Finding Her Way (15 page)

Chapter Nine

“Olivia, it’s in the folder on the corner of your desk. I told you it was there this morning!”

This was the third time Olivia had called Madison looking for that same folder. “Hold on, I’ll be right in,” Madison slammed down the receiver.

Pausing to take a few calming breaths, she stood, feeling everyone’s eyes on her, and moved into the office. Not wanting any confrontation, she strolled to the desk, picked up Olivia’s bag with one hand, and retrieved the file from underneath it with the other hand.

Snatching the folder from her hand, Olivia made a huffing noise in disapproval.

Madison smiled weakly at her, turning to leave.

With the door partially open, Olivia’s voice boomed out. “What the hell is your problem lately?”

Madison blushed, quickly closing the door, hoping no one had heard Olivia’s loud voice. Rotating on her heels she looked directly at Olivia as she walked toward her, “If we weren’t friends, Olivia, I would knock your block off for talking to me that way.”

Olivia, now looking concerned, stood to respond. “Honestly Mads, what’s wrong? You have been off your game for weeks now.”

Madison plopped herself into the chair in front of the desk. She looked at the hands she had folded in her lap. “I have been a bitch, haven’t I? Do not answer that. I’m sorry, Olivia.”

Returning to her seat, Olivia leaned on her desk to look at her friend more closely. “Madison, what is it? How can I help?”

Madison could hear the genuine worry in her voice. She had known Olivia for six years now and knew she did care about her. She realized she had been like this for a while now, since she last saw Jerrica. Letting out a long sigh, Madison began her short version. “I hooked up with someone a couple of weeks ago, and I can’t seem to get her out of my mind.”

“Wait…we’ve only been in New England a little while. Wow, you’re quick, girlfriend,” Olivia said, obviously a little surprised.

Glaring at her friend, Madison continued. “It only happened once, but I know it was more than just a physical act between us. I felt a deep connection to her and I know she felt something for me. I know she did! I mean when we hooked up, it was like we had been together for years and knew exactly what one another needed.”

“So, what happened?”

“Nothing happened, that’s the problem. She left during the early morning hours. I woke up alone.” Madison voice was cracking under the emotional stress.

“Oh, come on, Mads, it was just sex. She needed some, you’re a good lay, get past it. Madison, she is not worth all this emotional baggage, especially if she leaves your ass in the middle of the night.”

Madison looked up from her lap shocked at her friend’s brash words. “You can be a bitch sometimes, Olivia. It’s not like that. I know she felt something and I think—”

“And you think what, Mads? You enjoyed one another, nothing more. Boston has plenty of lesbians you can date. Chalk it up to a night of great sex and move on to someone else.”

Olivia gave her a wink and a knowing grin, obviously baiting Madison to say more.

Madison stood quickly, pounding her fists on Olivia’s desk. “Screw you, Olivia,” she shouted, “It’s not like that! I can’t move on, I’m in love with her!”

Olivia’s evil grin transformed into a huge smile as Madison slowly returned to her chair, the realization of what she just admitted hitting her.

In a soft voice Olivia looked at a bewildered Madison. “I know you are honey. I know you are….”

The perplexing look on Madison’s face made Olivia’s heart go out to her.

Confused, Madison replied, “How did you know when I didn’t even know myself? I didn’t know until I just heard myself say it. How can someone fall in love so fast? It is not possible! It’s just not possible!”

“You knew. You were just hiding it from yourself because there’s pain attached to thoughts of her. I do believe in love at first sight…so anything is possible.”

“I knew there was something between us the moment I saw her. I just didn’t recognize what it was,” Madison admitted to herself as well as Olivia.

“Love at first sight. I never, in a million years, would have thought that would happen to you. You are always so calculating with everything you do. So, what are you waiting for, go to her,” Olivia said with determination. “I need my assistant back!”

“It’s more complicated than that. It’s not just the fact that I don’t know how she feels about that night or even me, there are just other things at play.” Madison released a heavy sigh.

“What other things,” Olivia’s curiosity was piqued, “I can’t help you if you’re not telling me everything. What is standing in your way, besides yourself?”

Madison lowered her eyes again, debating if she should divulge the rest. They sat quietly waiting for Madison to decide. “I hooked up with Jerrica,” Madison paused, “she’s the one I brought home.”

“Ok, so what’s the problem?” Olivia asked innocently.

Madison raised her head looking at her absentminded friend. “Geez, Olivia don’t you remember anything? You’ve met her, Mr. Bisset introduced you two.”

Madison waited for Olivia’s memory to kick in and when it didn’t, she continued. “He introduced her as Jak and you offended her by saying you thought she was a man because of the name.”

Olivia’s face lit up with acknowledgement, covering her mouth in shock. “Oh, wow…Madison, not exactly your league,” Olivia muttered.

“Thanks for the words of encouragement,” Madison retorted.

The wheels in Olivia’s head began to turn as she started putting invisible puzzle pieces together in her head. “You slept with her the first week we got here.” Trying to put the pieces together, she continued. “And she hasn’t returned to work. Am I correct?”

Madison was not ready to do a timeline of her life, but answered anyway, “No and yes. We didn’t hook up the first week we started here, it was the first Monday and yes, she hasn’t appeared at work since?”

“Damn Madison you’re good. On the first day? Wow! So what’s the problem? Call her or go to her house. Make her talk to you.”
 

Madison’s heart sank lower in her chest. “Her personal numbers and home address aren’t in the directory. I tried the HR department, but could not sweet-talk any information from her. Her assistant doesn’t like me, so I stay clear of her. I just cannot come out and ask her secretary without raising red flags. I’ve tried, Olivia. I guess she just doesn’t want to see me. I’m sure if she did, she would have called me by now.”

Madison stood. “Well, now you know it all. I’m sorry I’ve been unbearable to work with lately. I will try to be better. I’ll be at my desk if you need anything else.”

Olivia watched a very dejected Madison leave her office.

†

After two days of working at home, Jerrica decided to write a letter to the board of Morrill, Hartford, and Donahue. The letter included that until further notice, she would be working off site. She would be working from her home office, but if given enough notice would travel to the office for projects that needed her personal attention. In her closing, she emphasized her many years of service to their company and if this wasn’t acceptable, she would tender her resignation. She only had to wait two hours for their response along with clauses to her demands. The board granted her the right to work off site, under the stipulations she specified in her letter, but interjected that this was only a temporary situation. Jerrica was satisfied with the compromise.

On day three, she wrote a long e-mail to her staff, explaining the new arrangements and how it affected their specific jobs. Jerrica figured between e-mails, phone calls, the occasional messenger, things would run just fine for a while. The e-mail was vague on her sudden disappearance from MHD, but nobody was ready to ask her questions. That is until that second Saturday morning after receiving the e-mail, when Lauren showed up unannounced on her doorstep.

Jerrica was sitting in her pajamas at the breakfast table staring out at the water, her first cup of coffee in hand, trying to relax. The ringing doorbell caught her off guard. Before she could even get out of her chair, Lauren was using her key to enter the home.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have given you that key after all,” Jerrica commented flatly, looking back out the window.

Jerrica turned to see if she had actually come in. She bolted out of her chair as an angry Lauren rounded the table.

They were standing toe to toe and Lauren’s face had reddened in frustration. “Who do you think you are?” she yelled. “Don’t you ever talk to me it that manner again! Do you hear me? I’m not shit on your shoes, Jerrica and I’ll be damned you will treat me that way!”

The two women stood frozen, staring at one another, both full of rage. As time started to pass, Jerrica found she couldn’t stand the infuriating look in Lauren’s eyes and bent to pick up the chair that she had knocked askew in haste. Setting the chair upright, Jerrica sat, folding her hands on the table.

Lauren took a deep breath as Jerrica returned to her seat. Seating herself across from Jerrica, she could see the bay in the background. They both sat quietly, waiting for tempers to decompress.

Lauren had shaken Jerrica to her core. She had never witnessed Lauren so angry, never mind having that anger directed at her. More in control of her tone, Jerrica whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Lauren reached her hands out, covering Jerrica’s hands with her own. “I’m sorry, too.”

Silence crept between them again for several minutes, each waiting, hoping the other would speak first. Try to break the tension, Jerrica spoke. “There could have been an easier way to get my attention, you know?”

Lauren tried not to smile, holding onto the little anger she had left. “What has happened to you, my friend?”

Slowly dragging her hands out from under Lauren’s, Jerrica tried to think of something to say.

“Jerrica, look at me.”

She didn’t want to answer that question, nor did she want to look at Lauren. She reluctantly lifted her face to look into her friend’s eyes.

Lauren’s eyes filled with tears as she took a long look at the pain and exhaustion in Jerrica’s deep green eyes.

“Don’t! Please, don’t,” Jerrica managed to say before hiding her face in her hands.

Lauren could hear the soft sounds of sobbing coming from Jerrica. “Jerrica, talk to me. You’re scaring me. What is going on with you?”

Jerrica turned to the windows, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand. Lauren could tell Jerrica was struggling with her emotions. The house fell silent. The only sound that seemed to echo through the house was the soft ticking resonating from the antique clock on the bookcase.

Not changing her position, Jerrica’s pain filled voice stated simply. “I’m a coward.”

“That’s not helpful, Jerrica. Explain to me what is going on,” Lauren replied.

“If I’m going to talk to you about this, I need you to promise me some things. I need you to promise me you won’t judge me. I’m doing that enough for both of us. And you will not retaliate in my name or interfere.”

Lauren paused before answering. “Whatever you need me to do, that is what I’ll do. Jerrica, please, talk to me.”

Jerrica was trying to speak without breaking down as the memories flooded her mind. “The last Monday I was at work, after everyone went home, I went home with someone, and I really shouldn’t have.”

“You went home with someone? Wait, didn’t you get the flowers from…on Monday?”

Jerrica took a deep breath. “Yes, that was the same day. I was experiencing many conflicting emotions that day. I was a basket case, you remember. After everyone left, she came to me. I needed to feel something, Lauren, even though I knew in the back of my mind it was just a temporary solution. I’m not saying it was right, but it happened and I can’t take it back.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Jerrica! I thought you were done with Devin. After yelling at me in your office about letting those flowers into your office, you turn around and go home with her!”

Jerrica continued to stare out the window, delaying her response until Lauren finished her rant. “It wasn’t, Devin,” Jerrica said, somberly, turning to look directly at Lauren. “It was Madison Jeffery.”

Jerrica saw Lauren trying to hide her surprise, but her eyes betrayed her feelings. “I know, Lauren. I messed up. I broke my own personal rule of not getting involved with a co-worker and my own rule about one night stands.” Jerrica turned back toward the window.

“Well, that clarifies a few things,” Lauren sat back in her chair thinking, “Ms. Jeffery has been a little nosy the last couple of weeks, indirectly asking questions about you. She is becoming real tight with Jaime.”

“Nothing is her fault, let me clarify that for you. It’s completely my fault. I’m the one who told her to take me home and the one that made the first move once we were in her apartment,” Jerrica admitted.

“I kind of understand now why you haven’t returned to work, but that doesn’t explain why you think you are a coward.”

Jerrica flinched at the word. She had said it first, but hearing that word repeated by someone else stung a little. “I’m a coward because I left in the early morning while she was sleeping. I let her wake up alone with no explanation or anything. Lauren, that’s not me, I don’t just hop into the sack with someone and then leave in the middle of the night like a prostitute.”