
erase Kent completely from my mind.
I hate you, Kent! I
wish I never met you!
I
won’t live my life in fear anymore.
The board finally gave and split in half. The table
had suffered damage as well but was still intact. I curled up
in the corner of the room and sobbed hysterically into my
hands. I couldn"t keep living this way. I had to get past this
or else I would be a prisoner forever.
Maybe I’l never feel
completely safe again. Maybe the fear will always linger in
the back of my mind, but I should be able to do something to
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ease that fear enough so I can be comfortable when I’m
alone.
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of the
closet by the door. The kitchen door was open. I had a
good view of the parlor. I hated for any door to be closed
since I wanted to know what or who was in the next room at
all times. The closet door was open as well, and I saw the
rifle sitting under the coats.
I may not be able to control the
circumstances around me, but I can control how I respond to
those circumstances.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and
stood up. My anger returned with newfound energy.
I can
control some things in my life, and I can make every effort to
protect myself.
I recalled the stack of empty glass bottles under the
kitchen sink and grabbed an armful of them.
You don’t win,
Kent! I’m taking my life back!
I stormed out of the house
and to the barn. I didn"t see Todd, so I went to the shelf in
the corner of the barn and set the bottles on it. After the
bottles were in a row, I went to the woodpile and picked up
the rifle from behind it. I made sure it had bullets in it before
I turned my attention back to the bottles.
I will defend
myself. I will kill Kent if he ever comes near me again. I
have every right to protect myself.
I shot at each bottle until
I succeeded in blowing them all off the shelf. When I was
done, a sense of relief flooded over me. I knew this was the
answer. I was going to overcome my fear and anger by
equipping myself with the skills necessary to protect myself.
I turned to put the gun back when I saw Todd who
silently watched me. He was washing Thunder by the large
door of the barn. No wonder I didn"t see him when I came
in. The storage shed had blocked my view of him. I walked
over to him.
“I"m tired of being scared all the time,” I told him.
He nodded. “I"m tired of being angry.”
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By the look in his eyes, I knew that we had just
agreed to put the past behind us and move on. Relieved, I
returned to the kitchen to finish making the sandwiches.
***
Two days later in the late morning, John came over
to announce that Barbara went into labor. I told Todd that I
was going to help out, and after I got into the buggy, I rode
over to the Russell house where a flurry of activity greeted
me.
“She went into labor yesterday afternoon,” her
mother told me as soon as I walked through the front door.
John took the children out to the barn so we could
help the doctor without them running around us. I followed
her mother to the bedroom where Barbara was trying to
breathe. She gripped the newspapers under her, her face
contorted in pain.
“The baby will be here soon,” the doctor said.
“Does labor always take long?” I asked.
“Sometimes it can. Barbara has had long labors in
the past, but she progresses smoothly along and has little
trouble with the actual delivery.”
So I could expect to be in labor for a long time as
well.
“The beginning of labor involves minor discomfort,”
her mother continued as the doctor turned back to Barbara.
“It"s not like she spent the whole night in pain. Now that
she"s ready to give birth, things are intense.”
I was glad to be here so I knew what to expect when
my time came. I took a deep breath. It was difficult to watch
Barbara in pain but I was determined to help. “Is there
anything I can do?”
“It would be a good time to get some hot water, clean
towels and more newspapers,” the doctor replied.
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I nodded and boiled some water on the stove while
her mother gathered the towels and newspapers. By the
time we finished getting everything ready, the doctor
announced that it was time for Barbara to start pushing. Her
mother held onto her hand while I sat and waited with a
towel in my hands.
I was aware of the movement in my womb. Soon it
would be my turn. I had to admit that the process of giving
birth was gross and I felt queasy as I watched the baby"s
head come out, followed by the rest of the body.
There’s no
way I’m going to let Todd watch me give birth.
I could
understand why the husband and children were sent
outside. I didn"t relish the idea of going through it myself.
“It"s a girl!” the doctor announced.
Little Melanie cried and we all laughed. The doctor
handed her to me and I gently held her while I did my best to
clean her up with water. She was tiny but amazingly strong
and loud as she struggled to squirm away from me. I
handed Melanie to Barbara while the doctor took care of the
afterbirth. Her mother leaned over and smiled at her new
granddaughter.
I smiled. “She"s a cute little girl. I bet Molly wil be
delighted to have a sister. And I can"t wait to tell Mrs.
Carson that you had a girl.”
Barbara laughed. “Yes, she will be pleased.”
“It was scary to watch,” I confessed. “But when I
saw Melanie, I realized you were right. It is worth it.”
“I"m glad you were here.”
“I wouldn"t have missed it for anything.”
“Everything looks good,” the doctor said. He
checked Barbara"s temperature and heart rate. Then he
checked Melanie to see how she was doing. “I"m giving
both of you a clean bill of health. You"ve been through this
before, so you know what do but remember to get plenty of
rest.”
Melanie continued crying.
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He chuckled. “Well, get as much rest as you can. I"l
tell the father the good news and be on my way.”
Her mother and I finished gathering the towels and
blankets and took them to the laundry. John came in shortly
after the doctor left and Calvin, Bruce and Molly got to meet
their baby sister. After her mother and I were done washing
the laundry, I hung the things up to dry and asked if there
was anything else I could do. I was anxious to go home and
tell Todd that Barbara and John had a girl. They said that
there was nothing more they needed, so I went home to tell
Todd the good news.
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Todd’s Point of View
Alex wrote me a letter to tell me that he and Agnes
would be visiting for a couple of days in July. I thought that
Ann pretended to be upset that they married since she had
vowed to never let him become her brother-in-law, but
Alex"s hesitation to stay in our guest bedroom gave me an
idea to have a good time with my childhood friend.
Ann offered to come with me into town to pick Alex
and Agnes up from the train station, but I asked her if she
would practice her shooting in the barn by the time we
returned. She asked me why I wanted her to do this, but I
told her it would become obvious soon enough. She
shrugged and agreed to my strange request. It felt good to
leave her alone and know she was comfortable with it.
Alex and Agnes looked very happy together, and I
couldn"t believe how much he had changed. He was more
serious, though he did tell some good jokes. He had
matured in college. I noticed how Agnes" face glowed
whenever he looked at her. I was glad he was treating my
sister well.
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Ann kept her word and was in the barn practicing her
shot with the rifle by the time we entered the barn. I grinned
as soon as I saw her. She was starting to show in her
pregnancy, so she looked especially feminine even though
she was holding a gun in her hands.
She stopped shooting and came over to us. “Hello,
Agnes and Alex.”
Alex ducked when she swung the gun his way.
I bit my lower lip so I wouldn"t laugh. She was so
used to the gun that she didn"t notice she was waving it
around.
“When are you due to give birth?” Agnes asked,
delighted to see her.
“Either late November or early December deciding
on when the baby"s ready to come out.” She hugged Agnes.
“You"l be an aunt soon enough.”
“Good. I can"t wait to spoil my niece or nephew.”
This was beginning to get boring. I cleared my throat
and nodded at Alex.
“Oh. Hello, Alex. Did you enjoy your trip?” Ann
asked. She waved the gun in his direction.
“Watch where you"re pointing that thing!” he
squeaked as he hid behind me.
I burst out laughing. It was fun to watch him run from
her like that.
Her eyes grew wide. “I forgot I had this in my
hands.” She quickly went to put it away.
“How could she forget something like that?” he
whispered.
I noted the sweat on his brow.
I told her he was scared of her. Ever since she
dumped sand on us, he had been on his guard around her.
But she wasn"t aware of his reaction to her, which made it
even more humorous.
She walked back over to us. “Did you have a good
trip?”
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“It was wonderful,” Agnes nodded, also unaware of
Alex"s hesitation around Ann. “It"s much more fun to travel
when you"re with someone you love.” She glanced at Alex
and smiled.
“Alex, I"m looking forward to getting to know you as
Todd"s friend instead of the annoying boy who pulled pranks
on everyone,” Ann said. “I better get started on dinner. You
two must be famished.”
Agnes hastened to her. “Can I help? There"s so
much I want to tell you.”
“Sure.”
I watched Alex gulp nervously as Ann and Agnes
went to the house. Of course, I could only hear Agnes
talking. My sister rarely stopped to take a breath.
“Why don"t we eat in town?” he asked.
I shook my head. “What"s wrong with you? Ann"s
going out of her way to be nice to you. She never would
have done that in Virginia.”
He followed me as I brought the horses and wagon
into the barn.
“She"s only being nice to make me feel safe until she
can spring her revenge on me,” he insisted.
“You"re paranoid.”