Everything inside me got all swirly and warm. I felt magnetized toward him like I’d never been to another person. Ever. “I love you, too.” We kissed some more, gently at first, but bursting with a tornado of emotions. The more we kissed, the more urgent we both became, until Joaquin was breathing heavily and I was clutching at him like I’d never done with any guy. I loved the salty dance taste of him, the sleek firmness of his muscles, the way he made me feel about me.
I wanted him. Yeah, like that. The knowledge struck me like a lightning bolt, but it was true.
As if sensing my thoughts, Joaquin pulled back and searched my face. After a moment, he stood up in one graceful move and crossed the room. He locked the studio door and turned back toward me with a private smile.
I started to think Thomas shouldn’t be quite so sure about leaving Joaquin and me to our own devices after all. But right then it didn’t matter, and I was so glad he had. Joaquin loved me, and I loved him. Truly, madly, all the way to our souls. Which is why, when he returned to my side and reached for me, I went willingly into his arms knowing exactly what was going to happen and ready for it.
Sometimes you just know when something’s perfect.
Meryl
If this strange summer has taught me one thing, it’s that you can’t plan the future. Well, let me qualify that. You can and should make plans, set goals, visualize—all that’s important.
What’s the old saying?
A dream without a plan is just a wish?
Something along those lines. But the point is, no matter how carefully you map out your moves ahead of time, sometimes life just steps in and scrambles up the pieces on your game board, like a bratty little brother knocking over the chess set one move prior to your ultimate checkmate.
It’s not bad. It just is.
Lila and I, as it turns out, are living proof.
Case in point: I’d planned on hanging out with my very first boyfriend, Ismet (of course), working at Inner Power (of course), and learning Bosnian. Lila had planned on spending lots of time with her very first boyfriend, Dylan, interspersed with a questionable plot to break up Chloe and her dad.
But how were we actually spending our “lazy days of summer”?
Lila was working for—and becoming quite chummy with—said enemy, Chloe. No recent mention whatsoever of breaking up her and Chief Moreno, I might add, a topic I wasn’t going to raise. I think she’d changed her mind, which was great if it was true. Chloe and Lila’s dad are perfect for each other, and as an outsider, I can see that. Lila did hang out with Dylan just as I hung out with Ismet—in fact, the four of us hung out together a lot—but not as much as I suspect either of us had planned to.
Still, it was fine.
Likewise, I was, indeed, working at Inner Power and making a good enough dent in learning Bosnian that I could keep up with most of the conversations in the Hadziahmetovic household. They all speak English, of course, but I’d asked them to speak only Bosnian in front of me, and they’d obliged.
All that aside, Lila’s and my main focus for the season had unexpectedly shifted 180 degrees and sent us off in a direction we could never have anticipated, not in a million years. Our carefully constructed plans had changed from a purely Guys and Goals deal to an emotion-packed and fully unexpected Girl Power agenda.
All because of Jennifer Hamilton. Of all people.
Irony in action, that’s for sure.
Former enemy turned…friend? Something within the friend arena at least. I don’t think she’d ever be one of the Three Amigas (and not just because there would be four of us, rendering the name obsolete), but we’d all gotten to know each other a lot better and gained a ton of mutual respect. Plus, I never wanted enemies in the first place, nor do I think Lila or I did anything whatsoever to deserve them.
Bottom line, sometimes we girls simply have to stick together through the hard times, and there had been a lot of those this summer, especially for Jennifer.
Ismet understood. Dylan got it, too.
Lila and I were starting to catch on as well.
It’s just funny how things work out.
I’d been proud of Lila for letting go of her grudges, but when she told me she’d gone so far as to invite Jennifer to a sleepover to celebrate her birthday—just the three of us—I was so stunned I’d had to slump down onto the floor to gather my wits. Right there in the middle of Inner Power, too.
A couple of things went through my mind.
One, I missed Caressa down to my soul. It would be our first girl’s night without her there, and that made it feel off-balance. Plus, let’s face it: the whole makeover, manicure, pedicure aspect of the evening wouldn’t be the same without Caressa’s monumental stash of goods and veritable wealth of knowledge about how to use everything.
Two, despite gigantic odds, our favorite seemingly impenetrable snark queen, Lila, had really matured over the past couple months. Kicking and screaming, perhaps, but there you have it. Seriously, she had a million and one reasons to snub Jennifer…yet she hadn’t. Instead, she’d reached out when Jen needed it most. Lila stepped in when Jennifer’s parents fell down on the job. It was enough to make me cry, but Lila would’ve hated it if I’d made a big deal.
Let me go on record, however, saying it is a major deal.
And then, oh my God, suggesting Jennifer join us on the New York trip?!
Gigantic.
But the night of the infamous birthday sleepover rolled around and, as expected, Lila got cold feet. She begged me to come over half an hour early to talk her down from the ledge of panic. She needed convincing that what she’d done—basically drawing Jennifer into the inner circle—actually constituted a good idea rather than a mental break.
No problem. I’d dealt with Lila’s meltdowns for years.
I showed up as usual with my pillow, an overnight bag, a big bag of junk food (along with some healthy options for the mom-to-be), and a wrapped gift. I knocked with the toe of my shoe. When Lila opened the door, I said, “Hey.”
“No time for that.” She reached out, grabbed the sleeve of my T-shirt, and yanked, causing me to stumble over the threshold. “Please tell me what in the hell I was thinking? First this sleepover, then the trip? Our freakin’ trip? And her parents said yes. Yes! Can you believe it?”
I smiled mildly, handing her the bag of junk food. “You were being a nice person. It’s great that her parents agreed. Big karma points, Lila. Big.”
“Yeah. Explain that.” She tore into a bag of Cheetos, wide-eyed and manic. “It’s totally out of character for me to give a rip about my karma,” she added around a mouthful of neon orange crunch.
“It is not.” Such a drama queen. I angled my head toward the stairs. “Mind if I dump my stuff in your room?”
Lila hiked her chin toward the staircase, because her mouth was crammed too full to speak at that point, a little dusting of orange like an aura around her lips.
I sniffed the air. “What smells good?”
“I baked her a German chocolate cake,” Lila groused, after she’d swallowed. “From scratch, which was freakin’ hard. I can’t believe people even baked before packaged mixes. And, anyway, don’t say a word.”
We clomped up the stairs, me in front with a huge smile on my face and a warm feeling in my chest. I held my tongue, but it wasn’t easy.
“Oh yeah, how’s Caressa feeling about this whole sleepover debacle?” Lila asked, in that freaked-out Lila voice we all knew and loved. “The trip is bad enough, but a sleepover? She’ll think we replaced her. With a bitch, no less!”
I dumped my overnight gear onto her bed and spun to face her, fists on my hips. “She doesn’t think that at all. First of all, nobody could replace her.”
“Well, true. We know that.”
“Besides, I already told her we’d call her tonight.”
Lila blinked, surprised. “You did?”
I nodded. “And in case you’re wondering, she thought it was sweet of you to throw this party together.”
“It’s not a party,” she grumbled.
“Yes it is,” I said in a calm tone. “Another thing: you’d better stop referring to Jennifer as a bitch, because she’s the guest of honor and we don’t actually think she’s a bitch anymore, remember?”
“Right. Okay.”
“Plus, she’s going to be here in just a few minutes.”
“Oh, God!” The Cheetos bag crunched in her clutches as the panic crested in her expression.
I held both palms up. “Unless you want the whole event to be a nightmare, you’re going to have to calm down. Haven’t we moved past all that drama with Jennifer?”
She nodded…and didn’t stop. She looked like a Lila Moreno bobblehead. I wanted to laugh, but I knew I needed to maintain the calm, cool confidence.
“Yes. You’re right. Okay, how?”
“How what?”
“How do I calm down?” Without warning, the Cheetos bag was thrust against my chest. “And get these away from me before I puke. My stomach is churning enough as it is.”
I carefully folded the top of the bag, then stowed them on top of Lila’s dresser. Someone had to be the voice of reason, maintain the serenity. That role always fell into my lap, incidentally, but I was comfortable with it. “Well,” I started, “why don’t you think back to the moment you invited Jennifer over.” I paused. “What was going through your head then?”
Lila jammed all ten fingers into the front of her hair and paced. At the far end of the room, she spun toward me. “It might’ve been a psychotic episode.”
I laughed that time. Couldn’t help it. It’s gratifying when someone you love reacts true to form. Makes you feel all warm and safe inside. “Come on. Stop it.”
She sagged with the power of her exhale. “Fine. I did it because she seems to be trying. Really trying, you know?”
Now we were getting somewhere. “Good! That’s a great start. So, Jennifer’s trying…to what?”
Lila looked uncertain. “Be a better person?”
I cocked my head. “Statement or question?”
“Statement. I think.” She grimaced. “Plus, it’s her birthday, and I just felt…bad.”
“That’s compassion.” I narrowed my gaze at Lila. “Admit it, you sort of like her.”
“Sort of, I guess. This version of her at least. Jennifer 2.0.” Her eyes widened with worry. “But what if she’s using us? What if she makes fun of my room, or our house? What if I’m nothing more than a stupid, gullible—”
“Stop!” I crossed my arms. “Do you really want to walk through life harboring those kinds of paranoid thoughts?”
A pause. “No, I guess not.”
“You don’t. Trust me.”
“I do trust you.” Lila stepped closer and gripped my upper arms. “That’s the thing. You and Caressa are the only people I trust, Mer. And yet I invited someone from the enemy camp to infiltrate one of our private, sacred rituals.”
The drama was getting out of hand. I pulled her down to sit next to me on the edge of the bed. “Okay, listen. There is no sacred ritual. It’s a sleepover, plain and simple. Pajamas. Junk food. We’re going to paint each other’s toenails.” I waited until I felt certain her overactive imagination had stopped racing, or at least slowed down. “We are extending an olive branch of friendship to a girl who has no one, a girl who has changed and apologized, all that. We’re being the bigger people letting bygones be bygones. That can never be wrong.”
Lila gnawed at her bottom lip, but she nodded.
“And besides, all this time that Jennifer’s been trailing around after me—”
“Single white female,” Lila said, with a touch of scorn.
This confused me. “Excuse me?”
“Never mind. Old movie reference. Go ahead.”
I nodded. Why did the whole world speak in movie and TV references? Sheesh! “Well, let’s just say I have pretty good instincts about people. I don’t think she’s using us to get through to her due date. Honestly. The pregnancy has opened her eyes quite a bit. It’s changed her.”
“Yeah.” Lila snort-chuckled. “Into a chubby girl with brown hair and really gigantic boobs.”
“Lila,” I chastised. But she had a point about the boobs.
“That’s another thing!” Lila spread her arms. “Why does it feel like we’re all pregnant?” she cried. “I’ve never even had sex! I don’t want to be pregnant!”