Finding Faith (16 page)

The hand that had transformed into a stone claw during the story was now softly caressing my back in long strokes up and down the hard expanse of muscle.

“How are Steve and Sarah?” she asked softly.

“They’re still them. Steve is in his own world, head in the sand, and Sarah became a wild child. I had to take charge over her.”

Silence spread throughout the room. A pin could have dropped in the hall and we would have heard it.

“And you?” she asked, sounding afraid like she had in the restaurant.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m in a better place, now.”

I dipped my head up to take a peek at her before dropping it back down.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What do you think it means, Faith? I was fucked up royally,” I snorted. I couldn’t help it.

“I understand,” she said. “If I lost my dad like that I would be the same way.”

When I looked at her she flinched. That’s when I noticed I was glaring at her. It wasn’t just in my head.

“It wasn’t just because of them, Faith. Yes, that devastated me, but I was also torn to pieces by you. Having lost the love of my life a few months prior didn’t help. Or did you forget?”

My voice came out like acid, making Faith slide away from me.

“Let’s say I don’t feel the need to go out to bars or date because I did more than my share afterwards. I drank hundreds of bars worth of liquor and fucked too many girls to care to think about,” I growled at her.

I was still able to maintain control of myself.

“Sorry,” she replied as if she had spilled a drink on my floor. How could she sound so heartless over it?

“Sorry? That’s all you can say. I have a question that’s been bothering me since we fucked at the hospital.”

The anger from everything was starting to surface, and my voice became a shout. I didn’t even attempt to censor my thoughts. Obviously treating her like the woman I thought she deserved to be treated as wasn’t working, so maybe some vulgar words would snap her back from where ever she was at. Faith slid farther back on the couch like I’d slapped her.

“Why doesn’t Grace know about me? If you loved me and those memories are some of your favorite ones, why wouldn’t you tell your best friend?”

The thought that I was purposely hidden infuriated me and I was yelling now. I was scaring Faith, but I didn’t care. She deserved it. It was a long time coming.

“You wouldn’t understand.” Faith was shaking her head rapidly from side to side. For how loud I was, Faith was the exact opposite. What the hell was going on with this woman? She would normally be giving it back at me just as hard, but she just sat here and let me talk to her like this.

“I wouldn’t understand? You never gave me a chance to understand. Were you embarrassed of me? Is that why you never talked about me?”

I leapt up in her face, poking myself in the chest as I screamed. “You left me! Me, Faith. You. Left. ME!” The veins in my neck were straining. Holy hell, I was a mad man. I knew it but I couldn’t stop.

I could feel my face was red and I was breathing hard like I did when I boxed. At least I could pound the shit out of the opponent’s face when I got like this, but Faith was my opponent now. Actually, more like a punching bag. Why the hell wasn’t she fighting back? She would have never let me yell at her like this before, but she just sat there, a shell of the woman I loved. I had to try what ever I could to get her back.

Faith bolted for the door. I sprinted past her, blocking her exit. I was practically laughing now at the ridiculousness of it all.

“Oh, no you don’t. You may have tricked me the last time we were in this same setting, but not tonight,” I wagged a finger at her.

Half of her face was lit by flickering flames the other half completely black.

“You’re going to give me answers, Faith,” I demanded. “You can’t make someone fall in love with you, want to make a life with you, a family with you for fucking sakes, and then vanish.”

My hands waved around in the open air as I shouted. I’m sure I looked crazed, but that’s how I felt.

And why was she looking at me like this was new information? We always talked about getting married and having a family.

I waited for her to respond, giving my blood pressure time to come down. She was shaking and I knew it wasn’t because she was cold. I had the poor thing terrified. This sure will be a memorable night, no doubt about it. The next time I think to do anything with a blanket I’m going to kick my own ass. Why did I even think this was a good idea considering how things had ended the last time I did it?

“Move, John,” she said in that meek little voice I didn’t recognize.

What the fuck!

“No.” I crossed my arms across my chest, pushing it out to make it appear bigger. Satisfied I looked serious enough I leaned against the door, pretending I didn’t care that she was upset, even though it was killing me.

“I’m not kidding,” she said louder. The fire was lighting her blue eyes into sapphires. Here we go, zombie girl is finally going to fight back.

I had forgotten about that fabulous dress she had on until I saw her chest turn bright red underneath the lace. This little exercise made me notice I liked making her mad. The anger I had evaporated and was replaced with desire. Desire to do the same things I had done to her the other day, plus more.

“I’m not either, Faith.” My mouth was pulled into a smirk. She was so hot I had to hold back the urge to drag her to the ground and fuck her. On that damn blanket!

“John, if you don’t let me out now you can forget about being friends. It’s over for good, I’m serious.” Her face was starting to show signs of her temper, but not what I knew she had in her. She was still holding back. Come on, baby, give me everything you got.

“And that would be different from these last seven years, how? Ask me if I really care what happens after tonight, Faith,” I said, sounding as cold and heartless as I could while I prayed she didn’t mean the threat because I did care. Really fucking cared.

What came out of my mouth was harsh but Faith always got her way, and there was no chance in hell I was going to coddle her tonight, especially since she was acting so unlike herself. I would give my life for her, but this was one thing I needed to have answers to.

I stood against the door, flexing my arms, watching the muscles and tendons in my forearms tense and relax as my veins pulsed under the strain.

Yeah, I was acting like a cocky ass, but I was allowed every once in a while. I had to do something to distract myself. She couldn’t see that I was falling apart again.

I heard a swoosh and when I tore my eyes from my arms Faith was no longer standing in front of me. All I was left with was a swirl of soft spring flowers.

As my eyes surveyed the room I saw what looked like hundreds of small flames dancing around. Damn, I forgot my place was still lit with candles. If I wasn’t a firefighter I’d be afraid it would burn down. I reached the light switch, flicking it on, and with a quick scan from the family room into the man cave, then to the other end by the media room, I saw no sight of her.

“Faith, where are you?” I called out. Come on, Faith, you know I can never stay mad at you. Never could, never will.”

I vented what I needed to and I felt weightless, having let go of all my pent up anger.

I started to sweep through my place, heading to the room she was most likely hiding.

The master bedroom was spacious. As a kid the only room we had that was this big was our living room. Now I have a room the same size and all I did was sleep in it. I had painted it an ice blue/grey, enjoying not having any woman to tell me how to do things. No flowers allowed. Unless Faith wanted them.

As I suspected, my bathroom door was shut. I turned the knob and, of course, she’d locked it.

“Faith, you know you can’t stay in there all night.”

“Go away,” she snipped at me, sounding like a pouting little girl.

“Did you forget whose place this is?”

“So what?” her voice cracked.

Was she crying?

“Are you crying? I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“Go away.” I heard a sniffle come from directly behind the door.

“Open the door.” Jesus, how long were we going to go like this? “You do know that I could pick the lock if I really wanted to. They make them kid-proof nowadays.”

“Are you calling me a kid?” Faith snapped at me.

“I didn’t say it, you did.” I tried to keep the smile out of my voice but it was too hard.

“Go fuck yourself, John Bauers!” Oh, yeah, here comes feisty Faith.

“I will if I have to, but fucking you would be more fun,” I chuckled.

She was so damn adorable when she got angry, and she was so easy to rile. I have never been able to keep a fight going with her. I could only imagine how red her chest was. I’m sure it had spread up to her beautiful face. What I wouldn’t give to kiss my way up, starting at those fabulous tits.

“Shut up, mother fucker.” The toilet seat slammed shut and I heard a disgusted little grunt.

She looks so fragile, but I forgot that when she gets pissed she curses like a sailor. I love it.

I hunkered down next to the door, ready to spring up and grab her the minute the door opened even a crack. By all the garbled curses I heard on the other side I had a feeling I would be here a while.

Maybe I deserved it, but John had never screamed at me like that before. What an ass. A big, hot, panty-soaking, multiple-orgasm-inducing ass.

I knew he was out there somewhere waiting for me, most likely leaning against the wall by the door ready to pounce.

My plan was to let him get a stiff back while waiting and then kick him in his balls for good measure while making a run for it.

I don’t know how he expected me to react. Was there a manual out there that taught men that the way to get a woman out of your bathroom was to laugh at her and piss her off? After telling me what happened in the darkroom was a fuck? Fat chance, buddy, there was no way I was coming out anytime soon after he said that to me.

That night when he seduced me his voice was so husky and unexpected I caved. He never had to say much to make me wet and I was caught off guard. The darkroom wasn’t my fault; at least that’s what I was telling myself.

I had never thought that my leaving would be such a big deal to him. A twinge of guilt hit me like a direct punch straight in the stomach.

I was relieved to be in the bathroom because I felt like I was about to vomit. I slowly slid to my knees, lifting the seat back up and hung my head inside.

When I left I knew he’d be upset. I knew he’d have a hard time but I figured when I didn’t reach out to him he’d end up moving on to someone else.

When he brought up our conversations of the future I was taken aback. I had never taken those conversations seriously. After all, we were in high school, and how often did you find the one to spend the rest of your life with in high school? Not only that but how can you take someone serious when they’re sticking French fries in their mouth to look like fangs and telling you they want to suck your blood?

When we would speak about forever it was always general stuff. But doesn’t everybody talk about that when they’re young and in love.

My cell phone buzzed. I took a peek at it, afraid of who I would see. When my fear was confirmed bile erupted from my stomach with a loud splash. My head hung for a while to make sure my stomach had stopped fighting.

What the hell did Brad want? Why did I have an urge to find out? All I could do was look into the surprisingly clean toilet for a guy and wonder. I didn’t care at this point if John heard me or not, I wasn’t able to control it.

“Hey, Faith, are you okay? Let me in!” John’s joking demeanor was gone now, replaced by concern. The door handle jiggled rapidly up and down a couple of times. Good, stupid bastard. Not really, but it would be a whole lot easier if he was one. A reminder beep came from inside my purse and more of the yellow-green acid ended up in the immaculate toilet, landing on my reflection, sending ripples out to the edge. What had my life become?

“Faith, this really isn’t funny. You have to let me in or I’ll just let myself in,” John said with the same kind of authority he gave to his patients.