Authors: Michelle Betham
His eyes locked with hers. ‘Who are we talking about now, Amber?’
She turned away, saying nothing.
‘Amber?’
‘Leave it, Ryan.’
‘You aren’t ever gonna leave him, are you? No matter what he does, you aren’t ever gonna leave him.’
She held his gaze, her eyes staring deep into his. ‘I don’t know.’
Those three words could change everything.
Jim stared at the newspaper, at the picture staring back at him; Amber and Ryan, out together, with their baby boy. Out together, as a family, and the pain that this caused, it was almost unbearable.
‘You’re reading way too much into that, Jim,’ Max said, leaning back against the sideboard in Jim’s Parkfield office.
‘The rumours are even more widespread now, Max. Whatever this is, it’s what it
looks
like that’s important to all those people out there who make a living twisting the truth. But I don’t really know what the truth is, do I?’
‘Have you called her?’
Jim shook his head. ‘As soon as I’ve finished up here I’m on a flight to Newcastle.’
‘Is that wise?’
Jim looked up. ‘She’s my
wife
, Max. And for some reason I still can’t fucking understand, she’s up there with him, and I’m down here wondering just what the hell is going on with our marriage. I need to talk to her. Face to face.’
‘I thought you were only up there a couple of days ago.’
‘There wasn’t time to talk.’
‘Well, maybe if you concentrated less on the physical side of things…’
Jim’s eyes bored into Max’s, and Max held his hands up in surrender, bowing his head. ‘Okay. I’m sorry. That was out of line. But… look, just call her, Jim. Before you go up there and accuse her of something you have absolutely no proof of. They’ve taken the baby out, that’s all. In reality there’s nothing unusual about that. They’re his parents, Amber’s back up north for a while, so why wouldn’t she?’
‘It stops, Max. This ridiculous act she’s putting on. She’s coming back home, with me. Where she belongs.’
‘Well, you go up there with that attitude and you’ll be coming home alone. I know Amber. And she won’t appreciate that.’
‘I’ve known her a lot longer than anyone, Max. I’ve known her for twenty-three years…’
‘And you fucked up most of those.’
The two men glared at each other, saying nothing for a few, long seconds.
It was Jim who broke the silence. ‘I need to see her.’
Max sighed, folding his arms across his chest. ‘Don’t do anything stupid, Jim. Don’t give the press anything more to play with, okay?’
Jim sat down on the arm of the couch, raking both hands through his hair. ‘I can’t do this. It’s fucking killing me, Max.’
‘I can only do so much, Jim.’
‘Are you any nearer…?’
‘I’m looking into it. There isn’t a lot we can do just yet anyway. We really need to wait a couple of months.’
Jim picked up the newspaper, taking another look at the photograph. It was a paparazzi photo, of course. And sometimes those photos never did tell the whole truth, but just seeing the three of them together – his beautiful wife, her ex-boyfriend and their baby.
Their
baby.
‘I need to see her,’ Jim whispered.
And Max knew there wasn’t a thing he could do to stop him.
*
Amber opened the door quietly and she couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across her face as she saw the sight in front of her. Ryan was lying asleep on his back on the couch, with Rico curled up on his tummy on his daddy’s naked chest. Ryan had his hand resting gently on his baby son’s back, and the two of them looked so peaceful that Amber felt as though she should just leave them alone. She’d never seen anything quite so gorgeous. Ryan, with all those heavy tattoos and that rock-hard stomach, and their beautiful, beautiful baby boy with his mop of dark hair and those eyes just like his daddy’s. And she didn’t want to feel that jolt in her stomach, that uninvited somersault, but it was there. It had happened.
Letting Ryan stay the night had been a mistake, even though he’d slept in the spare room. Nothing had gone on. Nothing. But it had been a mistake. And he really needed to go now.
She waited a few more seconds, giving herself a little bit more time to take in daddy and baby together before she walked over to them, crouching down beside them.
‘Hey, my handsome pair of sleepyheads. It’s time to get up now. Mummy’s got work to do.’
Ryan’s eyes opened slowly, his smile wide as he looked at her. ‘Hey there, gorgeous.’ He sat up slowly, a half-asleep Rico still snuggling into him as Ryan swung his legs down. ‘He woke up a couple of hours ago so I thought I’d bring him down here, watch a bit of early-morning TV. Leave his beautiful mum to sleep in a bit longer.’
‘Well, I can’t say I’m not grateful for that, so thank you. Did you sleep alright?’
‘Not really. I’d much rather have been next to you, holding that incredible naked body of yours against mine.’
She stood up, walking away into the kitchen. ‘Grow up, Ryan.’
‘Your mum keeps telling me to do that, kiddo. She keeps telling me to grow up.’
Amber turned to look at him, leaning back against the counter and folding her arms as he followed her into the kitchen, Rico now awake and gurgling away at his daddy. It was almost too cute to watch Ryan smiling, talking to his son and receiving the biggest smile back as Rico tried so hard to talk back. He was growing up so quickly, and sometimes Amber looked at him and still couldn’t believe he was here or that he was hers.
‘Kim’ll be here any minute now to pick him up,’ she said, pulling herself swiftly back from her own daydream. ‘And
you
shouldn’t be here.’ The doorbell ringing interrupted any more conversation. ‘That’ll be Kim.’ She walked over to Ryan, reaching out for Rico. ‘Time to say bye-bye to daddy, baby.’ She let Ryan kiss Rico quickly before she took him from him. ‘Stay here, and do
not
let Kim see you.’
‘Why? I’m Rico’s dad; what’s so wrong with me being here?’
‘It’s half past eight in the morning and you’re half-naked, for starters. What kind of message does
that
send out?’
Ryan just grinned, and Amber rolled her eyes, hugging her baby to her. ‘Just, stay here. I won’t be long.’
He was making coffee when she arrived back in the kitchen ten minutes later.
‘Go and put some clothes on, Ryan.’
He turned around, another grin on his handsome face. ‘You could do with taking some off.’
‘It’s like talking to a bloody teenager. Is that coffee made yet?’ She walked over to the cupboard, reaching up to take a couple of mugs out, almost dropping them when she felt his hands on her hips, his lips brushing the back of her neck. ‘Ryan!’ She pushed back with her bottom, nudging him away. ‘What the hell are you playing at?’
‘Jesus that was actually quite a turn-on. Can you do that naked?’
‘For fuck’s sake…’
‘Come on! You want this just as much as I do, Amber. Otherwise you would have made me go home last night.’
‘So, you know what I’m thinking now, do you?’
‘Baby, I’m not sure even
you
know what the hell you’re thinking half the time. But I
do
think you want this. You just don’t realise how much.’
‘And I thought Ryan Fisher couldn’t get any more arrogant. Go and put some clothes on.’
He walked over to her, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘It was nice, last night. Just sitting, talking, watching TV. Like a proper family.’
‘I
have
a proper family.’
‘Do you? You have a husband you’ve left behind in London while you come back home to do what, Amber? What
are
you doing here? And if you’d
really
wanted to get away from everybody – from all of us – why did you come back here? Somewhere you knew I’d be. You could have gone anywhere, sweetheart. But you came here.’
‘And maybe now I’m just beginning to realise what a mistake that was.’
He shook his head, his thumb gently stroking her cheek. ‘It wasn’t a mistake.’
‘You really need to go now, Ryan.’
He let his fingers trail down over her neck, brushing over her collarbone, and she could feel every touch through the thin material of her shirt. She could feel it all, but she didn’t want to.
‘Remember the day he arrived, Amber? Our baby. Remember that day?’
‘I remember the pain.’
‘You were so beautiful. That’s what
I
remember. I ran into that room, hoping to God I hadn’t missed him coming into the world, and I saw you, so tired… Jesus, you looked tired, but you were so beautiful, Amber. You were my beautiful girl, and at that moment in time I’d never loved you more. What you gave me that day, it was huge. Rico is… he’s the most incredible thing to ever happen to me. Him, and you. Because you gave me every reason I ever needed to change the person I was becoming.’
‘You don’t
have
me, Ryan.’
‘I’m still so much in fucking love with you, do you know that?’
She shook her head, desperate to push him away, but it was as though her arms were suddenly made of lead. She couldn’t lift them, couldn’t make them do what she wanted them to do. ‘You have no right to say those things to me, Ryan. No right.’
‘I love you. I love that boy of mine and I love his mum. I love you, Amber.’
‘No,’ she whispered, finally finding the strength to push him away, running out of the room, breathing in deeply as she ran upstairs.
‘We need to talk, Amber.’ He’d followed her. Of course he’d followed her.
She swung around to face him, trying to stay calm and wishing more than anything that Jim was there. Her handsome American man. Her husband. She wished he was with her, to stop this from happening.
‘There is
nothing
to talk about, Ryan. I shouldn’t have let you stay here last night…’
‘But you did.’
‘And you’re reading way too much into that.’
‘Am I?’
‘You need to go.’
‘Is that what you want?’
She couldn’t help laughing. ‘I don’t believe you. Go and put some clothes on, and get out, okay? I need to get ready for work.’
He held his hands up in surrender. ‘Okay. Okay, I get it. I’m sorry. I’ll let myself out, alright?’
She breathed a sigh of relief. But shouldn’t she really have been prepared for this? She’d let him stay the night. And she hadn’t expected him to read anything into that? And she’d had the nerve to call Ellen naïve.
‘I’ll call you later, about Rico. Is that okay?’
She nodded. ‘Yeah. That’s fine.’ Closing the door behind her she leaned against it, closing her eyes and breathing in deeply. What the hell was she doing? This had gone far enough now. Was Ryan right? Had she, subconsciously, come back to Newcastle because some things were just a touch
too
familiar? Had she really let that happen? Maybe going further afield was something she needed to do. Maybe that’s what she needed to really get her focus back. Because this obviously wasn’t working.
She took a quick shower, hoping the blasts of cold water she forced herself to endure would knock some sense back into her and some rational thinking would finally start to take over. But it didn’t really help.
Grabbing a towel from the heated rail beside the shower she quickly dried herself, slipping on a pair of knickers before wrapping the towel around herself, taking the clip from her hair and shaking it loose around her shoulders as she stared into the mirror. She looked tired. All of this was supposed to be helping her get her head straight when all it was really doing was confusing her even more.
Running her fingers through her hair, she gave it one more shake before stepping back out into the bedroom.
‘You really thought I’d take any notice of you?’
‘Jesus, Ryan! What are you still doing here?’
He was leaning against the wall with his arms folded, still half-naked and a cocky smile on his far-too-handsome face.
‘You know, you could have any woman you wanted.
Any
woman, Ryan. And yet you still want to waste your time with me.’
He shrugged, his eyes never leaving hers. ‘If that’s the way I want to spend my time…’
‘You’re crazy.’
‘No,
you’re
the crazy one. For staying with a man who’s cheated on you, lied to you and treated you like crap for most of your life.’
‘Why are you still here?’
‘Because I think we’ve got unfinished business.’
She backed up against the closed bathroom door, clutching the top of the towel that was covering her. ‘Ryan, if we’re honest with each other, we’re probably always going to have unfinished business. So let’s just accept that, okay?’
He looked at her from across the other side of the room. It was a weird and slightly erotic Mexican stand-off, both of them standing there in a state of undress, and neither of them willing to move any closer, even though the air was charged with something Amber was choosing to ignore.
‘Please, Ryan.’
He said nothing, he just continued to stare at her, and she tried her hardest to break that stare, but he was making it so hard.
‘Ryan.’
He didn’t move, and she was starting to get angry now. Angry at him for still being here, and angry at herself for giving him the chance to do this in the first place. Her fault. When the hell had she become so weak?
She finally broke the stare, looking down at her fingers as they clutched the towel wrapped around her body.
‘You need to go, Ryan.’
‘It doesn’t matter how many times you keep saying that, Amber, I’m not going anywhere.’
She slowly raised her head, her eyes meeting his again. ‘You’re not being fair.’
‘And neither are you. You’re not being fair to me. You’re not being fair to Rico. And, most of all, you’re not being fair to yourself.’
She shook her head, her fingers gripping the towel even tighter. ‘I’m married.’
‘Oh, Jesus, Amber, believe me, we’re all aware of that fact. We all know you’re married.’ He started to walk over to her, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. ‘But I don’t actually care.’ He shrugged. ‘I don’t.’