He jumped when
he felt a hand on his back.
“Are you okay?”
Anna whispered.
He pulled her
into his arms, and his whole body trembled. He wanted to forget,
but his mind seemed determined to make him a prisoner. “No, I’m not
okay.” He didn’t know why he felt safe enough to let his guard down
with her, but he did. He didn’t care that she was seeing him at his
worst, trembling, fearful, trying to escape the brutal thoughts
churning around in his head.
She held him
tight, resting her head on his chest, her ear pressed to his heart
until his breathing returned to normal. “Do you want to talk about
it?”
Taking her
hand, he led her along the beach. Several minutes passed before he
said anything. “The day Todd died was the worst day of my life.”
His breath shuddered when he tried to draw enough air into his
lungs to continue. “I was so fixated on winning, I couldn’t let
myself think about anything else.”
She didn’t say
anything. She simply squeezed his hand in a show of support as he
tried to find the courage to continue.
“The other
drivers weren’t even people to me anymore. I saw them as obstacles.
I had to get them out of my way, any way I could.”
She slipped her
arm around his waist and leaned into his side. “You were just doing
your job, Justin.”
“It went beyond
that,” he said, grateful for the physical comfort she offered.
“Nothing else mattered. My life began and ended with winning that
race.”
“Is that why
you haven’t gone back? Are you afraid you don’t have the hunger to
win anymore?”
“No, I’m afraid
that I do.”
She lifted her
head to look at him, a frown knitting her brows. “I don’t
understand.”
“I’m afraid if
I go back, I’ll turn into that guy again. The guy who could take
out a friend without thinking.”
She leaned her
head on his shoulder as they continued to walk. “I think you need
to face your fear. You’ll never be able to put what happened behind
you until you do.”
He knew she was
right. He couldn’t allow the anxiety to paralyze him anymore. “I’m
surprised to hear you say that. I thought you didn’t approve of my
career.” He settled his arm around her shoulder, and she linked her
hand with his.
“This isn’t
about me, Justin. It’s about you. You need to do what’s going to
make you happy, and racing obviously does that, or at least it did,
before the accident.”
“What about
you?” he asked. “What’s going to make you happy?” She hesitated so
long he began to question whether she would answer him.
“I’m still
figuring that out.”
“I know I have
no right to ask, but what the hell happened between you and your ex
tonight?”
She laughed.
“We talked.”
“That’s it?” he
asked, praying his fears were unfounded.
“That’s
it.”
“Good.”
She slapped his
stomach. “Why do I get the feeling you’re jealous?”
“Because I am.”
He didn’t care about his pride anymore. He wanted to walk away from
his time with Anna knowing he’d left nothing on the table. “I hated
knowing you were over there with him doing God only knows
what.”
She squeezed
his hand. “We had a good talk. I’m glad he came.”
Justin grunted.
He didn’t share her sentiment. As far as he was concerned, they
could have gotten closure over the phone while the good doctor was
fully clothed. “Why the hell was he wearing a towel?”
She looked up
at him and smiled. “You saw that, huh?”
“Yeah, made me
wanna go over there and beat the hell out of him.”
Stopping
mid-step, she wrapped her arms around his waist. “Is that supposed
to impress me?”
He shrugged.
“I’m being honest.”
Biting her lip,
she said, “As long as we’re going for honesty, I have to tell you,
that was some kiss.”
He grinned. “I
thought so too.”
“I’m kind of
wondering if it was just a fluke.”
Justin
tightened his grip on her waist. He knew she was baiting him, but
he was willing to play along if it meant he could kiss her again.
“Maybe we should find out?”
“I think so,”
she said, licking her lips.
He gently
trapped her face in his hands and inclined his head. The kiss was
different than the last. He didn’t feel scared or desperate, trying
to prove a point before her ex beat him to it. The kiss was about
conveying his feelings to a woman who had captivated him since the
first moment he’d laid eyes on her.
Teasing her
with his tongue, he deepened the kiss, coaxing her to follow his
lead. He wanted to take her right there on the beach, but he forced
himself to rein it in. It was too soon. “How was that? Did I
convince you?”
Struggling to
open her eyes, she whispered, “I’m a believer.”
“Good. So how
soon can you get rid of what’s-his-name?”
“I’m pretty
sure he’s leaving in the morning. He never did get along all that
well with my family.”
“Your family?”
Justin frowned. “They’re coming here… to the island?”
“Yeah, is that
a problem?”
Justin was
surprised and a little unnerved that she read him so easily. “I get
along great with your family. I was just kind of getting used to
the idea of having you all to myself.”
“Is that so?”
She laughed. “Well, I’m afraid you’re going to have to share me for
a few days. They hated the thought of me spending my thirtieth
birthday alone, so I agreed to let them come out here and keep me
company.”
“But you
weren’t alone,” he said, kissing her neck. “I was here to keep you
company.” His hands traveled the length of her back to the swell of
her bottom. “I would have gladly helped you to make this a birthday
you would never…” He punctuated his promise by enveloping her in
his arms and kissing her neck until her breathing was labored.
“Ever forget.”
She pulled
away, fanning her face. “Wow. I wish I could ask them for a rain
check, but I think it’s too late.”
He grinned,
pleased that she seemed to savor their alone time as much as he
did. “No worries, we’ll make up for lost time when they leave.”
The next day dawned
bright and beautiful, and Anna was anxious to say good-bye to Tom
so she could steal a few minutes with Justin before her family
descended.
Their
caretaker, Raphael, had offered to take Tom back to the mainland,
so as he prepared the boat for their departure, Anna reached up to
give Tom a peck on the cheek. She knew Justin was sitting on his
deck, watching their exchange, but given the years she spent with
Tom, she felt he deserved a proper send-off.
“I’m glad you
came,” she said, taking both of his hands in hers.
“So am I.” He
kissed her forehead. “I needed this.”
“What’s that?”
she asked, extracting one of her hands to shield her eyes from the
sun.
“Closure.”
“Me too.”
Imagining a life without Tom was difficult. Even though their
relationship had never been everything she’d needed, it had been an
important part of her life for a long time. “I’m going to miss
you,” she said, hoping he wouldn’t think she was trying to ease his
sorrow.
“Not as much as
I’m going to miss you.” He inclined his head toward Justin’s deck.
“I have a feeling your new boyfriend’s going to keep you too busy
to think about me.”
“Justin’s not
my boyfriend.”
“But I’m sure
he’d like to be.”
Anna had no
idea what Justin hoped to gain from their time together, and she
didn’t feel like analyzing it right now, with her ex-fiancé of all
people. “I think I might take your advice and try to keep an open
mind.”
“Good.” He
reached for his suitcase when Raphael let him know he was ready for
Tom to board the boat. “I wish you would have kept the birthday
gift.”
“Thank you for
thinking of me.” She walked him to the end of the dock. “But it
didn’t seem right, under the circumstances.”
Tom handed
Raphael his suitcase before pulling her into his arms. “No matter
what happens, I hope we can always be friends.”
Anna didn’t say
anything as she fought back the tears. Even though she’d come to
terms with the fact their relationship was over, it was still
difficult to say good-bye. She was closing a chapter in her life
and getting ready to venture into the unknown. What if she never
found what she was looking for?
Tom gave her
one last kiss on the cheek before climbing aboard the boat.
She stood there
a long time, waving until the boat became a mere shadow on the
horizon. Closing her eyes when she heard Justin’s footsteps behind
her, she prayed he wouldn’t question the tears streaking her face
because she couldn’t explain them.
“Do you need
some time?” he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets when she
turned to face him.
She didn’t know
if he was asking whether she needed moments to collect herself or
months to get over her last love. Afraid her voice might break if
she tried to speak, she said nothing.
“You made the
right decision.” Justin sounded so sure of himself, but he didn’t
know her, not really.
“You don’t know
that.”
“Yes, I do.” He
looked at her so long she felt compelled to meet his eyes. “Your
kiss last night said it all. Your heart doesn’t belong to him
anymore.”
She wished she
hadn’t left her sunglasses inside. At least then she could have
masked her tears. “Maybe I’m a fool to think it gets better than
what I had with him. We were compatible, we respected each other,
we had so much in common, we shared goals for the future…”
If their
relationship had been terrible, saying good-bye would have been
easy. When the missing ingredient was intangible, the decision
became frightening and confusing.
“Sometimes you
have to take the risk and trust that whatever is out there waiting
for you is better than what you’re leaving behind.”
“I guess so,”
she said, looking out at the clear blue water. The sky was
virtually cloudless, the kind of day that made her want to forget
her troubles and bask in the warmth of the sun’s rays.
“Thanks to you,
I’ve decided to take the risk,” Justin said.
Swallowing her
fear, she forced herself to look at him. She couldn’t explain why
those words stirred dread in her, but they did. “What do you
mean?”
“As much as I’d
love to hang out here with you all summer, people are waiting on me
back home.”
“Oh, I see.”
She knew any words of encouragement would sound hollow, so she
waited, hoping he would fill the awkward silence.
“I hope you can
understand why-”
“Of course.”
She smiled a little too brightly, hoping he wouldn’t notice. “I
think you’re making the right call.”
“It’s just that
my family has already invested millions…” He sighed. “Not to
mention my other sponsors, and I have these endorsement deals. I’ve
been selfish, taking so much time off. You helped me realize it’s
time to get back to reality.”
“Right,
reality.” She cleared her throat, hoping he wouldn’t suspect she
was on the verge of tears again.
“I hate leaving
you like this.” He looked at her out of the corner of his eye
before turning his attention to a random boat in the distance. “You
know, so soon after we met.”
“It’s not like
it could have gone anywhere.” She kicked a pebble off the dock with
the toe of her flip-flop. Anything to distract herself from the
crushing pain in her chest. She shouldn’t feel that way about a man
she’d met only a few days before. So they’d shared a few kisses she
hoped would evolve into more. Clearly it wasn’t meant to be. “You
have your life in North Carolina, and I have my life in Tennessee.”
She slid her hands into the pockets of her sundress to hide the
tell-tale tremble. “Might as well be a million miles apart.”
She turned to
walk up the dock toward her house. Now that she knew he was
leaving, she hoped it would be sooner rather than later. She didn’t
think her heart could survive another tearful good-bye. Maybe he
would leave while her family was there. At least then she would
have a good excuse to avoid a private good-bye.
“Maybe we’ll
see each other again,” he said, walking up the dock behind her.
“You know, here.”
Anna suspected
she wouldn’t come back to the island on her own for a long time.
She didn’t want to run the risk of seeing him again. “Maybe.” She
forced herself to face him when she reached the end of the dock.
“Well, good luck. I hope you have a great season.”
He shrugged.
“I’m not expecting much, but I know if I don’t get behind the wheel
again soon, this damn anxiety could take over my life.”
“You wouldn’t
want that.” She didn’t understand what motivated him to get into
that death trap day after day, but it was his life and his
decision. “Well, stay safe.” They stared at each other a long time
before she turned away.
“Damn it, Anna,
wait.” He reached for her wrist, but she refused to turn
around.
“Please,” she
whispered, “just go, Justin.”
***
“So, why the
long face?” Nick asked, claiming the lounge chair beside his
sister. “You’re not happy to see us?”
If not for her
family, she would have locked herself in her room, buried her head
in her pillow, and cried her eyes out when she heard Justin’s boat
leave that afternoon. “You know I am.”
Nick tipped his
beer bottle back, taking a long drink before he asked, “Tell me
this isn’t about Tom.”
“How’d you know
he was here?”
“Lauren told
me.”
Sighing, Anna
reached for her wine glass. “I know you guys were never crazy about
him, but I was.”
Nick chuckled.
“No accounting for taste.”
Slapping his
bicep, she said, “Shut up. He’s a good guy. You never gave him a
chance.”