Finding Solace (10 page)

Authors: Barbara Speak

"Jason's
here?" That one came out with a big smile.

"Don't
go getting your hopes up on that one, beautiful. Those were some pretty sad
faces I had to walk past."

"I
can't imagine after last night they would be anything else, but it’s still a
start."

"True.
Now, back to me being here for you now because I wasn't last night?"

"What
are you really talking about, Colt, because I'm a big girl? Before I met you I
didn't have you to be here for me, so why wouldn’t I be okay now?"

"You
didn't have me then, but you do have me now. That is the point."

"I
don't get you. How do you think you can be here for me? Or am I missing the how
to be a good friend bus? Jason and Shawn are your friends too. This all
happened to you also. Are you saying I need to be here for you? Do you need me,
because I am here if you do?”

"Listen
here, beautiful, I'm always going to need you. Maybe I was just hoping you
needed me a little too."

I wasn't
sure how to respond. The last night we spent together was coming back to me.
What I needed was
that
Colt. Not the
one who didn't talk to me for over a week and was sleeping with some girl named
Shelly. I just do not know what to say.

"Sadie.
Why are you getting quiet on me? Did I say something to upset you?"

It’s like he
was goading me to admit I was upset about his part in last night. Not going to
happen. So I turned on the charm.

I removed
the towel from my hair. Then I walked over to the opposite side of the bed, let
my towel fall a little loose and seductively crawled over to his side of the
bed. I rolled so I was lying on my back. Then I looked up at him and said,
"Why would I be upset?"

"Are
you doing this on purpose?" He said as he lay down next to me.

"Doing
what? I'm just tired" I stretched out and the towel slipped lower. “I
didn't get much sleep last night." Colt moved closer to me so we were
right next to each other. He rolled onto his side so we were face to face.
"Can we snuggle?"

"Are
you tired too?"

Colt raised
his arm so he could get to my hair. He played with it, running his fingers
through it like a comb. I just closed my eyes and let him. I think I started to
fall asleep when I heard him say, "Are you sleeping?"

I am not
sure why I did not answer him. Or why I apparently wanted him to think I was
asleep. He was quiet for a while and then he said, "If only things could
be different. God, I'd make you mine."

He pulled me closer and spun me around so he
could spoon me. I continued to stay quiet until I really did fall asleep. Being
held in his arms always did make for the best sleep.

I woke up
and Colt was gone. It was incredible how his smell lingered on my sheets and
pillow. I rolled around breathing it all in. I wished he was still here, but I
have a faint memory of him kissing my forehead and telling me he had to go.

I got up and
went downstairs to see if it was safe to get some breakfast. The house was
empty. I knew Heather had to work today. I just wasn't sure if she would call
in sick or not. I looked out the window and her car was gone, so I could only
assume she went in. I went straight for the
Cap’n
Crunch, my favorite cereal. What should I do for the rest of the day? I decided
I owed it to myself to do nothing. So I sat down on the couch and ordered the
first two seasons of Walking Dead. And you better believe I did not get up
unless I had to, all day.

CHAPTER
13

Two
days later we were told we would be able to see Shawn. Heather drove us up
there. I hadn’t really thought about how she was feeling (I know, selfish bitch
here) I was just so excited to see him myself. So when we got out and started
walking up to the hospital and she asked, “Do you think he's going to hate
me?" I almost fell on my face.

"No! I
don't know what he's going to remember, but if he does remember everything
clearly, there is no way. He was worried about you. He didn't understand why
you wouldn't talk to him. He's your friend, Heather. Don't forget that when you
walk through that door. No matter how bad he looks.”

I stopped
walking so she would really get the point I was going to make here without
getting offended.

"These
next few hours, they’re not about you or how you feel. Or how anybody else
feels, including me. They are about Shawn. I'm only saying this because I know
you. You’re my best friend in the world. Don't go in there and start crying
about how bad you feel. Think about how bad he feels. His mouth is wired shut.
Let’s just go be supportive."

"First,
you can fuck off. I don't make everything about me. But secondly, you’re right.
Let’s go see one of our best bros."

We continued
to walk through the hospital parking lot and into the lobby. Heather stopped at
the information desk and everything from the car until now felt like
deja
vu. This time, he had a room. Before we got on the
elevator, we popped into the gift shop. Heather grabbed the whole box of Twix
candy bars and ran at me so excited. "What? They’re his favorite?"
She felt the need to explain herself because I was standing there with a
dumbfounded look on my face.

"Are
you trying to rub it in that he can't have them or what?"

"Oh
shit, I didn't think about that." She hurried to put them back. "It’s
just hard to pick something when all Shawn likes to do is eat, drink and have
sex. He can't have two of them and I'm not offering the third. It's what
started this mess to begin with, remember?" She was so serious when she
said it. I tried, I promise you I did, but I busted out laughing so loud that
the lady working in the store scowled at me.

"Maybe
we should just get him a card and call it a day in here."

We rode the
elevator to the third floor. As we exited, the reality hit me of what we were
about to see and it scared me.

I grabbed
onto Heather’s hand for support, but realized she needed mine probably more
than I needed hers. Maybe this is what Colt was talking about?

We finally,
after what felt like forever, got to Shawn’s room. What I was positive shocked
us both, was the sight of Jason sitting next to the bed talking to Shawn. I am
not sure why that surprised me. They were great friends before all this mess.
This sounds horrible, but maybe Jason thought it was a golden opportunity for
him to explain himself, while Shawn couldn’t interrupt. I personally was
thinking it was a good time to leave. We could always come back; I just wanted
Jason to have his time. Just as I was going to suggest it to Heather, Shawn
looked up and noticed us. His eyes lit up when they locked with mine. Even with
all the contraptions on his head, he was gorgeous. I think no matter what, he always
would be to me. These guys were like family to me. I started walking over to
the other side of the bed. When I got there, I reached out to take his hand. I
couldn’t take the smile off my face. I was scared before, but now I just
thought about how silly that was. I was just so grateful he was here. That
eventually he would be okay. That he knew how loved he was. It was not really
fair that he was from Oklahoma and his family didn’t fly in. I did not
understand how parents could hear of something like this happening to their
child and not get the first flight out. I guess not everyone was as lucky as I
was. It made me want to go visit my mom and dad. Jason stood and walked out
into the hall with Heather. I had yet to find out what was going on with the
two of them. She says they are working on it. That was all. Someday I was going
to get that girl to crack. I am not nosy, I just wanted more details. I am a
girl after all, we love our details. I turned my attention back to Shawn after
he squeezed my hand.

"Hey
there, good
lookin
'! I didn't forget about you."
I let go of his hand and then pulled over a chair so I could sit down.

"So I'm
guessing people have been filling in any blanks you might have had already. I
hope you understand how I came to that conclusion and don't blame me for it. We
all reacted poorly. Well everyone except you. I would understand if you chose
not to forgive us. Jason is the hardest and I certainly get that. I'm not
making excuses for him, believe me. He showed up that night at our place. He
had driven all the way back after the fight to see her. Because she didn't know
what happened between you two, she pulled away. I watched him struggle with how
she was acting. It was horrible. So I think when he heard us talking, something
just snapped inside him." He closed his eyes. It was as if he was trying to
tell me something, but couldn’t. That has to be the worst feeling. Wanting to
communicate, but you can't. All of a sudden I had an idea. What about writing
it down on a pad of paper? I asked Shawn if he would excuse me for a second and
I walked out into the hall to find a nurse. Heather and Jason were nowhere to
be seen. I located a nurse coming out of another room and bum rushed her.

"Excuse
me ma’am’, but my friend is in room 312 and he has his jaw wired shut. It seems
he wants to talk. Can we have a pad of paper and a pen please?"

"Honey,
with your friend’s concussion, we don't feel he should be focusing that hard on
writing yet. But that is the next step, I promise."

I thanked
her and walked back to his room. This time I found Heather in there. I knew I
needed to give them time, so I went looking for Jason. I walked the entire
floor but he wasn't there. I decided to go back downstairs and see if maybe he
was somewhere down there. After looking everywhere I could think of, I decided
he must have left. I was getting bored. I pulled out my phone and called Colt.
There was a good chance he wouldn't answer. Between classes, wrestling and now
having to cover Shawn’s shifts, as well as his own at ‘51’, he had little to no
extra time. So I was in complete shock when he answered.

"Hey there, beautiful!
What's going on with
ya
?"

"Heather
and I just came up to the hospital to see Shawn. She's in there now and I just
wanted to give them space, so I thought I'd call you. I got bored."

"So
that's how it’s going to be? I only get to hear from you when you’re
bored?" He loved to give me shit.

"That's
not what I meant and you know it. I didn't even think you would answer."

"Really,
then why did you call? Were you going to leave me a kinky message? Because I
can hang up if you’re too embarrassed to tell me yourself."

"Do you
ever quit?" I was laughing. And it felt good to laugh after being
upstairs. Maybe there was some truth to what he was saying the other day. Maybe,
just maybe, I did need him. But what was he getting from me?

"Nope,
you, my beautiful girl, are just too fun to tease. So what are you doing for
dinner tonight? Can I steal you away?"

"I have
a couple of clients I have to go in for, but I could meet up around eight
o’clock. Is that too late?"

"I will
make it work if I get to spend time with you."

"Does
that work with all the girls?" Oh shit, did I just say that out loud?

He stayed
quiet for long enough that I knew it registered. I played cleanup as fast as I
could.

"What?
You can joke, but I can't? He recovered quickly.

"Of
course you can. So anyway, eight o’clock, where do you want to meet?"

"Steak
sounds good. You have to name the place."

"What
about Rookies?"

"Isn't
that a sports bar?"

"Sure
is, but they have the best steaks around."

"Alright,
then I will see you there around eight."