Fat Assassins (36 page)

Authors: Marita Fowler

Tags: #Fiction, #Adult, #Southern, #Fat, #Self Esteem, #Assassin, #Women

Meryl scratched his head. “I reckon. The reverberations from the explosions could detonate the others. That would be a pretty big explosion. Why?”

“Just wondering how dangerous these things are.” I answered handing him the grenade back.

“It would certainly kill a man, but you don’t have to worry. I packed these real good using styrofoam to hold them in place so they don’t accidentally detonate.”

“That’s good. Safety first.”

Ulyssa saved me from further discussion by telling her dad about the road trip.

He seemed excited about our adventure and handed her some money. “Here ya go. Just hold onto it in case you get in a pinch.”

“Yeah. Mom already warned us not to turn to crime if we get desperate in New York.”

He laughed and gave us a hug. “Have a safe trip and give your mom a call when you get there.”

“Yes, sir.”

A bugle blasted across the battlefield.

“You better get back to the battle. Bye!”

The car was heavy with sadness and introspection as we started our nine hour journey. We’d planned to stop in three different states to pick up our supplies.

This would reduce the likelihood of flagging law enforcement with our purchases.

After three hours, we pulled into Target in Morgantown, West Virginia to pick up backpacks and snacks. I grabbed the cooler and snacks while Ulyssa went in search of backpacks.

She came back with two sinister backpacks.
Hello Kitty
and
Barbie
.

“Seriously?”

“It’s back-to-school season and they’re all sold out of everything except these…or
Buzz Lightyear
. You pick.”

“I’ll take Hello Kitty.”

“I thought you might.” She peeked in the cart. “Yummy. You got Little Debbies!”

“They’re designed for road trips. One cake for each hand!”

“We should get the matches here too.”

“Good idea. I’ll grab ‘em while you wait in line.”

Our second stop was at Wal-Mart in Frederick, Maryland. We started picking up some of the more sinister items here. Twistties, plastic tarps, rope and lighter fluid. I decided to add a candle lighter to the pile. We bought the last items, knifes and rope, at a Lowes outside Philadelphia. The store was surprisingly busy for 6AM on a Monday.

Daylight was stretching across the horizon as we pulled over an hour later to divide up the items into our backpacks. We threw the trash into a giant dumpster in Atlantic City, satisfied that it would take a lot of work to reconstruct our path of intent. Ulyssa navigated the Pinto around the turns in the Showboat parking garage, finally picking a spot on the third level. Despite napping in shifts, I still felt groggy. But my sleepiness dissipated when a chilly ocean breeze blew threw us as we stepped out of the car. I gave the car a final pat as we walked off wearing our deadly backpacks.

“Do you mind if we have a quick look at the boardwalk before we go inside? I thought it might be nice since we’ve never seen the ocean before.”

“Good idea!”

We walked around the outside of the casino to the boardwalk. The sand and water stretched as far as the eye could see. There was a soothing rhythm to the waves. The boardwalk was deserted with only a few dedicated tourists wandering down the planks. The amusement park rides at the end of the pier seemed to be silently waiting for spring. We enjoyed a few deep breaths of the ocean air.

“You ready to do this?” Ulyssa asked.

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been a great friend.”

“You too. Let’s do it.”

We stepped inside the doors and stood in front of the House of Blues restaurant. Nicolo will know we’re here and send his goons. It’s how it always worked in the movies and we weren’t disappointed as the giant forms of Joey and Donnie came lumbering down the hallway.

“Hallo! Glad yous could make it!” Joey greeted us. He led us back up the hallway to a set of elevators. “This way girls!” Joey and Donnie held the elevator doors for us before stepping inside after us.

“Nice backpacks! Yous got some crayons in there? You could be the Crayola killas!” Donnie taunted us. He interrupted his own comedic monologue to stop a family from getting on the elevator with us. “Fahgetaboutit! This elevator is full. Take the next one.”

The little girl stuck her tongue out and flipped Donnie off from behind her parent’s back.

“Little shit! Kids these days got no respect. Hey I think she had a Barbie backpack too.” Donnie and Joey howled at the joke.

We ignored them and focused on our plan. We couldn’t allow anything to distract us from our mission. The awful elevator music increased my anxiety to the point that I jumped against the back wall when the elevator dinged and the doors opened onto the sixth floor. The goons stepped out of the elevator and led us down the carpeted hallway.

Ulyssa and I looked at each other and unbuttoned our jackets.

We continued down the hall towards the elaborate wooden doors that guarded the suite entrance.

We silently slid the guns from the holsters, disarmed the safeties and pointed them at the goons. They opened the giant double doors, leading us into a long marble foyer. A second layer of designer doors blocked access to the interior of the penthouse. I used my left hand to close the doors behind us, sealing the four of us in the marble hallway.

This was our only chance. No telling what was waiting for us on the other side
of those doors.

I slid my Hello Kitty backpack off my shoulders and jammed the gun into Joey’s back. Ulyssa did the same to Donnie.

“That’s far enough guys. Put your hands on the wall and spread ‘em.”

Both guys raised their hands and leaned against the wall.

We sat our backpacks on the table and reached forward patting down their waist with our left hand keeping the guns wedged into their backs.

“Look what I found?” Ulyssa lifted Joey’s jacket and pulled a gun from the back of his pants. She looked at the side of gun. “45, huh? Wouldn’t be my first choice!”

She laid in on the black onyx foyer table.

“Why are yous doing this? Are yous cops?”

“No questions!” Ulyssa barked.

“It’s not personal, it’s just business.” I added.

“Now put your arms behind your back!” Ulyssa demanded. She grabbed the twist-ties out of the Barbie backpack and tossed me one. We slid the twist-ties over their hands, using our left hand to pull them tight around their wrists.

“Turn around.” They turned to face us.

“Where’s your gun?” I pointed my gun at his face.

“Holy shit!” His pupils dilated as he recognized the weapons. “Those are Desert Eagle XIXs with suppressors! You’re not cops! Who are you?”

“Keep asking me questions and I’ll duct tape your mouth shut!” I pulled the duct tape from the backpack.

“Damn! We should have checked your backpacks.”

“Don’t make me ask you again. Where is your gun?” He lowered his eyes to look at his left armpit.

“I’m going to reach in and get it. Don’t try to be a hero. I don’t wanna hurt ya.” I grabbed the gun and stepped back next to Ulyssa.

“Anymore weapons you want to tell us about?” We tucked their guns into the front of our pants. “No? Okay, let’s go see a man about some money.” We pushed the second set of doors open.

“Which way?” Ulyssa asked.

They walked up to the door on the right and waited patiently while we turned the handle leaving it slightly ajar, but not fully open. We stepped back behind the goons and nodded at each other. We leaned back, kicked the door open and shoved the goons inside, keeping the guns trained on their backs.

Nicolo was seated behind a black onyx desk in front of a wall of windows.

“Well, well. What do we have here?” He asked laughingly as the goons stumbled up to his desk. “Yous let these two funny guys get the jump on yous?”

“Funny guys?” Ulyssa shoved Donnie to his knees and popped the gun behind his head executioner style. “Does this look like a joke to you?” I followed her lead and shoved Joey to the ground.

Joey and Donnie started whispering a prayer. “Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.”

They both flinched when Ulyssa and I echoed their Amens.

“Whoa. Whoa.” Nicolo shouted. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Why don’t you put your guns down before you hurt somebody? I got some fresh cannoli here.”

“We been playing your games for the past two weeks and we’ve had enough.” Ulyssa growled. We kicked the goons onto their stomachs, grabbing their guns from our waistbands raising all four of them at Nicolo.

I leveled the barrel at his chest, marking half-a-tac down from his gaudy gold medallion of Saint Avellino.

I need a clean kill. No mistakes.

“Why don’t you give us our money, so we can be on our way?”

“Holy shit!” He scooted back in his chair. “Are those Desert Eagles? Look, look, here’s the money.” He shoved an envelope forward on the desk.

“Does that include our bonus?” I asked.

“Bonus?” He frowned.

“Yeah, I think we’ve earned a bonus. An extra ten thousand should cover our logistics costs.” I looked at Ulyssa. “What would you say?”

Ulyssa grinned. “I think that’s fair. We provided quality work, finished on schedule and avoided public suspicion. Besides that’s what he was going to pay the other assassins anyway.”

“Enough with the bullshit! I relent. You two are something else.” He reached down and we readjusted our guns on him.

“Relax, I’m just getting your bonus.” He pulled a stack of hundreds from a drawer and began counting out bills. He stuffed the extra cash into the envelop. “I really brought yous here so I could pay you and because I may have another job for you? Now why don’t yous sit down for a chat?”

We looked at each other and shook our heads.

“Wait til yous hear what it is before you say no. The pay is good and you won’t even have to kill anyone.”

“Nothing personal Nicolo, but business dealings with you have brought us nothing but trouble.” Ulyssa said. “Thanks for the offer, but I think we’re going to take it easy for a little while.”

I leaned down and patted the goons. “Sorry about scaring you guys. We’ll just call it even for you trashing our trailer. Stop by for mochas sometime. I’ll make you the Hazelnut kind next time.”

“That’d be real nice. Thanks for not killing us!” Joey said with his face smashed into the floor. “Yous are real class acts.” Ulyssa snatched the envelop and we backed toward the door.

“You’re not even curious about the pay?” Nicolo yelled. “$60,000?” We shook our heads and kept walking.

“$80,000?” Our footsteps slowed.

“$100,000?”

We stopped walking. “That’s a lot of money for not having to kill somebody. What do we have to do?”

“Be a bodyguard for three weeks.” He said.

“Who are we guarding?”

“I can’t tell you until you agree to do the job.” We shrugged and turned to leave.

“Fine. Fine. It’s for my daughter. I need two talents I can trust. And it’s obvious that you girls know what you’re doing.”

We walked back into the office. “We’re not committing to anything until we know all the details.” I said, sitting down with the guns in plain sight.

Ulyssa grabbed us a couple of cannolis and sat down next to me. “Start talking.”