Finding London (Flawed Heart #1) (38 page)

I almost choke on the bite of turkey wrap I’m chewing. I hold my hand over my mouth and cough violently as I try to dislodge the piece of lettuce stuck in my windpipe. My eyes water as I take a drink of my pop. “Jax Porter, that’s disgusting, and I’m not answering that. Just gross.”

His grin goes wide. “Well, Lil, when you have been playing Would You Rather with someone for years and know everything about her, you have to get creative with your questions. You have to answer it. It’s the rules.”

“There are no rules.”

“Yes, there are, and rule number one is that you must answer,” he says simply.

“Whatever. There are no rules, but fine, I would watch them. I would never join in. That is sickening. I guess, in this imaginary scenario, if I’m forced to watch them every day, then I would eventually become immune to the grossness of it, and it would become inconsequential, like watching my mom make coffee or something.”

Jax chuckles. “Yeah, I’m sure it would be just like making coffee.”

I wrap up the remainder of my wrap, having lost my appetite. “You ready? We’d better get going anyway. Plus, I think you have ruined this game for me for a while.”

“How long is a while? Like a day?”

“Definitely at least a week.” I grin as I stand to throw my trash away.

The movie is good. I think. I’m struggling to pay attention. My focus is on Jax’s knee as it rests against mine and his arm beside mine on the armrest. When I can’t take the feeling anymore, I move my arm to my lap. I cross my leg, so it is no longer touching his, and my bottom leg bounces nervously. Then, the warmth of his breath assaults me against my ear as he leans in to tell me something about the movie that I’m not watching.

I lean my head against the back of my seat and close my eyes. My mind plays memory after memory of the innocent times I have had with my best friend. The movie entitled
The Friendship of Jax and Lily
shows in my head, reminding me of the importance of our friendship.

I see it all so clearly, every amazing moment.

Jax and I playing Capture the Flag with my sisters when we were eight.

Playing hide and seek in the cornfields.

Dressing Jax up in my dresses as we played my favorite game at the time, Twins, when we were six.

Picnics under our favorite oak tree in the field behind my house.

Deciding to make our moms cookies for Mother’s Day when we were ten but having it turn into a giggling food fight. The look on my mom’s face as she walked into the kitchen that was covered from top to bottom in flour while Jax and I stood there, like guilty powdered ghosts.

Lying on the trampoline on a hot summer’s night, looking at the stars and asking each other Would You Rather questions until we couldn’t keep our eyes open.

I have so many memories of growing up with Jax. He is embedded in every recollection, and each one brings a smile to my face.

I jump when he speaks against my ear once more, “Is the movie boring you that much?”

It takes me a moment to realize that he is referring to me sitting here with my eyes closed. I open my eyes and give him a shy smile before turning back to the screen in a mocked effort to pay attention.

The night air is warm, and it speaks to the summer that is just around the corner, the summer before my senior year. I step up into Jax’s new Durango, an early eighteenth birthday present. I snap my seat belt in, and the vehicle begins moving away from the theatre.

Jax drives in silence for a few minutes before turning into an empty department store parking lot, and he shuts off the car.

I look around at the dark pavement outside. “What are we doing?”

“Let’s talk.”

“Okay…” I drawl out my response.

“So, I’ve been thinking a lot.” Jax pauses.

“About?” I ask

“About the kiss.”

I sigh
. You’re preaching to the choir, buddy.
“What about it?”

“That I really want to do it again and again and again.”

Holy. Wow.

“What do you have to say about that?” Jax’s voice is soft, hesitant.

“I’d say that I’ve been thinking the same thing, like, all week,” I admit.

“Me, too. I seriously can’t stop thinking about it. Lil, I don’t know what to do. I know we talked about it already and decided what we thought was best. But why can’t I get it out of my head? Maybe we should try the whole relationship thing.”

“Really?” I can’t help the excitement I hear in my voice. “What about messing things up and all that?”

“I know. I’ve thought about that. A lot. This is what I think. I think that you and I together would be unlike anything I’ve experienced. Yes, most of my relationships have been annoying and filled with drama, but they weren’t with you. I realize that being with you would never be like that. You never annoy me, and our friendship now never has drama. So, why would it be any different? I can’t compare what I’ve had with others to what I could have with you. You are my Lily. There is no comparison.”

“I don’t want to do anything that would risk our friendship. I could never lose you.” My voice cracks at the thought of a life without Jax.

“You wouldn’t. Here’s the thing. Our relationship would be built on an almost eighteen-year friendship. If our romantic relationship doesn’t work out, then we’ll end that part, but we’ll still have our friendship. We’ll always have each other in that way, no matter what. We have too much love and respect for each other to ever lose our friendship completely. I honestly never see that happening. Do you?”

I think about his words, and it all makes sense. Even if we didn’t make it as a couple, we could simply go back to being friends. I know there is nothing that Jax would ever do that could change that. He is right. We would never throw away a lifelong friendship because a romance didn’t work out.
And what if it did work out? It could.
Our current platonic relationship is already so wonderful.

I get giddy just imagining what else we could be. “No, I think we’ll always be friends.”

“Exactly. Always. Nothing will change that. We just have to make a promise to each other that, if a relationship doesn’t work out, we’ll go back to being friends. I can promise you that. Can you?”

“Yes. Definitely.” My insides burst with happiness from this conversation.

Jax pulls in an audible breath. “Lily, would you rather try a romantic relationship with your best friend with the knowledge that it might not work and your heart could get broken? Or would you rather play it safe, guard your heart, and remain solely friends, always wondering what could have been?”

I unbuckle my seat belt and climb over the middle console, placing my legs on either side of Jax so that I’m straddling him. I hold his face between my hands, his piercing eyes shining brightly. I pull his face toward mine as I lean in. Giving into necessity, I kiss him softly, moving my lips against his. I feel the yielding firmness of his full lips and the way in which they move perfectly in time with mine. I push my tongue into his mouth, and a groan rumbles from the back of his throat. That sound sends pure hot liquid desire shooting through my body.

My need for Jax borders on painful as we take the kiss deeper. His arms wrap tightly around me, his hands kneading the skin on my back, as his tongue explores my mouth. I tangle my fingers in his silky short hair and hold him to me. I cannot physically get enough. My lips throb from use, pulsing with pleasure. I kiss him like this is my first and last kiss. I never want it to end.

In my whole life, I have never been happier, and I feel that this is exactly where I am meant to be. There isn’t another soul that I would want to experience this with. I hope to experience all of my firsts with Jax. There is no one who could love me and guard my heart the way Jax would.

Our tongues dance, our lips explore, and our hands feel until the vehicle is filled with the dense fog of lust-fueled air. Our skin shimmers with sweat in the warmth of our surroundings.

I finally pull away, my mouth protesting from the loss of contact. Our chests heave as we attempt to regulate our breathing. I open my eyes and get lost in Jax’s expression. His eyes are filled with love, desire, and happiness, and they mirror my own feelings.

In a husky whisper, he asks, “You never answered my question. Friends or more?”

“More. Definitely more.”