Authors: Michelle Betham
She took a swig of beer, her eyes still glued to the screen, her heart suddenly giving a little judder as they cut to an interview pitchside – with Jim. And even though he was smiling now, Amber could see a sadness there, and it tore her apart.
‘I’m so, so proud of you, baby,’ she whispered, feeling tears start to stream down her face, but she didn’t wipe them away. She deserved to feel pain. She deserved to feel this guilt. Just the sound of his voice cut her deeply, but when she heard him say her name those tears fell faster, that pain cutting deeper.
She hugged her knees to her chest, watching as he spoke to one of her Cloud Sports colleagues. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, this man who’d walked into her life all those years ago and taken everything she’d ever had. He’d taken it all. He’d invaded her life and stolen her heart; he’d stirred up every emotion it was ever possible to feel and she knew she would gladly do it all again, because she loved him. No matter what had gone on here, or anything she might still feel for Ryan, she loved that man there on her TV. She loved him.
‘I know she isn’t here tonight…’
Amber’s heart seemed to miss another beat as Jim turned to face the camera, and she couldn’t stop the loud, uncontrollable sobs from escaping, those tears streaming from her eyes so fast now she could barely see.
‘… But, baby, if you’re watching, and you said you would be… if you’re watching, I wanna say thank you. And just know that I love you, okay? I love you so much, honey.’
She had to put a hand over her mouth to stop those sobs from waking Rico. Because what he’d just said there had sounded like a message. Oh, God, how could she ever have thought she could leave this man?
The pain she felt now was indescribable. It was like a knife being ripped right through her; it was physical, and it hurt like nothing she’d ever felt before.
‘I love you, too,’ she whispered, that pain intensifying as the picture cut back to the studio. ‘And I’m sorry, baby. I am so, so sorry.’
‘You do not just take it upon yourself to wander off. You are still under contract until the end of this season, do you hear me, Ryan? This is isn’t fucking high school, you don’t get to slack off just because there are only a couple of weeks left and you can’t really be bothered to concentrate any more.’
‘You finished?’ Ryan asked, folding his arms as Max paced up and down his Covent Garden office.
‘I haven’t even fucking started, son.’
‘Give it a rest, okay? I’ve heard it all from Dave French, and I’ve been suitably fined.’
Max stood still and looked at him, raising his eyebrows. ‘Oh, so, you think that’s the end of it, then, do you? You should think yourself lucky Red Star need you otherwise you’d probably have found your playing career at that club already over.’
‘That wouldn’t have been such a bad thing.’
Max raised his eyebrows even higher. ‘What? Because then you could keep your arse down here and do a bit more marriage wrecking?’
‘I’m not wrecking anybody’s marriage, Max…’
‘Have you heard yourself? No, seriously, have you? Because you’re standing there actually saying words that are totally untrue.’
‘They haven’t got a frigging marriage. Jesus…’
‘Oh, so, all of a sudden you’re the expert on relationships, are you?’
‘I know she still has feelings for me.’
‘Really? You know that, do you? One night in the Balearics and you’ve managed to turn her head, is that what you’re saying?’
‘I felt it. I could see it in her eyes, I could feel it when we…’
Max held up his hands, stopping him from talking. ‘I don’t want to hear it, Ryan. I don’t want to know what you did or what kind of a mess you’ve caused, but you need to know one thing. Whatever you
think
she might still feel for you, it isn’t going to happen.’
‘And how do you know that, huh? How do
you
know that?’
‘I don’t,’ Max sighed, holding his hands up for another reason now – defeat. He couldn’t do this any more. He couldn’t make the kid see sense, no matter what he said. ‘I don’t know anything. But what I
do
know is that you need to calm down, get your head straight, and just accept that she’s probably made her choice. I mean, have you seen or spoken to her since she got back from Majorca?’
Ryan shook his head, his eyes back down on the floor. ‘I’ve tried calling her, but it goes straight to answer phone.’
‘And that doesn’t tell you anything?’
Ryan looked up, shoving his hands in his pockets as he stared at his agent. ‘Not really.’
‘Stop being so naïve, Ryan. Get your head out of the sand and start thinking about the next couple of weeks. Two more games for Newcastle Red Star then you’ve got a whole new future to look forward to.’
‘She said there was still a chance, Max.’
‘I’m sorry?’ Max frowned, watching as Ryan slowly lifted his head.
‘She said there was still a chance. That she and Rico would come with me to L.A. And I’m gonna cling onto that chance until the very last second, you got that? The very last second.’
*
‘Are you coming with me?’ Amber asked, leaning back against the door of Jim’s Parkfield office. ‘To this photo shoot.’
‘I thought Ronnie was with you,’ Jim said, not looking up from his laptop.
‘He’s doing the photo shoot with me, yes.’
‘You don’t need me, then, do you?’
‘Is something wrong?’
‘Nothing’s wrong, Amber.’
‘You could have fooled me. I just wondered if you were going to pop in, that was all.’
‘Where is it?’ he asked, his eyes still focused on his laptop screen.
‘They’ve set up something in one of the function rooms upstairs. And I think they want to do one or two pictures outside on the pitch, I’m not sure…’
‘I thought you weren’t doing this kind of thing any more?’
Amber’s eyes met his as he finally looked up. ‘Have you got a problem with it?’
‘No, Amber. I don’t have a problem with anything.’
‘Yeah. Sounds like it. Look, I’ll see you later. You might be in a better mood by then.’
‘Amber, honey, wait.’ He got up and walked over to her, and she leaned back against the door, folding her arms across herself. ‘Baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay? It’s just… the idea of you putting yourself out there…’
‘My clothes are staying on, Jim. It isn’t that kind of photo shoot. They’re publicity photos for Cloud Sports and promotion shots for
Back of the Net
. That’s all.’
He threw his head back, letting out a loud sigh. ‘Jesus, Amber, I’m having so much trouble dealing with this.’
‘Dealing with what? They’re just publicity shots, Jim. I’m not running off to the Playboy mansion.’
He slid an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. ‘Yeah, but, if they could see how hot you were they’d want you over there ASAP.’
‘Oh, you’re such a flatterer, Jim Allen.’ She smiled, playing with the collar of his shirt and wrinkling up her nose. ‘But I think the Playboy boat has sailed.’
‘Not in my eyes,’ he whispered, his mouth lowering down onto hers, and she let herself fall into that kiss. Because she needed to feel him this close to her; she needed him to kiss her and touch her and make love to her over and over again until she was absolutely sure she was making the right decision.
‘So, are you coming with me?’ she asked, not really in the mood to let him go now.
‘I’ll be over as soon as I can. I promise.’
‘Okay.’ She stood up on tiptoes, still holding onto his shirt collar, kissing him again, a little longer this time. A little slower. ‘I’ll see you later.’
He watched her turn to leave, that crazy red hair of hers falling loose down her back, her killer figure poured into a dress that was practically giving him a hard-on.
‘Amber?’
She turned around, smiling that smile and breaking his heart. ‘Yeah?’
‘I don’t want to know what happened, over in Majorca. Okay? I told you I didn’t want to know…’ He looked down at the floor, his hands dug deep into his pockets. ‘I just…’ He raised his head, his eyes once more meeting hers. ‘I love you, okay? Don’t ever forget that.’
She walked over to him, gently touching his cheek with the palm of her hand, kissing him again. She could kiss him forever. ‘I am so in love with you, Jim Allen, I can’t even tell you.’
He rested his hand over hers, smiling a smile that made her heart leap. ‘Then that’s all I need to know.’
One more kiss and she’d disappeared outside, on her way to do what she did best – look beautiful, and make men fall in love with her. And she didn’t even know she was doing it. His wife. His world.
He walked back over to his desk, leaning against it, pushing both hands through his hair as he let loose another loud, frustrated sigh.
That threat he’d always feared was still very much there. And he had to put a stop to it.
*
‘Everything okay?’ Max asked.
Amber looked up as she slipped on a pair of heels so high she doubted whether she’d be able to walk in them. ‘I didn’t know you were coming down here today.’
‘Well, I’ve got a few hours spare before my next meeting, so, I thought I’d come and see how you were doing.’
Amber eyed him slightly warily. ‘Well, I’m fine, thank you. Everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be?’
‘You know Ryan’s down here, don’t you?’
Amber didn’t miss the look Ronnie gave her, but she ignored it. ‘I’m assuming he’s got permission this time.’
‘I needed to talk to him regarding some details concerning his new contract with L.A. Gamers.’
Amber felt her stomach dip at the mention of Ryan’s impending move to America. It was just a couple of weeks away now, but she was trying to pretend it wasn’t coming. ‘Is it all sorted, then?’ She asked that without looking up, mainly because she knew Ronnie was still watching her.
‘We’re getting there. Just one or two personal terms to iron out and he’s all ready to go. Their season’s already up and running so they want him there as soon as.’
Amber’s stomach dipped even lower as Max talked. All he was doing was describing a reality she didn’t want to face, when she’d been quite happy pretending it wasn’t happening at all.
‘Is Jim here?’
‘He’s in his office. Said he might pop in later. Where’s Ryan now?’ Did she really want to know?
Max shrugged. ‘No idea. Hasn’t he arranged to come and see Rico while he’s here?’
‘I haven’t been answering his calls,’ she said quietly, feeling a little guilty, because that was selfish. It wasn’t that she’d been keeping Rico away from him – he’d spent a few days up in Newcastle with her dad after she’d come back from Majorca, and she knew Ryan had seen him then. But she hadn’t spoken to him for a while now. And that was selfish.
‘Yeah. He told me.’
Amber stood up, shaking out her hair and wishing she hadn’t done that as these heels really were too high for her, and now she felt a little unsteady on her feet. ‘I know these things are supposed to make your legs look better but they’re a bitch to walk in.’
Max smiled, watching as she steadied herself.
‘Do you know? What went on in Majorca?’ Amber asked, looking straight at Max and still ignoring Ronnie, although he was out of earshot now, talking to the photographer.
Max’s expression changed, turning serious again. ‘I didn’t
want
to know, but Ryan offered up the information before I’d had a chance to shut him up. Look, Amber – he said you’d told him… he said there was still a chance. A chance that you might go with him. To L.A.’
She looked down at her feet, pulling the hem of the dress she was wearing down so it covered just a touch more thigh. ‘I did say that, yes.’ Now she was really glad Ronnie was out of earshot because if he had any idea…
‘And? Are you serious about that? I mean…’
‘I don’t know, Max.’ Her eyes met his, holding his gaze for a good few seconds.
He was in no hurry to break that stare. ‘You don’t know?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘But…’
‘Everything’s so complicated now. Ryan coming over there, to Majorca – it changed things. It… it threw up stuff I didn’t even know I was feeling and I just don’t know.’
‘And what about Jim? Does
he
know what went on over there?’
‘He says he doesn’t want to know. But I think he has every idea what really went on. He’s not stupid.’
‘Jesus, Amber…’
‘I panicked. When Ryan told me he was leaving for America, I panicked. I got scared. The thought of him not being there terrified me and I panicked.’
‘This is one hell of a mess.’
‘But it’s going to be sorted soon.’ She looked at Max, right into his eyes, her expression almost pleading. ‘Isn’t it?’
‘Yeah,’ he sighed, holding her gaze, not breaking the stare. ‘I really hope so.’
*
‘What was all that about?’ Ronnie asked, wandering back over to Amber.
‘Nothing.’
‘Here we go again,’ he sighed, leaning back against the wall beside Amber, who was still trying to get used to the heels. ‘You know, every time Ryan’s name is mentioned there’s something in your eyes that scares the hell out of me,’ Ronnie went on, shoving his hands into his pockets.
Amber turned her head to look at him, but she said nothing.
‘I’m going to assume that what happened in Majorca – I’m going to assume it was…’
‘I don’t want to talk about it, Ronnie.’
‘You used to be able to talk to me about anything, Amber.’
She looked down at the floor, her fingers fiddling with her wedding ring.
‘And you’re doing that weird thing with your wedding ring again.’
Amber quickly pulled her hand away. ‘It’s not “weird,” as you put it. It’s a nervous habit.’
‘You got something to be nervous about?’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘You’re not saying much.’
‘Do we have to do this here?’
‘We don’t have to do it at all.’
‘Good.’
‘You really want to carry on living this way, Amber?’
She looked at him again, saying nothing for a beat or two. ‘It would have been so much simpler if me and you had worked out, wouldn’t it?’