Authors: Charlie Winters
“No. He feels like it would be a bad idea since he coaches the boys. Parents… I don’t know. You know how people are. Once they find out you’re gay, they automatically assume you’re a pedophile as well.” I shrugged. “I’m not sure how those two things automatically go hand-in-hand, but, like you said, people are cruel.”
“I see,” he responded.
“What?” I asked.
“How do you think this relationship is going to work, son? I’m just worried that perhaps Matt won’t ever be able to be honest. I just want to make sure that you’re prepared to date a man who will hide you. Do you want to be hidden?”
“That’s just it though. He doesn’t
want
to, I don’t think. He wants to tell Gallo which means that everyone will know. I don’t want him to lose his job and I’m scared to death about everything when it comes to him. He gets up to go to the bathroom and I’m afraid he’s gonna leave, Dad.” My tears fell hot onto my cheeks as I quickly pushed them away with my fingertips.
“I can’t answer this for you, honey. What I can tell you is that I love you and if he’s worth fighting for, fight for him. Tell Gallo if you think it’s best. I just want to prepare you for the possibility that things may not turn out the way you want them to. But the question should be does it matter? At the end, will you still love him?”
“Yeah… yes, of course.”
My father reached across the desk and squeezed my hand. “Then perhaps you have your answer.”
♂♂
The doorbell rang just after eight. I quickly checked my hair in the mirror and (not so casually) walked to the door. “Hi,” I whispered.
Matt was freshly showered, his normally wild hair damp and pushed back off of his face. A snug red flannel shirt stretched across his chest, the hem barely skimming the zipper of his fitted jeans.
“Wow,” he said. “You look amazing.”
I closed the door behind him and turned the deadbolt. Looking down at my plain white t-shirt and back up at him, I responded, “You have low standards.”
He pulled me close, wrapping one large hand around my waist. “You are, one hundred percent, my
exact
type. Everything about you. Never doubt that.” He dropped his duffle to the ground with a thump and pressed his mouth to mine, nearly scorching me with his active tongue.
I returned the kiss, wrapping both arms around his neck and grinding my hips against his. When we pulled away, my pants were nearly bursting at the seams, dying to be released from their constraints. Instead of acting on my instincts, I headed toward the kitchen. “I was just going to make some food. Are you hungry? I don’t have much… I didn’t have time to shop, but there’s a little market downstairs. I could—”
“Let’s go somewhere. We’ll sit down… have a proper date.”
“Yeah?”
“I want to show you off,” he said softly.
Not five minutes later, we were nuzzled in the corner of a small, dark tapas restaurant, studying the menu by faint candlelight.
“Albondigas, you think?” Matt asked. “Or maybe empanadillas?”
I smiled, suddenly feeling shy. “I don’t know. You pick.”
He sat assuredly, leaning against the back of the booth, both hands linked behind his head. “Let’s get both. And maybe some of those boquerones. I love those, don’t you?”
“I don’t know what they are,” I admitted.
“Come on… you’re a man of means. You should know all of this stuff.”
I gave him a hard stare and lowered my eyes back to the menu. “I wish you would stop saying things like that. It doesn’t feel good.”
“What? That you have money?”
“Yes.” I cleared my throat. “I don’t want to be reminded of that. I don’t want you to see me that way.”
“I don’t,” he said. “I was merely surprised that you hadn’t had a certain food. I figured you’d been to a lot of dinners over the years.”
I looked around the small space. “I’ve never been here.”
“But you
have
had Spanish food at some point, have you not?”
“In Spain,” I returned.
He smiled softly. “I’m sorry. I promise to try to be more sensitive when it comes to your bank account.”
I stuck my tongue out at him playfully.
“How long were you there?” he asked.
“In Spain?”
He nodded, taking a sip of his sangria.
“Um… two weeks, I think. I was in high school. My mom wanted to see the Magic Fountain of Montjuic. She was convinced that if we sat next to it long enough, we would have good luck.”
“
Did
you?”
I smiled. “I don’t know. I guess. My dad was sort of there on business at the time. He got the contract he was vying for. Of course, she was assured that it was the fountain. Honestly, I didn’t think it was much different than the Bellagio.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Same concept. Music and a light show for tourists.”
The server approached, brandishing a wide smile for Matt. “What can I get you?”
Matt reached across the table for my hand. He rubbed his thumb against mine before responding, “Fin? Albondigas?”
“Sure.”
“Okay, we’ll have the albondigas, the empanadillas, and the boquerones.”
“Good choice,” the man said, lingering a few seconds too long while chewing on his bottom lip. “I’ll put those in.”
His body was slender and tall, baring odd similarities to mine. When he strode away, there was a definite swagger intended just for Matt. I followed his near-prance all the way into the kitchen before turning back to my date. Matt was smiling, tipping the glass of burgundy liquid to his lips.
“What’s happening in there, MacAuliffe?”
“That man was so… bold.”
“You jealous?” he asked.
“No,” I lied. “I just can’t believe he acted like that. He
had
to know we were on a date.”
“I don’t want him,” he whispered, leaning across the table for a soft kiss. “I want
you
.”
I clasped the collar of his flannel shirt lightly and let my lips idle against his. Part of me was waiting for Matt’s admirer to get an eyeful (
that’s my man!
); the other part just couldn’t stand to be apart from him for one more second. His tongue brushed mine briefly before slowly exiting the embrace.
“You taste good,” he commented. “Like peaches.”
I swirled my glass of white sangria in my palm, carefully biting a peach off of the top. I chewed it casually; making sure my eyes never left his. “Thank you.”
“Thank
you
,” he teased. “How was your dad?”
“Good.”
“That’s it?” he probed. “What’d you go over there for?”
“I told you. I just needed to ask him something.”
Matt’s smile melted through me. He lifted his hand to rake through his messy hair. “Was it about me?”
“No,” I answered too quickly. “Sometimes I go talk to him. He’s a good listener.”
“It
was
about me.”
“Someone’s confident.”
“Am I right?”
I took another sip of the wine. “Maybe. I just wanted to get his ideas on Gallo… on whether or not we should go public. Matt… were you serious about that?”
“Yeah, of course.” He took my hand in his, kissing the inside of my palm.
At that moment, our food arrived. Matt’s devotee arranged the three dishes in front of us before locking eyes with my boyfriend. “You need anything else?”
“We don’t,” I responded. “Thank you.”
He turned to me with a sarcastic smile. “Let me know if you change your mind.”
“God, that guy is such a fucking asshole,” I hissed once he was out of earshot.
Matt laughed aloud. “You
are
jealous. Oh, baby.” He kissed me sweetly before pulling back with a grin. “Let’s eat fast.”
♂♂
I tossed my keys onto the counter and stripped my sweatshirt off, tossing it onto one of the kitchen chairs.
“I’m glad to be out of that place. Honestly, was that guy trying to make me nuts? I swear, he—”
Matt quickly dropped to his knees, unbuttoning my pants before hastily shoving them down my trembling thighs. His tongue traced over my sheer briefs, a moan escaping his lips when he dragged the band down rapidly to free my developing length. He immediately moved his lips over the head and nearly swallowed me whole.
“Shit,” I mumbled. “Oh God… Matt.”
His throat engulfed me, swallowing and sucking me deeper with each advance. My body bent involuntarily, nearly folding over as I pressed my palms to his shoulders. His hands roamed over my backside, squeezing my flesh with his thick fingers. The sounds coming from his mouth destroyed me as I fought to keep from finishing.
I leaned against the kitchen sink, clumsily kicking my jeans and underwear away, giving all of my focus to Matt and his glorious mouth. My legs spread a bit as I tangled my fingers into his thick, black hair. A popping sound cast out into the near silent room as he released me, carefully stroking my dick in his skilled hand. He lowered his lips between my legs, gently sucking my balls into his mouth. I gasped as my back stiffened, feeling a slight lift of his tongue.
“Matt…” I choked.
He lifted back up, sucking back down hard on my shaft as he dragged a single finger between my legs, brushing between my cheeks. His practiced fingers found my hole as it spasmed helplessly. Seconds later, the pads of his fingertips were brushing against my prostate as his mouth suctioned my dick in an exercised rhythm.
“Stop, Matt… I’m gonna—”
There was no time for a ten-second warning as I emptied my release into his throat. Matt swallowed expertly, his throat relaxed as he moaned and continued to push his finger inside of my body. “Fin,” he mumbled, milking the last of my orgasm onto his tongue.
I pulled him to his feet and turned, pushing him against the counter as I plundered his mouth with my tongue. I could taste myself on his lips, my body more turned on than I’d ever remembered. My hand rubbed against the outside of his jeans as our lips sent wet music into the air.
“I want you,” I whispered into his mouth.
He let out a small laugh. “Are you still jealous?”
I shook my head. “Of who?” I traced his cock through his jeans with my fingers.
“Good,” he responded, pressing his tongue to mine. “Then let’s go to bed.”
“It’s nine-thirty.”
He lifted me easily and tossed me over his shoulder. “I didn’t say we were going to sleep.”
“E
m?”
“Mac!” she squealed. “What are you doing? I thought about you all week.”
“Nothing. I don’t know… everything.”
“Everything?” she asked. “What does everything mean?”
“You remember Matt?”
“From the bar? Holy fuck! What about him?” Her voice was a near-shriek.
“We’ve been seeing each other.”
I kept my voice low, careful as to not wake a sleeping Matt. Peering in the doorframe, he was sprawled on top of the comforter, his bare behind testing my limitations.
“Define
seeing
each other. Fucking or making love?” she teased, stretching out the
love
comment.
“The second.”
Her bold laugh was followed with a snort. “Our Fin is ruined.”
She had no idea.
“You busy Friday?” I asked.
“For you? What’s happening?”
“Um… Matt coaches this football league. There’s a game. I really don’t want to go alone, but I think he wants me to go.”
“A football game? What does either of us know about football?”
“Fucking nothing. Are you going or not?” I nervously picked at my cuticles.
“I will, but only because I’m dying to see him again. I had too much to drink last weekend and can’t remember what he looked like other than he was tall and hot.”
“That about sums it up.”
“Big dick?” she asked.
“I’ll pick you up at six.”
“Six?” she challenged. “I can’t be ready by—”
“Bye, Em,” I whispered before clicking the end button.
When I walked back into the bedroom, Matt was on his back, leaning on his elbows. His eyes were tired, but his cock was at attention. “Who was that?” he mumbled.
I climbed into bed and settled on top of his sculpted body. “Emily.” It was a fantasy to hold him; yet, here I was, clutching him in my arms as he palmed my back. “Hey, Matt?”
“Mmm hmm?” His eyes were closed, his fingers lazily drifting up my spine.
“I’ve been thinking… maybe we should go to Pittsburgh.”
He sat up suddenly, hands releasing me. “Why?”
“I promise I’m not trying to fix you. I just… it’s just that I’ve been thinking about your parents and I’m sure they miss you. I know you think they don’t, but it’s been two years, honey. They have to think about you. Holidays? Birthdays? I mean, you have a twin brother. You don’t think he wants to call you on your birthday?”
Matt scrubbed his face in his hands, lowering the tips of his fingers to expose his eyes to me. “He made it clear, Fin. They all did. I wasn’t welcome.”
“Okay, but what did they say exactly? I mean, was it like ‘we never want to see you again’ or ‘you’ve disappointed us’? I mean, like exactly what was it? Maybe—”
“My dad called me a faggot and said that he hoped I got AIDS. Does that help?”
I stared into the eyes I loved, clasping his hands in mine. “No, Matt.”
“Yes, Fin. That’s what I meant when I said I wasn’t welcome.”
I pressed both of my hands to the sides of his face. “You deserve better.”
“And I got it,” he deadpanned. “I got you.”
I kissed him once, gently and unhurried. “Can we try again? I know you were hurt, but I think you owe it to yourself to see this thing through. We can go together. I’ll be with you every step of the way. They can’t punish you anymore.”
“Hurt?” he asked. “I wasn’t
hurt
, Fin. I was devastated.”
“Okay,” I conceded. “We don’t have to go. I was just trying to help.” I lifted the covers back and climbed under them. Patting the empty spot next to me, Matt slid in and snuggled into my chest.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“For what?”
He shrugged. “For disappointing you.”
“Hey,” I returned, pulling his chin up with my thumb. “You’re not. I was butting into your family life and had no business doing so. I’m the one who should be sorry. And I
am
, Matt. I am sorry that you had to go through that.”
He chuckled softly. “I guess all good things come with a price. Maybe if I hadn’t gone through all of that, I wouldn’t be lucky enough to have found you. And I know you think I’m full of shit, but I promise you… you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to tell the world that you’re mine.”
I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’ve been thinking about that actually. No matter how much I may want to, I don’t think we should tell Gallo. I don’t know… not yet.”
Matt nodded once. “I respect that. But eventually, I’ll want to. I need to know that you’re behind me.”
“Always.”
♂♂
“You look pretty,” I gushed when Emily answered the door.
Her long auburn hair was pulled into a complex knot, long bangs side swept with a few black pins. She wore a painted-on vintage U2 t-shirt under a cropped leather jacket. Her jeans were red (and excruciatingly tight), paired with heeled booties on her feet.
“I dressed up for your man.” She smiled, showing off her perfect white veneers.
“About that. At work, people don’t know about us.”
She put her fingers to her lips and mimicked a zipping motion. “Your secret’s safe with me.”
I rolled my eyes. Emily hadn’t kept a secret since kindergarten. In that moment, I worried about my decision to bring her. But, I didn’t have many friends in the city since I’d left high school, and
none
I would want to introduce to my boyfriend.
Fifteen minutes later, we were parked in the field lot, finding our way toward the faculty section. A few other teachers smiled when they saw me, cautiously glancing at Emily. She linked her arm through mine and squeezed, looking out onto the empty field.
“They have beer here?” she asked.
“It’s high school, Em. No, they don’t have beer.”
She groaned and dug into her purse, brandishing a cigarette.
“What are you doing?” I hissed. “You can’t smoke here.”
She stood and looked down at me. “You’re no fun. I’ll be back in a few.”
I watched her slowly move up the bleacher seats, her sway turning the heads of men throughout the stadium. When I turned back toward the field, the poli-sci teacher addressed me for the first time. “Your wife?” he asked.
I cleared my throat. “No.” Embarrassment flushed through me as I kneaded my hands together. “She’s a friend.”
He let out a low whistle. “You should change that.”
“Doug!” the woman next to him barked.
He laughed and extended his hand to me. “We haven’t really met. Doug Pearson.”
I took his hand and shook it, careful to put some brawn into the greeting. “Fin MacAuliffe.”
“Theatre, right?”
I flushed again, but kept my composure. “Music, mainly.”
“Political Science,” he responded.
I nodded. “Yeah, I know. Eden knows everyone.”
He winked at me after glancing at the woman to his left. “I know.”
What did that mean?
Emily plopped down next to me and clasped my arm again, linking her hand over my bicep. “What did I miss?” she asked.
“This is Doug Pearson. He teaches Political Science. This is my friend, Emily Summers.”
She nudged me with her hip and leaned in to kiss my lips briefly. “He’s so modest.”
Jesus Christ, Em.
I said they didn’t know about me and
Matt
, not that I needed a beard.
I looked onto the field briefly, locking eyes with Matt. He held a clipboard and was tapping it steadily with a pen.
He was… not happy.
Shit.
I pulled her arm from mine. “I need to use the restroom,” I mumbled.
I took my time in there, studying my dull brown eyes in the mirror. Doug opened the door, his smile bright when he spotted me. “Fin, your girl Emily is fucking hot.”
“She’s not my—” I started to protest.
Matt opened the door at the same time. “Yeah,” he responded, walking up to the urinal behind me. “She
is
hot. Where’d you score a girl like that?” He faced the wall, not making eye contact with me.
“She’s not my girlfriend,” I finished. I washed my hands in the sink and turned toward Doug. “I already have a
boyfriend
.”
With that, I walked out, leaving Matt wearing a shy smile on his lips.
♂♂
“Boyfriend?” he whispered, looking over his shoulder for prying eyes. “Should I be jealous of this guy?”
I nodded. “He’s
very
handsome,” I responded. “And… has a huge cock.”
“Is that right?”
“Mmm hmm. I can’t get enough of it,” I teased.
We separated quickly as Emily opened the restroom door. “Where’re we going, ladies?” she buzzed.
“I’m pretty tired,” Matt answered.
“Oh, no you
don’t
. I spent my Friday night watching a football game. The least you can do is buy me a motherfucking drink. I’m thirsty. Somewhere on Manchester? Please, please, please say the bear bar… bears love me.”
“He’s tired, Em,” I protested. “He just spent the last three hours out there.”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine. You and I will go then.”
“Please,” I whispered. Leaning into her ear, I continued, “If you let me take you home now, I promise I’ll make it up to you tenfold, okay?”
She nodded. “I don’t want to go home though. Drop me off at Kenny’s, okay?”
“Kenny?” I complained.
Kenny Todd and Emily had been on and – mostly – off since high school. He had limited goals, which included living in his parents’ basement in Arnold at nearly twenty-three years old.
“What? I’m horny.”
“Fine.” I turned to Matt. “I have to drive her to Arnold. Meet me at my place in an hour?”
“Okay.”
He looked over at Emily, a careful desperation in his eyes. I could tell he wanted to kiss me, so I beat him to the punch. His lips were soft and wet, even if they only met mine for a fraction of a second. “See you soon.”
♂♂
“Man, you’ve got it bad,” she announced, turning the radio off.
She had flipped stations for nearly twenty minutes, but gave up a few minutes away from Kenny’s place.
“I do,” I admitted. “I love him.”
“Shit.” She laughed and unzipped her bag, digging in the bottom before producing a tube of lip gloss. She swiped it over her full lips and pressed them together. “I want someone to love me. I’m jealous.”
I pulled into Kenny’s drive and cut the engine. “Honey, you could have any man you want. Why him?” I gestured toward the front door of the old tri-level.
“Because he doesn’t ask questions. He just fucks me when I’m not feeling great. He doesn’t want anything from me. Besides, I can’t have
any
man I want.” She nudged me playfully.
“Maybe you should hold out for someone who does want something. You’re beautiful, Em. You’re smart and funny—”
“Not everyone can find a Matt.” She quickly wiped an escaped tear from her cheek before opening the door. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you.”
“Hey,” I called after her. “I love you too.”
♂♂
Matt was waiting in the lobby, a duffle bag tucked under his arm. I glanced around before taking his hand and leading him to the elevator. We rode up in practical silence until he broke it.
“I was jealous tonight. I’m sorry.”
I snorted. “Of Emily?”
“Yes, of Emily. I don’t know what happened, but I’d never felt like that. When I saw her kissing you… I don’t—”
“Matt, she kissed me
once
. She thought I wanted everyone to think I was straight. All I told her was that I didn’t want them to know about us. She must have misunderstood.” I let out a short laugh.
“Well,” he responded as the elevator doors opened, “I don’t think there is
any
confusion now. I can’t believe you told Pearson you had a boyfriend.”
I turned the key in the lock as Matt kissed the back of my neck. “I
do
have one, don’t I?”
Matt closed the door behind us and dropped his bag on the floor with a sigh. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.”
I swallowed a gulp of dry air. “Hmm?”
He was going to break up with me. He was going to break up with me.