Finding Me (6 page)

“Thanks again.” I took the hairpin and placed it in my bag. I needed to walk away before I embarrassed myself further.
What the heck’s the matter with you, Carmichael?

He extended his arm and blocked me from passing. “I can think of other ways you can thank me.” A smirk played at the corner of his full lips and he winked at me.
He didn’t just wink at me. Who does that?

Like an itch that wouldn’t cease, the desire to linger in his presence overwhelmed me. It was like I’d found something I’d been searching for forever. The persistent urge of it inundated me. My heart skipped a noisy beat as our eyes met. My face betrayed me with a smile that said I’d allow him to receive my thanks in any manner he saw fit.

“What do you have in mind?” I said, entertaining the conversation much longer than I should have.

“I’ll allow you to take me out.” He smiled again, tilting his head a little to the right. The smile illuminated his entire beautiful face and I was sure mine, too.

“Really, you’ll allow me.” I laughed at his cockiness. And loved it at the same time. “Um…I think ‘thanks’ should suffice this time.”
But if you asked me that same question again, I’d have to say yes.
He was too perfect to say no to twice.

He smiled at me, unperturbed by my rejection. “Maybe another time.” He removed his arm from my path but never took his eyes from mine. His gaze was steady…like he was daring me to look away.

“Perhaps.” I tried a laugh, but it sounded more like the squawk of a nervous chicken.
What the hell?
Confidence. I loved that quality in guys. Zack had been timid about everything. He’d been too frightened of his mother and mine to do what he wanted, or at least what I wanted.

“Bye, Chloe Carmichael. I’ll meet you at your locker later.” He produced his irresistible smile for my exit. My eyes traced the contours of his full lips, his strong jaw line, the chiseled outline of his…
Get a grip, Carmichael!

“Uh, okay,” I said. His angelic features mesmerized me. I had to force myself to walk away from him. His nearness induced a sense of happiness, warmth…something foreign to me.

“Oh my God, CC,” – that was what my two best friends called me – “why are you talking to McFlirty? He’s so freakin’ rude,” Emily Peters whispered beside me. “She doesn’t need any more groupies in the fan club,” she said, loud enough for him to hear.

I sucked in a deep breath of embarrassment. She tossed her long red hair over her shoulders and eyed the new guy as if he’d asked if her Louis Vuitton bag was from Wal-Mart. She walked up and kept stride with me, swinging her head around, I knew she rolled her emerald eyes at him.
What had he done to peeve her?

His distinct laugh echoed behind me. I swiveled to face him again, unable to stop myself. When I turned, he was staring after me. He appeared lost…deep in thought. I spun back around to face my friend and the darts her eyes threw. Suddenly, it occurred to me – I’d neglected to get his name. I couldn’t keep referring to him as “the new guy”. I stopped. Not paying attention to Emily’s sighs of frustration because I was about to talk to him again.

“I forgot to formally introduce myself,” he said, once I’d turned all the way around. “I’m Christopher, but you should call me Chris. It’s easier to doodle the shorter version.” I dropped the book I held in my hand to the floor with a thud. He reached down with a gracefulness I’d only ever seen exhibited by royalty, and picked it up. His skin made contact with mine as he handed it back to me.
Somebody kill me, please.

“How’d you…” I shook my head and swallowed hard. “Umm, thanks. Chris. I guess.” I laughed, “You read my mind.”
Okay, gorgeous, confident, and psychic. I’ll take it.
Him.

“Can I?” he said, breaking my inner reverie.

“Can you what?”

“Read your mind sometime. I’d love to know what you think.” His stare was intense.

A swarm of butterflies attacked my abdomen and were clearing my throat. My words came out small, barely audible. “What I think about what?”

He moved his head so close to mine his breath caressed my ear. “About everything – your hopes, your dreams, your fears,” he whispered. Chocolate and mint swirled around me and fogged my senses. Intoxicating me and making it hard for me to think, let alone speak.

“Um.” I swallowed hard again and backed away a step.
Who the hell is this guy? And
c
ould he be any freakin’ hotter?
I could hear Emily in the background urging me on. “I, um… I’ll see you around.”

“I’m counting on it.”

I turned quickly from his probing eyes and discovered my other best friend, Melissa Thompson, had joined us. Her shoulder-length chestnut hair was tucked in a neat bun, and she had her hands on her hips. With narrowed eyes, they both glared at me maliciously, as if I’d stomped on their Fendi boots. I tried to step around them and their evil glares, intent on heading to my first period class without an incident. They blocked my way.

“What?” I said. I threw my hands up in defense.

“What,” they said in unison. They always did that.
It’s so creepy.

“Zack’s been gone for only a week and you’re flirting with that loser, Slash Flirty McFlirt Pants already,” Emily said. She always made up her own words. It was the most annoying trait because without clarification, you couldn’t be sure what she called you or someone else.

She and Melissa had been my best friends since kindergarten. They were Em and Tee – we still didn’t know why we called Melissa, Tee. We started it in kinder and it stuck. The three of us had been inseparable since our first mini-facials.

“I can’t control if someone speaks to me or finds me attractive. I was only being polite,” I said. I tried to stop myself from smiling but couldn’t.
Did he find me attractive?

“Ump,” they chirped in unison. I rolled my eyes, side-stepped them, and started down the hall.

“Anyway,” Melissa said, following closely. “The school’s having a memorial service this afternoon for Zack at three in the auditorium. We can meet at your locker and go together.”

I spun around and glared at them. “What? Today? Why’d they wait a week for a memorial service?”

Melissa shook her head, uncertain. Emily shrugged her shoulders and made faces into a compact she pulled from her bag.

“We know how much you hate these kinds of things. We’ll be right there. I promise,” Melissa said. She reached out and gave my right hand a soft squeeze.

“I know,” I said appreciatively. I threw my arms around them for a much-needed hug, “You guys are the best.”

“We know,” they said in unison, again.

I shook my head and waved goodbye as I entered my first period class.

I plopped into my seat. “Dang it!” Why couldn’t I have missed all this? They purposely waited for me to come back to do the memorial. I knew it. Something had told me to stay out a couple more days. Why hadn’t I?
Mother.
I couldn’t suppress the frown on my face. My mother had encouraged me to come back today. Actually, made me was more accurate. She’d known, had orchestrated the entire event, and would be present to torture me.
Why can’t I just have an uncomplicated, normal life?

By the end of the day, I regretted the decision to return to school even more. All day I’d heard, “I’m so sorry about what happened. How are you doing?” If I heard those words one more time, I’d scream for sure. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate the concern. But it was too much.

While leaving my last class and heading to my locker on the first floor, someone spoke my name as I rounded a corner above the staircase. I stopped as I recognized the voice attached to it. Chris, the new guy. The female voice in the conversation sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it. I crept closer to the stairs to get a better understanding of what they were discussing. And why my name would be mentioned.

“If you haven’t found her by now then she isn’t here. We have to go,” the female said. I could hear the strain in her voice – as if she were about to cry.

“One person has sparked my interest. She looks exactly like her. It’s uncanny,” Chris said.

“What do you mean ‘sparked your interest’? You both would recognize one another immediately. Like every other time we’ve done this. Are you talking about this Chloe chick I heard you thinking about earlier?”

“Listen, you know I’d never do anything to jeopardize what we’re doing. But if Chloe’s…”

Just then, the sound of approaching footsteps sounded down the hall. I glanced up to see the shadows of two students rounding the corner, headed in my direction. I had to act as if I wasn’t eavesdropping, which I so blatantly was. As the two students neared, I pretended to tie my shoes. I bent clumsily.

“Hey, Chloe,” a feminine voice said. I stood to find the Weinright twins with identical expressions of sorrow clouding their faces. “Are you on your way to the memorial service?” Jennifer asked. She stretched her hand out and rubbed my upper arm. Then smiled with the same “I’m sorry” look.

“Yes, I am. I need to get something from my locker first. I’ll see you guys there.” I watched until they disappeared in the opposite direction. I scrambled to the corner, hopeful I hadn’t missed the rest of the conversation between Chris and the mystery girl. But when I popped my head around the corner, Chris and his friend were gone. I couldn’t shake the feeling that the exchange between them had been important. Well, it had to be since it was apparently about me.

I bounded the stairs, going over in my head what they’d said. Out of nowhere, Emily and Melissa seized my arms. They half dragged me with them to the auditorium.

“Okay, guys.” I said through clenched teeth, “I was on my way. You don’t have to carry me.”

“We know. We just wanna help. We can only imagine the grief you must be feeling,” they said. They sounded like two clones from the town of Stepford. I wondered how long they’d practiced that line.

I held my breath as we entered the auditorium.
I’m not mentally prepared for this.
I plastered on a reassuring smile to display that I was emotionally fit. Melissa and Emily, however, insisted on carting me around as if I were handicapped.

Finally, tiring of them, I flopped into the closest seat. Situated at a comfortable distance from the stage. But not far away enough that probing eyes couldn’t find me. Or not far away enough that others would think I didn’t care. Sometimes, most of the time, I cared too much.

“Don’t you want to sit closer to the stage? Or next to Zack’s mom?” Melissa asked. She pointed to the front few rows of seats where Mrs. Maureen sat dabbing a silk handkerchief to her overly made-up eyes every couple seconds.

“Nope. I want to sit right here. Thank you,” I said. I sat back in the velvety seat and folded my arms across my lap.

“Well, I guess if you insist,” said Emily, “but no one can see you here, CC.” She shook her head in disapproval. That was kind of my point, but that fact would’ve been lost on her.

It was a pleasant ceremony, in spite of the situation and the uncomfortable nervous gurgle of my abdominal area. Everyone that spoke had honorable things to say about Zack. I could see how moved it made Mrs. Maureen. My chest ached at the thought of never seeing Zack again. I had to look away every couple minutes to gain my composure. Breaking down in front of everyone would be awful.

I took a moment from listening to scan the audience. That’s when I noticed Casey. Seated in a corner at the second level of the auditorium. She appeared visibly upset, and my heart went out to her. From her anguished expression, she must have genuinely cared about Zack. I wondered how long they’d been seeing each other. Were there clues alluding to Zack’s secret courtship? I couldn’t recall anything out of the ordinary, but it could’ve been going on for some time. I was clueless about these things.

With my contemplation on the subject of her and Zack complete, I was ready to turn back to the memorial, but then I saw her eyes narrow and slant in my direction. Her mouth puckered to match her frown, and her nostrils flared. The hurt and pain in her eyes was like a sucker punch. Her loathing me was a new development. I needed to squash this before it got out of hand. I’d have to make a special trip to her house soon. To let her know I wasn’t upset at her. Zack must have loved her; I knew he hadn’t been in love with me. It would’ve been nice to receive a note to that effect. But I wasn’t upset about it. And I didn’t think I should be.

I had to force my eyes away from the malice resonating from her to me. I’d known many girls who didn’t like me. Usually jealousy. But I’d never had anyone hate me. I got that vibe from Casey, though. I shook my head and diverted my gaze back to the stage. Life was too short to hate people, especially for things they had no control over.

“Why are you so fidgety?” Melissa whispered to me, her head ducked. “It’s like you’re waiting for something to happen.”

I laughed. If only I could tell her what had been happening to me. She wouldn’t understand though. I didn’t even understand. “I’m fine, Tee. I just hate ceremonies like this. You know.”

“I understand, CC. Just try to relax. No one’s going to make you speak.” She smiled supportively and sat back in her seat. I wished that was the reason for my nervousness.

I tried to sit and listen without allowing my mind to wander. If Tee noticed, others might also. I didn’t want to give them something new to talk about.

Reed McCullough, a football teammate of Zack’s, discussed his level of dedication to the game. But I was unable to listen or quiet my inner alarm. I scanned the audience again. An ominous feeling overtook me.

Someone was watching me.

I was in danger.

Chapter 8

I knew more than half the students in the auditorium glanced at me every couple seconds. Their hope: to get a reaction from me so they could tell someone else how I overreacted at the ceremony. But this was different. Someone was watching me for a reason other than the present circumstances. Or I could simply be having another loopy episode. I preferred the first explanation – no one wanted to go crazy.