‘I wasn’t going to ask that!’ Nick’s eyes widened in protest. ‘I was just going to ask how you’re, uh, enjoying the chips.’
‘They’re great.’
I didn’t believe him, not even for a second. His smile gave him away — that and his laughing eyes.
He’d be a terrible liar
, I thought, as I took a few more chips from the pile.
‘You can eat, huh?’ My eyes widened and I dropped the greasy offending article in my hand. ‘I mean, it’s nice that you eat! Most girls I hang out with only eat salads and low-carb low-fat crap.’
‘That is the rudest thing,’ I said, my eyes studying the half-eaten collection of chips lying in front of me. It would have been easy to take offence and get upset, but I knew he hadn’t meant anything by it. Even so, that was no reason not to have a little fun.
‘And now you must pay!’ I gave a wicked grin and grabbed a handful of soft, oily chips and threw them at him. He looked at me, shocked, so I grabbed another, and another, until chips were showering all over Nick’s bad boy head and tattooed body.
‘I meant it as a compliment!’ he protested, laughing, his hands up to shield him. I kept throwing them, and they kept raining down on him, sticking in his hair, bouncing off his shirt and leaving tiny stains of oil in their wake.
‘Okay, okay! I surrender!’
I glanced at my dwindling ammunition supply and decided I’d eat the rest. Nick lowered his arms and joined me, munching away on the tiny dregs.
‘When did you last come to the beach?’ he asked. As the shadows had gotten darker, so had his eyes, changing from icy blue to grey. They matched the ocean.
‘I think when I was about thirteen.’ I could have told him the exact date, but I wanted to keep it vague. Not every kid remembered their last holiday before starting life on the road like I did. ‘We came on a family holiday to visit my Aunt Lou.’
‘What’d you think?’
‘Of what?’
‘The beach. The surf. Your Aunt Lou.’ His answer caught me off-guard.
‘I liked the beach and the sand,’ I said, taking it one step at a time. ‘And the surf was fun. I remember my Dad tried to teach me how to body surf; I also remember I totally sucked and lost my bikini top.’ It had been absolutely mortifying coming out of the surf, arm across my chest as I bolted for the safety of my towel. Mum and Dad tried to act concerned but ended up in hysterics. We all did, actually, once I’d seen that we were the only family on the beach. I guess that’s what happens on a school day in winter.
‘How about your aunt?’ Nick asked, snapping me back to the present.
‘She was…okay,’ I replied. It was hard to separate how I felt about Lou now and how I felt about her then, when she was just my aunt. Back then she’d sneak me cookies and small presents when my parents weren’t looking. Now she was playing the role of replacement mum, a spot I wasn’t ready to have someone fill. The two women seemed worlds apart.
‘What about you? When was your last time at the beach?’ His skin, although slightly tanned, didn’t look anything like Luke or Coral’s brown-golden. He certainly wasn’t a regular here.
‘Last month, we did a show at the surf club.’ Nick jerked his head back towards a dimly lit building at the other end of the beach.
‘Oh, you’re in a band?’ Play it cool, Amy. I tried to stop my heart from sinking to the pit of my stomach.
‘Yeah. We play a kind of rocky alternative.’ I studied him again. He was looking out at the ocean, his black hair smoothed back into place. His arms weren’t thick bricks of muscle like Luke’s, but they had a nice shape to them, a subtle definition. His jaw was square, and his eyes framed by gorgeous, long black lashes. Yet somehow he radiated a strong ‘don’t mess with me’ vibe, from his tattooed shoulder to the bony knuckles on his fists.
He was sexy as hell, easy to hang out with and, from what I could tell, single. But as soon as he’d mentioned the band, I’d started to feel myself move away from him, physically and emotionally.
I’d come second to my dad’s music for the past three years already. I didn’t need to be put in that position again with someone else.
I shivered and stood up, rubbing my arms to try and dispel the goosebumps that had formed.
‘I should probably head back.’
‘Mmm, you’re right. It’s getting pretty cold.’ He grabbed the paper our chips had been on and scrunched it into a little ball, carrying it back inside his shoes as we walked back toward the road.
I leaned against a post in the parking lot and tried to dust the sand off my feet so I could put my flats back on. Nick didn’t bother and just slipped his dirty toes into his big black shoes.
‘Thanks for sharing your chips with me.’ He smiled. ‘I’ll get the next lot.’
‘Whatever.’ I shrugged. There would be no more chips at the beach with Nick. I was tired of coming second.
I could feel Nick’s eyes on me as I started to walk away, raising my hand in goodbye. He waited till I got to the main road and then called out my name from somewhere behind me.
‘Amy!’
I turned back. He was underneath a street lamp that had just flickered on, perfectly lit for his moment in the spotlight. I could imagine him standing under one onstage as girls screamed from the crowd in front of him.
‘Next time you want to remember something, can it be somewhere a little warmer?’
I gave him the ghost of a smile and walked away.
I was in a club somewhere in Melbourne. People were crowding in all around me, girls in short skirts and guys in shirts and jeans that looked a little too tight for comfort. The floor was sticky, the place smelled like sweat and cheap perfume, and it was late — after two in the morning, for sure. They’d be closing soon.
‘Having fun?’ Mum handed me yet another clear glass packed with ice and pale-coloured liquid. I nodded and slugged back the sweet vodka she’d just gotten me from the bar.
‘Great! Happy 16th birthday!’ Mum clinked her glass against mine. Celebrating was her favourite thing to do.
A security guard walked past us and nodded. He recognised us from the line. We were always on lists at the door now that Dad had made it big time. I didn’t had to worry about being checked for ID or sprung for under-age boozing. Times were good.
‘I think that boy over there thinks you’re cute.’ Mum strained her voice to be heard over the loud rock music pumping through the sound system. She pointed to a tall guy who was standing by himself just near the bar. I had to squint to see him, but he looked a little older than me, maybe ten years or so. His blue chequered shirt contrasted perfectly with his peroxide-tipped hair. He was cute, even though his body was swaying out of time with the music. Perhaps he’d had one too many addictively vodkas, too.
‘Should I go talk to him?’ I hadn’t hung around guys that much, especially older ones. A few of Dad’s roadies had tried to get close to me, but they were immediately chased off by him before anything could happen. I was a little nervous.
Mum had no such hesitation. She charged through the crowd and launched herself at Peroxide Guy. Throwing her beautifully manicured fingers around his shoulders, she dove into attack mode.
‘Hi there, cutie. Let me introduce you to the most fabulous girl in the world — the amaaaaazing Amy!’ As Mum said it, she threw her hands in the air, and I started laughing. The guy did too. He moved closer.
‘Hi, Amy,’ he leered, checking me out openly before kissing me on the cheek. His lips felt warm. I felt warm. I felt desirable and I liked it.
We stood there for a few minutes, drinking in each other’s appearances. Peroxide Guy wasn’t ugly, but he wasn’t exactly cute, either. He had little wrinkle lines around his eyes, the kind that Dad had, and I wondered again about his age.
‘Can I help you two gorgeous ladies with anything?’ He smiled, showing an orderly array of slightly brown teeth. He smelled like cigarette and bourbon.
‘You can, actually,’ Mum started.
‘No, don’t, I —’
‘We noticed you checking her out,’ Mum yelled, oblivious to my protests. ‘So why don’t you go ahead and kiss her like you mean it?’
It was a horrible, horrible moment: the music stopped, and everyone turned to look at the woman yelling at the guy to kiss the girl ‘like he meant it’. I hated that the girl in question was me.
Then Peroxide Guy was grabbing my face and I forgot all about it as he kissed me. It was wet and sloppy and thankfully quite short, but long enough to get the crowd cheering. It didn’t feel real. This wasn’t happening to me.
And then the kiss was over, and we were just standing there. I let out a nervous laugh, scraping my tongue against the back of my teeth to try and get the taste of stranger out of me.
The lights flickered on, and people filtered out the door. The guy who’d kissed me looked even older now, and I noticed his nose was a little red. What had I done?
‘Come on, Amy. They’re closing up.’ Mum grabbed my hand and led me out of the club, the boy staring at us both as we left. He grinned and gave a little wave as we walked away. I guess this was just a typical night for him.
I felt sick. Was that really my first kiss? I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand to remove the saliva from my face. I couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel and clean my teeth.
‘Aren’t you going to thank me?’ Mum asked. ‘Surely no other mum would be cool enough to help her daughter get picked up!’
‘Thanks.’ My voice were soft and lacked heart. I knew that it was technically cool, and that my old friends from school would have been envious.
I just wished it hadn’t been so wet.
* * *
Come to Rachel’s party on Friday. Everyone’s going. We can get ready at my house after school.
I read Lily’s text again for what felt like the hundredth time. I hadn’t been to a whole heap of parties before, just clubs and bars. I was anonymous there and wouldn’t see any of the people again. This was different.
I’d told Lou that I was going to my friend Lily’s house to study. The look my aunt gave clearly implied that she knew better, but when she started to test me with specific questions about what subject we were studying, how long for and if could she help, I had all the right answers. What could she do?
Luckily, I didn’t have the obvious what-to-wear drama. Dad had taken his ‘I’m dumping my only daughter at her aunt’s while I go and be a rock star’ guilt out in the form of a shopping spree. I’d scored a collection of basic jeans, tees and tanks that would last me a while.
Booze was the second problem, but I already had a few sample-sized bottles of spirits I’d taken from the mini-bar at the last hotel we’d stayed in, as well as some vodka I’d stolen from Lou’s bar cabinet and replaced with water. I hadn’t seen her drink once since I’d arrived a week ago, so how would she even know?
I had no idea what to expect from this party, but I hoped for major amounts of booze, good music and a little bit of flirting practice with Luke. I’d feel guilty for it, but I couldn’t help replaying that moment in Music class over and over. I was left a confused mess every time. Had he been acting friendly and taking care of the new girl? Or was it something else? Something more?
‘Ready?’ Lily asked after school. I nodded and followed her to the car park.
‘Amy, meet Kyle and Jade,’ she said, introducing me to the girl and guy leaning up against her yellow car.
Kyle was definitely the guy I’d seen kissing Lily’s neck the previous day. He actually looked kind of like her, with his dark hair, pale skin, and super-skinny frame. He was tall, too, and hunched over a little at the neck.
Jade, on the other hand, appeared nothing like either of them. She had honey-blonde hair and a short, curvy figure. The only thing that tied her to the group was the cigarette she was racing to finish. It was her against Kyle, both of them sucking back each inhale like it could be their last.
‘Hey, newbie,’ Kyle said. I took an instant dislike to him.
‘She has a name, jerk, and you just learnt it,’ Jade said, throwing her non-cigarette wielding arm out and slapping him across the stomach.
‘All right, kids, fire out or you don’t get in the car.’ Lily opened the doors of the derelict-looking vehicle and hopped in the driver’s side.
‘Is this your folk’s car?’ I asked, jumping in next to her.
‘No,’ Lily said. ‘I just like looking after my things.’
Jade and Kyle tossed their butts into the car park gravel and slammed the doors shut as Lily turned the engine and started the drive home.
For someone who ‘liked looking after her things,’ she drove like a maniac; she flew around corners at speeds Dad would never have approved of. I kept my seatbelt on, tugging it every now and then to make sure I was still strapped in, but a quick look around showed that neither Lily, Kyle or Jade were.
Thankfully, the drive only lasted a few minutes. As soon as the car rumbled to a stop, I all but leapt out of it, keen to feel some solid ground beneath my feet again.
Lily opened the door to a small, rundown house surrounded by an overgrown garden. ‘Right. Bathroom’s through here, and we’re heading straight ahead to the kitchen.’
I stepped inside and tried not to recoil. The house smelt like cat piss, musty and stale. Spots of mould covered the dark curtains hanging carelessly in the living room, and I could see a thick layer of dust covering the skirting boards in the hallway.
We went into the kitchen and plonked ourselves down on the motley collection of stools at the breakfast bar. The room was extremely dirty. Dishes were piled up and out of the sink, and a series of dark-coloured spots covered the benchtop. I recognised the red wine stains in a heartbeat. Before I could start thinking of times past, I shook my head and began to lift out the various tiny bottles of alcohol from my schoolbag. I lined them up on to the counter in front of me, ready to compare loot.
‘Ha-ha, what are they? Fun-sized?’ Kyle said, sneering at my miniature drinks.
‘Fun if you drink ‘em straight,’ I played back at him. He just looked at me and shrugged, then went back to sculling half his bottle of cola so he could add some bourbon to it. I shot back one of the mini vodkas, straight. It felt good.