Find Me (Truthful Lies Trilogy - Book Two) (33 page)

“
Either way, he broke through. And when you
realized he was there, you didn’t let go. Because you
like
the hope. Hope is a good thing.
It’s why people wake up and breathe in the morning. Xavier didn’t
blow his brains out last week because you gave him hope.

“
But you’re scared of losing people
suddenly
. You
want a warning sign. You don’t want to run in and find the body.
And this”—she slaps the photos—“this is a body—the body of your
relationship with Deck. And Mizz Tatiana Watkins, whoever the fuck
she is, is holding the smoking gun. I think you would’ve preferred
if you’d seen this coming. We all prefer that shit. But sometimes
life throws us surprises. It’s harder to bounce back from them. But
it
is
possible. So, it’s the fear
of
sudden
loss that
freaks you out, Blaze. You just have to realize that, and then
learn to manage it. If he did fuck around, well, OK, that’s game
over.

“But what if he didn’t?

“
I think your fear is holding you back.
You’ve seen the body on the floor”—she shakes the photos again—“and
now you’re wondering if it’s real. I think you’re hoping that, if
you just let the body lie, you can pretend it was never there.
Facing it is more scary, because you’re either gonna feel for the
pulse of your relationship, and it’s going to be a dead duck. Or
you’re going to feel for its pulse and see that it wasn’t anything
but a Blow Up Doll. And Mizz Tatiana Watkins is busy riding it.
While laughing at you.”

Vikki puts the photo down. “You have no
choice, Blaze. I can’t guarantee you which one it’s gonna be. You
may very well find that it
is
a
dead body. And that it’s over. But at least you’ll
know.”

“Or I could find Tatiana riding a blow-up
doll.”

“In the best case scenario.”

“I think I prefer the best case
scenario.”

“You see? You’re hoping again. Which means
you’re living again.”

Yeah, and that I’m scared
shitless again.
But at
least it ain’t
Too Much
anymore. It’s just a
little
less than that now.

“Vikki, did you just talk to me for five
minutes without an accent?”

“Maybe.”

I cock a suspicious eyebrow.

She says,
in a thick Russian accent, “Every artist needs
gimmick, right?”
Needs geemeek, rrright?

“
So, where could he be
? Your boy.”

“Maybe at this Dino’s house? I really don’t
know. How did Vlad find Xavier’s address?”

“
Papah keeps lists of dealers so that he
can spot if they come to his clubs. He also keeps their home
addresses on file, in case they
continue
to come to his clubs.”

I stare at her.

“What?”

“
You do realize you sound more and more
like the daughter of a Russian Mafia czar the more you talk,
right?”

“
Yes, I’ve admitted that already. But I
really know nothing about it. I promise.”

I laugh. “Well, I don’t know if this
Dino
is a dealer or
not—”

“
He’s not. I had Vlad check it. Why don’t
you call
Deck again.
Maybe he’ll answer this time.”

“I’ve tried five times already. I’m not going
to embarrass myself any more. If he wants to talk to me then he
must call me.”

“
Blaze, put your pride
aside
. This is to stop
him doing something stupid and ruining his life forever! Your
romantic issues can get dealt with after that.”

“
Fine!”
I call again. No answer. “Damn it.” Then, “I have an idea.”
I call Trev.

“Trev.”

“Blaze.”

“What’s up? You sound like the world has
fallen on your shoulders.”

Silence.

“Trev?”

“
I lost my scholarship, Blaze. I’m packing
my bags and I’m coming back to New York. It’s over. My college
career is over.”

YouTube
. The
Goodbye Blue Monday
bar-fight was all over it. Viral. Over three
hundred thousand views of the entire thing.

Then there was a
second video: A clip of Trev’s Herculean back as
he laid his fists into Dino Moretti. In the background someone
mixed
Gonna
Fly Now
—you know,
the
Rocky
theme
song.
Pa-pa-paaaaaa pa-pa-paaaaaaaaaaa
! In between punches and fists slamming into
Dino’s pulverized mug, there are shots of Sylvester Stallone
driving bloodied fists into carcasses on meat hooks and swinging
his arms up at the top of the Philly Art Museum steps.
Apollo Creed Wins
Rematch!
is the YouTube
video title. That second video got almost a million hits, and it’s
still getting more.

I hear the
raggedness of his voice as he speaks. “Bad
publicity for the college,” he says. “And I have no leg to stand
on, Blaze. Because I lost it. I really did. Anyone who says that’s
self defense is fuckin dreaming. No offense to you.”

“Trev, what does it cost for you to get your
degree?”

“
Close on twenty Gs—upfront payment. And
that’s excluding living costs. I keep those pretty low, but they
add up.”

“
Christ.
We’ll help you, Trev. I don’t know how, but we
will. Deck and me—” And then it hits me. There
is
no “Deck and me”... “Uhm,
I’ll
help you.”

“
Blaze? Why did you stop midway sentence
when you said Deck and you?”

“Uhm, right, there’s a little problem...”

I tell him. When I’m done, he says, “That
fucking
bastard
! I’m
gonna kill him!”

I told Trev about the “Man’s Gotta Do What
a Man’s Gotta Do” thing. Not about Tatiana. First things first.
Besides, the Tatiana thing is between me and Deck. This other thing
is a
Boys
Will Be Boys
thing. And
Trev and Skate probably know better about that shit than I
do.

Trev says he’ll call Deck.

I’m afraid for Deck. I try my best not to
entertain what he’s doing now. Has it gone too far already?

But it’s not
Too Much
anymore.

I can deal. Because I got my girl, and now
I also got my boys. No matter what happens, I know I’ll always have
them. And that’s a good thing.

No matter what, that’
ll stay a good thing.

Declan Cox

Night time.

Some macho g
uy I am. I would have made a terrible gangster.
Ten minutes of driving around “looking for Dino” (which I wasn’t
really doing anyway, just pretending to, so I could
really
act like Mr. Tough Guy) and I
realized what a total obstinate
ass
I was being. So then I went over to the East River, and I
tossed the gat into it.

Now I’m just driving, thinking. Mostly I’m
thinking about Blaze. And how red I made her eyes. And how
wildly
idiotic of a moron I was to
hurt her with my attitude.

I regret it. I pull over by Pier One at
the Brooklyn Bridge Park to catch my thoughts while looking over at
the city’s skyline. I regret it even more when I reach into the
dash to get my phone and see all her missed calls. I’d put the
thing on silent so I couldn’t be called by anyone wielding The
Voice of Reason, telling me to “knock it the fuck off!”

This is bad
, I think.
Insanely bad. You fucked up, Deck. You
fucked up big time, homeboy. You owe her. So you better start
paying it back.

I’m about to dial
2
for Blaze, when Trev calls.

I say, “Waddup, homes.”

He says, “Don’t you fuckin
waddup homes
me you dumb fuck!”

And then he proceeds to rip me a new one. A
very large new one.

I can’t help feeling an overwhelming sense
of relief that Trev is actually not here with me right now. Because
I saw that YouTube
Apollo Creed Wins Rematch!
video—watched it just now, actually. And if I ever
had doubts as to who would come out the winner in a fight between
Trev and me, that settled it. Because he
murdered
Dino! Completely
pulverized
him!

I’m grateful for it.

I figured Dino had suffered punishment enough
for his misdeeds. But that wasn’t the only thing. I also realized
that losing Blaze would be the most devastating thing to ever
happen to me in the entire world.

After Trev’s done (ten minutes of searing
blasts of d
erisive
censure), he says, “So what the fuck you have to say for yourself
you idiot!?”

“Uhm, you’re right?”

He stutters, throat rough from the
shouting. “I’m—uh—what?”

“You’re right.”

Silence.

“Trev?”

“Damn fucking straight I’m right, nigga! Now
where are you?”

“
Bridge Park. I was about to do some
reading but—”

“
Deck, did someone drop you on your head?
Don’t tell me you’re near that Tatiana slut? You know she’s
trouble, homes. I thought—”

“
Trev, chill. I’m on Pier One.”

“Are your fingers blue yet?”

“
I’m
in
my
car, bro! It’s too damn cold outside.”

“
That’
s what I figured.” Then, “CALL BLAZE FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” he
clicks off, not even giving me chance to answer.

I do call Blaze. The sadness in her voice
when she answers is more painful than any chain to my head or even
a knife to my side. “Deck,” she says.

“
Blaze...I...I don’t even know...
I’m
sorry
. I...I’ll
do anything. I’m just—”

“Deck, where are you?”

“
Brooklyn Bridge Park.
Pier
—”

“
Brooklyn mother
fucking
Bridge Park!? Are you with your
slut
!?”

I might not be the world’s smartest dude,
but it doesn’t take me even a nanosecond to know who Blaze is
talking about. And to establish that something has gone seriously
wrong between the time I last saw her and now.

Tatiana and Trouble
do
start with the same letter.

I hear Vikki’s Russian accent tell Blaze
to chill out. Then I hear Blaze’s fading scream as Vikki no doubt
takes the phone from her. “Declan, I am trying very hard to give
you the benefit of the doubt here. But it’s getting very
difficult
—”

“
Vikki! You have to believe me! Whatever
that Tatiana chick has told you, it’s
bullshit
! Trevor will vouch for me. Vikki?”

“Tatiana. So you know the woman’s name... We
never mentioned it.”

“
Vikki, please listen to me. Of course I
know her! Look,
nothing
happened!”

“Declan, as I said, I give you the benefit of
the doubt. But it’s difficult. I think you better get here. And
quick. Because Tatiana sent us some photos. And it certainly
doesn’t look like nothing happened.”

“
Photos—wh—?” And then it clobbers me like
a wrecking ball.

Oh. No.

The problem with trouble is it only finds
you when you’re
not
looking for
it.

My first reaction when I see the dude at
my door is that Dino has been following me. But then I see the
boy’s n
ose. And it’s not
a Roman nose; it’s a nose that’s been broken at least once. Eastern
Europe.

It looks like someone’s gone and broken that
nose again recently.

Tolek knocks with his knuckle on my
window. He’s smiling, so I know he has a card up his sleeve. And
I
know
he wants a fight. I look in my
rearview and see he’s brought his two friends again. Did he find me
by chance? Had he been following me? By some weird and freaking
twisted turn of fate, is he in cahoots with Dino Moretti? I doubt
it—Dino was always such a racist, never liked anybody who
wasn’t
“
Pure
Italian.”

None of it matters. All that matters is
that Tolek Twisted Nose is grinning his twisted tooth grin at me,
and his two goon friends are behind the car
—in beanies and bomber jackets.
And probably
wielding weapons of some kind
.

I guess I could start the car and run them
over.
Live to
fight another day
and
all that shit.

Or I could end this. Now. Like a
man.

Isn’t that what I wanted to do at the start
of the night anyway?

I smile back at Tolek, and he seems to be
enjoying this, because he smiles harder. Then he looks behind my
car (which is still switched off by the way, so it isn’t
that
viable that I slam on the gas
and
stomp-stomp-kablonk
bounce over their asses.) He nods, and his smile grows
wider still.