Finding Me (25 page)

The day dragged by, hour after endless hour. I could’ve fallen asleep standing up. After my fourth period class, I went back to my locker to get my textbook for Calculus. Chris and Casey were talking when I walked up.

If I hadn’t been so tired, I would have been seething with jealously. How I would make it through the rest of the day was my primary focus. I stole a glance at Chris while he talked to Casey rather animatedly. How could he not be tired at all? I could take off my hoodie and fall asleep on the floor on top of it.

“I’ll talk to you later, Cas,” Chris said, as soon as I slammed my locker shut.

“You have no trouble attracting the ladies.” I clenched my mouth shut. I didn’t need any more unexpected words floating out. It happened sometimes to my chagrin.

“You’re just cranky because you’re sleepy. Here. Take this. It’ll wake you up. I know it’s green and disgusting looking but it works.” He handed me a small vial filled with green slimy liquid.

“What is that? I’m not drinking that!” I pushed the green mess back at him.
Is he trying to kill me now?

“Just take it. We’ve used this all-natural herb recipe for centuries when we stay up all night. Trust me, please!”

Reluctantly I put my hand out to take the vial of disgusting goop. I opened the top and sniffed it to see if I might recognize any of the ingredients. I didn’t – not one. But it smelled worse than it looked.

“Chloe, drink it.” He walked over and took the vial from my hand. My lips parted.
Shit.
“Hold your nose,” he ordered me. As soon as I pinched my fingers to my nose, he ran his index finger across my chin. He traced his finger down my neck then back to my chin – never taking his eyes from mine.
Shit, shit, shit…stop panting, Carmichael.
He smiled. A brilliant smile that lit his entire face. Every time he touched me, or looked at me, or smiled at me, a part of my soul left my body and seeped into his.
Why had I broken up with him again?
Slowly, he elevated my head until I was looking at the ceiling.

The sensation of his hand as he stroked my throat made my knees buckle.
Please don’t let me pass out.
He poured the goop in my mouth and it slid down. Then he traced the liquid with his finger down my throat. I released my nose as it made its slow descent. Odd, I thought there might be a lingering taste but there wasn’t. I straightened my head. He watched me closely. Our eyes locked – and burned into one another. I held my breath.

“You might want to start breathing now. The oxygen will be an enabler.” He smiled his perfect angelic smile at me. I bit my bottom lip to stifle the sob that lay there.

“Oh. Thank you,” I whispered, embarrassed. I turned, ready to bolt out of our uncomfortable situation.

“Wait. How do you feel?”

I pivoted one step further.
He’s doing this on purpose.
I spun around but kept my distance. He reached his long arm out and tugged me by the waist until I was standing directly in front of him. Only inches to spare between us. I could feel the warmth from his body spreading over me. He put his hand under my chin and lifted my head to meet his eyes. “Are you okay? Not sleepy anymore, are you?”

I was energized. Light. Like I’d just awakened from a long nap. “Actually, I’m not.” I was surprised at how quickly it worked. “Thanks,” I whispered, fully awake for the first time today. The only problem with being fully awake: I could think about how much I missed him even more.

I turned and stormed off to my next class. How could he be so happy when I was ready to jump off the roof of the school?

The rest of the day went by quickly. I took a test in my AP Calculus class. I aced it. Math and science were my favorite subjects, to my mother’s chagrin. I planned a career as a microbial epidemiologist and she, of course, wanted me to be a lawyer. I’d refused to discuss my career choices with her after I turned sixteen and she was livid.

Dad, on the other hand, while also not thrilled about my career choice, wasn’t adamant that it would be a disaster. When I told Mother I might join the Peace Corps medical division for a year or two after college, she was irate. I didn’t intend to do it, of course. Her meltdown over the situation was priceless, though. She had stormed off angrily, with no way to manipulate the situation in her favor. Her reaction alone warranted a second thought about going.

~ ~ ~

When I arrived to drop my things off at my locker after my seventh period class, Chris and Casey were talking. Again. What could they possibly have to talk about so much in one day? I looked up to see if Chris had heard that. They were still engrossed in their conversation. It appeared he hadn’t.

Sam was right. I’m an effective blocker. I didn’t believe he’d heard one thought I’d had today. This was good because I had to remind myself that this was my decision.

The downside to that, however, was that I hadn’t heard anything he’d thought either, and I desperately wanted to know why he and Casey were talking so much.

Chapter 21

I tried for casual when I walked over to my locker. “Hi, guys,” I said, smiling at both Chris and Casey. She rolled her eyes and he smiled back with a sideways grin.

“What’s up?” Chris said. Casey crossed her arms and exhaled deeply. She eyed me resentfully, then spun to face Chris. She sucked in a breath as she turned.
Snarly….if she only knew how badly my palm wanted to connect with her face
.

“So, Chris, I will see you around seven o’clock. Right?” she said. She plucked invisible lint from his shirt while she talked. Then she ran her long pink nails across the front of his tee.
I wonder if I could make her smack herself?

“Sure thing,” Chris said. He removed her clingy fingers from his tee and smiled down at her.

She turned to leave, hitting me with her enormous Louis Vuitton bag. She squinted at me like it was my fault. I watched her clink-clank her way down the hall in her Kenneth Cole ankle boots and Max Aziria skinny jeans. I had considered her one of my best friends once.
What could I have been thinking?
She strutted off down the hall and pushed a freshman in the back because she accidentally stepped on her foot.
Does her audacity know no bounds?

I turned to find Chris leaning against his locker. A seductive smirk plastered on his face was directed toward me. I inhaled a lung full of air, then released it. It didn’t help. My breath hitched even more at his smoldering gaze.

I slumped, defeated, against the locker beside him. “How could you go out with someone like Casey?” I questioned. My breathing had increased and I did everything I could to slow it.

“What do you mean, ‘like her’?” His eyes shone brightly and his mouth turned up at one corner. He knew what I meant.

“Well, let’s see, she’s shallow, self-centered, and–”

“Do you have a problem with it? I can cancel.”

“It’s just that she’s so shallow and–”

“All the girls at this school are. Except one, but she won’t have me. It might be interesting to see what happens.”
It’d be interesting to see what happens when I smack you in the back of the head, too.
“She’s asked a few times. I thought what the heck. She’s a looker.” He glanced down the hall where she was talking to Jennifer Riley, then he turned back and arched his brows at me.

“You’re right. She’s gorgeous. You two make a great couple. I hope you have a good time.” I felt mechanical saying it, but it was all I could think to say to stop myself from falling to the floor in tears.

“I’m kidding, Chloe. It’s not even a date. I’m not trying to get into a relationship right now. I’m saving myself for someone special.” His sideways grin let me know he found our situation amusing.

“Right.” I slammed my locker shut and leaned against it to wait for Melissa and Emily to come so we could leave. I didn’t look at him but my stupid lip poked out and tears swelled at the base of my eyes anyway.
Please don’t cry. Don’t cry.

Chris sighed loudly next to me. “Do you want me to call this off?” He turned to stare at me. I sulked at my locker. He ran his hand through his spiky hair and sighed even louder.

“No. It’s just...it’s just that…out of all the girls at this school, you pick the one who hates me the most.”

He laughed, hit the locker, and then leaned on it for support.
I didn’t know I’d turned into a comedian.
“Is that what you think? That she hates you? She doesn’t hate you. She’s jealous of you. Always has been, and rightfully so, I might add.” He licked his lips and ran his eyes from my head to my feet.

I laughed and shook my head. “She has absolutely no reason to be jealous of me.”

“You don’t see yourself the way others see you. Definitely not how I see you. You have something no other girl at this school has.”

“A freakish ability to regenerate on different universes.” I rolled my eyes and continued my pout fest.

“Well, there is that.” My glance darted in his direction. He smiled his angelic lopsided smile and I thought I might cry again. I sucked in a quick breath. He moved in front of me and looked at me with his smoldering eyes. I swallowed hard.

“Plus, you’re beautiful – on the inside and the outside. You wear your beauty so well.” He traced his finger down the side of my face. My mouth fell open and I quickly closed it. “It’s effortless. You don’t even have to try. The girls here, including Casey, try so hard to be like you. Never change that about yourself. That’s why I...” he lowered his head, not finishing the statement.

Then he turned and leaned back on his locker. He grabbed his iPod, slipped his headphones on, and tilted his head back. I was about to turn away when he glanced pensively down the hall and made a comment under his breath that sounded like, “Oh, great.”

I looked at him puzzled, but he didn’t look up to meet my gaze. He looked at the floor, humming the tune to whatever song played in his ears.

A few seconds later, Melissa and Emily arrived with a guy I didn’t recognize. They all stopped in front of me. The guy, who wasn’t bad looking, extended his hand. “Hello,” he said, smiling broadly at me.

“Hi.” I smiled back and shook his hand. He was gorgeous. Nothing compared to Chris but still hot in his own right. He was tall, with a close-to-the-scalp haircut, olive complexion, and was dressed in dark gray jeans and a black tee. I took a quick sideways glance to see if Chris was watching us. He wasn’t, but I knew he was listening.

“I’m Marcus,” he said. He looked over at Chris, then back to me. “Melissa and Emily tell me you’re the biggest Three Days Grace fan in the world. I told them I was, but I wanted to meet the person who might come in a distant second.”

“A distant second…I don’t think so.” I glanced over at Chris. He remained stationary.
Why is he still here? And why is he frowning like that?

“Do you think we could discuss our love?” Marcus said. He bent his head to see my eyes. I cast them down.
Is he serious?
“I meant, do you think we could discuss our love of the music, at a movie and dinner possibly?”

Melissa and Emily nodded deliriously behind him and gave me looks that said I’d better say yes. “I’ll think about it,” I said, smiling politely.

“Don’t think too hard or too long. I’ll see you around, Chloe Carmichael.” He smiled broader, as if he liked rejection. Then he walked off down the hall.

“Uh…see you.”

I whirled around to glare at Melissa and Emily. “Seriously, you guys can’t do that. I’m not trying to date anyone right now.”

“Why not, Chloe, it’s been a month since…” Melissa trailed off. She reached out and squeezed my right hand. “Marcus saw us talking in the hall the other day, and he asked who you were. He said you were the prettiest girl he’d ever seen…that you reminded him of a John Mayer song.”

Chris, standing next to us, burst out laughing, and everyone glowered at him.

“Do we have a situation here, McFlirty?” Emily asked.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to listen in on your conversation. Umm. That was rude of me. But that was extremely corny,” he said with a grin. I would’ve laughed, too, if I didn’t want to cry.

“That’s okay, McFlirty,” said Emily. “We may need you anyway. Direct advice from a guy in these types of situations can be helpful. Since you insist on joining the clique, can you tell CC she should get over her ex’s untimely demise? Start to live again...to date? Marcus is hot. She should positively go out with him.”

“Sure, Chloe,” Chris said. He looked me directly in the eyes with a ridiculous smirk on his face. “I think you should let go of the past, embrace the future. You shouldn’t let anything interfere with a relationship you could possibly have with a new guy.” His cocky expression annoyed me.

“Em, Tee, I don’t need the relationship advice as much as others.” I pointed to Chris. “Chris here has been pining over a lost love himself. She died a while ago and he can’t get over her. He messed up his last relationship because he kept trying to turn her into the dead girl.” Ha!

“Oh, sorry to hear,” said Emily. “And all this time I thought you were stuck up and self-centered, but you were grieving.” Melissa and I doubled over with laughter. That’s Emily, she always spoke her mind.

“You seem to be the one living in the past, Chris,” said Melissa. She looked at him with sympathetic eyes. Melissa could have such empathy at times for people; it was her best quality.

“It’s just that she was special,” Chris said. “I wasn’t trying to turn anyone into her. I love her so much. It’s hard to let go of someone you love. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with that girl.” I swallowed back the monster lump in my throat.
Why did I make that stupid remark
?

“Awww,” both Melissa and Emily sang at the same time.

“O-M-G, I have a brilliant idea,” said Emily excitedly. “We’re going to Chloe’s house tonight for a small get-together. Would you like to come?”
When did it turn into a party?

“He can’t. He has a date with Casey,” I said, thinking quickly. I bit my bottom lip to stifle a giggle or possibly a whimper.