Authors: Louise Behiel
The idea rolled around in his head. It actually had lots of merit. He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of it himself. He’d done as much as possible on Mr. Miller‘s deck. Now he was waiting for a delivery of marble to arrive from Italy. The inside of his place could wait for a few more weeks. And he could finish fencing the pool after they got home.
“Let’s do it.”
“What?” She seemed surprised.
“I said let’s go. How soon can you get away?”
She turned her head a bit and looked at him from the corner of her eyes. “No convincing? No arguments?”
He shook his head. “None. You’re right. How long will it take you to pack?”
“I need to talk to the department first. There’s Bonnie’s job and some other things I have to clear up. How does Saturday sound, if everything goes well?” She couldn’t imagine the department taking too long – she already had documents giving her the authority for medical treatment. This wasn’t much more complicated.
He didn’t have to give it any thought. Tomorrow would be better but the weekend worked. “It’s fine.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to Bonnie and Dina then start laundry. I’ll call my boss and we’ll leave first thing Saturday morning.”
***
She didn’t know where the time had gone, but somehow she’d finished everything: laundry, packing and all the details of a family vacation, plus getting the kids’ paperwork from the office. Taking foster children into the US was more difficult than holidaying with your own children, but given her background with the department, they bent all the rules and had everything quickly ready for her to pick up.
Bonnie had shifts to work, so she’d decided to stay with Dina while they were gone. She’d wanted to stay home alone and ordinarily Andie would have let her, but that wasn’t a viable option, given one of the reasons for the trip. Neither she nor Gray would have any peace if Bonnie was staying at the house.
After a couple of days on the road, Andie admitted that enjoying a family vacation with Gray had been interesting. He’d hadn’t been with a group of kids in a vehicle for a long time. And then he’d been one of the young ones, as opposed to the driver. So he’d alternately been amused and horrified all the time hanging on to his sense of humor.
Watching him with Chloe and the boys only deepened her love for him. He’d been patient or firm as the situation demanded. Given the emotional rollercoaster he must be going through, he’d been a pillar of good humor and ease. She could only marvel.
They drove to Banff and then to the Okanagan Valley then went south through the orchards and vineyards of British Columbia, turning west after crossing into the United States. They pulled into Seattle after three days on the road. According to one of the mapping sites on the internet, the drive was about sixteen hours, which they’d broken into a couple of pieces every day. They’d seen the great divide and the last spike of the Canadian Pacific Railroad. They’d bought fresh fruit from the vendors in the orchards of the Okanogan Valley.
She’d hoped he might decide to stop and see his parents but he hadn’t even mentioned them as they drove out of the Province. Instead he’d insisted on going through customs and into the United States before they reached Vancouver, avoiding any contact with them.
She’d brought her custody papers and passports for each of the kids, as well as her own documentation. She didn’t anticipate any particular problems, but since September of 2001, crossing the border wasn’t as easy as it had been.
Gray had shown his driver’s license and passport to the customs officer on duty. She wondered how his parents had provided one for him, but didn’t want to ask. A million questions would come up over the next few days all of which could distract him from his most important goal: finding the answers he needed.
They stopped in a motel in Bellingham, drove around the lake on their way out of town and stopped for ice cream at a mall beside the highway.
“Gray?” She took his hand as he came around the van. “We don’t have to keep stopping. I know you want to get to Seattle.”
“Tomorrow will be plenty of time to start looking, hon. I don’t expect any answers this trip. Success would be finding a place to start looking.”
Gray didn’t sleep all night. He tossed and turned until finally he got up and turned one of the chairs to face the hotel window. Although it remained dark inside and out, he silently watched the city.
“Come back to bed.” She rose up on one elbow.
“At times like this I understand why people smoke.”
She threw the sheet aside and took the couple of steps to his side, wrapping one arm around his shoulders and the other under his arm, pressing herself against his back. “The answers will start coming now that we’re here.”
“I want to believe you, sweetheart. I really do. But what if they don’t?” He shook his head. “What if Ma never tells me the whole truth?” His hand fisted against the wall, frustration quivering through his muscles and leaving them like steel.
“I can’t believe she wouldn’t talk to you when you called. It might have made some sense before your dad came out, but she has to know you’ve heard the whole story now. So why not give you the facts?”
“Because she doesn’t want to. In her mind, she did nothing wrong since she gave me a good home. I’m simply a bad boy who’s misbehaving to cause her pain.”
“I believe you, and still, I don’t understand. Any woman would want her child - .”
He twisted around to face her. “I’m not her child, Andie. That’s the whole problem.” His eyes raged with impotence. “She wanted a kid and couldn’t have one. Once Ida Mills decided she was entitled, she took me. Whammo. She’s got a kid. The pain she caused him or his family was immaterial because she got what she wanted.”
His mother’s refusal to give him the information he’d begged for made him crazy with impotence. But the woman was consistent, if nothing else. She wanted Gray to drop all this nonsense and get on with his life, including moving home. They were a family and no good would be served by searching for a family in the past.
Andie snuggled against him and rested her head next to his heart. Its strong beat was reassuring to her. There wasn’t anything she could do to help him, except be there for him. Somehow, that didn’t feel like enough.
***
The windows of the church reflected Seattle’s morning sun. The building looked new, obviously much newer than its neighbors. And it was locked. They waited for a while but when the kids got cranky and wanted to do something other than sit in the van, Gray took them to the coast. They watched the ferries and looked for shells and generally delighted in the fun reserved for Prairie kids at the ocean.
After a run in a park and ice cream all around, they drove to the address Pops had given him. The house where the two of them lived while in Seattle. He’d never been here as a kid so he didn’t expect it to have any memories for him. It didn’t – which depressed him. He remembered more of his early years every day, even the first few days with Ida and Pops. But nothing about this house. Somehow his lack of memories made it all the more real. And all the more urgent.
Later in the morning, they returned to the church which now boasted a sign ‘Out for lunch. Back in an hour.’ His heart sank. The church was his only link to his past. The minister wouldn’t be the pastor from thirty years ago and wouldn’t know them. But his parents had been here. Walked on this ground and visited on this sidewalk. They felt more real to him here. As if they, and him, actually existed. Curiously, he couldn’t see their faces, nor those of his siblings. They were the big blank hole in his memories.
With at least an hour to kill, they drove to the tourist information bureau and selected some pamphlets of local attractions. He figured Andie could take the kids out for some fun while he searched. He’d rent a car so she’d have the van, then they could hook up later in the day - maybe for food or something and then they’d spend the rest of the day together.
“Let’s have lunch and look at these pamphlets,” Andie suggested to the kids as they returned to the van. “Then we can decide what we want to do.”
“I don’t want to go to any art galleries,” Billy said with disgust. “You can leave me at the hotel.”
“I’m not leaving you anywhere, so quit fussing. We’ll figure out something fun for all of us.”
“Can we go to Six Flags? I want to ride the new roller coasters.” Billy was the dare devil of the group.
“Sounds like a good idea to me.” Gray loved them too.
“I want to go to the mall.” Andie didn’t believe Chloe for a minute, but the little girl always had to insert her two cents into every conversation.
“I promise we’ll find some time for shopping too.” The guys all groaned. “And we’ll drag them along if they don’t behave themselves, right Chloe?”
“Right Andie.”
They pulled into a fast food place with a big buffet and piled out of the van. Once seated, they gave the waitress their drink orders and then Andie spread the pamphlets out on the table.
“I want to go to the Aquarium.”
“Can we ride on a ferry?”
“Are the Mariners playing?”
“How about Six Flags?” Billy was nothing if not persistent.
The kids were excitedly making suggestions and pointing to pictures in the pamphlets spread on the table. Seattle had lots of entertainment, enough to keep them busy for longer than they’d be in the city
His only dilemma was how to get Andie to agree to take the three of them out in the mornings while he did some searching.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
“American or Canadian?”
She flipped one to the table from her pocket. “Take your pick.”
“I’m trying to figure out the best way to get in everything the kids want to see and do.”
Andie reached across the table and put her hand on his. “This trip isn’t for them – it’s for you. We’ll adapt to your schedule.”
“That’s not fair. They’re kids who want to have some fun.”
“Sshh. I know. And they will. But their fun isn’t the reason for this trip. Finding your family is.”
“I was thinking I should rent a car and do my business and then I could meet you for lunch.”
“No.”
“No? Just like that?” He tipped down his head and looked up at her.
“Just like that.” She snapped her fingers. “We’re in this together and we’re staying together.”
“You’re sure?”
She nodded. “Positive.”
Although he didn’t agree, her decision warmed him. Appreciating the offer and knowing he wouldn’t be able to change her mind, he didn’t try. Maybe after he met with the pastor of the church and had some ideas for his next step, he could argue with her. But for right now, he’d give it up. Besides, he had to admit it felt good to have someone around who cared for him and about him. Nicer than he’d thought possible. The kids would be a distraction for him, and Andie ... she was a distraction of another kind.
He turned his attention to the pamphlets and started making suggestions for tomorrow’s activities.
After today, he might not have any place to look, so there was no point in making a stand until he had a better idea of his next step.
Gray paid the bill and loaded everyone in the van. After he made sure everyone was securely belted in, he pulled out of the parking lot. Seattle traffic roared day and night, and he wasn’t taking any chances with his little family.
On the interstate, he looked in the rearview mirror and caught Billy’s gaze. He was a good kid and he cared for him – for all of them. More than he’d thought possible to care for a group who weren’t related to each other or to him. Somehow Andie had worked her magic and pulled him out of his isolation and in the process she’d cleared his loneliness.
Something shifted in his gut. A flutter chased the lump away and he realized he was okay. He wanted to find his birth family but he didn’t have to. He had a family right here in this van. He could make a difference for these children and this woman. And he would – for the rest of his life.
Feeling lighter than he had in weeks, he turned off I-5 toward the church. He’d talk to the minister and collect what information the man had but that was it for today. Tomorrow they were going to the amusement park. They’d spend the day eating and laughing and being scared silly on all the rides. Doing the same thing as families all over the country – having fun.
Pulling up in front of the church, the first thing he noticed was the absence of the sign. And the addition of a plain blue Chevy Cavalier sitting in the parking lot. Gray pulled into the spot next to it, and slid the gear shift into ‘Park’, while he stared at the building in front of him.
“I won’t be long.”
“We’ll be waiting.”
He leaned across the console and gave her a quick peck on the lips. “I think we should shop for a certain piece of jewelry while we’re here.”
“If we have time.”
“We’ll make time.”
One of the boys shrieked in the back seat. “It would have been easier if Bonnie had come, but we’ll find a minute or two.”
It had become important to him to combine his past with his future. Buying an engagement ring in the city of his birth was one way to begin forging those links.