Finding Me (29 page)

When I’ve felt saddened and depressed about the life I’ve been called to, he’s the reason I continue. He’s my motivation to find the ENO and destroy him.

I’ve seen the life we can have. I have had to live with the knowledge of his death five times. I cannot lose him again. Please, please, I’m begging you to try to remember. Try to help my friends. Every vision can change, I want mine to become reality.

What I’m doing is for our love. It hurts so badly to do this to him and to myself, but I must if I am to ever experience a long life with him. So again, I admonish you to watch my heart until I can fully return to him.

Amanda

I picked the papers up and looked at them once more. An unspeakable sorrow washed over me. My head throbbed and my hands shook. How could I have denied myself the joy of being with the love of my life? No matter how unorthodox it seemed. Chris was the love of our lives. I was Amanda and the love she’d felt for Chris was present in my heart no matter how hard I tried to deny it.

I knew with certainty now that I was Amanda. Didn’t I deserve then to have what was hers…mine? He was mine. I wanted him so badly, I could almost taste his sweet kisses. I could feel his silky caress.

I rushed and dressed for school with anticipation like never before. The thought of seeing him made me weak at the knees.

Margaret called out, “Pancakes,” from the kitchen as I bounded down the stairs two and three at a time. “Sorry, Margaret, no time this morning,” I yelled. I wanted to get to school early, before he made it to his locker. Secretly, I think I was trying to beat Casey to him.

“Chloe,” Mother called from the kitchen. “Aren’t you going to speak to me before you leave?”

“Hello, goodbye, see you guys later. I’m going to catch a ride with Tiffany Harris,” I yelled. I wouldn’t fall for that trap. Once I was in the kitchen, she’d have bullied me into eating something.

When I arrived at school, I rushed into the building, hoping Chris could hear what I was thinking. “Hey, CC. What’s the hurry?” Emily asked. She walked up to me and kept her pace even with mine. “What’re we doing?”

“What I should have done a long time ago,” I said. My hands were sweaty and my heart raced as if it might burst through my chest and find him on its own.

As I rounded the corner, Chris stood at his locker. Casey talked nonstop in front of him. I stopped for half a second and then continued. If she got in my way, I could deal with her. I approached, daring him to look at me. No sooner had the thought entered my mind than he looked away from Casey and in my direction. As our eyes met, he smiled. But I could tell he had no idea what I wanted or how I felt.

This was annoying. I was an effective blocker but couldn’t turn the blocking thing off. Usually, I didn’t do anything to garner center-of-attention status. There were already too many of those types at school. But I knew everyone would be talking about “what Chloe did” until the ball dropped in Times Square next year.

Chris was still conversing with Casey when I marched up and jerked him around to face me. His mouth fell open and his brow creased. I reached up, grabbed his face, and drew him to me. I heard Casey gasp, “What the...” as Chris wrapped me in his arms. Our lips touched – it was incredible.

I was no longer in school. His touch transported me to another place...heaven, perhaps. My lips hungrily sought his not wanting to let go, needing this kiss more than I needed oxygen to breathe.

“What are you doing, Chloe?” Casey shouted. She pressed her fingers between our upper bodies, trying to pry us apart. Reluctantly, I pushed away from Chris.

I turned and glared at her. “If you don’t move right now, I’ll rip your lips off your face.”

“I am not scared of you, Chloe Carmichael,” Casey retorted. She took a step closer. I took a step also. If she wanted a fight, she picked a good day.

Chris placed his hand on my shoulder.
Chloe
, Chris warned in my head.
Oh Great, now I can hear him.
I ignored him.

“You may not be scared of her alone, but you should most definitely be scared of all three of us,” Emily threatened, walking up with Melissa. “They’re having a moment. Move!” She reached out and pushed Casey away from Chris and me. Casey stumbled into the locker beside us.

Casey eyed Melissa, then Emily, with a tight jaw and narrowed eyes. “Oh. Whatever.” She threw her bag over her shoulders and marched off down the hall.

“Thanks, Em,” I said, surprised by her actions. I assumed she’d be the first to tell me I was losing my mind.

“No problem. You may proceed,” Melissa said. She winked and hauled Emily to their lockers.

As soon as I turned, Chris’s lips were back to mine. The electricity coursed through me. I was home. My head was spinning, but I needed to see his eyes. I glanced up. My breath hitched. He was so beautiful. And mine.

“I saw the list of questions Amanda gave to Sam from Tierra. She knew, I mean, I knew this might happen, that the possibility existed. She…I, was prepared just in case the serum antidote didn’t work. Our answers, Amanda’s and mine, were identical. And then there was the letter she…um, I wrote. In the letter, I reminded myself why I loved you.” I choked back my tears, not wanting the waterworks to start at school.

Chris didn’t say anything. When I finished talking, he stared at me.

“This is a first. You don’t have anything to say?” I asked.

“I’m just in awe right now. You don’t know how much I want to silence this whole school and make out with you properly. It’s almost unbearable.”

“Believe me, I wouldn’t complain if you did.” I drew him to me for another kiss, while silence swept through the halls. It quieted everything and everyone. The only sound was my heart’s frenzied beat as Chris showered me with kisses. My pulsed raced as his kiss deepened and he took my heart right out of my chest.

And he offered his in return.

~ ~ ~

When we were on our way out of school at the end of the day, Chris said, “I need you to step up your practice. Sam saw the ENO–”

I stopped walking and spun to face him. “Sam saw the ENO…the real ENO!” My voice screeched loudly.

“Not the way you think.” Chris said, shaking his head. “She had a vision. She couldn’t see him clearly, but he was in plain sight, from what she said. He was there among us, but we couldn’t see him. He could be anybody. We need you at full capacity. Everyone needs to be careful. He must be getting desperate to leave himself exposed like this.”

I told him about the incident at the party with Marcus. “I don’t think that was the ENO, though. I can’t see him exposing himself with three of us there like that.”

“I agree. Marcus was just a tool,” he said. “A real tool.”

“Get over yourself,” I said, laughing.

“What?” He smiled his crooked smile down at me. Then his face became serious. “I need you using all your abilities. We don’t know who else he has working with him.”

“I promise…I’ll do everything I can to bring the ENO down.”

“I know you will, but I can’t help. The others are going to train you themselves without Sam or me helping.”

“What? That’s ridiculous. Why?” I was positive Raja had something to do with that request.

“Because we’re too emotionally attached to you – we’re too much of a distraction. We want your full concentration to be on practicing. That’s it. We can’t afford any more mistakes. They could cost us our lives.”

“I understand, I guess.” I rolled my eyes, disappointed, but I tried to put on a brave face. “Does that request also mean I’m not allowed to see you or Sam after practice?” My bottom lip poked out even before I heard the answer. Love was turning me into a spoiled rotten pre-adult.

He pulled me into his arms and held me close. He whispered in my ear, “Only death could keep me away from you, baby. My life isn’t complete without you.” His lips pressed gently to mine, and everything else was lost.

When I arrived home, the house was quiet. I was thrilled. Maybe I could get a couple hours of Gossip Girl in before Phillip arrived to practice. However, as soon as I entered my room, Phillip was already there, sitting on my bed.
Great!
Raja had come too…
Shit!

They both had on black sweats and blue tees. “Can I at least change into something comfortable?” I asked with a forced smile.

~ ~ ~

“Stop doing that and concentrate,” Phillip ordered me. Phillip was in my room helping me with my power – again. It was close to midnight.

Raja continually threw darts that I was supposed to thwart by creating a shield of protection around both Phillip and me. I tried for hours but I hadn’t been able to place the shield. Either I put the shield around Phillip only or me only. It was never around both of us.

“I’m tired, Phillip. We’ve been working at this for hours and I haven’t manifested this power. Maybe I don’t have it,” I said.

“You have the power,” said Raja. She rolled her eyes at me. “You had this power on all the other universes. Every power we have, you have.”

“Well, Raja, maybe this time it’s different. I’ve been practicing for two weeks now. Maybe this power isn’t meant for me,” I said through clenched teeth, equally annoyed.

“It is not different. You are not trying hard enough. Don’t you love Chris and want to be with him forever? Don’t you want to live past your eighteenth birthday?”

“Yes. I love him, but that has nothing to do with this. If Phillip can exhibit this power, then why is it necessary for me to have it also? We are a team and one person does not make up a team. Our powers should be used collectively to defeat the ENO.”

“Because you started this, you are our leader. Without you at full capacity, there is no way that we can defeat the ENO,” said Raja. She paced the room, rubbing her fingers over her temples in frustration.

The ENO’s words chose now to resurface, “
they call you their leader.”
“No. I’m not a leader.” I said with a swift shake of my head. How could they see this greatness in me? I was Chloe Carmichael, chicken heart, fashionista, and sometimes nerd, not brave warrior.

“Chloe, you are. I know it’s hard to believe, but you possess great power, great strength,” Phillip chimed in. “We wouldn’t push you this hard if we didn’t think you could do it. You can. I know it’s a lot of pressure, but we believe in you. Could we defeat the ENO without you at full capacity? Possibly. But why take that chance? Too many lives are at risk. Let’s try one more time, then we can reconvene tomorrow. Once more.” He peered at me from under his lashes. It was adorable. I rolled my eyes, surrendering.

“Okay…I’ll try. I promise.” I whipped my head around and looked at Raja with more determination. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to concentrate all my effort on blocking the darts she would throw. I took a deep breath, opened my eyes and waited for Raja’s super quick hand to rise and throw the darts.

I watched her. Without blinking. When she flinched the tiniest fraction, with a blistering speed I didn’t know I possessed, I raised both my hands and spread them out in a protective position in front of Phillip and me.

“Argh!” My hands collapsed at my side. Defeated. The darts once again pierced the padded body suit I wore for protection. “I’m sorry. I’ll get this, I promise, but I’m exhausted.”

“Okay, Chloe, get some sleep. We’ll be here tomorrow about five o’clock,” Phillip said. Raja didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. She wore her emotions on her face rather well. She was exhausted with me, and trying to teach me seemed to only further her aggravation.

“Good night,” I whispered.

I flung the padded suit to the floor, then flicked the light off. Fatigued, mentally and physically, I crossed the room and threw myself onto bed. I sighed softly. All I could think of with any clarity the past hour was sleep. As soon as my head hit the pillow, however, I felt Chris’s arms wrap around me. “I guess you heard,” I said, not speaking aloud.

“It’s not so bad. Don’t be hard on yourself, and don’t let Raja get to you. She learned her toughness from you, after all. Of course, that was in previous lives, but you still possess that power, the same strength.” His whispered confidence in me melted my heart. And quickened my breath.

I rolled onto my back. His alluring gaze captured me immediately.
He is so beautiful.
“How did God make you so perfect? You always say the right thing. The very thing I need to hear.”

“I am kinda perfect, huh? You’re one lucky girl.”

I laughed softly at his playfulness. I had been falling asleep, but I didn’t want to anymore. Although he came to my room every night, I wasn’t accustomed to it yet.

Every night I fought sleep, trying desperately to suck one more minute out of the day. Now that I’d confessed my love for him, I dreaded every minute we were apart. I knew, even if the others didn’t, that I was no fighter. I wanted all the time I could get with him because I knew we were all going to die.

He ran his lips across my shoulder, up to my neck, then whispered about the things we would do once we were older. He pulled me so that his front was to my back and he cradled my head. I groaned, softly. Mortified that the sound had escaped me, I bit my lower lip to halt more sounds from escaping as I enjoyed the pleasure of his kisses. Then I fell asleep.

However, my dreams were fretful. My waking self was more of a warrior than my sleeping self.

Still, I died, repeatedly.

Chapter 24

It was Saturday and the day of my long-awaited birthday party. I woke early and dressed quickly. I wanted to get in a run at the park to release some tension before tonight.

I was nervous because all of the Great Eight would be present with all my normal friends.
Everything’ll be okay
, I told myself. After all, Raja and Em had hit it off. Em even invited her to go with us to the mall when we picked out our real outfits for the party.

My ponytail flapped on my back as I raced down the steps to the front door. My happy disposition, I had to admit, was a result of all the making out with Chris. I could hug myself, I was so thrilled. I’d thrown on black sweats, a white tee and a black hoodie – ready for a quick run.