Find Me (Truthful Lies Trilogy - Book Two) (31 page)

I open my mouth to comment,
but then Blaze walks in the
door, and I swear the halls behind her start glowing from her
radiance.

Nurse Thompson leaves.

“
Bla
—” I can’t finish, because the distance between the door
and me snaps shut and suddenly she’s by my side and her lips are
all over mine. And I can feel her wet tears on my skin as she
kisses me. She says nothing, just kisses and caresses my searing
forehead.

Then she sits next to me. She’s completely
undone. She’s gasping, crying, holding my hand with both of hers,
and looking down. “I’m OK, Blaze, I’m alright.” Between sobs, she
nods, lets me know she’s heard me. I squeeze her hand tighter, and
she does the same. The five minutes we spend together are spent
like this: Blaze’s emotions letting go. And me joining in. Because
I can’t hold it back. I can’t hide that I feel her fear with her
like a plastic bag over my head.

She just holds on
with her hands, and lets go with her
emotions. And I let her. Because sometimes that’s all we need: To
let go, or to just be allowed to.

“You look good in a buzz cut.”

“
Wh—” My hand fires up to my head. “Fuck—
Damn it!”

“Deck, it’s cool. Just don’t rip your damn
stitches out.”

Through clenched teeth, I growl,
“That
fucking
asshole.”

She squeezes my hand. “Deck, please, chill.
It’s over. OK? It’s over.”

Oh, but it’s not. Not even close. It’s only
just begun, Dino Mo-Fuckin-Retti...

Once Blaze is gone, Nu
rse Thompson comes back in and says, “So,
whatcha do, son?”

“Huh?”

Her eyes go huge and she sticks her face
in mine. “What did you
do
!?
Shit like this don’t happen for no reason. I been around, honey. I
seen all kindsa shit up in here. Don’t try get nuthin by me. So,
what did you do to bring that crazy fella wielding a chain at your
head?”

“Uhm, I dated his sister?”

She pauses while taking my temperature. “Yip,
that’d do it.”

“
Sumthin tells me you got a good one
there—that young lady with all them colorful pictures on her arm
and the colors in her hair.”

“Blaze, ma’am.”

“
You see? Now
that’s
what I like about you—you got manners. Damn, if half
these
sunsabitches
who
come in here just learned how to say
ma’am
and
sir
, we’d all
get along a whole lot nicer. Anyway, the young lady—Blaze—she got
any unhappy brothers around?”

“
No, ma’am, but, uhm, I did a little more
than just
date
Dino’s
sister. In all fairness to him, I mean.”

“
I knew that. I wasn’t born
yesterday
.”

I don’t comment.

“And why did you suddenly feel the need to
share that vital piece of information with your friendly
nurse?”

“
Because I ain’t gonna do that
shit—”

She slaps my arm! “Language!”

“
Sorry. Well, I ain’t gonna do that
stuff
with Blaze—the stuff that got
that ass—I mean,
Dino
—to go all
ape—uhm, crazy—on my, er,
derriere
.”

She laughs. “Good man. And good choice.”
She wraps up the BP machine, and starts walking out. Just before
she leaves, she turns and says, “
By the way, you’re more than welcome to call that
other young man an
asshole
in my
presence. Because he is one. A big one. And I hope I never have to
serve his sorry ass ever again so long as my own sorry ass
lives.”

A
t that, she leaves.

The
Doc comes in later and, in the course of him checking me
out, he tells me it’s Saturday.

“Saturday? I’ve been out for two days?”

“One and a half.”

“
Blaze has her gig at
Sacrament
tonight.” He says nothing, just checks out
his chart. “She can’t miss it! Doc!” My head almost explodes as I
reach out to grab his wrist. I explain to him that she’s probably
not wanting to do the gig because of me. I ask him to tell her
she
must
do
it!

“I’ll convey the message.”

“
No, Doc, you gotta hear me! She
must
! It’s her
dream!”

“
OK, Mr. Cox, I’ll tell her. And I’ll also
tell her that we’re out of the danger zone with you. You’ll need to
stay here a few days, but we’re not due for any more surprises.
OK?”

A huge w
eight lifts off my shoulders.

The
Doc goes a step further—he lets her visit me again so I can
tell her myself. Her light green eyes are rimmed by red. She kisses
me, holds my cheeks. Explains how “the gig is not so important
anymore.”

“
Bullshit, Blaze. You heard the Doc—I’m
good. Go now!” She kisses me again—fresh water on a hot
day.

“I love you, Declan Cox.”

I squeeze her hand. “I love you, babe.”

She walks out, and while I look at her back,
I’m thinking of how much she means to me. But when the door closes,
I’m thinking something else. And it ain’t love. It’s something
darker.

Much
darker.

I turn my head and face the window,
thinking of Dino Moretti’s surprise attack on me from behind.
The
crunch
sound of
hard steel to my head. The laser sting piercing through me as my
vision went white; the floor coming up to meet my face.

The
n the silence afterwards—except for Blaze’s tears. I heard
those. I heard those like the calls of a child before the axe
murderer brings the blade down on its neck.

What pain he caused
her
, I think.

Where is that
punk-ass
now?

My fists clench under the blanket. I try
move my head but my neck burns when I do it.

A few more
days
, the Doc said. And
then I’ll be right as rain. That’s good. That’s good.

And then I’ll call Tramone.

Days pass. And so does pops’s memorial
service...which I miss. I can’t say I feel too bad about it. I
don’t want to relive it. I said my goodbyes to him in his
apartment. And I’m OK with that.

But Blaze went. She cried, she told me after.
She cried a lot. And she was happy to do it. “It felt good,” she
said, “to just let it go, to mourn for someone properly.”

Trev visited me after it as well—later
that Sunday—and told me to “stay out of trouble.”

I said nothing to that. Then we
hugged—
gingerly!
because my head’s still exploding—and he left. Gone. Back
to PSU. For another six months at least.

It felt like losing my father all over
again.

Blaze’s
gig went well. More than well. She’s lined up for
one every weekend at
Sacrament’
s
underground room for the next four weeks. Two Gs a night. That’s
eight grand in the next month.

I’m happy for her. She deserves it.

I sit up on my hospital bed. She doesn’t
ask me why I’m
probably
acting a bit dazed. Maybe she thinks it’s because I’m drugged or
something. But I’m not. I’m focused. Focused as a blade across the
neck.

She kisses my cheek and holds my shoulders.
“Deck, you sure you OK?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

Her eyes search me and I struggle to keep
mine on hers.
As if she can see the lie...

We beat it from the hospital and she takes
me to my place. The headaches are still rough as
a mofo, but a Percocet every few hours
keeps them at bay. Doc said it’ll be another week or two before
they fully disappear.
You were very lucky
, he’d said to me as we’d left.

Was I?
And who pays the gargantuan medical
bills I got now?

Dino Moretti
—he’s all I can think of. But as I sit on my
couch, I think of other threats. What happened with that Xavier
dude? And the other guy—the one who looked like Dino? Blaze’s ex. I
don’t even bother asking her about this because it’s just too much
to bear.

Dino Moretti
—he’s first.

Blaze sits next to me on my couch, on my
right, rubs her hand over my knee. That she can see the
scar—the
other
scar!—on
the right side of my head, also given to me by Dino
Mor
Asshole
, doesn’t
lessen my rage for him in any way. I have two gashes on my cranium
now because of this dude. I think it’s payback time.

“
Deck, talk to me. You’re
quiet
—and don’t tell me
it’s the drugs. I know that shit has barely any effect on
you.”

I swallow hard. “You know I didn’t press
charges on Dino.”

“Yeah, so that his friends wouldn’t press any
on Trev.”

“
Right. That means the asshole is out there
free as a bird. And they still got nuthin on him as far as the
Molotov goes.”

“So?”

“It means he can come back and hurt us.”

“There’s a restraining order on him, Deck. He
can’t come within a hundred yards of us.”

Yeah, right. The arsonist
wannabe will honor a restraining order
.

“Deck...you’re not planning on doing anything
stupid, are you?” Blaze moves closer to my ear and kisses it. Then
she licks the lobe gently and wetly.

No amount of painkillers in the world can
prepare a man for the woman he loves kissing him like this. Her
hand moves up my thigh.

And this makes me feel like the
dirties
t lying scumbag
in the world. I can’t do this. I can’t be with
her...
romantically
...and lie to her face at the same time.

I grab her hand; s
igh heavily. Her lips and tongue stop
moving. “Blaze, I’m gonna protect us.” Her hand leaves my leg.
“That’s all I’m saying to you. I’m tired of it. Tired of the
threats...to our
lives
! No matter
what, I’m gonna protect us.”

She moves back. From the corner of my eye,
I see her hand go through her golden hair. She rests an elbow on
the back of the couch. Coldly, she says, “What does that mean,
Deck? Or is it John Wayne now?”

I feel the fury all through me, under my
skin,
in my blood, even
in my
fucking
buzz-cut
hair...

“
Catalina, what da fuck you
doin’?”

BOOM!

And, years back
...

Me, to pops:
“You were
fucking
your whore when mom was dying in the
goddamned hospital!? What kind if
sick,
cesspool-loving motherFUCKER are you!?”

BOOM!
My fists.

And...

Trev, to me: “He hit her, Deck.
Jacinta’s ‘boyfriend.’ He hit her,
flat-hand across the cheek. It’s
swollen—”

BOOM!

And...

“
I love you, mom.”

No response. Then,
flatline...

BOOM.

And...

Window smash.
“DECLAN, I’M GONNA
GET YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!”

And...

Tolek pointing a finger at me: “Dis not
over!”

Now
, Blaze’s voice: “Deck, where are you?”

“Huh?”

“Where are you? Talk to me. Please.”

“
I’m tired of it, Blaze—the world taking a
piece of us. I’ve had enough.” I feel my nails in my
palms.

Blaze is still not touching me. She’s
inches from me, but it feels like she’s miles away. “You didn’t
answer my question.” She sighs. “What does it mean when you say
you’re gonna ‘protect us’?”

“
It means I’m gonna do whatever it takes to
finally put an end to all this crazy shit, Blaze. It’s everywhere.
It’s all around us. No matter what we do, there’s
something
or
someone
there trying to take a piece of us. Or trying to
hurt
you
.”

Now her hand does go back to my leg. “It’s
just our pasts, Deck. It’s like they’re being cleaned up. It’ll get
better. I know it. Inside me I know it!”

“It’s only gotten worse, Blaze.”

Her hand quivers. “D—Deck...are you
breaking up—”

“No! God, no!”

“
G—good...because...it kinda sounds like
it.”

“
Well, I’m not! I just don’t freaking
understand any of it!” I stand, hands on my now-shaved head,
careful not to rip the sutures out in the back. “I just...don’t get
it.” I move to the stand of my
Asus
tablet. I flick through my playlists randomly.