When she had seen him pull up behind her in Sly’s truck, hope had swelled with a desperate edge. Remembering how happy she’d been to see him Maggie swore, at herself and at Aidan. She’d be damned if she would allow herself to become “that” woman. She swallowed the tears, the pain and the anger, and snapped the radio on, drowning herself in Slash’s maniacal chords for the last few miles.
She parked and looked at the house. It wouldn’t be dark for several hours yet and she couldn’t tell from the outside if Aidan was home. A part of her wanted to run away, instead Maggie cut the engine, pulled her hat low over her ears, stepped out into the cold and hurried to the door. As soon as she stepped over the threshold she knew she was alone in the house and Maggie released the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.
Thankful for the reprieve, she decided to take a shower. As she stood under the beating spray of hot water she felt the tension wash away. Maggie’s hand settled over the flat curve of her belly and she finally allowed herself to enjoy the wonder of having heard her baby’s heartbeat for the first time. It was strong and fast. It was perfect. “Hey there, Mowgli,” she crooned.
Maggie already felt a connection to the new life growing inside her. She already had the inbred need to protect and nurture him. And as she stood there she experienced a sense of purpose like none she’d ever known. She silently vowed her child would never need to look elsewhere for the love he deserved.
When she stepped from the bathroom, she found their bedroom crowded with lit candles. The heavy drapes had been pulled to keep the sun from the room, giving the appearance of evening in a house that was designed to let in as much of the day as possible. Aidan stood at the foot of the bed, his expression unreadable, and held out a hand to her. Maggie crossed to him, touched by the unexpected romance but confused by the timing. He took her hand in his and knelt. It felt to Maggie like all the air had been sucked from the room. He couldn’t possibly be doing this now.
“Maggie O’Connell, will you marry me?”
“Aidan, what … ” Maggie’s confusion grew.
“You’re not going to have to go through this alone. We’ll do it together, right or wrong.”
Understanding dawned on her. He was a good man and he wanted to do the right thing. But not out of love. Maggie didn’t know how much more sadness her heart could hold. “Thank you, Aidan. But I’m saying no.” She knelt and took his hands in hers. “We both know how you feel about this pregnancy. And we both know that I gave you an ultimatum today. I’m forcing you to be a father to a child you don’t want. If I told you tomorrow I’d changed my mind and agreed to have an abortion, you’d be relieved. How can we start a life together when I’m forcing you to do something you are vehemently against? We can’t.”
He took her face in his hands, and kissed her gently. “Okay, I understand. I want you to keep the ring.” Maggie shook her head no but he pressed it into her palm. “My mother would have wanted you to have it.”
The ring was beautiful and she knew how much it meant to him, having been his mother’s. She preferred this over anything that could have been bought in a store. This had meaning. It would be passed down to their child and their grandchildren, she’d see to it regardless of what happened between her and Aidan. Maggie wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight. “It would be a real shame to waste all this pretty candlelight.”
“Hmmm, yes it would.” Aidan’s mouth had already started a gentle pursuit of her neck, leaving tingles along the line of her jaw and under her ear.
I need more than he’s capable of giving, but this can be enough for now.
They stood slowly together, the towel Maggie had been wrapped in falling to the floor.
Maggie and Aidan were working in companionable silence when Maggie’s cell phone rang shrilly. He could tell she was irritated by the interruption, but a quick glance at the caller id had her smiling and swiveling her chair around. Aidan tried not to stare at her engorged stomach as she stretched her legs. She was more than eight months along, and though she said her doctor reported both she and the child were healthy, he couldn’t contain his growing anxiety. Aidan noted the mood shift, the cheery hello, and reasoned it was Jenna on the other end.
“Excuse me? Where are you?” Maggie sat up quickly in her chair. “Seriously? Oh my God, why didn’t you get one with GPS? You’re on the right road, just keep on going the way you are. Did you pass the big, blue farmhouse yet? Okay, then it’s just a couple miles. See you in a few minutes. Love you, too.” She closed her phone and threw it to the desktop before turning to Aidan. “Jenna’s here, or at least she will be in the next few minutes.”
“You’re happy?” Aidan wasn’t sure what he heard in her voice.
“Of course I’m happy, she’s more of a sister than friend and I haven’t seen her in months. I’m just worrying over how we handle the Gealach situation.”
“You haven’t told her?”
“I wouldn’t betray your trust that way, Aidan. On the bright side, there is no spare bedroom in this house so she’ll have to stay at the inn in town. We’ll just have to come up with excuses as to where you disappear to each evening.” Maggie’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of tires on shell. Her face broke into a wide smile. “That’s her!”
Aidan followed Maggie, his pace much slower than hers despite her size, and watched as she threw herself in the arms of a tall, beautiful blond as soon as the woman stepped from the vehicle. They were both talking over the other. Honestly, Aidan thought, I wonder how they can even understand what the other is saying. He stepped down on the drive and Maggie led Jenna over.
“Aidan, I’d like you to meet Jenna Gavin, my oldest and best friend. Jenna, this is my Aidan.” While Maggie beamed, Aidan and Jenna sized each other up, both wary and more than a little suspicious. “Come on, come on, let’s go in. Work is definitely done for today. Who wants a drink?”
Soon the three were sitting around the kitchen table, Aidan and Jenna each enjoying a cold beer, while Maggie sipped on orange juice. He listened and watched as the women laughed and talked. Seeing the easy, casual bond between them, he realized for the first time how difficult it must be for Maggie to keep such a big secret from Jenna and how much she was willing to sacrifice to be with him. He noticed before long that Jenna called Maggie Sweetie more often than not and used a rare lull in the conversation to ask why.
Jenna looked at him as though she’d forgotten he was there, but he was sure she hadn’t, that it was an intentional gesture meant to put him in his place. “The whole family calls her Sweetie. Always have.”
“Mother got the job at the country club about two weeks or so after we moved in next door to Jenna and her family. There was this huge tree, just right for climbing on the McAllister’s side of the shared yard. Mother hadn’t found a sitter for me yet and left me to my own devices her first day on the job, so I decided to climb the monster. I fell and broke my arm.”
Jenna picked up the thread. “Daddy saw her fall out of the corner of his eye and came running. He got there just a smidge too late to catch her but just in time to hear the bone in her arm snap. Daddy scooped her up to take her home but Mags told him her mother was at work so he brought her into our kitchen, calling for my mom. There Maggie sits in our cluttered kitchen dressed in a fluffy, pink and white princess dress, not crying, very politely saying ‘yes ma’am’ and ‘no sir.’ Daddy tells Mom he heard the bone break and Mom just pulls Maggie into her arms and says, ‘It’s okay Sweetie, I got ya.’ And Maggie burst into tears.”
Aidan looked to where Maggie stood and she shrugged, as if to say it was an old story and an even older hurt. “A couple of days later Jenna’s mom offered to babysit me. Best thing my mother ever could have done for me was say yes.” Maggie smiled brightly. “I found out years later, that every penny Jen’s mom received went to buying me play clothes and my own toys. But the whole family has been calling me Sweetie since I fell out of that tree.”
“How long before you climbed it again?” He asked. Maggie’s smile brightened. Jenna looked at Aidan speculatively. Maggie excused herself to go to the bathroom and he was left alone with her friend. The silence quickly became uncomfortable. Without Maggie in the room the atmosphere was chilly and, Aidan thought, a little hostile. He wasn’t sure exactly what this woman knew about his relationship with Maggie but Aidan had the distinct impression that Jenna Gavin did not approve.
“It was a pleasure to finally meet you, Jenna.” Aidan stood. Jenna looked him squarely in the eye and inclined her head slightly in acknowledgment of the courtesy but she didn’t return it. “I’ll go see if Sly needs a hand in the stables; let you and Maggie catch up. I’m sure you have a lot to talk about.”
He had the door open before Jenna spoke, “She deserves better.”
“I know.” Aidan shut the door and repeated to himself, “I know.”
• • •
Maggie returned from the bathroom to find Jenna alone in the kitchen. “Where’s Aidan?”
“He went to play with his horses and give us some privacy.” Jenna smiled. “Just look at you? You’re beautiful, Sweetie.”
“I’m huge.” Maggie countered and then laughed as she lowered herself into a chair. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to see you, but why are you here, Jen? I know you didn’t come all this way to tell my fat ass that pregnancy becomes me. What’s up?”
“Nothing’s up. I came for several reasons, not the least of which is to throw you a fan-fucking-tastic baby shower like any decent best friend and God-mommy.” Jenna helped herself to another beer. “I miss you, Mags. And I wanted to see how you’re doing for myself. The last few times I talked to you, you sounded down. How are things between you and Aidan? Any better? Worse?”
“It’s … complicated.” Maggie shrugged one shoulder in an empty attempt to convey less than she felt.
“Then explain.” Jenna took another sip of her beer. “I must admit, I was impressed that he knows you well enough to figure out you got back up in that tree first chance you had.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yeah,” Jenna replied, sarcasm dripping from each word, “that’s what complicated means.”
“We want different things.”
“He did ask you to marry him.” Jenna pointedly reminded her.
Maggie pushed herself from the chair abruptly causing it to tip over and began to pace. She needed to move. “That wasn’t a proposal that was a solider falling on his sword!” Maggie jerked her arms toward the sky. “He was trying to do what was right, out of some old fashioned sense of duty or honor, or some shit like that. Sure he went to the trouble of getting down on one knee, but seriously he looked like he was facing a firing squad, Jen. Can you imagine, in this day and age, making an archaic gesture like that? And thinking I’d say yes? He didn’t even hide his relief when I turned him down! I am not my mother. I will not enter into a loveless marriage because it is socially, morally or financially advantageous. Screw that.” She caught the hint of a smirk on Jenna’s lips. “You did that on purpose.” Maggie accused.
“You needed to vent, whether you realized it or not.” Jenna tipped the bottle back. “We’ll just say that’s another reason I’m here.”
Jenna was right, Maggie thought. She had needed to vent. The outburst had left her feeling lighter and when she continued, calmer.
“He cares about me. Worries about me. Feels responsible for me. Desires me. For a lot of people that would be plenty. But I want it all. I want what your parents have, Jen. I want my husband to still be looking at me with love and lust and respect some forty-odd years after he got down on one knee.” Maggie righted the chair she’d knocked over.
“Aidan doesn’t love me, Jen. And he doesn’t want the baby.”
“Sweetie … ” Jenna started but Maggie cut her off.
“For the last few months we’ve been living on borrowed time and we both know it. I feel like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop and he’s been looking at me like I’m a ticking time bomb that’s going to go off any second. No one dares mention the elephant in the room, which is a freaking riot when you consider the fact that I am, literally,” she gestured to her stomach, “the elephant in the room.”
Maggie walked out the back door and onto the deck taking deep, slow breaths, willing the tears away. She heard Jenna follow her out. She couldn’t suppress the wobbly grin when Jenna started to rub her back in soft, steady circles; it was a habit Jen didn’t realize she’d inherited from her mom.
“Come home. You aren’t happy. Obviously you’ll have to wait until after the baby’s born, but I’m serious; come home. You won’t be alone, Mags. You’ll have me and mom, Emily, Bobby and Claire; more support than you’ll know what to do with most days. You have family that loves you, Sweetie.” Jenna suggested softly and without judgment. Maggie knew without being told that this was another reason Jenna had come to visit. She sighed and laid her head on her best friend’s shoulder. She’d missed this and Jenna.
“I’ve considered it, Jen. Don’t think I haven’t. And God I miss everyone so much. But, no, Trappers’ Cove is my home now. It felt that way to me even before I fell for Aidan. You know how I always felt a little out of place?”
Maggie felt Jenna nod.
“I don’t feel like that here. And I want my baby to have a chance to know his father.”
The two friends stood silent in the warm Minnesota spring.
“Can I ask you something?” Jenna asked.
“Shoot.” Maggie replied.
“Why are you still living here? In this house, with Aidan. I just don’t get it. If you know it’s hopeless and all that, why put yourself through this every day, Sweetie? It has to be slowly breaking your heart.”
“What kind of woman would I be if I walked away just because loving him isn’t easy? I’ll stay until it’s done and I know it may sound ridiculous, Jen, but we’re not done. Not yet anyway.”
“What’s it going to take?”
“I don’t know.” Maggie stepped away, turned and leaned against the railing her back to what she thought of as her and Aidan’s meadow. “He listens to country music.”
“I’m shocked you stayed at all.” Jenna put her hand over her heart in mock horror. Maggie chuckled. Then Jenna grinned maliciously. “Let’s go scratch all his compact discs.”