Finding Faith
Authors: Ysabel Wilde
Copyright © 2013 Ysabel Wilde
Cover by Indie Pixel Studio
Interior Design by Angela McLaurin of Fictional Formats
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved. Except for the use of quotes in reviews, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system without the prior written permission of the publisher. This Ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only and may not be re-sold or given away to others. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author. The author acknowledges the copyrighted credit to Shutterstock, Igorsky, and Forewer.
Being this is my very first novel it goes out to several people. The first is to the John in my life, my husband. When he’s not working putting himself out there to help others, he has to listen to the incessant clicking of keys next to his resting head into the early morning hours. He does it with only a minimum of grumbles and I love him for it.
Staci, you refuse to read the book because erotica embarrasses you, yet you still encourage me as you laugh. Joy, you have been one of my biggest supporters and cheerleaders. Every time you told me what part you were at and what was your favorite scene I would smile. Words can’t express how thankful I am to have been friends with both of you for so long.
Kim, my editor, I don’t know how you still have all your hair after all the fixes you had to make. Even though this isn’t your genre of choice, I’m happy you still enjoyed it.
Finally, this goes out to a very special group of ladies in my life, my book club. Not just any book club, a special one that only those in it are lucky enough to understand. We bonded over one book in a forum and it’s been us ever since. Each of you brings something special to our group and to me.
Sabine, you’re always quick to tell me to knock it off, which I need. You say you’re not nice, but I know different.
Karleigh, I love our conversations when you ask me if we’re talking about John and Faith like they’re real. I say yes and we keep going.
Diana, you are so full of energy I can feel it through my screen, and you’re always ready to point out things to get me ahead and help me.
Fiona, I love when you’re saying good morning to me from Ireland when I haven’t been to bed yet, and when you interpret phrases for us.
Stacie you are last, but certainly not least. You are optimistic, feisty, and a no nonsense kind of girl like myself. Keep the wine flowing for me.
The feedback and encouragement you girls have given me is worth its weight in gold. I owe all of you the most thanks for telling me I could do this. Without every single one of you this wouldn’t be happening.
“I have to do it, Hope. I can’t stay here anymore,” Faith spoke gently as if her sister was a fragile piece of glass ready to break from a strong wind. She leaned over and wiped a stray tear from her small shadow’s red-rimmed eye.
Both girls sat cross-legged on her white eyelet covered bed in the childhood bedroom Faith shared with her sister Joy. Faith soaked up every last detail of the room, burning it into her memory, knowing this was the last time she would see it.
She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. The smell of summer flowers swirled in the air, instantly calming her. Faith always felt happier in the summer so she tried to keep it going throughout the year, filling her room with blooms even in the dead of winter. With a few more deep breaths, she let the scent fill her head, allowing it to plant a seed of possibilities instead of regrets.
Her younger sister, Hope, sat curled up with eyes so red and swollen they had become slits. They were usually wide and sweet, but only able to gape across the suitcase now. Faith knew Hope was holding back her own emotions, not wanting to upset Faith about how she felt about the choice. Hope was still making small gasping sounds, trying to hold in her heartache as her chest shuddered with the chore. Faith felt guilty for being the cause of her sister’s pain and she didn’t want to leave Hope with that as her last feeling of the sister that promised to always be there for her and lied.
Both girls were surrounded by white floral print wallpaper that Faith and Joy had picked out with their dad for a birthday too many years ago to remember which, a happier time in Faith’s life. She wished she could still be that naïve little girl with only thoughts of fairy tales.
Faith’s other sister, Joy, refused to sit and watch what was happening and would only come into the room to get something, adamant on not looking in the direction of the scene that was unfolding between her other two siblings.
The visits Joy made to find random objects were getting more frequent. She would stand at their dresser, scanning the space for nothing in particular.
Faith asked, “Is this how we’re going to leave things, Joy? It’s not you I have the problem with.”
A sigh came from deep in her chest as she let her shoulders slump forward, letting the strain reveal itself for the first time.
“Whatever, Faith, you’re a big girl now. You can do whatever you want,” Joy snapped, her chin jutting out in anger.
Hope could only watch. If she tried to speak nothing would come out, and her older sisters wouldn’t listen to her anyway. Faith had been fighting with her mom for so long now that Hope knew this was a long time coming.
“I just think it’s pretty lousy that you’re not going to tell John about what you’re doing. Mom I get, you’re pissed at her. But, John? What did he do to deserve this?” Joy shook her head in obvious disgust at her sister.
“He’ll get over me. He’s been siding with her,” Faith said, turning her eyes away from the mirror image of herself.
They had never been apart, not even for a day. Knowing it would be a long time until she would see the same long, black hair styled exactly like hers, crystal blue eyes that could read the other’s thoughts, and lips that looked like they were constantly pouting made her stomach churn.
Joy’s eyes were frantically darting around the dresser, hoping something would appear for her to grab so she could dash out like a scared rabbit.
“That’s because he loves you, Faith. He wants you to stay like we do. That’s the only reason he’s taking her side,” Joy replied as she kept scanning the nearly bare dresser for something, anything that would let her leave the discussion she didn’t want to have.
Faith knew her twin was close to breaking.
Sliding off the bed, Faith dipped around Joy to grab some tops out of a drawer that Joy was standing in front of. Not that she was planning on taking the tops, she was going to start fresh in every aspect, but it was an excuse to get closer to her sister.
With a free hand, Faith turned her sister to face her. Joy’s body spun, but she refused to turn her face away from the dresser.
A sniffle came out of Joy, who was older by five minutes, but by the way she acted you would think five years.
With the same hand Faith had turned her with, she turned Joy’s face and saw the tears welling up in her sister’s eyes. Faith discarded the tops to the ground and replaced them with her sister and said to both girls, “I’m not leaving you guys. Believe me, its better this way.”
As she strangled Joy with a hug, Faith made eye contact with Hope, who was still on the bed with tears streaming down her cheeks, her chest heaving to the point that Faith thought she was going to hyperventilate.
As tears flowed freely now from the other girls in the room, drowning Faith in their sorrow, she felt the need to explain for what seemed the thousandth time.
“I can’t stand the suffocation anymore. She won’t let us live our own lives. Any decision I make is wrong. You’re the good one. I’ve always come in second in her mind.”