Fighting Blind (6 page)

My skin tingles at the thought of him being so close.

“Theo?”

“Yeah?” He stops, and looks over his shoulder, brows raised.

“Can you just keep it between us that I’m back in town? I don’t want a lot of people knowing.”

Theo frowns. “Yeah, sure thing.”

“Thanks.”

I shut the door, locking it, and sink to the ground, finally letting the tears fall.

Theo

Five days I stay away. It nearly kills me, but I give her the space she needs to get adjusted.

I use the time to train. With the big fight less than two weeks away, I need to get my shit together.

Moody and my trainer Evan are on me like a cheap suit. I get it. I’ve never been this distracted before an event, but no matter how hard I try to stay grounded, my thoughts go back to Mac.

She’s barely left the apartment. I know this because the high-tech security system I have lets me know who comes in and who goes out.

I’ve checked on her a couple of times. Brought her a few groceries that she asked for, but she still seems distant. Like she’s hiding something else.

But what could be bigger than a fucking kid?

A shiver rolls down my neck and shoulders. I have a feeling that when I find out, I’m going to have some serious ass to kick.

When I open the door to my apartment, I can hear Logan screaming from the hallway. Damn, the kid has a set of lungs on her. How such a little thing can make that much noise is beyond me.

The high pitch scream is mixed with Mac’s exasperated voice on the other side of the door.

I knock and immediately there’s silence.

A shadow crosses the keyhole, and a few seconds later the door opens.

“Hi,” she says, a little breathless. She looks fucking gorgeous. Her dark hair slightly damp, her cheeks flushed. She’s wearing gray pajama pants that ride low on her hips, exposing a thin strip of pale skin. The black tank has been pulled low on one side, revealing a pink lacey bra.

She must have caught my gaze because she looks down and adjusts her shirt.

I clear my throat. “Everything okay in here?”

“We’re just having a slight disagreement over bedtime.” She turns a bit to display Logan lying on the floor a few feet away, big crocodile tears rolling down her chubby cheeks.

The kid is quiet now, staring up at me with big brown eyes. She kicks her leg in a last attempt at defiance.

“Who’s winning?”

Mac laughs. “She’s got a stubborn streak. Reminds me of–”

Her face goes pale and she looks away.

“Reminds me of you.” I smirk when she looks up.

“Yeah.” She chews on her bottom lip.

“Book. Book. Book.” Logan is at my knee, holding up a green cardboard book.

I squat and take it from her. “You want me to read this to you?”

She nods.

“And then you’ll go to sleep?”

Logan nods.

“Don’t trust her,” Mac says. “I’ve already read it to her twice tonight.”

“Again.” Tiny hands clasp mine.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m sitting on the floor of the kid’s bedroom, beside the pink plastic bed.

Logan’s eyes are half-closed as I read the last line, “Goodnight noises everywhere.”

When I start to stand her eyes pop open. “E-O”

It takes me a second to realize she’s trying to say my name, and my heart literally melts. God, the kid is cute.

“Goodnight, Princess.” I flick the light off and a small nightlight glows in the corner.

“Night, E-O.”

I find Mac in the living room, sitting on the couch, watching CNN. Her eyes go wide when I place a finger to my lips.

“You did it?” she whispers.

“Fingers crossed.”

“Thank you.”

“How about a movie?”

Her brows draw down and she licks her lips. “I don’t know.”

“There’s a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon playing.” I wink and grab the remote, not giving her a chance to argue. She’s a big Johnny Depp fan, dragged me to all the damn openings of each of his films.

“Theo, you don’t have to do this–”

“I want to spend time with you. I promise, tonight, no questions. Just two friends hanging out. Okay?”

She chews on the inside of her cheek, then tilts her head. “Okay.”

I find the channel and lean back. We sit, not touching as the movie starts.

The tension in her body is almost tangible. Like she’s carrying the goddamn world on her shoulders. She shivers and rubs her arms.

“Here.” I pull the throw off the back of the couch and place it over her legs, which are curled up under her. “Give me your feet.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

Her toes are curled when she peeks them out from under the blanket, letting me place them in my lap. She’s got great feet. I know it’s a weird thing for a guy to notice, but I do. They’re small, with high arches, and perfect little toes. I’ve always loved her feet.

She use to beg me to rub them. I’d always put up a stink about it, even though I secretly couldn’t wait to get my hands on them.

I pull her sock off and begin rubbing one foot.

“Watch the movie,” I say, when I catch her studying me.

Her lips purse, and there’s a small line between her brows, but she obeys, turning her attention back to the screen.

I only half watch the movie. How can I concentrate on anything when she’s sitting two feet away, her feet in my lap?

My cock is rock hard, straining against the zipper of my jeans. I wonder if she has any clue what she does to me. How many years I’ve fantasized about touching her.

Shit. Less than a week back and I’m already stuck back in the goddamn friend zone.

I’m not satisfied with that. Not this time.

My hand skims up her calf, under the lightweight material of her pajama bottoms. She stiffens slightly, then relaxes as I start to massage the knotted muscles. She’s put a little bit of weight back on since coming here. Only a few pounds, but it looks good. She’s lost the gaunt look she had when she first came to the gym.

My hand goes higher, over her knee, rubbing her tight thigh.

Her tongue flicks over her lower lip. She doesn’t look at me, but she doesn’t stop me either, which in my mind is a green light.

She makes a small sound when I pull my hand back.

I can’t read her expression. She’s still so fucking guarded. I place my hand beside her hip and lean forward.

“What are you doing?” Her eyes go wide.

“Kissing you,” I say, moving closer, so that I can feel her soft breath against my lips.

“I don’t think–”

“Don’t think.” I cup her jaw and cover her mouth with mine. She inhales sharply, and the sound goes straight to my balls.

“Theo.” She says my name like a plea. To stop? To continue? I don’t know. I only know I want her.

I kiss her hungrily, tasting her, breathing her in. Her tongue responds to mine and she presses against me, fingers gripping my biceps.

Her body warms to my touch instantly.

Like the first time we kissed, the feeling of rightness settles over me. This is where she belongs. In my arms.

“What about Logan?” she says when my mouth moves lower, down her neck, along her collarbone. She shivers beneath me, melting into my touch.

“She’s sleeping.” I pull her shirt lower, exposing the pink bra.

“Tha-that’s not–” she gasps when I rake my teeth over her exposed nipple. “What I meant.”

“Hmm?” I suck and tease the hard nub until she’s trembling beneath me. I know what she meant. She’s worried that because she has a kid, that I won’t want her, but she’s wrong.

I slide my hand down her stomach, under the elastic of her pajama bottoms. She moans the instant my fingers go between her legs and I nearly come undone.

Every touch increases my need and hunger for her.

But I have to go slow. I need to reign in the Neanderthal part of my brain that wants to tear her clothes off and fuck her till she comes screaming my name.

She looks up at me, her eyes half-lidded.

“You are so…” I lift her shirt and kiss her stomach, my palm cupping her warm, wet pussy. “…fucking beautiful.”

Her fingers tangle in my hair, stopping me from going any lower. “Theo?”

“Let me taste you. Nothing else.”

She licks her lips, then gives a small nod.

I move between her legs, easing the cotton pants down, kissing each foot as I pull them through the thin material.

“I love your feet.”

That makes her smile. “You always hated when I asked you to rub them.”

“I lied.” I wink, lowering my mouth to the soft flesh on the inside of her thigh.

Her skin tastes like pure heaven, and I have to stop myself from rushing to the prize. I trail my tongue up, licking, nipping, until she’s trembling beneath me.

I slip a finger beneath her panties, pulling them to the side. She gasps when I slide a finger inside her, stroking against the clenched opening of her pussy. Her mouth drops open, and her breath begins to quicken.

“Theo.” Her hips jerk, trying to force my finger deeper. Her pussy is wet, hot, clenching tight when I slide a second finger in.

I grip her ass, holding her in place as I find her clit with my tongue.

A soft cry erupts from her throat while my tongue works circles over the nub. I devour her. Unable to get enough.

I’ve never tasted anything so sweet.

Her fingers grasp my hair, and her back arches. She comes, her hips thrusting against my fingers and mouth, and I groan into the swollen folds of her pussy.

This is ecstasy.

All the blood in my body is between my legs. “Three years, Mac. I’ve waited three fucking years to do this.”

“I can’t.” She squirms under me, crawling backwards so quickly I think she’s going to fall over the side of the couch.

Shit.

I grab her wrists to stop her. “We can slow down.”

“I-I” She shakes her head, and there’s real fear in her eyes.

“It’s okay.” I pull her against my chest, and hold her until she stops shaking.

Whatever the fucker did to hurt her this way, I’m going to kick his ass for it.

“We’ll stop.” I run the back of my hand over her cheek.

“I’m sorry. I just…I just haven’t been with anyone since…” She glances away.

“Since what?” I narrow my eyes at her, forcing her to look at me. “Since what, Mac?”

“Since the night Logan was conceived.”

I blow out a long, uneven breath and ask the question I’ve feared. “Were you raped?”

“No.” She shakes her head and her eyes go wide. “It wasn’t like that.”

I don’t know if I believe her.

“Talk to me.”

She tucks her hair behind her ear and pulls her bottom lip between her teeth.

“It hurt. A lot. I didn’t think it was supposed to hurt…”

Fuck. She’s telling me the first and only time she’s had sex she got knocked up. What were the fucking chances?

“It only hurt because the guy didn’t know what he was doing.”

She actually smiles at that, then laughs.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She shakes her head and looks away, her expression tight.

Damn, but I want to see that smile again. And I will. I’ll do whatever it takes to right the wrong that was done to her.

“When you’re ready for this. For us. It’ll be different. I swear to God, Mac, I won’t hurt you.”

“I can’t–”

“I’ll give you time.” I kiss her temple, then stand, not wanting to see the rejection in her eyes.

I’m on edge and my balls ache when I walk out the door, but I’ve made my first move.

It won’t be my last.

Mackenzie

“Mama, higher,” Logan squeals when I push the swing. 

“Hold on tight.”

Her giggles are infectious, and despite the anxiety that never leaves me, I laugh with her.

Pulling my hat lower over my eyes, I push the swing again. There are a few other moms with their kids, nothing threatening, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being watched. My mind plays tricks on me, and I swear I see a man watching me from the shadows across the street.

I blink and then he’s gone.

“You ready to go, baby girl?” I ask, lifting her from the swing.

“No.” Despite her protest, she sticks her thumb in her mouth and lays her head on my shoulder.

It’s already past her normal naptime, and by the time we reach the apartment, she’s deadweight in my arms.

She’s getting so big. It amazes me how much she changes day to day. Two more years and she’ll start kindergarten.

An uneasy feeling forms in my gut. Starting school means a stable home, new identities. I don’t have money for either. It’s still two years away, but it might as well be tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. Any of it.

At Theo’s building, it’s a nightmare trying to juggle Logan, while at the same time getting the key in the lock and tapping the code before the alarm goes off.

The crunch of tires on gravel behind me makes my heart pump harder, but even when I hear the car door slam, I can’t get the goddamn key in the lock.

“You look like you need a hand,” a woman says behind me.

I freeze at the familiar voice.

Shit, shit, shit.

I can’t do this. Not now. Not with Logan in my arms. But she’s already seen me, and I can hear her footsteps getting closer.

“Are you looking for Theo?” she asks, now only a few feet away.

I can’t hide from her.

Slowly, I turn, meeting Theo’s mom’s stunned gaze.

“Mackenzie?” Her brows draw down and her eyes mist over. Her gaze flickers to Logan, then back to me. It only takes her a few seconds to recover. She clears her throat. “When did you get back?”

She’s in her high fifties, but the woman is as beautiful as ever. Her dark, curly hair hangs past her shoulders. Brown eyes, the same color as Theo and Logan’s, watch me with mixed emotions.

“Hi, Clair,” I say softly, looking away. I can’t stand seeing the hurt in her eyes.

She’s been more of a mother to me than my own, and I hate myself for betraying her.

“Does Theo know you’re here?” Her voice is calm, steady, like she’s talking to a stray animal.

“He’s letting me stay in the extra apartment for a couple weeks. Until–”
Until what?
I have no idea what I’m going to do, or how I’m going to get the money to leave.

Clair reaches a hand out and places it on my cheek. “I’ve missed you.”

God, I’ve missed her too. Her and Theo are the only real family I’ve ever known, and I fucked it up.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, still unable to look at her.

“I guess that explains why I haven’t heard from him in a couple of weeks.” Her gaze drifts back down to Logan, who stirs in my arms. “And who is this?”

I don’t know why, but her question breaks me. Tears prick the backs of my eyes and my throat feels like it’s going to close.

“Let’s go inside,” she says, tapping in the code and opening the door. “I’ll make us a cup of tea.”

I should say no. Tell her I’m tired. But I don’t. Her kindness zaps what little strength I have left.

“All right.”

Clair smiles and I notice that she has the same dimple in her chin as Theo and Logan. People always comment on how much Logan looks like me, but standing here with Clair, I realize how much she resembles her grandmother.

I have to clench my teeth and blink hard not to let the tears that have formed fall.

Inside, I lay Logan down on her bed, and try to collect myself before going out to face Theo’s mom.

“Is she his?” Clair asks, when I come into the kitchen. “Is she Theo’s?”

My heart drops into my stomach and I’m pretty sure I stop breathing.

She leans against the counter, hands steepled at her mouth, studying me.

When I don’t answer right away, her eyes close and she inhales a long, slow breath. I can’t lie to her. I’ve never been able to.

“How did you know?” I ask, rubbing my arms, feeling suddenly cold.

“She’s the spitting image of him. How could I not?”

“You can’t tell him.” I’m panicking now. The two weeks I thought I had, disappear before my eyes. He’ll never let me go if he finds out.

No, that’s not true. He’ll want me gone, but I know he’ll never let Logan go.

“He doesn’t know?” I hear the disbelief in her voice.

“He doesn’t remember. I was just one night. He was...” I swallow hard, knowing I’m about to admit that I took advantage of her son. “He was drunk. I made a huge mistake.”

Silence hangs heavy between us.

My skin is ice and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. I wait for her to yell at me. To berate me. Anything other than the deafening silence and pain I see in her eyes.

I blink back tears, knowing there’s nothing I can say to make this right.

“Why did you run?” Her voice is once again an even, calm tone, meant to mollify. But I’m not sure who she’s trying to placate, me or herself.

“You know why.”

“No Mackenzie.” She looks at me sternly, and there’s a sharper edge to her voice. “For the life of me, I can’t think of one single reason why you’d keep this from me, from Theo.” Her face goes pale. “Did he hurt you?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

I wrap my arms around my chest and swallow hard. The tears I’ve been holding fall down my cheeks. I don’t even try to wipe them away.

“You know what he would’ve done if I told him.”

“He would’ve done the right thing.”

“Exactly.” I throw up my hands. I can barely breathe now.

Clair walks towards me and places her hands on my shoulders. “Would that have been so bad?”

“Yes.” I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. “I couldn’t…I can’t ask that of him. It’s more complicated…I…I did things. It’s not safe for me to stay here.”

“If you’re in trouble, I can help. Theo will–”

“No.” I pull away. “It’s my problem. I don’t want him involved.”

“He deserves to know.” She places her hand under my chin, forcing me to look at her. “That little girl deserves to know her father. Her grandmother.”

I know she’s right.

“He’ll never forgive me.”

“You’re wrong.” She smiles sadly.

I want to believe her. Want to believe that someone like me can have their happily ever after. But I know it’ll never happen.