Feels Like the First Time (11 page)

It made me feel better about the whole thing, but by the time I was done buying the Prom tickets and a corsage, my pockets were empty. Dinner, even at McDonalds out town, would definitely be out of the question. I moped around the house, unsure of how to proceed. And that was when Mom came through for me, big time. She and my step-dad had separated again, and she was only working a few hours a week as a waitress. She didn’t have any money to give me. However, she was a good cook, and offered to make dinner for Dawn and me on Prom Night at our house.

I would have much rather gone to dinner at a real restaurant than eat at our doublewide trailer, but I took her up on it. Mom offered to make the meal before or after the dance, whatever we wanted. I closed my eyes and pictured Dawn and I sitting in our little kitchen in broad daylight eating dinner. It didn’t seem very romantic. So I opted for after the dance, which meant Mom would be up cooking dinner for two just before midnight.

Thanks to Carolyn Sprinkle and the Prom court, my attire for Prom Night was already arranged. When it came to the Prom court, Mossyrock High School did things a little differently. We didn’t have a traditional Prom king and queen. We only had a queen. Whoever was escorting the Prom queen could maybe say they were Prom king, but nobody else gave them that title.

Several weeks earlier, Carolyn Sprinkle told me she had been chosen for the court. She asked me if I would be her escort. When she asked me, she said, “I know you’re taking Dawn to Prom, but you can still be my escort, right?”

Just like that, I had gone from a high school oh-fer to having two Prom dates. Plus, both girls knew about each other and didn’t care. T
he best part was that I didn’t have to decide what to wear on Prom Night. I went to the Tux Shop in Chehalis and told them I was on the Mossyrock Prom Court. The next thing I knew, I had my tux. It was a cream-and-tan number with a gold-colored shirt with tan ruffles and an oversized white bow tie. It was just as hideous as it sounds, but in an era when Donny & Marie and Barry Manilow ruled the airwaves, we thought we looked good.

The day of Prom, I spent most of the day scrubbing myself and the Sin Bin. By the end of the day, it was a miracle either of us had any skin left. Meanwhile, I never saw a glimpse of Dawn, aside from one happy wave from across the yard. We were like a superstitious wedding couple before the big moment.

I was fanatical about my preparations for that day. I picked Dawn one immaculate red rose from Mom’s garden to go with her corsage, and then soaked it in ice water for hours to make sure it would last as long as possible. In addition to washing and waxing the Vega, and vacuuming and cleaning the whole interior, I used Q-tips to clean all the pin-pricks machined into the vinyl seats. I wanted to make sure Dawn didn’t get anything on her beautiful dress. In all, I spent about four hours getting the Vega ready for the big night. The ironic thing was we were going to be in it for less than ten minutes, since the school and the dance were less than a mile from our houses. It didn’t matter, I wanted everything to be perfect.

After my second shower of the day, I struggled to get into my tux. I’d never seen one before and had no idea how to tie a bowtie. The cummerbund looked like a useless slingshot. With Mom’s help, I eventually managed to get it done.

I can’t say I looked handsome that night. I was still 6’1” and 145 lbs. with uncontrollably curly hair, but I looked as good as I was capable of on that day. When the time finally arrived to pick Dawn up, I walked the short distance across our yards. I stopped for a moment at the spot where we shared our first kiss after
Star Wars
just four months earlier. We had come a long way since then.

I knocked gently on Dawn’s front door and Walt let me in. Walt and Colleen seemed relaxed and slightly amused to see me dressed in my tux. I stood ramrod straight and scanned their living room for Dawn. Colleen told me she would be out in a minute.

I sat gingerly on the couch trying to keep the wrinkles out of my pants. I was focused on making conversation when Dawn stepped quietly into the living room. Looking at her, I felt incredibly privileged to be her date. The girl I loved never looked more beautiful.

Dawn always took a less-is-more approach with her makeup. She didn’t need a lot of help to look good. Although her hair was brushed until it glowed, there was no special up-do. She was my dream girl in every way.

We posed for a few pictures for Walt and Colleen, walked across the yard, and repeated the process with Mom at my house. As we were leaving for the dance, Mom took me aside and said “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more beautiful girl.” I could only agree.

After arriving at Prom, there were still more preparations to make. I listened to the complex instructions of where the court was supposed to stand and when we were supposed to move. But I was distracted trying to catch Dawn’s eye clear across the room. There were dozens of people standing between us, but it felt like we were alone.

Just before the ceremony started, Ms. Gehrman, the teacher who was orchestrating everything, came over and told Carolyn she had been elected queen of the Prom. Since Carolyn was the queen, we got the honor of leading off the dancing on an empty dance floor, waltzing to Jim Croce’s
Time in a Bottle
. In the 1978 Mossyrock High School Annual, there’s a picture of Carolyn and me dancing, and you can almost see the word balloon above my head saying “one-two-three, one-two-three.”

As soon as I was able to escape the literal glare of the spotlight, I made my way to the cool shadows and the table Dawn and I claimed. Prom flew by. We danced, hung out with friends, laughed and held hands under the table, and got our formal picture taken. At midnight, we drove home, glowing from the good time. I was sure the best part of the night had already passed, which just shows how wrong I can be sometimes.

As we pulled into the yard, I could see Mom lighting the candles on the table and scampering off to her bedroom. She stopped only to hit play on the record player, which dropped
Always and Forever
on repeat.

We walked into a room lit by a dozen candles, our song playing on the stereo, and dinner laid out for us on the table. I could tell Dawn was impressed by the amount of planning that had gone into dinner. I had thought I was letting her down by having dinner in our little dining room in the trailer. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Nothing could have been better.

Dawn slipped her shoes off, I took her wrap, and we sat down at the table. Mom had learned a few things getting ready for those flower shows, because everything was perfect. We made nice noises about the great dinner Mom had made–Cornish game hens with rice stuffing, salad and dessert–but I don’t think either of us ate more than a few bites. This was about ceremony, not calories.

It was pushing 1 AM by the time we finished dinner. I was sure the night was done. This was the girl who hadn’t been able to stay out past 9 PM to see Laserium just a month before, and now it was the middle of the night. But, after adjourning to the living room, instead of getting her shoes on to go home, Dawn asked me if I wanted to dance. Every expectation for Prom had already been met, but I happily agreed.

I don’t know how many times we danced barefoot to
Always and Forever
. Four? Ten? More? I have no idea. It was an eternity of loveliness.

After we had danced so long it seemed we had merged into one, Dawn stepped back.

I turned my head slightly to one side and raised my eyebrows, wondering if our night was ending. Then I stepped through the looking glass.

Dawn half-smiled at me, and a serious expression fell across her face. She reached gracefully up with both hands, pushed her dress off her shoulders and let it fall silently to the ground. This beautiful, innocent girl stood before me in the flickering candlelight wearing very little.

I was struck dumb.

Dawn sharing this unexpected vulnerability with me was more than I could process. Her shy smile widened, but whatever she was thinking, she didn’t say. She held her hands out to me in a gesture of complete trust. She stepped forward into my arms once again. I suddenly felt overdressed, wearing my tuxedo jacket, ruffled shirt, bow tie and cummerbund. I held her face gently in both hands, scanning it for some clue as to why this incredible bounty had been given to me.

Candlelight reflected in her brown eyes and I took a moment to absorb her beauty. Small goose bumps made tiny blonde hairs on her arm stand up. I reached out and softly traced the curve of her neck down to the strap of her silky soft bra, slipping it off her shoulder. My eyes widened and I felt an involuntary sharp intake of breath.

Neither of us had spoken a word. For my part, whatever power of speech I normally possessed escaped me when her dress hit the ground. I held her, trying to catch my breath. We took a few small stumbling steps and lay down on the couch. Laying there, her breath hot on my face, she was the fulfillment of every dream I’d ever had.

She put her arms around my neck and looked up at me, her eyes burning with intensity. For the first time, she said, “Shawn, I love you.” The room faded away. There was no floor, no gravity and no reality.

“Dawn. I love you, too.” I had never meant anything more. I was overwhelmed with love, looking deep into her eyes. She kissed me with the same burning intensity and then touched my cheek, looked down at herself, naked except for white panties with little teddy bears on them. Shaking her head gently, she said, “but, it’s still ‘no.”’ I didn’t need to ask her what “no” she meant. I knew. I told her immediately and truthfully it was still “no” for me, too. I loved her completely, but I knew we weren’t close to being ready for sex.

We lay against Mom’s floral couch, and Dawn helped me untie my bowtie and solved the mystery of my cummerbund. Soon, we were lying on the couch skin to skin, and time stretched out. I fell into her eyes and into her very spirit. It was the most fulfilling thing I had ever known.

We talked for a while and stopped. We laughed softly, caressed, kissed, shared pledges of love and devotion. Time became slippery. I was surprised to see the first rays of sunlight coming over the horizon.

I heard the door to Mom’s bedroom open and the sound of her slippered feet coming down the hall. I’m sure she thought I was long since in bed. We froze and I said a quick prayer that we wouldn’t be discovered and our night ruined. We were truly blessed that night, because the next sound we heard was the click of the bathroom door as Mom went in.

I scrambled around on my hands and knees looking for tuxedo parts. Before I had even managed to find my pants, I looked and saw Dawn smiling happily at me, as fully dressed as when I had picked her up for the dance. It was like a scene out of
Bewitched
. I didn’t know it was physically possible to dress that fast.

We didn’t want to push our luck anymore. She kissed me softly. With one last sweet smile and a wave, she was gone.

I stood at our living room window and felt so much love for her I cried. I watched her walk across the yard in the first light of dawn. 

I crawled into bed as the sun was rising, exhausted as I had ever been. I was also one happy boy. I’d had dreams come true the night before I hadn’t even gotten around to dreaming yet. I had felt so much so fast that my spirit felt overloaded, as if I couldn’t possibly accept anything else.

As late as it was when I went to bed, it took me a long time to get to sleep. I didn’t want to let go of the vision of Dawn standing in front of me with her Prom dress at her feet. When Mom came into my room at 9:30 AM, I had been asleep at most a couple of hours. When I pried my eyes open, Mom was standing at the end of my bed with a very unhappy look on her face.

“Walt is at the front door, and he wants to see you.” I understood the look she was giving me. It was a look that said
What have you done now, Shawn?

I had been so caught up in the wonder of the moment the night before that I hadn’t given a moment’s thought as to what situation Dawn was walking into. Under Mom’s steady glare, I crawled out of bed and pulled on a pair of gym shorts and a Mossyrock PE T-shirt. I tried to knock the cobwebs out of my brain as I glanced meekly at Mom. Whatever Walt had to say, I had a hunch I was going to need my wits about me.

When I got to the sliding glass door at the front of the trailer, Walt was standing on the front porch. Somehow, he appeared embarrassed instead of pissed off.