"I can stay home," Nell had said, not wanting to make any more trouble between Suze and Jack. Jack had taken to glowering at her whenever they met, and she was tired of it.
"No, you can't," Suze said. "You and Jase are the only people I want to see. You have to be there."
So Nell had arrived early with pumpkin pies and Marlene, and had helped finish the cooking while Suze snapped Marlene into a turkey costume she'd found. Nell had been cheerful to Whitney when she looked resentful, sympathetic to Jase when he got stuck with the sulky Olivia, and patient with Tim's mother when she made veiled comments about people getting on with their lives and not holding on to their pasts. The low point of the day had come right before they'd sat down to eat when Mother Dysart had counted the place settings, said in horror, "We can't have thirteen at the table!" and stared pointedly at Nell. The high point had come immediately after that when Suze had stared pointedly at Mother Dysart and said, "Shall I fix you a tray?" Jase had saved the day by hauling Olivia off to the kitchen-"We'll eat at the kids' table just like old times"-but Jack hadn't been amused, and he'd punished Suze by spending the entire afternoon laughing with Olivia and ignoring her. Suze hadn't seemed to care. The family had mercifully dispersed by nine when Jack took his mother home, and she evidently decided to keep him for a while, because at eleven that night, Suze and Nell were alone in Suze's guest room, savoring the solitude and their ninth eggnogs. Even Marlene seemed relieved.
"Thanks for spending the night," Suze said. "I couldn't face cleaning that up by myself."
"Not a problem," Nell said, stretching out on the bed in her blue silk pajamas. It felt good to stretch, good to use her muscles, and she thought, not for the first time, that she had other muscles she'd like to use, too. Celibacy sucked. There were times when she almost considered jumping Riley again, just for the exercise. "Thanks for having both me and Whitney in the same room so Jase didn't have to split a holiday again."
"She's an interesting woman," Suze said. "For a midget." She sat cross-legged on the bed beside Nell, unsnapping Marlene's turkey costume.
"She's petite."
"She's a nasty little cockroach."
"That's loyalty talking," Nell said. "She's not that bad. And I actually don't care about her anymore, although I'm still hoping Tim dies. The only thing I have against her now is that she's having sex and I'm not."
"You know," Suze said, as she frowned at a stubborn snap, "if we had any brains, we'd be sleeping with each other."
"What?" Nell said. "Us?" She thought about it. "It would make things easier."
"You do think I'm cute, right?" She stopped unsnapping Marlene to hold out the hem of her ancient OSU T-shirt.
"As a bug," Nell said. "Too bad it's wasted on me." Where the hell is lack anyway?
"You look good in blue silk, too, sweetie," Suze said. "I'm telling you, we're missing a good bet here."
Nell looked down at her blue silk pajamas. She did look good in blue. Maybe she should get a blue nightgown. In lace. Just in case somebody stopped by sometime. She shifted uneasily on the bed, looking for a distraction. "Have you got anything to eat that doesn't scream Thanksgiving?"
They went downstairs to the kitchen, Marlene clattering behind them in hopes of food, and Suze peered inside the refrigerator. "Leftover lasagna from yesterday. Celery and carrots. Cheese. I think there's rocky road ice cream in the freezer. Everything else is holiday stuff."
"Yes," Nell said.
"To what? The ice cream?"
"To all of it. I'm starving. Got any wine?"
Suze began unloading the refrigerator. "This is a nice change for you. We got very tired of trying to force-feed you last summer."
"I was getting tired of being harassed," Nell said, going for the carrots. "And then suddenly I was hungry, and now I can't catch up fast enough." Also when I eat, I don't think about sex.
"Well, you're looking a lot better." Suze took a bottle of red wine off the shelf and went looking for a corkscrew. "Are you back to your original weight?"
"No, and I don't want to be," Nell said. "I like your hand-me-downs. But I'm healthy again. Well within government guidelines."
Suze handed the bottle and the corkscrew to Nell. Then she dumped the lasagna on a plate and shoved it into the microwave. "Carbs coming up. There are probably steaks downstairs in the freezer. Want me to thaw a couple for breakfast tomorrow?"
"Sure." Nell popped the cork on the wine. "Steak and eggs. Do we have to wait for breakfast?"
Suze went down to the basement and came back up with three steaks, which she set in the sink to thaw. "I can't imagine being a vegetarian," she said, taking the glass of wine Nell handed her. "How does Margie stand it?"
"How does Margie stand Budge?" Nell said, thinking of the way Budge had hovered over her all day and trying not to think of what he must be like in bed. That thought alone called for a drink.
"He worships the ground she walks on," Suze said. "Lots of women like that."
"Sort of like Jack," Nell said.
"So, really," Suze said, "have you ever thought about being a lesbian?"
"Excuse me?"
"You know, you and me. Easier than guys."
"Oh, right. Nope." Nell unwrapped the cheese and cut off a chunk. "I'm heavily into penetration. Or at least I used to be. It's been a while. Months. Years."
"Not that long," Suze said. "Or didn't Riley penetrate?"
"He certainly did," Nell said. "But that was only once and he doesn't count. He was a disposable lover."
Suze stared silently at the microwave as it counted off the seconds, and when it dinged, she pulled the pasta out and put it on the table. Then she took two forks from the drawer, handed one to Nell, and they sat down with the lasagna plate between them.
Suze stabbed the lasagna on her side. "Disposable lover?"
"According to Riley," Nell said around a mouthful of cheese and noodle, "women who are getting over a divorce go through a disposable lover stage when they sleep with men just to prove they can."
"Well, he'd have access to divorced women," Suze said. "So who else have you disposed of?"
"Just Riley." Nell cut into the lasagna again. "This is really good."
"There should be more than just Riley," Suze said sternly.
"Nobody else I'm attracted to," Nell said, and then Gabe flashed before her, standing in the doorway, looming over her, arguing with her, pushing back when she pushed him, enjoying the fight as much as she did, and she stopped with her fork halfway to her mouth.
"Think of somebody, did you?"
"Nope," Nell said and ate some lasagna. "So lesbianism. This interests you?"
"Maybe. I've never tried it. I got married very young, you know."
"I know," Nell said. "I was at the wedding. When the minister said, 'Does anyone here object?' I wanted to stand up and say, 'Has anyone here noticed the bride is an infant?' but I didn't." She leaned over and put a piece of bread on the floor for Marlene, who looked at it as if it were broccoli. "If you're holding out for lasagna," she told the dog, "you can forget it."
Marlene ate the bread.
"Thank you for not ruining my wedding," Suze said. "Don't mention it. This is really good lasagna."
"It has tofu in it."
Nell slowed down long enough to look at the pan with doubt. "I can't taste it."
"Then pretend it isn't there, the way you're pretending this guy isn't there."
"There is no guy," Nell said. "Tofu, huh?"
"Forget I mentioned it." Suze refilled their wineglasses. "Ever kiss a girl?"
"Nope." Nell reached for the butter. "You?"
"Nope." Suze put her fork down. "We should try it."
"I'm eating," Nell said. "Maybe later, for dessert."
"So what's new at work?"
"Not much. Gabe let me fix the furniture in his office, can you believe it? Next I'm going to get a couch and then I'm going to get that window repainted. And new business cards."
Suze sat back and observed her. "Gabe always seems dull to me."
"Gabe? Good heavens, no." Nell forked more lasagna. "Riley says he's repressed from too many years of trying to keep the firm afloat because his dad almost ran it into the ground, but I think he's just dry. You know, the old traditional private detective cool."
"I thought so," Suze said. "It's Gabe."
"What?"
"You have the hots for Gabe. That's why you keep pushing him, to get him to pay attention to you."
"No, I do not," Nell said, putting her fork down. "Are you insane?"
Suze shook her head. "I can hear it in your voice. Come on, it's me. Admit it."
"Well." Nell picked up her wineglass. "I have had a few fleeting inappropriate thoughts." She drank half her wine and then added, "But I'm sure it's just because he looks like Tim."
"He doesn't look like Tim," Suze said. "Besides, you don't feel that way when you look at Tim now, right?"
"Classical conditioning," Nell said, thinking about how stupid Tim had looked at dinner, holding hands with Whitney and trying to pretend he didn't have two wives at the same table. "I think I just look at tall, rangy guys with dark hair and think 'I should be sleeping with you' because I slept with Tim for so long. It'll go away." She shook her head and drank again.
"Tim's not that tall," Suze said. "And I repeat, you don't feel that way about Tim anymore, right?"
Nell considered it. Did she feel lust when she looked at Tim? Well, God knew, not today she hadn't. He'd looked softer than she'd remembered, as if she'd left him out in the rain. Not somebody she'd want to touch, not somebody she could move against and feel bone and muscle. He looked as though, if she'd pushed a finger in him, the dent would stay.
"No," she said.
"Well, then," Suze said, exasperated. "I don't see that as a setup for lusting for Gabe."
"I just don't want to be like Margie and her interchangeable blonds."
"They weren't interchangeable," Suze said. "Stewart was a jackass, and Budge is a doormat." She seemed depressed by that and finished off her wine with a sigh.
"Well, that's what I mean," Nell said. "She responds to a certain look in men and that's what she falls for no matter what they're really like, and then she's stuck."
"What's Gabe really like?"
"Smart." Nell pictured him standing in the office doorway again. "Tenacious. Charming when he wants to be. Exasperated. Dry. Sweet. Obnoxious. Kind. Controlling. Brave. Sloppy. Patient." Hard. Strong. Lean. "And lately, really, really hot." She shook her head and reached for the wine bottle. "Go figure."
"This does not sound like lust."
"Thank God."
"This sounds like luv."
"Oh, no, it doesn't." Nell straightened. "Don't even start that. Absolutely not." She grabbed her glass and drank.
"The thing about love is, you don't get to choose," Suze said. "You just wake up one day and there it is, sitting at the foot of the bed, going 'nyah, nyah, gotcha,' and there's not a damn thing you can do about it." She shook her head at the thought and drank, too.
"Absolutely not. No. I'm not going back to that again."
"And the fact that you think he's hot doesn't hurt," Suze said. "He is very appealing. Nice body."
"Excuse me?" Nell said.
"He wears those suits damn well." Suze picked up a carrot stick, nonchalantly not looking at Nell. "And that master of the universe thing he's got going for him is sexy, too. I do love a man who's in control."
"You're married to one of those," Nell pointed out. "Right. Doesn't mean I can't appreciate it in others." Nell picked up her fork and stabbed the lasagna. "So go for it."
"You wouldn't mind?"
"Not at all," Nell said airily. "Although you are married."
"Well, then, if I ever decide to cheat, it'll be with Gabe,"
Suze decided. "He really is darling."
"You're trying to make me mad, right?" Nell said, reaching for her wineglass.
"Is it working?"
"Yes. Damn it."
"I don't see a problem," Suze said, putting the carrot down. "You're both single. Go for it."
"I am not sleeping with my boss," Nell said. "And he's not sleeping with me. It's against policy."
"What policy?"
"Don't fuck the help. The McKennas have a history with their secretaries."
"He slept with Lynnie?"
"No, that was Riley."
"Riley." Suze shook her head over her wine. "What a complete waste of manhood that boy is."
"No, he's not." Nell straightened a little. "Riley is a good man."
"I thought you said he slept with everything that moved."
"With a few flaws," Nell admitted. "But he's a great guy, really. I'd trust him with my life. You just need to know him better." She regarded Suze carefully. "Or maybe not."
"Definitely not."
"So you're getting bored with Jack?"