Authors: Megan Nugen Isbell
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said and then raised an eyebrow. “Are things okay with you guys?”
“Yeah…we’re okay. We talked about things.”
“Why didn’t he come today?”
“He just had some stuff to do,” I told him, not wanting to tell him anything more.
“And he doesn’t mind you being here with me?”
“No,” I said, meeting Matt’s dark eyes with mine. “He told me to come. He didn’t want me to miss out just because he didn’t want to come.”
“That’s a big step. He seemed bothered we were playing air hockey together and yet he has no qualms about us spending an entire night together.”
“Can we just not talk about this right now? I’m here to enjoy some music and that’s it.”
“Fine by me,” he said. “I’m gonna get us something to drink.”
I watched as Matt disappeared towards a concession stand and I decided to text my mom to let her know we’d made it safely. When I pulled out my phone, I was surprised to see a text waiting from Jesse. I opened it quickly and smiled when I read it: HOPE UR HAVING FUN.
I hadn’t expected it and it made me wish he was here even more. I simply wrote back that I loved him and then wrote my mom quickly before putting the phone back in my purse. Matt returned a few minutes later and handed me a large cup of iced tea.
“I hope that’s okay. I didn’t even ask you what you wanted.”
“Tea’s great,” I said, taking a long sip.
Matt sat down beside me, stretching his legs out just as I was.
“Smile,” he said a moment later and I was surprised to see him holding his phone out in front of us. Then I heard a click and he started laughing.
“What are you doing?” I laughed, grabbing the phone from him.
“One thing you’ll learn about me is that I love to document things. I’m kind of a picture junkie.”
“Well, you are certainly not documenting tonight with a picture of me looking like this!” I exclaimed, staring down at the horrible photograph. My eyes were closed and my nose was crinkled as if I smelled something bad. I hit delete and he took the phone back.
“Let’s try again then. Ready?” he said, leaning in close so our faces were side by side. He held out the phone again and this time I smiled. “How’s this?” he asked, showing me the picture.
“Much better,” I said, staring down at it. I looked happy and so did Matt.
Just then, lights started flashing and the sound of a guitar ripped through the air. Everyone got to their feet and we stared down at the stage from our spot on the hill. I didn’t know the band, but their music wasn’t bad and I found myself tapping my foot and clapping along. Matt was doing the same and for a while I just escaped from my reality. A reality where the person I loved most in this world was hurting and keeping his distance. A reality where it seemed I had little control anymore. A reality where I had to wait for Jesse to heal. A reality where I ached for him.
It felt good to escape and when For King & Country took the stage, I was excited…until the first piano riff and the singer’s soulful voice came spilling out. My body stopped swaying and I just stood and watched. The lyrics washed over me and memories of the summer came flooding in. I didn’t even realize I was crying until I felt a tear streak down my cheek. All I could think about was Jesse and how much I loved him and how much I wanted him beside me. I stared down at the ground, trying to wipe my eyes before Matt noticed. I guess I wasn’t fast enough because when I felt his warm hand rest on my back, I looked up to see his dark eyes staring down at me in concern.
“Are you okay?” he asked gently, having to lean in close so I could hear him over the music.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just got some dust in my eye or something,” I said, wiping my eyes again.
“Liar,” he said, stooping down and picking up a napkin he’d brought back with him when he got our drinks. He turned me to face him and gently dabbed at my eyes. I turned my head away from him a moment later and stared down at the ground, embarrassed by my lack of self-control.
“Sorry about that,” I said as he came in closer to hear me. “I guess I had a bit of an emotional overload when I heard this song.”
“Don’t apologize, Riley.” I felt his hand under my chin, gently tilting my face up until our eyes met. His thumb stroked my cheek softly and the way he looked at me made my heartbeat quicken because I was afraid of what he was going to do next. “I don’t care what he’s going through. He’s a fool to push you away.”
He started leaning in closer and I knew what was coming.
“Matt,” I said softly just before our lips were to meet and he froze. “Don’t do this.” My voice was low and serious and he seemed to hang on my every word. “You’re lonely. You miss Taryn and I miss Jesse. I love Jesse and we need to stop now before we do something we can’t take back.”
Our lips remained hovering just inches away for a few moments before he began pulling back slowly, his fingers gliding off my cheek and he stepped back.
“So…um…yeah…wow…” he mumbled quietly as he ran a hand nervously through his hair and then I watched as he faded into the crowd. After Matt left, I turned back to the stage as my eyes brimmed with tears again. I sat down on the blanket and just listened to the music as I tried not to think about Matt having nearly kissed me. I had nothing to feel guilty about. I hadn’t tried to kiss him and I hadn’t wanted him to kiss me. I shook my head realizing what a bad idea this was. I missed Jesse. I thought a night away from Carver would help me to forget for a little while when instead, it just made me remember everything more clearly.
It seemed like Matt was gone a while, but then I saw him walking up the hill as the set was ending. He sat down beside me, but I noticed this time, the gap between us was much bigger.
He didn’t say anything as the crowd cheered and clapped at the end of the performance. When the applause died, down and there was no music filling the air, he finally spoke.
“I’m sorry,” he said and I turned to see him looking at me. “I don’t know what the hell that was.”
“It’s okay,” I said, trying to reassure him.
“I want you to know this was never my intention.”
“Seriously, it’s okay. I don’t want to make this any more awkward than it already is.”
“I’m glad you stopped me.”
“Me too. I’m sorry if I was sending you mixed signals or something.”
He laughed lightly and then smiled over at me.
“You didn’t. Like you said, I just miss Taryn and it’s been fun hangin’ out. I guess I just checked out there for a moment. I’m sorry.”
“It’s really okay,” I said, pausing for a moment speaking again. “But, would you mind if we went back to Carver?”
He didn’t look surprised. I didn’t want to leave because of what had almost happened between Matt and me. I knew that was just a moment of confused emotion on his part. I just wanted to get back home and be with Jesse.
“Let’s get outta here. We saw who we really wanted to see anyway.”
Matt stood up and then held out his hand to help me up. He gathered the blanket and I helped him fold it, before he tucked it under his arm and we walked in silence back to the car just as the next set began on the stage.
The drive home was a quiet one, but not as awkward as I feared it would be. We mostly listened to music, but when he pulled up to my house, I wondered how we would leave things.
“Thanks for taking me tonight,” I said, looking over to him. He looked nervous and uneasy. I knew I couldn’t let us leave with things weird between us. Matt was my friend and I didn’t want to lose that. I had to do something to lighten the mood. “I had fun…even if you did try and kiss me.”
I saw his cheeks flush, but then he grinned.
“I was just trying to make tonight memorable.”
“Mission accomplished then.”
“Thanks for being so cool with what happened tonight,” he said as my hand rested on the door. “I really hope things aren’t completely weird between us now.”
I felt my mind drift back to when Jesse kissed me while I was dating Alex. We’d had a similar conversation about not letting it change things between us. We’d worked through it, but I always remembered the kiss. It was constantly in the back of my mind because deep down I’d been in love with him. As I looked back at Matt though, I knew things wouldn’t be weird between us because I didn’t have feelings for Matt. If I’d been able to keep things normal between Jesse and me after our first kiss, it would be no problem doing the same with Matt.
“Everything will be fine between us,” I assured him, opening the door and getting out. But then I stopped and looked back into the cab of the truck. “Go call Taryn. Tell her how much you love her.”
He just smiled and I shut the door, heading up to the front door. I waved to him and he drove off, leaving a trail of dust behind him.
Chapter Twenty-Four
It was just after nine o’clock. I pulled out my phone and dialed Holly’s number.
“Can you do me a favor?” I asked when I heard her voice.
“Depends. What do you need?”
“I’m gonna tell my mom I’m sleeping over at your house tonight. If for whatever reason she calls or something, let me know so I can call her back.”
“What’s going on?” she asked and she sounded concerned.
“I just need to be with Jesse tonight.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Just please cover for me, alright?”
“Okay.”
“Thanks, Holly,” I said and quickly put my phone away before going inside.
“How was the concert?” my mom asked from her spot in the living room where she was watching TV.
“It was good,” I said and then walked over to her. “Mind if I sleep over at Holly’s tonight? She called on the way home and asked me to come over. She’s home alone with her brother. They watched some scary movie or something and she doesn’t want to be alone in the house with just Seth.”
My mom looked at me curiously and I wondered if she suspected something. I’d never been good at lying. I just hoped she’d believe me.
“Fine with me,” she said and then turned her eyes back to the TV.
“Thanks, Mom,” I said and went upstairs to grab my things.
I threw a pair of pajama bottoms and a t-shirt in the bag along with my toothbrush and a change of clothes for the morning before looking in the mirror and taking in a deep breath. I didn’t know why my heart was pounding so hard, but I ran a brush through my hair quickly before going downstairs again. I said goodbye to my mom and then got in my car and headed towards Jesse’s.
When I pulled up to his house, it looked surprisingly dark. I knew he was home though because his Wagoneer was out front. I saw a light glowing in the back of the house and I wondered what he was doing.
Grabbing my bag, I stepped out and walked up to the door. I thought about just going inside, but things had been different between us lately and it didn’t feel right barging in on him. I knocked and Rocky and Jasper started barking. A few moments later, I heard footsteps and then I saw Jesse peek out the window.
“What are doing here?” he asked when he opened the door.
“I thought you might like some company,” I said, waiting for him to invite me in.
“Sure,” he said, stepping aside and I walked into the kitchen. I was always surprised at how neat Jesse kept things, even after his dad passed away. I had a hard time keeping my room clean, let alone a whole house.
I dropped my bag on the kitchen table and looked around. I was glad to see there were no alcohol bottles of any kind lying around. The living room was quiet and dark and then my eyes drifted down the hall. The only light on was coming from his dad’s bedroom.
“I didn’t expect you to be home so early,” he said and I glanced at the clock.
“I wanted to come home,” I said, meeting his gray eyes with mine.
“I’m surprised. It looked like you and Matt were having a good time.”
“What are you talking about?”
He held up a finger, telling me to hold on, and then walked into his dad’s room, returning a moment later, handing his phone to me.
“I’m talking about this,” he said and I looked at the picture on the screen. It was the picture from the concert Matt had taken of us. He’d shared it on Facebook and tagged me in it, so of course it showed up in Jesse’s newsfeed.
“I hope you’re not upset,” I said, looking back down at the picture. I’d understand if he was. To a stranger, Matt and I would’ve appeared to be a happy couple out on a date or something. I knew I wouldn’t like seeing a picture of Jesse with another girl.
“I’m not upset,” he said and something about his tone told me he wasn’t. He put the phone in the pocket of his jeans and then looked over to me again. “It’s just nice to see a smile like that on your face again. I haven’t seen it in a while,” he said and we both knew he was right. It’d been a while since either of us had truly smiled. “Did you have a good time?”
“Yeah. The music was good, but…” I said, pausing for a moment and smiling over to him. “I missed you, which is why I asked Matt to bring me home early.” I saw one side of his mouth raise up in a smile and I walked slowly across the room, closing the gap between us. “It’s also the reason I told my mom I’m sleeping over at Holly’s tonight.”
“I was wondering what was up with the bag,” he said as I reached over and took his hands.
“Would you mind if I stayed with you tonight?” I asked softly and the smile reached both sides of his mouth as he leaned down and brushed my lips with his.
“I’d like that,” he whispered as he pulled away. He was still close though and I stared at his lips, wanting to kiss him again. Instead though, I slipped my arms around his waist and pulled myself into him. His arms folded around me and I was glad I hadn’t let Matt kiss me tonight. I could never risk doing anything to lose Jesse. I could never love someone the way I loved him.
“It’s so quiet in here,” I mentioned a few moments later when I’d finally let go of him. “What’ve you been doing all night?”
“Just going through some of my dad’s things,” he said and I couldn’t tell if this was a good or bad thing.