July
Megan plopped herself down on an empty bench, set the heavy bag she
’
d been carrying between her legs on the ground and leaned back. She was happy. Contented. Excited.
Peter stood in line with the girls to ride the large Ferris wheel; Emma stood in front of him. Megan loved how they stood there: his hands rested on her shoulders while she stared up, her head tilted all the way back as she watched the wheel turn.
And to think just last year, they
’
d all been here, at the fair but still separated.
She scooted over a little as Jack made his way towards her. His hands were full of cotton candy, popcorn, and candied apples. She reached out and took the bags of cotton candy that dangled from his arms.
“
You shouldn
’
t have bought so much,
”
she said to him.
“
What kid doesn
’
t like all this sugar?
”
Jack muttered as he set everything down around him.
“
The girls could have shared one bag of cotton candy. They don
’
t need their own.
”
She shook her head but smiled at him before she reached for one of those bags and opened it.
“
Who said they were all for the kids?
”
Jack winked at her before his hand sneaked into the bag and he pulled out a handful of the pink sugary treat.
They sat there in silence and watched the girls as they made their way onto the benches. Hannah and Alexis went first and Peter and Emma climbed into their own seat.
“
That was Dottie
’
s favorite ride. Every year we
’
d come and I swear, if she wasn
’
t on that ride at least three times before we left, she wasn
’
t satisfied. Something about being high up and able to see everything around her,
”
Jack mused.
Megan remained quiet. She knew Jack needed to talk about Dottie, just like Emma needed to talk about her memories of the woman, but it didn
’
t mean Megan had to like it.
“
It was here, last year, that I saw my first glimpse of Emma.
”
She leaned forward and pointed towards the right.
“
Just over there, by those booths. I stopped to take a photo of the girls who
’
d just won some stuffed animals, and you were there. Both you and your wife, holding hands with Emma. I didn
’
t realize it though until later, when I looked at the images on my computer.
”
Megan sat back and shook her head. To think that if she hadn
’
t taken that photo, hadn
’
t stopped at that exact moment
…
she might still not have her little girl back.
“
I
’
ll never forget that fair. Em, she was happy. We all were.
”
Megan reached across and patted Jack
’
s arm.
“
Knowing she was happy, that she was safe and loved
…
it
’
s eased my heart in more ways than you could possibly imagine.
”
Jack nodded his head and ate more cotton candy.
Megan waved at the girls as they slowly made their way to the very top. Megan knew Alexis would try to rock their seat and Hannah would shriek with a mixture of both fear and excitement.
“
French toast for dinner, I hear.
”
There was a smile on Jack
’
s face as he said it.
“
It was her number one choice. Strawberry banana, I believe.
”
It had been weird, too. When Megan had asked Emma what she wanted for her birthday dinner, she asked for only one thing. Strawberry banana French toast. Something Megan had never made before because she wasn
’
t a fan of French toast.
“
It
’
s a casserole Dottie used to make her on Sunday mornings. Em liked to make up the strangest concoctions
…
I remember having to eat a blueberry caramel waffle once, with peach jam slathered on top.
”
Megan wrinkled her nose at that. She wasn
’
t sure how she felt about having to make a dish Dottie had made for Emma, but she couldn
’
t say no, not now.
“
I was thinking of letting the kids take care of meals one day a week during the summer, but now I
’
m not so sure.
”
She made sure there was a teasing tone in her voice.
Jack laughed.
“
Just make sure it
’
s not on a day I
’
m around.
”
He winked at her.
“
Oh no, I
’
ll make sure those are the days Emma
’
s in charge.
”
She took another piece of cotton candy and let the sugary sweet melt in her mouth.
“
Do you think she liked my birthday gift?
”
Jack nodded towards Emma, who was now at the top. She was leaned over the bar and looked down. Once she noticed they were watching her, both Peter and Emma waved at them.
“
Jack, I don
’
t think it
’
s possible for you to give her anything that she wouldn
’
t like.
”
The moment he
’
d walked into their home today, Emma had launched herself at him, wrapped her arms around his waist and said he was the bestest birthday gift ever. He
’
d laughed and held out a large gift bag. Without waiting, she pulled out the tissue paper and then smiled up at him with the largest smile Megan had ever seen.
Jack had bought her a yellow sundress and a large sunhat, complete with a daisy flower attached to a pink band of ribbon. Emma ran up the stairs and quickly changed. Even now, she held on to that hat so it wouldn
’
t fly off her head.
When she
’
d come back down the stairs, Jack had been waiting for her. He held in his hand one more gift.
“
More gifts, Papa?
”
Emma jumped up and down in her spot.
He nodded.
“
Can I open it now? Or,
”
she glanced over at Megan,
“
do I have to wait till later? Mommy says I can
’
t open her gifts until before cake.
”
“
Well, if that
’
s what your mom says, then I guess we should follow her rules.
”
Jack glanced up and Megan had a hard time not laughing.
They both wore the same expressions on their face, the same twinkle in their eye, as if they knew she couldn
’
t say no.
“
Go ahead.
”
It was hard to say no to her little girl, especially on her birthday.
Jack handed the small gift over to Emma.
They all watched as she carefully unwrapped the box, taking one piece of tape off at a time. She let the wrapping paper fall to the ground and carefully opened the small black box and gasped.
Megan leaned over to see what was inside.
Jack cleared his throat.
“
Your grandma picked this out and we were going to wait
…
well, now seems like as good a time as any to give it to you.
”
Emma turned to Megan and held out the box. Inside was a beautiful silver daisy charm that hung from a delicate chain. The daisy was outlined with small sparkling stones. It was beautiful and Megan blinked away the tears that gathered as she carefully took the necklace out of the box.
“
Your grandma saw it one day at the jewelry store and knew right away that it was meant for you.
”
He swallowed hard and gave Megan a smile.
“
How many other little girls do you know that love Daisy
’
s so much?
”
He gave a small shrug of his shoulders while clearing his throat.
“
Papa,
”
Emma
’
s voice quivered,
“
thank you.
”
Emma threw herself into Jack
’
s arms and hugged him tight. Once she let go, she gathered her hair in her hands while Megan placed the necklace around her neck and attached the clasp.
“
I have more, but I left them in the truck,
”
Jack said to her as they watched Emma on the ride.
“
More? Jack, she
’
s spoiled enough.
”
Megan thought about all the gifts she
’
d bought as well.
Jack shrugged.
“
Let me spoil her while I can.
”
Megan nodded. Each time they saw Jack, they knew they didn
’
t have much longer with him. Today was a good day: he was walking okay
—
albeit a little slow
—
but he was here and that was the main thing. Other days, when they
’
d had to bring Emma out to his farm, Jack stayed in his chair, rarely moving and although he would never say anything, they knew.
They knew.
“
You can spoil her as much as you want, Jack.
”
He nodded his head and despite the smile on his face, there was a sadness in his gaze that hurt her heart. She wasn
’
t sure she was ready for the repercussions if they lost him.
“
We were thinking of baby names,
”
Megan blurted out.
Jack glanced down at her growing belly and grunted.
“
If it
’
s a boy, we were thinking of calling him Jack. And if a girl, Jacqueline.
”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat.
Tears gathered in Jack
’
s eyes and he quickly wiped them away. He didn
’
t say anything for a bit, just nodded his head and cleared his throat a few times.
There was a reason they chose those names. Why it was so important to them.
“
I never
…”
Jack started, and then stopped. He cleared his throat and coughed.
“
I never thought you
’
d forgive me. Truly forgive me.
”
Megan reached over and placed her hand on his arm. He understood what it meant for them to name their child after him. She knew he would.
“
You gave us back our daughter. It took me awhile to see the gift in that. But I
’
ll forever treasure it. Forever.
”
Jack just nodded again, and Megan dropped the subject because just then, Hannah and Alexis got off the ride and ran towards them.
“
Did you see what Alex tried to do?
”
Hannah crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her sister.
“
It was fun. You even laughed.
”
Alex poked at Hannah
’
s arm.
“
You were going to tip us right over!
”
“
Was not.
”
“
Were to!
”
“
All right, all right, enough. What ride do you girls want to go on next?
”
“
How about a water fight?
”
Peter came up behind the girls and rested his arms around both Hannah
’
s and Alexis
’
s shoulders.
Megan caught the way his eyes lit up. They
’
d seen the water fights earlier and thought it would be fun to have a water gun fight against the girls.
“
Papa, will you play?
”
Emma stood next to Jack. Her hand rested on his arm.
“
Someone
’
s got to keep an eye on all the food and prizes you girls have won.
”
He handed the girls a bag of cotton candy and Megan could have laughed from the way their eyes lit up.
She stood up and looked at her family. They were happy. She was happy.
She never wanted this day to end.
August
Megan rested against Peter
’
s chest. His arms wrapped around her waist as they stood there and watched their world unravel.
“
It
’
s not fair,
”
Peter whispered. His grip tightened and he rested his cheek against the top of her head.
They stood outside of Jack
’
s hospital room where he was resting, finally. They
’
d stood there for the past hour, just watching as nurses hurried back and forth into his room, unable to go in and see for themselves how he was doing.
Megan counted the seconds it took for his chest to rise and fall, waiting for each breath to happen and praying it wouldn
’
t stop. It couldn
’
t stop. They weren
’
t ready.
“
He
’
ll be okay. He has to be. We still need him.
”
Megan whispered the words; her hands sheltered the baby within her, as if to protect it.
Earlier today, while in their backyard having an outdoor barbecue, Jack had slumped over in his chair while Emma was doing a play in front of him. Thankfully, Peter had been watching from his post at the barbecue and rushed over to Jack, and yelled over his shoulder at Megan to call the ambulance.
Tears welled up in Megan
’
s eyes as she thought about the look on her daughter
’
s face as she stared at Jack. Saddness. Despair. Finality. Something a child so young should never have to experience. When the ambulance had arrived, Megan gathered Emma in her arms and sat with her off to the side and whispered words of comfort, but she wasn
’
t sure Emma even heard.
During the whole time, Emma wouldn
’
t take her eyes off Jack. Not even once.
Nor had she spoken a word. That bothered Megan the most.
They all knew Jack was ill. But to lose him now, so early
…
they weren
’
t ready for this.
Jack was part of their family now, an integral part of their woven fabric. The girls all called him Papa, Peter looked to him as a second father figure, and she
…
he reminded her so much of her own grandfather, that sometimes she had to remind herself that he wasn
’
t. Her own parents still had a hard time with Jack and it didn
’
t help that Megan no longer sided with them about this.
Megan felt a little flutter in her belly from their baby. She wanted Jack to see this little one. Looking at him now, at his pale skin and shrunken features
…
she knew that the hope that he
’
d be there when this little one was born wasn
’
t realistic.
“
I
’
m going to stay here with him, so that he doesn
’
t wake up alone. Okay?
”
Peter pulled away from her and leaned against the wall.
“
How about I get you some coffee before I leave?
”
Megan asked. The hospital cafeteria wasn
’
t too bad and they served up not only a decent cup of coffee, but most of their food was edible. It helped that the main chef in the kitchen used to own a restaurant.
Right then, Peter
’
s stomach grumbled. He
’
d been cooking sausages and burgers on the grill before he left to ride with Jack in the ambulance.
“
I
’
ll see what they have for you to eat, too.
”
She leaned in and gave him a kiss.
Megan passed a few nurses on her way to the cafeteria and smiled.
He
’
ll be okay
, she kept repeating to herself. He had to be okay. She didn
’
t want to head home and see the worry in Emma
’
s eyes and be unable to ease her fears. The doctor should return before she left and maybe he
’
d give them some good news.
“
Megan, what brings you in here?
”
Heather, the main chef in the cafeteria, greeted her as she walked through the doors. There weren
’
t many people at the tables and as she glanced at the shelves, she realized there wasn
’
t a lot of food either.
“
You just missed the dinner rush. We
’
re in the middle of cleaning up and leaving the bare bones for the night shift. I might have something left if you are hungry, though?
”
Heather caught her looking around for the food.
“
Not for me, but for Peter.
”
“
Is Peter okay?
”
Megan nodded.
“
He
’
s fine. It
’
s Jack.
”
By now, everyone in town knew about Jack.
“
Oh no.
”
Tears welled up in her eyes and she quickly swiped them away.
“
How
’
s that little girl of yours taking his death?
”
Heather covered the area on her chest where her heart was with her hand.
“
He
’
s not dead. He collapsed at our home a few hours ago.
”
Megan swallowed hard past the lump stuck in her throat.
“
Thank the good Lord. That man loves my pecan tarts something fierce. Every time he comes in here, he knows how to put a smile on just about everyone
’
s face.
”
Megan nodded.
“
I came to grab some coffee for Peter and maybe a sandwich or salad? I think he
’
s going to be staying awhile with Jack.
”
“
Of course. I have just the thing. Give me one second.
”
Megan listened to the sounds of Heather
’
s shoes squeak on the linoleum floor as she headed into the back kitchen area. She poured coffee into a large foam cup, grabbed some napkins and waited.
“
We did up some cabbage rolls for dinner. I hope that
’
s okay?
”
Heather held out a container to Megan.
“
He loves cabbage rolls. It
’
s perfect. Thank you.
”
It seemed like a long walk back to Jack
’
s room where Peter waited. She tried to ignore the antiseptic smell that barely masked the scent of sickness. She once thought about being a nurse, when she was a teenager. She even worked as a candy striper and volunteered on a daily basis in these very halls. But it didn
’
t take long for her to realize the sight of blood caused her to faint and the sound of someone retching was enough to make her run for the toilet herself.
Peter turned to her as she approached. Her heart sped up as she saw the look in his eyes.
Everything slowed down, until she could hear the steady beat of her heart in her ears. She slowly handed Peter the cup of coffee and container she held, watched him as he took a sip of the coffee and knew he struggled with the words to tell her what happened.
Because something happened while she was gone. She knew it.
“
Tell me,
”
she whispered.
Jack was dead. He had to be. She could see it in her husband
’
s eyes, feel it in her own soul.
The man who loved her daughter as if she was his life was gone. Dead. How did she tell Emma? How could she knowingly break her daughter
’
s heart?
Peter shook his head as if trying to understand how something like this could happen.
“
He
…
the doctor said
…
we need to be prepared.
”
Prepared? What did Peter mean? Was Jack still alive then?
“
Peter? What are you saying?
”
Peter set the food container and coffee cup down on the chair just outside the door, turned and pulled her close to his chest. Whatever had just happened tore him apart: she could feel it in the way he held his body stiff, how his heart pace was fast and his breathing was labored.
“
We need to be prepared to say goodbye,
”
Peter whispered.
Megan let out the breath she held.
“
How much time do we have?
”
She looked up into his face.
“
I
’
m not sure. But you should call Laurie and have her bring the girls here.
”
Megan sighed and looked into the room where Jack rested.
“
How do we tell Emma?
”
Peter didn
’
t reply. She remembered finding out her grandparents had died when she was young. First it was her grandfather who died of kidney failure and then a few months later, it was her grandmother. She remembered her mom telling her that her grandma had died of a broken heart. She hadn
’
t really known her grandparents too well, so being told they had died didn
’
t affect her, not nearly as much as seeing her mother collapse and lie in bed for days on end.
She pulled her phone out of her purse and called Laurie
’
s cell phone.
“
How
’
s he doing?
”
Laurie asked.
“
Not good. The doctors said we need to be prepared.
”
“
You want me to bring the girls?
”
Laurie
’
s voice was low, and Megan could hear the sounds of the girls in the background.
“
Thanks, Laurie. How
’
s Emma doing?
”
Laurie sighed.
“
I
’
m trying to keep her mind off things and asked if she wanted to help make dinner. She pulled out one of your recipe books and picked
chicken pot pie.
”
Megan smiled.
“
She
’
s been wanting to make that for a while now.
”
“
Great, so I got suckered when you wouldn
’
t. Thanks a lot. It
’
s ready to go in the oven, so I
’
ll place it in the fridge. You can bake it later. Hopefully it
’
ll taste okay.
”
“
Why wouldn
’
t it?
”
Laurie chuckled a little into the phone.
“
Your pantry needs to be restocked, girl. We had to get
…
inventive. Listen, let me clean things up and we
’
ll be there within half an hour. Is that okay? Or should we rush?
”
Megan stared at Jack and watched the slow rise and fall of his chest.
“
Come now, please. We
’
ll clean later.
”
She hung up and continued to watch Jack breathe.
“
Please let them make it in time. Please,
”
Megan whispered.
She reached for Peter
’
s hand and held tight. Somehow they would get through this. Somehow.