Fashionably Dead Down Under (32 page)

Greedy, stupid and sex staved was a bad
combination. “Let me get this straight. You gave him your power to
borrow, so you could have the mother of all orgasms . . . you
showed him the Sword, he took it, beat you and left with it. He
basically has the instrument to kill and the power to do it because
you wanted to get off. Correct?”

“Yes,” she wailed and threw herself back to
the floor. “I am so fucking stupid.”

I couldn’t disagree, but I needed to stop her
bleeding. I was unsure if I had healing magic, but it was worth a
try. She was in for a world of hurt with her father if we all made
it through this. I closed my eyes and wished her healthy and whole.
I felt the magic leave my fingertips and wrap her in a warm glow.
The bleeding stopped, but her strength remained weak. I supposed
that would come back when her power returned to her . . . in a
fucking half hour. Shit, an angry dead guy could do a lot in a half
hour.

“Where did you find the Sword?” I
demanded.

“Den of Iniquity,” she answered
unsteadily.

Shitshitshit. It
was
the Sword . .
.

“I’m leaving you here. You’ll be okay.”

“Thank you, Astrid. Can I ask one more thing
of you?”

“Go ahead.” She personified her name.

“Would you please kill him? I’ve had quite
enough and if I can’t have him, no one else can either”

I laughed. Hard. “You are all insane,” I
muttered as I raced out of the library. “Completely insane.”

***

Chaos ensued.

The ballroom was a shit show of enormous
proportions. Someone using magic who had no clue how to control it
was dangerous. Add the Sword to the combination and it was
horrifying.

Demons were dying left and right—exploding
and turning to dust. Terrorized screams and frantic running made
seeing where the danger was difficult. I pushed through the throngs
and saw Dante on the stage. He was wailing in fear and moving his
arms wildly. He held the Sword and paced erratically. OMG, he had
caused this and couldn’t stop it. He shrieked at the Sword and
covered his eyes with his hands to avoid the massacre his avarice
and stupidity had spawned.

The Guards had surrounded Satan in a
protective wall, but even they were exploding and turning to ash.
Satan’s lips moved and I knew he was chanting a spell, but time was
of the essence. I spotted Ethan and Cole. They were removing Demons
and tossing them to the exits. Their animosity forgotten, they
worked together like a well-oiled machine. My relief that he was
okay was profound, but I had a Sword to retrieve and a psycho to
stop.

Too many Demons blocked my path. I hadn’t
wanted to show all my party tricks to the population of Hell, but
emergency bred necessity. I jumped and flew to the stage, landing
and tackling Dante to the ground. I grabbed him by the neck and
squeezed.

“End this bloodbath. Now,” I said and
squeezed tighter.

“I don’t know how,” he gasped and dropped the
Sword to the ground. “I don’t know how.”

His wail of grief went right to my toes. If I
destroyed him would the magic die with him? I had no freakin’ clue.
It would have been lovely to get to ask someone, but everyone was
busy at the moment. Could I override his magic? I was unsure how
much longer he even possessed it, but at the rate Demons were
dying, even a minute was too long.

“What exactly did you plan to do up here?” I
shouted in his face. Maybe if I knew his plan I could untangle it
and stop the death.

“I wanted to humiliate him,” he gasped. “Like
he humiliated me.” His voice grew stronger as his delusions of
grandeur and ego took over. “I am the greatest writer of all time
and he has made me look like a fool,” he hissed. His eyes were wild
and he truly was nuts. “I wanted to show him I could steal his
precious Sword and kill him any time I liked.” His eyes glazed over
and he laughed.

“You were going to kill him?” I shook him
back to the present.

“No. Never,” he told me. “I just wanted to
show his people how weak and laughable he was.”

“You showed them alright,” I screamed at him.
“Look at what you’ve done.”

His shrieking was pathetic as he watched the
death and destruction of innocent people before him. I looked up
and to my horror and darkest nightmares, I saw a family of Demons
with small children and a baby detonate and blow up in front of me.
Time stood still for the briefest of moments and the world tilted
on its axis. A red-hot rage blasted from my soul and my skin turned
sparkly black. Dante’s eyes widened in fear and he tried to escape.
He keened and groaned like an animal and grabbed for the sword to
kill himself with the Sword. He sliced his skin several times and
nothing happened. WTF? Another fake. All of this and the damn thing
was counterfeit? The bastard was already dead, but right now I
wanted him deader.

I put my hands on Dante and let the chant
find me.
Sacrifice the one who sins for the lives of the
innocent
. Would his death bring those children back? Probably
not, but there were hundreds of others in the room who could perish
in the twenty minutes or so he still had Greed’s power in him.

I pulled from inside and I let my darkest of
magic come to the surface. A sharp pain erupted inside my head and
I dropped to my knees. A cage made of shimmering black and crystal
white blades trapped the traitor and contained his stolen magic.
The death and destruction around me stopped. The howling and
weeping did not, but that would go on for eternity. Dante writhed
in agony inside the cage and I watched him dispassionately as my
pain disappeared and I slowly got back to my feet. I didn’t care
and that made me worry. I knew if I simply flicked my fingers he
would be gone forever. I was unsure if I should actually show him
that much mercy. Did he not deserve to burn in the Basement? Was I
his judge? Did I want to be?

“Will you kill him?” Satan whispered in my
ear and I jumped. Ethan had appeared on my other side and I
breathed a sigh of relief.

“Did he lead a good life?” I asked as I
watched him convulse.

“He did indeed,” Satan said. “As you know,
he’s a card carrying member of my brother’s house.”

Right then I knew what I would do. He was
stupid and driven by ego. His mistake came with a hefty cost, but
the area was so very gray. I hated this and I wanted no part, but I
was going to end him. Not for Greed, not for Satan and not for
myself. He had committed unintentional manslaughter. He had not
come in here to kill. He was distraught with what his greed had
wrought. Should he spend an eternity in the Basement for deaths he
did not maliciously cause?

“You’ll send him to the Basement?” I
asked.

“Without a doubt.”

I flicked my fingers and Dante turned to ash
like all those he had killed today. He was no more. Should I have
ended his suffering? I thought so today. Hopefully I’d feel the
same tomorrow. To separate the man from the destruction he’d caused
today and base his judgment on the body of the whole was harder
than anything I’d had to do yet. But I did it. I bent down and
picked up the sword. I held it out to my uncle and he glanced at me
with questioning eyes.

“It’s a fake.”

“Really?”

“Trust me.”

“And he got this and the deadly magic how?”
he demanded.

“Ask your daughter, Greed.” I threw her under
the bus where she belonged. I was done here and I wanted my bed. I
was wearing my bra and I was a fucking mess. I honestly was
beginning to question the existence of the Sword. I wanted to meet
God and I wanted to go home. Satan could find his own damn Sword. I
was done.

God was so beautiful it was almost impossible
to look at him.

After a sleepless night, we’d dressed
formally and made our way back to the miraculously repaired dining
room for lunch with God. The General had spent a good portion of
the morning with us and the Baby Demons. I’d found out a number of
alarming things . . . he had taken my Babies to a strip club and
they been thrown out for lewd behavior. What that constituted in
Hell was mindboggling so I decided to push that one aside for
another time. However, the real kicker was when I learned that the
gestation for a Demon was two years. I offered to pay for the hole
in the plaster, but the General insisted he could have it fixed at
no charge.

Ethan paled at the thought of me being
pregnant for years and I nailed him with a vase. Luckily he ducked
and I simply added it to the growing list of things I’d destroyed
in Hell. The only consolation I had was that my baby was half
Vampyre and since he was the first of his kind, maybe the gestation
time would be shorter. I refused to even contemplate that it could
be any longer. There weren’t enough items in Heaven and Hell put
together for me to break if I really let my mind sit with that
little nugget.

After calming down and locking the little
monsters in the bathroom with a firm promise from them that they
would stay, we went to the luncheon.

The dining room was laid out with the finest
china and crystal I’d ever seen. An army of servants wearing all
black hustled around and saw to the needs of the guests. This event
was the first of its kind and clearly the Devil took it very
seriously.

“This is one out of fucking control shindig,”
Myrtle said as she offered me a puffy looking pastry. Her grin was
contagious and I wanted to hug her. Her total lack of manners and
couth made me happy.

“You are correct.” I smiled and took a pastry
to be polite. “Are you, Carl and Janet working?” I sniffed the
pastry and was delighted to find out I didn’t want it.

“We’re in charge,” she said proudly. “Moby
used to be, but Carl kicked his mean old Demon ass yesterday and
now we’re running the show.”

“Wow,” I said, unsure if that was the best
way to maintain job security. “Congrats.”

“Yeah, well, I have to go pass this shit
around to assholes. Have fun,” she chirped as she walked off.

Dixie approached and I was struck again by
her beauty. “You good?” she asked as she gave me a hug.

“I’m good.”

“Have you walked the room?” she asked and
immediately began to pick at her polish.

“No. Should I?” I inquired and pressed the
bridge of my nose. There was never a freakin’ dull moment around
here. Ethan was deep in conversation with my grandpa. When did he
get back? I looked around for Gigi, but she was nowhere to be
found.

“Well, um . . . ” Dixie struggled for
words.

“Tell me. I’m not in the mood for surprises
at this particular time.”

“It’s better to show you,” she said, took my
hand and led me to the far side of the room. I was imagining all
kinds of horrors, but I hadn’t been prepared for what I saw.

A large cage made of some kind of glistening
material sat on a platform made of gold. Demons milled around it,
pointing and taking pictures. A strong dampening spell surrounded
the cage and covered it completely. Thin razor sharp blades
protruded from the bars insuring the no one stuck a hand or object
in and no one stuck a hand or object out. It was positively
brilliant in its structure and absolutely barbaric in its
reasoning.

Inside the cage, seated on hard wooden chairs
were three women I had hoped never to see again . . . Lust, Wrath
and Greed.

They were dressed in formal gowns—they were
sullen and humiliated. Refusing to make eye contact with anyone
they stared straight ahead and said nothing. Satan was a sick
cookie. This was one hell of a punishment. I wondered if he would
let them eat.

“Why?” I asked Dixie.

“He wants his brother to see all of his
children since God only has one.”

“I’m kind of surprised he wants to show them
off caged like animals. Doesn’t say much for his parenting
skills.”

I walked to the edge of the cage and stared,
knowing full well they could do nothing to me and I could destroy
them. Lust stared back with hatred in her eyes and Wrath blew me an
inappropriate kiss.

“Thank you for killing the bastard,” Greed
said. She looked better than she had yesterday, but I was not going
to be fond of her anytime soon.

“I didn’t do it for you,” I said harshly. She
was sorely mistaken if she thought I would take a life on a whim.
My tone shocked her and she looked away.

Wrath considered me carefully and tilted her
head. “You are more than what you seem,” she said.

“Isn’t everyone?” I shot back. “You all
certainly are.”

The silence was long and I wanted to walk
away, but I refused to run.

“Come with me, Astrid. My father and Uncle
God will be here soon. I just didn’t want you to be taken by
surprise.”

With one last glance at the pathetic evil in
the cage, I walked away with Dixie. I felt very little for the
women—my cousins. I wondered if they lived in the same cage in
Purgatory, but decided they didn’t deserve any more thought.

The Sword was still missing, God was coming
for lunch and it was the lunar eclipse. Hell was ripe for a
showdown.

“All rise for Satan and God,” a Guard yelled
at the massive arched entrance to the dining room.

A hush fell over the crowd as a small army of
Angels preceded the arrival of the big guys. Dressed in diaphanous
white they seemed to float on air. They reminded me of my Angel,
Pam—blindingly beautiful. They had peaceful smiles on their faces
and they smelled like the wind on a rainy summer day. My body
leaned forward in hopes of being noticed.

“Don’t,” Ethan whispered. “They’re as crazy
as the Demons, just in a different way.”

“How do you know?” I asked, finding that hard
to believe.

“A little first hand experience and the word
from your grandfather.”

I was instantly curious about his first hand
experience and hoped it wasn’t the same kind of experience he’d had
with Lust. I tamped down my jealousy and simply gave him a
look.