Fierce (4 page)
Authors: Kelly Osbourne
But in my head I was thinking, ‘I want my dad to be sober.’ We were just all so worried about him.
When you are living with an addict, it isn’t a 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. thing. It’s there all the time. My dad would get really drunk at Christmas and be so miserable. Mum, meanwhile, would always make a massive fuss in the lead-up to 25 December. Christmas was a big deal in our house. We would have a massive tree in the hallway at Welders. There would be lights in the garden. When we came down in the morning, there would always be a whole stack of presents. My dad was great when we were opening our presents and sometimes would climb into the roof and ring a great big bell. But by lunchtime he’d turn into the Grinch. My dad really hates Christmas. I think it’s because it’s a time when you’re not meant to say shitty things to your family – but my dad would! He’d be grumpy. That wasn’t fun. During these times, we pulled together as a family to make sure we had a nice time.
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remarkable how resilient I was when I was growing up. It wasn’t as if my dad’s drinking and drug-taking dominated my whole life and I had nothing else going on. Even though quite a bit of fucked-up stuff happened, I was actually oblivious to a lot of what Dad was up to. He spent a fair amount of time on the road touring with his band and when he was, our life at home was pretty normal.
When my mum wasn’t on the road with my dad, she was there all the time and it was great. But when she went away, either on business or touring with my dad, we were looked after by a whole bunch of nannies. Some were really great, others were shit. I suppose that’s the way it goes when you’ve got a stranger coming into your house. Not even my mum’s thorough checks could always stop the freaks from getting through.
I was always Daddy’s Little Girl. I still am. I can do no wrong in his eyes. Jack is a mummy’s boy.
One time, I was sitting on the edge of the bath with my feet dipped in the water while Mum sat in it. She said to me, ‘Kelly, who do you love more? Mummy or Daddy? I thought for a second and replied, ‘Daddy, because I don’t get to see him much.’
If we went out as a family, I would always be clinging to my dad’s side, holding his hand. I’d be wearing my red fleece that I refused to take off ever and my blonde hair would be bobbing on my shoulders.
It’s those memories of my childhood that I like to think about. I mean, my father was battling a drink and drug addiction until I was twenty years old. It’s nice to have the good memories.
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Tony has always been like my second dad. I love my uncle Tony so fucking much. He has always, always, always been there for me.
He’s originally from Newcastle. When he was a teenager, he used to follow my dad around when he was in the band Black Sabbath. Uncle Tony and his mate would sleep in telephone boxes because they were so broke but desperate to see Dad perform. One day my dad, who had spotted Uncle Tony and his mate hanging around after every gig, said, ‘Let me buy you guys breakfast.’ Uncle Tony has been working with my dad ever since. They go everywhere together. Uncle Tony did everything for us when we were growing up. Tony used to change my nappies, for fuck’s sake. He is my dad’s best friend and they have been together for so long. I give so much credit to Uncle Tony because he never turned his back on my dad throughout all the drink and drugs. Believe me, he’s put up with a lot of shit. I’m talking a lot of shit.
He has dedicated his life to my dad. But he wanted to and he absolutely loves what he does. You should see my uncle Tony getting ready and preparing before my dad goes on stage. I often prefer watching my uncle Tony working than my dad because it’s so fucking entertaining and funny. He always wears black: black long-sleeved top, black trousers, black tennis shoes. He then ties a fanny pack to his waist with all my dad’s things in it like his inhalers, tea bags for his throat (they’re special tea bags that Uncle Tony puts in hot water so my dad can sip tea throughout the concert) and any other stuff Dad needs when he is on stage.
Uncle Tony is so into it. He’s running out on to the stage and running back. At the beginning of every concert, he rubs his hands and says in a really broad Geordie accent, ‘Right, it’s on.’
Backstage, it’s always pitch-black and I’m used to walking around, tripping up over the cables. But no, Tony is there, with the flashlight he’s whipped from his fanny pack, pointing it at the floor and guiding me through. And then he’s back to the side of the stage, sitting on an upturned bucket. My dad always throws buckets of water out into the audience. He’s done it his whole career. And after he’s thrown the first one, my uncle Tony will jump up from
his upturned bucket, grab the empty bucket my dad’s thrown on the stage, fill it up, put it down ready for my dad and return to the side of the stage. He’s become an expert in dodging water. He has this sixth sense – he never gets wet. It’s all so fucking hilarious. He’s my uncle Tony and I love him.
Of course, my parents really fucking love each other. The love between those two has kept our family together throughout the years. It has keept us together through all the drugs, drink, rehab and fights.
Even if my mum and dad had the biggest bust-up ever, if one of them had to leave the house to go away on business or just to the shops, they would always say to each other, ‘I love you.’
Mum used to say to me, ‘Kelly, you never know what could happen in five minutes.’ What she meant was, what if it was the last time they saw each other? Well, that would be just terrible.
I think one of the best things that happened to my dad was Mum deciding to stop drinking. She didn’t have a problem with alcohol but
when she quit just before she had us, it meant she could concentrate on looking after my dad. It would have been disastrous if they’d both been drinking.
In fact, I think they would have killed each other. They’d have ended up like Sid and Nancy. Sid Vicious was in the band the Sex Pistols. He dated the American groupie Nancy Spungen and they lived a very hedonistic life. Nancy was murdered in the late-seventies and Sid was charged with her death before he died of a heroin overdose a few months later. I did not want my parents to end up like them.
I was acutely aware that my father had a reputation for biting the heads off bats. I also knew that he was in a heavy-metal band. He was a musician and he toured a lot. For a long time that’s what I thought all dads did.
My mum was determined that we’d have a normal upbringing because she didn’t want us to be different from the kids at school. For a start, there was absolutely no swearing in our house. Mum also had a real thing about good table manners. She never wanted us to have table manners like my father’s. He’s got terrible table manners. He just gobbles it all in and wipes his mouth on the tablecloth.
While my father was behaving the way he was, my mum was busy creating this protective bubble that she kept us all in. She was amazing at giving us security. Don’t get me wrong, she couldn’t always make us feel protected. We had eyes. We could see what my dad was like at times. But generally, she wanted us to feel loved and stable. I think it’s probably quite common for the partner of an addict to feel they have to compensate for some of the upset that is caused within the family.
My mum was always organising great stuff for us to do. When I was nine, I was absolutely obsessed with the American singer Cyndi Lauper. Through my mum’s contacts, she was able to take us to meet her. I had never been so fucking excited in the whole of my life. I took my best friend Sammy and my sister Aimee took her best friend at the time too. I had the biggest smile on my face in the picture that mum took. Bloody hell, I’ve got the biggest fringe ever though.
Another reason that life didn’t feel too stressful with my dad was because I had Jack. He was my best friend when we were growing up. Jack is just over a year younger than me. Aimee is a year older. She used to tell people she was adopted because she had dark hair. She has always been very close to my mum, especially when we were growing up, and even though there’s only a year between us, she is very much the ‘older sister’. She was a lot more girly than I was and liked to wear pretty dresses and mess about with dolls and make-up more than I did. She’d always be hanging out with mum in her office or in the lounge. Aimee is really quite shy and has always been an incredibly private person.
People used to think that Jack and I were twins. We both had curly blond hair and you can’t tell us apart in many pictures. People are always surprised now when I say I’m a natural blonde. I was such a tomboy I was up for doing all the same things as Jack. During the summer holidays, we’d get up in the morning and put on the same clothes: elasticated jeans, T-shirt, trainers and a fleece.
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going to argue with your brother or sister. That’s an absolute definite. Over the years I’ve had so many arguments with my siblings. The fact is you’re spending every day with them, so of course they’re going to piss you off every so often.
When things got bad between me and my brother, Mum would sit us both down and try and talk it through. It actually really helped that we were able to put across our own points of view. You should suggest this to your parents if arguments get out of hand. Remember that your brother or sister loves you, the same way you love them. It doesn’t matter how hard things get, you should always remind each other of that. Your family should be the most precious thing in your life. When times get really shitty, they’re always there for you and always will be.
If you’re going through a patch where you just can’t get along with each other there are other people who you can turn to though. Check out Teensay: they provide advice and articles on relationships and many other subjects. You can contact the online agony aunt with any questions or issues you may have and you can swap stories in the chatrooms and forums.
We would then go into the garden at Welders and you wouldn’t see us again until dinner time. I was really boisterous, so we’d climb trees. We played another great game, loosely based around the film
Ghostbusters
. We’d roll around in the mud and chase each other on our bikes. There was absolutely nothing girly about me when I was hanging out with Jack. We did occasionally fight, but never for more than five minutes.
It wasn’t until we became teenagers that we began to really fight. The whole way through my childhood, we seriously looked out for each other. To me, my brother is absolutely perfect. I have always struggled with being the older sister because I’ve never
wanted to disappoint him. It’s a massive responsibility and I really try hard to be the person that I think he wants me to be.
I also have an older half-brother and -sister, Louis and Jessica. They were a big part of our lives when we were growing up – they still are. Dad was married to their mother when he was in Black Sabbath. They were born and brought up in Birmingham with their mum, but they would always come and visit us.
One happy memory I have is us all being in my bedroom one afternoon. We turned the lights off. Jessica and I then made up a dance routine in the dark to one of Take That’s songs. Actually, we went through the whole album, we loved them so much. Louis and Jack had torches which they kept shining on to our faces like disco lights.
We all got on really well with Louis and Jessica. Mum wanted so much for us all to get on. She didn’t want arguments. Mum tried so hard to please my half-brother and -sister because she didn’t want them to feel left out. I understand that, due to the circumstances of how Mum and Dad fell in love, they probably didn’t want anything to do with her at the beginning. I never really understood the severity of what happened. If there was ever any resentment on Louis and Jessica’s part, then I can see why, because my dad left their mum to be with our mum. But I think as we’ve all got older, we’ve made it our business to get along and enjoy seeing each other. I have nieces and nephews – they are the cutest kids. In fact, Jessica’s kids now go to the same primary school that I went to when we were living in England.