False Illusions (False #1) (13 page)

I move my head before he can make contact and I see the hurt in his eyes. But I'm hurt too. He doesn’t get to be sad! He did this, not me. He doesn’t get to destroy me and act like this is killing him too.

“No. What we had was a beautiful lie, Yoel.” A tear falls from my eye. Traitor tear. “What we had was a beautiful false illusion.”

He takes a step back, his eyebrows drawing together. “You don't mean that, Madison. We were anything but an illusion.” He hits his chest above his heart. “It was real.” His voice breaks.

Shaking my head I open the door and step aside. I look up to see him standing right next to me. I have to force myself to look away.

“You need to leave.” My voice holds no conviction.

Yoel steps in front of me. His fingers trace my jaw lifting my chin to look at him.

“I know you need time, fuck, baby doll. I'm so sorry.” His eyes are locked on mine.

“Were you ever going to tell me?”
Just tell the truth.

Without breaking eye contact he shakes his head and my heart brakes even more. I wasn’t even worth the truth.

“No, because I would lose you, just like I already lost you.”

I close my eyes, tears fighting to break free of my lids. I feel his breath on my cheek.

“You have no idea what you mean to me, Madison. I know you're hurt and upset. I know you need space, and I'll give you that,” he pauses, his lips gently against me. “But please don't give up on me yet.”

Just like that I felt his warmth leave my space and the door closes with a soft click. He was gone. I wrap my arms around myself as my body shakes, tears breaking free. I slide to the floor trying to catch my breath between my cries.

“It hurts so much,” I whisper into the empty room.

Why does it hurt so much?

Damn it Chelsea why couldn’t you wait until my heart was at least half way healed before sending him to my door?

After what felt like a lifetime I pick myself off the floor and decide that My bed will be a better place to drink myself into a coma. Picking up the wine bottle and slowly walk back to my bedroom where I will stay until I’m all cried out.

I hook up my iPod to the speakers and put on the playlist with all the sad songs I downloaded yesterday. Damien Rice’s soulful voice fills the room as I climb in bed taking a gulp from the wine bottle, tears freely flowing. How dare he show up here. I just want to forget. Forget the feel of his touch, the smell of his scent. I just want to forget the way he made me feel.

Maybe it was real.
My mind tries to convince me.

“It couldn’t have been real,”  I whisper.

Definitely couldn’t have been real.

Let Her Go- Passenger

Walking away from Madison was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I knew I needed to do it. She was breaking in front of me and when she moved from my touch I knew I had to leave her alone. I have done too much damage. She needs space, space that will kill me to give her. The plane ride back to Vegas was like a slow death. All I could think about was her and where everything went wrong. What I could have, should have done. When she asked if I ever planned on telling her the truth I realized I wouldn’t have because in my mind the plans changed, the truth was suppose to never come out, but I couldn’t lie to her again.

What we had wasn’t a conventional relationship, but this does sure feel like a break-up. A really bad break-up. Madison packed up her shit and disappeared. Away from me. Far away from me.

She left Marcus too.

Fuck Marcus. He didn’t deserve her anyway.

The noise of the blender snaps me out of my thoughts. I’m pretty sure my protein shake with fruit is well blended now.

It has been two days since I left Madison in New York and I was still as down as I was the night she left the party. A part of me was definitely missing and I didn’t know how to feel about that, only that I wanted my girl back.

Only thing getting me through the days was training. I wanted this more than ever. Not just for me anymore. For Madison, I wanted to teach Marcus a lesson on how a woman like her should be treated.

Pouring my shake into my to-go container my phone starts to vibrate off the counter. Seeing that it’s Chris I slide the answer icon.

“What’s up?” I twist on the lid.

“Where are you?” I hear noise in the background.

“I’m about to head over there. Why?” He knows I don’t show up until around nine. It’s only eight-thirty.

“Just making sure you didn’t jump off the building.”

I narrow my eyes. What the fuck. I’m not suicidal. “No such luck. I’ll be there in thirty to whoop your ass.” Tossing my phone in the counter I go to put my sneakers on.

Did he really think I would jump off a building over a breakup? Sure I was bummed that it’s over, for now, but suicidal? No. How can I get my girl back if I’m dead?
Besides, I would have offed myself as soon I got back in town. 

Shaking my head I grab my phone and protein shake. The car is already waiting for me downstairs, I slip in the back seat and pull my phone out. Temptation has me wanting to dial her number or send a text. I told her not to give up on me just yet and I meant it. She might think it was all fake, but it wasn’t it. It was all real. She had me after Knock, Knock.

I had to let her go for now, but not for long.

Instead of pushing my luck with Madison, I call my mom, Maria. I haven’t spoken to her in weeks.

She picks up on the third ring. “Yoel. You remembered your mother?” Her thick accent tsk’s.

Rolling my eyes I smile. “Mom, you know I have been busy training.”

“That’s not what I heard from Rico. I know what he did and I gave him a good smacking, but tell me about this girl, El.” Her voice is soft, She knows I don’t go crazy over any female, except for family.

I sigh. “Her name is Madison and she’s smart and funny. You would have loved her mom.” I go on to tell my mom the story. The good, bad and ugly. How do I expect advice if I don’t tell the whole story? I’m not proud of my actions, but it brought me to Madison.

My mom takes a deep breath. “I can’t believe you, mijo. I thought I taught you better than this.” She’s disappointed. Of course she is.

The car is now outside of the gym, but I’m not ready to take this conversation in there with Chris having me on suicide watch.

“All you can do is give her time and pray she forgives you,” she continues. “You know when your father left I tried to raise you the best I could. I taught you to respect women, Yoel. You knew better.”

Closing my eyes, feeling the shame I nod even though she can’t see me. “I know. I know better, mom. Never doubt how you raised me. I will never be able to repay you, but I’m going to try.” My voice is thick. I missed my mom.

“I know, Mijo. Make me proud. “ She hangs up.

I hold the phone to my mouth before getting out the car and slipping my phone in my jacket pocket. Getting things off my chest to my mom made me feel a little lighter. She was right I need to pray on it, I can’t forget where I came from.

Chris is already suited up and sitting on the side of the ring when I walk in. His arm resting on the middle rope and his feet dangling.

“Look who decided to join us,” he says to no one, because no one is here.

Ignoring him I go into the locker room to change. Gulping down my shake on the way back out to the floor, I grab my gloves.

“You ready for this?” I smirk. “Just got off the phone with mom dukes, so I’m feeling good after confessing my sins.” I slide the gloves on.

He laughs and stands up. “You mean your mom. Who still says mom dukes?” Chris shakes his head. “Can’t take the boy out the hood.”

Stepping into the ring I smile. “Never forgot where I came from. Money doesn’t change that.”

“Not even for princess Madison?” He cocks an eyebrow.

Taking a stance I tilt my head. “She doesn’t care where I came from. She just cares that I played her. Now shut up and let’s spar.”

We touch gloves. “You should look for a replacement for Rico. I’m not a trainer, El.”

“Don’t worry, I’m flying in Javi.” My older cousin used to train me when I first started out years ago, but had to stop and be a family man, but when I called in a favor days ago he gave in.

“Now shut up and box!”

I had to keep my mind off Madison.

Back To Me Without You- The Band Perry

It’s been three days since he left my apartment. Three days that I stayed in bed, only to get up for food and to open another bottle of wine. Three days of playing sad depressing music. I was pathetic, who was this sad depressing creature that I turned into? I wasn’t even like this the first time Marcus cheated on me. Now that I think about it I didn’t even cry, but here I am nursing my fifth bottle of wine and forcing myself to eat two day old chinese food so I won’t die of alcohol poisoning.

Yeah, this had to stop. I need to get up and actually take a shower, I smell. Ew, that’s disgusting.

I have ignored every call from my mom, who has been calling damn near every hour on the hour. Marcus actually called a few times and I almost picked up. Almost. What really bothered me is Yoel hasn’t called or texted at all. I know he said he’ll give me space, and granted it has only been a few days, but I thought he would still reach out.

This was good though. He was right. I do need space. Figure out who I am again. It wasn’t as if I went from one relationship to the next. I was
engaged
and cheated, I had an affair and fell in love. I fell in love with the enemy. As much as my mind wants to deny it, my heart knows he fell for me too. Before I even think about him again I need to get myself back together.

That needs to start now with ringing that’s coming from my cell. I can’t avoid her forever.

Step one: Stop trying to make everyone happy.

I take a deep breath and hit answer. “Hello, mother.”

She huffs. “Don’t you dare ‘hello mother’ me, Madison. Where the hell are you?”

“I’m in New York, but we both know you know that.” I don’t have the time for this or the energy.

“Madison, you need to stop being foolish. I have spoken to Marcus and he says you can come home.” She ignores me.