Finally (Mature Men, #3) (15 page)

"The hell you have!"

"I have," I insisted.

"Don't lie to me!" Placing his hands on my shoulders, he pulled out of me and stepped back.

While I stared at him in shock, he bent down to reach for his pants.

And I just knew that if I allowed him to walk out again, it would be for the last time.

I rushed forward to snatch his trousers from his grip and tossed them on the other side of the bed. "I'm not lying. I know what I did, but I can't explain it because I've always loved you."

"Really? What about when you were kissing Reddorn or engaged to Don? Don't you tell me you didn't come close to sleeping with Reddorn or that you didn't love Don."

Hearing the pain and jealousy in his voice, I wondered how I'd never understood his need for reassurance that I still loved him before. I placed my hands on his chest and looked up into his dark, angry gaze. "Shane is a handsome, charming, and kind man, but then so are you."

He shook his head. "That's not good enough, Sherlyn."

"Okay. I was sexually attracted to him, but I wasn't in love with him. If not for Janine, I would have happily slept with him."

"I'll bet you would have."

I compressed my lips. "Like you, I had needs. Even if I had slept with him, I would still have been in love with you. And speaking of Janine, what the hell were you doing with her?"

"You can't really think either of us have any sexual interest in each other. She was hurt because that dumbass Reddorn couldn't see past you to her. Even though she clearly wanted him for herself, she spent the entire night trying to convince me that I'd misunderstood that kiss in the park."

I sighed, annoyed that I could have thought otherwise. "She's always been a good friend. I have to call her today and apologize for being such a bitch."

"She'll be glad to hear from you."

"Now tell me why you asked her out and made sure I knew?"

"Because I wanted to make you a little jealous."

"Well you did."

"Good. Then you know how I felt when I came to surprise you for lunch today and found you in the park happily kissing Reddorn."

Oh, damn. "What you saw was nothing."

"What I saw was you kissing him! Say what you like about me, I've never kissed another woman in your presence."

That was true enough. "I didn't know you were there and it didn't mean anything."

"It meant something to me and I'm sure he enjoyed it."

I sighed. "I'd just admitted to him that there wasn't going to be anything between us because of Janine and the fact that I was in love with you. He's been very kind to me. The kiss just happened, but it meant nothing."

"It nearly got him strangled on the spot. And Don? Are you going to tell me that was nothing too?"

"No." I shook my head. "I did love Don and I would have been happy married to him."

He turned away.

I caught his hand and tugged at it until he turned back to face me. "But I would have been even happier married to you because you're my first and greatest love. Even when I loved and adored Don, part of my heart still belonged to you. As much as I loved him, and I did love him, I was still yours to lose." I placed one of his hands over my heart. "This has always been and always will be yours for the taking, Darkwater...just as this is," I told him, placing his other hand over my pussy.

"I know you don’t love me, but I love you so much I hurt all over with it. No matter who I meet or who I end up with, I'm afraid I'm always going to be deep in love with you."

He sucked in a deep breath, before he pulled his hand away from between my legs and then slowly pushed his thick, hard cock into the pussy that would always happily welcome his cock.

Because I knew he wanted it, I struggled to keep my eyes open as jolt after delicious jolt send shockwaves through my body. The sweet wonder of his long, deep strokes set my pussy ablaze and filled my heart with a joy I'd never felt as deeply with anyone else.

He turned up the heat and deepened his kiss and quickened his thrusts while his big hands stroked and caressed my body until my pussy gushed and I was so hot I felt ready to burst into flames. As I came, my lids fluttered shut, I clutched him close, and sobbed out his name. "Darkwater...Darkwater...Darkwater... I love you! I love you always!"

He groaned something unintelligible against my neck, dug his hands in my ass, and exploded inside me, filling me with his seed.

Oh, lord, what a wonderful feeling.

He turned his head to brush his lips against mine and we held each other in silence until the tremors left our bodies. Then he took my hand in his and led me across the room.

We lay on the bed in a tangle of arms and legs. I closed my eyes and settled down to fall into a contented sleep. Although he didn't love me, he wanted me enough to call me his. Just maybe, if I were patient and loving, he might eventually feel more for me.

We fucked twice more during the night before exhaustion overwhelmed me and I slept deeply and contentedly with his body draped along my back.

I woke the next morning to find him still in bed with me.

"You were wrong," he said as I opened my eyes and turned from my back onto my side to face him.

I frowned. "About what?"

"About him."

Hearing the tension in his voice, I suppressed a sigh. Which him did he mean? Shane or Don? "Him who?"

"Don."

Oh, hell. Why was there always such anger in his voice when he spoke of Don? "If you're going to tell me he cheated or—"

"No. That's not what I meant. I'm sure he wouldn't have cheated on you anymore than..."

"Then how was I wrong about him?"

He kicked the covers away and rose to walk over to stare out into the breaking dawn. "You were wrong in thinking he was the only man who ever really..."

His voice trailed off but I knew where he was headed and I felt overcome with emotion. Was he finally going to finish a damned sentence that dealt with his feelings for me? Probably only if I pressed the issue. "How was I wrong about him?" I asked.

"You were wrong in thinking he was the only man...he wasn't. Long before he came along and stole you..."

"What?" I encouraged.

"He not only wasn't the only man, he wasn't even the first."

His voice cracked.

My heartbeat a wild, hopeful tattoo because I knew he was struggling to admit how he felt about me. "What do you mean?"

"I do," he said in a low, brusque voice.

I sat up, clutching the covers against my body as a shield in case I'd misunderstood him. "You do what?"

"I do...love you, Sherlyn."

Tears sprang to my eyes and my throat tightened. I wanted to scream in delight but I couldn't seem to move or even breathe in case this was just a lovely dream that any sound of movement would shatter.

He sighed and turned to face me. "I do...I have...long before he came along."

I sucked in an aching breath, my throat tight, my heart pounding.

"I don't know why it's been so hard for me to admit. I have loved you for a long time. I was in love with you before you met Don—"

Oh, God. Please don't let this be a dream. Please
. "If that were true—"

"There's no if about it. It was true... "

"Then why..."

"It was true, but I wasn't ready...I..." He trailed off and turned to stare back out the window.

"I know I've hurt you over the years and I haven't...loved you as long as you've loved me, but I do love you. I love you now and I loved you then, sweet." He inhaled slowly. "I thought my heart would break when you fell in love with Don."

I longed to rush across the room to embrace him, but was fearful of doing anything that might interrupt his sweet admission.

"Do you know I was relieved when he died?"

I swallowed, conversely hurt and pleased by the admission. Don's love and passion had lifted me out of a pit of despair when I'd thought I'd never know emotional happiness without Darkwater. He had made me feel loved and adored. I had loved and adored him. I would always ache when I thought of his death. I expected the ache to dull over the years and I was hopeful of finally having a happy life with Darkwater. Nevertheless, a part of me would always mourn for him. And I hated hearing he'd been glad when Don died.

"I wish you didn't feel that way."

"So do I, but he took what I wanted and needed the most in the world. He took you from me."

"He didn't take me. You ceded me to him or any other man willing to fill the void loving you left me drowning in. Had you told me how you felt, there wouldn't have been a Don or a Shane," I said.

"I know, but I wasn't ready to settle down and I had no right to ask you to wait until I was."

"I would have waited for you," I admitted. "I would have suffered through countless years and affairs had I known you loved me and would one day be mine."

He shook his head. "Because I loved you I couldn't ask or expect or even want that for you. I thought when I'd had my fill of meaningless relationships, you'd be there waiting and I'd...I'm sorry I hurt you."

"You weren't ready before. And now?"

He exhaled slowly before crossing the room to sit on the side of the bed. He caressed my cheek. "And now I'm not willing to risk losing you again."

"But you're still not ready to settle down?"

"I am ready. I was ready the moment we had unprotected sex or we wouldn't have had it."

Recalling all the pain and anguish I'd felt since our breakup, I jerked away from him. "Then why the hell didn't you say so? Why didn't you tell me you loved me? Why didn't you do a single damned thing to keep me in your life when I felt I had to end our relationship before you broke my heart?"

He reached out to stop me as I attempted to roll off the bed away from him. "I'll tell you why because you kept tripping over yourself to assure me you were no longer in love with me. Every time I tried to tell you how I felt, you shot me down by reminding me you were in lust but not in love with me. I let you walk away because it hurt knowing I was as much in love with you as ever while all you felt was lust."

"And I'm supposed to buy that excuse?"

"It's not an excuse! Do you have any idea how I felt? After years of resisting my urge and then need to be with you because I wanted to do right by you, we finally get together and you can't stop telling me I was nothing more than a hard cock. Then I had to suffer through the indignity of looking at Don's damn face every time we ended up in here. And if that wasn't bad enough, you started calling out his damned name after we had raw sex.

"If we're going to ask why: why the fuck do you keep insisting you didn't love me anymore until you made me believe it? Why the fuck didn't you move his picture when we became lovers? Why the fuck did you make me look at him night after night?"

Hearing the pain under the anger filled me with regret. "I didn't move it because I wanted you to care enough about our relationship to ask me to move it."

"And I wanted you to care enough about it for me not to have to ask, Sherlyn! How the hell did you expect me to find it easy to admit how I felt when I always felt as if I had to compete with him and his god damned perfect self who never hurt you while I seemed to do nothing but hurt you?"

I blinked back tears, realizing I'd played a part in the misery I'd known since our breakup. "You didn't have to compete with him."

"The hell I didn't. I'm still competing with him—and now there's the fucking Reddorn too!"

"Shane..." I shook my head. "I was lonely and Shane made me feel attractive and wanted. I probably could have been happy with him if not for Janine, but you must know by now that you've never had any real competition, Darkwater."

"And that's another thing. Why the hell do you keep calling me Darkwater when you know I prefer Thomas?"

I shrugged. "Because that's who I fell in love with...Darkwater."

"What? In case you haven't notice, Sherlyn, I'm only one person."

I shook my head. "Oh, no. Thomas was Am's big brother who didn't know I was alive. Darkwater...he was the man of my fantasies who I fell so deeply in love with that I now know I'll love forever. No matter who I meet or who I end up with, a part of my heart will always belong to him...to you, Darkwater."

He stared at me. "Who you end up with? Are you dense or are you just trying to fuck me off, Sherlyn?"

"What do you mean?"

He curled his fingers in my hair and pressed his forehead against mine. "I mean you're mine. My days of and interest in sleeping with anyone but you are over. I want what my father had: the love of a woman I'd be willing to work 60-70 hours a week to take care of.

"My father warned us not to marry until we were so deeply in love that a beautiful woman walking naked in front of us wouldn't tempt us to stray for even a moment. I've reached that point in my life, Sherlyn. I no longer have a sexual interest in any other woman. I'm totally in love with you and I'd willingly work 70 hours a week to give you what you needed if I had to.

"Everything that I have or will have, I'll happily share with you...my time...my money...my heart. They're all yours to do with as you will."

"Oh...Darkwater. Having enough money not to have to worry about being laid off and unable to pay bills would be nice, but it's your time and heart I need. Give me those and I'd happily work 70 hours a week to help make ends meet and come home to wait on you and fulfill all your needs."

"If you can forgive me and have me, I want you as my wife and the love of my life because that's what you are: the love of my life."

I pulled away and stared at him through a flood of tears.

"What do you say, my sweet, sweet girl and the remedy for all my aches, pains, and miseries. Will you be the remedy for everything wrong in my life? Will you marry me?"

And just like that, with one question, he made nonsense of all the years of pain and anguish I'd suffered loving him. "Yes," I whispered. "Oh, yes and yes again!"

He drew me down onto the bed, turned me on my back, and slipped between my thighs as he kissed me slowly.

I closed my eyes and stroking my fingers down his back to his ass, I rubbed myself against his cock until I felt him thickening and hardening against me. Then I reached between our bodies and pressed the big, pulsing head against my slit.