September
Before Peter set down the bag he
’
d managed to sneak into the hospital, he made sure the door to Jack
’
s room was closed and the curtain drawn so his meal tray at least would be hidden from any prying eyes.
“
You
’
re a good man,
”
Jack
’
s voice grumbled as he struggled to find the remote that lifted him to a seating position.
“
Damn bed. The least they could do is make them more comfortable.
”
Peter reached for the remote that was tangled between the side rails and the mattress and handed it to Jack.
“
Let
’
s hope this meal doesn
’
t do any damage.
”
Peter pushed Jack
’
s tray of mashed peas, chicken soup, and pudding to the side before he lifted out the containers full of real food. He tried to ignore the machines that stood beside Jack, the ones that monitored his heart especially, and focused on the tray.
He hated hospitals.
“
The only thing that is doing any damage is the baby food they insist I have to eat. Gah, Dottie could have made better.
”
Peter
’
s brow rose at that.
“
You tasted her baby food?
”
He bit the inside of his lip to keep the smile off his face.
Jack scowled at him.
“
You know exactly what I meant.
”
“
I figured they wouldn
’
t give you a knife, so I brought one from home.
”
Peter set the silverware he
’
d brought to the side and then opened each container. The moment the steam came out from beneath the lids and the smell filled the room, his mouth watered.
Jack licked his lips and then tucked a napkin into the top of his shirt.
“
Did you use that recipe I told you about?
”
Peter nodded. He pushed one container towards Jack before he sat down in the chair beside the bed and held his own in his lap.
He
’
d made a deal with Jack the other week: stop giving his doctor and nurses grief, and he
’
d bring him a nice steak dinner. He wasn
’
t sure whether it helped or not, but the nurses had stopped complaining to him and Megan whenever they came to visit the old man, so that had to be a good sign.
It didn
’
t take long for Peter to realize that Jack hated hospitals even more than he did.
While he watched Jack cut a small piece off the steak he
’
d brought and bring it to his lips, Peter took note of his skin color, pleased with what he saw.
It had been a month since Jack collapsed at their home during a family barbecue. Between worry for Jack
’
s health and the kids starting school, the month had been hectic and stressful, but hopefully that was all about to end.
They
’
d received the news today that they could bring Jack home soon.
“
You put honey in the marinade, right?
”
Jack cut another small piece and popped it into his mouth.
“
I followed your instructions perfectly. Turned out really nice, too. I
’
ve never used honey before but will from now on. Megan even liked it.
”
Jack grunted.
“
So she should. If there
’
s one thing I know, it
’
s how to make a good steak.
”
Peter chuckled.
“
Eat up, old man. If we get caught, I
’
ll be kicked out and you won
’
t get any more special treats from me, like the dessert Emma made.
”
“
What is it?
”
Jack mumbled around a piece of steak.
“
Pudding.
”
Peter smirked at the disgusted look Jack tried to hide.
“
It
’
s a special kind, though. She thinks you
’
ll like it.
”
He promised her he would tell Jack what was hiding beneath the top layer of pudding.
Jack just grumbled while he ate more of his steak, and then worked through the potatoes and gravy, followed by steamed corn covered in butter and a little bit of salt.
Peter kept watch on the door, not wanting to get caught. When Megan had found out what he was doing, she argued with him to tell the doctor or at least one of the nurses, worried that the steak would be too much for him. Peter argued back that Jack was a grown man and couldn
’
t live on applesauce for the rest of his life. No, he wouldn
’
t get permission first
—
this was a case where he
’
d rather ask for forgiveness than permission.
Once Jack had finished with his meal, Peter replaced everything back in the bag, cleaned up any evidence and then made Jack take some bites of the food he
’
d been provided with so no one got suspicious.
“
What about dessert?
”
Saving that container for last, not being worried that anyone would get in trouble for it, he pulled out a small round container and watched Jack
’
s smile turn into a frown at the top layer of chocolate pudding.
“
A man can only eat so much pudding,
”
he grumbled as he reached for a spoon.
“
Trust in your girl. She won
’
t disappoint, I promise.
”
Peter caught the suspicious glare from Jack before he sunk his spoon down into the pudding and brought out a spoon full of crushed Oreo cookies and whipped cream.
“
Well well
…”
Jack stuck the spoon in his mouth, licking it clean before he took another spoonful and then another.
“
You tell that girl of mine she done good.
”
Jack polished off the small container.
“
She
’
ll be happy to know you liked it. It was a huge hit at dinner.
”
Once Jack had finished, Peter handed him a wet cloth to clean his hands and face and then sat down. He wanted to talk to Jack about what life was going to be like once he got out. Peter didn
’
t want him to go back out to the farmhouse.
“
There
’
s something we need to talk about,
”
Jack said, beating Peter to the punch.
“
What
’
s that?
”
Peter wouldn
’
t be lying if he said he didn
’
t feel a measure of relief having Jack bring up the subject. In the month he
’
d been in this room, he
’
d been very adamant that if he was going to die, it would be at home, in his own bed, not here.
“
I want to talk about Christmas.
”
“
That
’
s still months away. We
’
ve got lots of time to discuss that.
”
Jack shook his head.
“
No, we don
’
t. We both know I won
’
t make it to Christmas this year, as much as I want to. This old heart of mine is just too tired.
”
Peter shook his head.
“
Don
’
t tell me you
’
re giving up.
”
He refused to believe it. Jack should have died that day at their barbecue and the doctor himself said it was a miracle he was still here. If ever there was a fighter, it was Jack.
“
Not giving up. Just facing the truth.
”
Peter didn
’
t believe that.
“
I
’
m ready. My little girl is safe and loved. She
’
s happy and I
’
m
…
I miss Dottie mine. I
’
m ready. And I need you to be too.
”
Jack reached over and placed his hand on Peter
’
s arm and squeezed.
“
You
’
re a good dad. I
’
ve watched you with Em, with your other girls. You welcomed me into your family when you didn
’
t have to. You
’
re a strong man.
”
Jack coughed and Peter handed him his water, which he sipped.
“
You
’
re a strong man and one I would have been proud to call my son.
”
There was moisture in Jack
’
s eyes that he wiped away.
Peter didn
’
t know what to say. He felt honored to hear Jack say that; in his heart, he felt the same way
—
that Jack was a father to him. He didn
’
t want to lose him. He couldn
’
t.
“
Well, I
’
m not ready. And you are like a father to me. So listen up,
Dad
.
”
Peter put some emphasis on the word and gave a soft smile.
“
I
’
ve got children who aren
’
t ready to lose you and a new baby on its way that will need you too.
”
A faraway look appeared in Jack
’
s gaze.
“
Ah, but I can almost hear my Dottie telling me to come home. Your babies will be okay. It
’
s hard to let go, I know.
”
He swallowed and looked around the room.
“
But if you keep me in this room much longer, I
’
ll be leaving much sooner, trust me. I won
’
t die in this bed but I won
’
t stay here any longer either.
”
His lips tightened at the words.
“
Get me out of here, Peter. Let me go home where I can rest in peace.
”
Peter stood up and walked over to the opened window that gave Jack a nice view of the small wooded area beyond.
“
About that
…”
He turned around and crossed his arms.
“
I
’
m not sure you should go home, not just yet.
”
“
And why not?
”
Jack
’
s voice almost turned to thunder as his heart monitor sped up and his face turned a bright shade of red.
“
Calm down, Jack. Calm down. You don
’
t want those nurses coming in.
”
Peter watched Jack
’
s chest rise and fall as he worked to control himself. Megan had taught him her breathing methods a few weeks ago, how she counted to ten when she had panic attacks. Thankfully, she hadn
’
t had one in a long time.
“
I think you are misunderstanding me. It
’
s not that I want you to stay in here forever, but I would feel more comfortable if you would come and stay with us.
”
It took a few moments for Jack to respond.
“
Doug is at the house, plus that nurse. I won
’
t be alone, if that
’
s what you
’
re worried about.
”
Peter shook his head. He
’
d had a long talk with Megan last night about this, and she told him he wouldn
’
t like it. But he had to. Peter needed him to see it his way.
“
I
’
m not worried you
’
ll be alone. But you won
’
t be with us. Emma will want to be by your side every chance she can, you know that. And if you
’
re so
…
determined
…
to leave us before we
’
re ready, then at least let us have what little time is left together.
”
Jack rubbed the top of his bald head before he placed his arm behind his neck and rested back.
“
You
’
re asking for something I
’
m not sure I can give. I want to die at home. Dottie and I
…
we made a promise to each other and I aim to keep it.
”
Peter stepped forward and sat down on the edge of Jack
’
s bed.
“
Then I
’
ll help you keep it. When the time is close, we
’
ll move you back home and stay with you. I promise. You
’
ll die in your bed, in your house.
”
Jack shook his head.
“
You don
’
t understand. I won
’
t be close to my girl if I stay with you.
”
“
Sure you will. Emma will be there, all the time, you know that.
”
“
Dottie. I need to be with her. Sitting out there, by her tree. Talking to her. I miss her.
”
Jack looked away.
“
I miss her bad.
”
Peter
’
s heart broke as Jack admitted that, and he knew he couldn
’
t ask him to do something he wasn
’
t able to do.
“
Okay.
”
His mind raced with possible scenarios, of how to stay close to him before he passed away.
Peter wasn
’
t being close-minded or ignoring the facts; he knew Jack didn
’
t have much longer to live. But he was still here, today, and that
’
s what counted. It had to. He couldn
’
t move his family to Jack
’
s place
—
that wouldn
’
t work, especially with the girls in school and his work schedule
—
but they could do something. They needed to.