Finding Zach (23 page)

“You’re such a dweeb,” David said, laughing. “It’s called anal sex. And yeah, it’s nice. It can be fantastic. But it’s not the only thing you can do together, you know. Sex isn’t just about fucking. And love isn’t just about sex.” He bent his head and kissed Zach’s shoulder. “Though sex is a pretty good part of it. Can I ask a question?”

Zach blinked. “Sure.”

“Why did you buzz your hair? Is it just part of the whole biker thing, or the whole Army thing?”

“Shit, Taff, that has to be the weirdest after-sex question I ever heard.”

“So?”

Zach regarded him with solemn eyes. “Actually, I didn’t cut it. About two months after I got back from Venezuela, it all fell out. The doctors said it was a weird after-effect of vitamin deficiency. I only ate crap for five years, but then when I got home and started eating real food again, my hair fell out.”

“Weird,” David agreed.

“It just started growing back in about six months ago, and it was really patchy at first, so I kept it more or less shaved until it started coming back in normal again. It’s growing slow. I’m wondering if it’ll be curly again; one of the doctors said that it might come back completely different from what it was. Though it looks like it’ll still be black, anyway.” He looked away and went on. “I didn’t really mind not having any hair for a while, you know. Esteban used to drag me around by it, and pet it, and crap like that. So it’s kind of nice not having it as a reminder. I’m thinking maybe I’ll let it grow out again in a year or so, see what happens with it.” He snorted. “Assuming it does.”

“Shame if it doesn’t,” David said. “I like long hair on a guy.”

Zach flashed him a quick smile, then turned his head away again.
Yeah,
he thought, thinking of the sketchbook upstairs. The pictures of Jerry showed he had a headful of curls, just like he himself had once had. “Okay,” he said. “My turn for weird questions.”

“Okay,” David said.

“You said there’s more to sex than just fucking, right? So how many guys have you actually fucked?”

David laughed. “Jeez. Three. Chris, Steve, and Jerry. The only serious relationships I’ve had, as in live-in relationships. I’ve had other relationships, but those three are the only serious ones.”

“Who was the first?”

“Chris. My roommate in college.”

“Were you scared?”

David came up on his elbow and looked down at Zach, who was watching him with solemn eyes and teeth worrying his lower lip. He looked so much like the child Zach that David had to chuckle. “Scared spitless,” he admitted. “But Chris wanted it, so….” He shrugged. “I was fine with the other stuff, the frottage, the blow jobs, but….”

“The what? Frot… what?”

“Frottage.” David grinned. “What we just did. What we did in the shower. Rubbing off on each other.”

“It has a fucking
name
?”

The grin became a laugh. “Jesus, Zach, everything has a name.”

“Not this,” Zach said, pointing to the groove above his upper lip. “Try and find a name for that.”

“Spaz. Dweeb. Microcephalic moron.” David kissed him. “You are so mental.”

“So this Chris guy
wanted
you to fuck him?”

“Yeah. He asked me to. I wasn’t sure. I mean, shit, yeah, I wanted to, but all I could think was that it must hurt like a bitch, but Chris said not. He said it might hurt a little to start, but if I was careful, it wouldn’t hurt. It would feel good.” He shrugged. “I have to say it felt good from my perspective.”

“Yeah,” Zach said. “I can’t imagine it feeling good from his perspective, but I’ve been with enough guys to know that there are some that really get off on it.” He looked away, then asked shyly, “I’m sorry about last night. I just….” he trailed off.

“You just wanted sex and I was available,” David said.

“No. No. I just,” Zach swallowed, “I just wanted sex with
you
and that was the only kind I knew. I never knew about this other stuff. I mean, yeah, blowjobs. But I gave you one of those.” He glanced back at David, ducking his head so he was looking up at him through his lashes. “Was it okay? I don’t have a lot of experience with that.”

“Good thing,” David said, “because if you were more experienced with that you would have killed me.”

“Did I hurt you last night?”

David knew he wasn’t talking about the blowjob. “It hurt to start with, yeah. But by the time you were done, it felt good. I never thought I’d say it, but I wouldn’t mind doing it again, if that’s what you wanted.”

“I can’t give you what you want,” Zach said. “I can’t let you….”

“Did I ask?” David cut him off. He eased off the bed and pulled at the spread. “Get up a minute, will you?”

Zach obeyed and David pulled the spread off the bed and rolled it up. “That’s two bedspreads I have to wash today,” he complained, but folded down the top sheet and gestured for Zach to crawl under. “Later.” He followed Zach into the bed, and put his arm around Zach’s neck, shifting on the pillows until Zach’s head was on his shoulder. “There. That’s good. You comfortable?”

Zach put his arm across David’s abdomen. “Yeah,” he said with a contented sigh.

“Sleep. I’ll wake you up in time for breakfast with your folks, okay?”

Zach didn’t answer, and when David looked down, he saw that Zach’s eyes were closed, the lashes long and dark against the curve of his cheek. His hand lay on David’s belly like a limp starfish.

“Guess it’s okay,” David said, and closed his eyes.

Chapter 16

A
NNIE
slid the strata out of the oven, breathing in the warm scents of cheese and egg and sausage. “God, that smells good,” Jane said from her perch at the kitchen bar. “I love your strata. I’d eat it every morning if you fixed it.”

“Yeah, and bitch at me when your scale made rude comments at you,” Annie said, “which is why I only make it for special occasions. Though in my opinion, you could use a few pounds.”

“When Richard gives up the business and I don’t have to go to any more social events, I’m going to gain those few pounds and then some,” Jane promised, “but I have to look sexy so those female vultures keep their hands off my hot man.”

“Trophy wife,” Annie accused with a grin.

“Right,” Jane sighed. “Because every man wants a fifty-five-year-old woman by his side.”

“This one does,” Richard said from the doorway. “Especially a fifty-five-year-old woman who looks thirty-three. And besides, you’re not fifty-five for another four months.”

Jane waved her hand dismissively, but Richard caught it and kissed the palm. “It’s totally not fair,” she said, looking down at his dark head, “that a man gets better-looking as he gets older, and a woman just gets… older.”

“Says the one who’s the youngest of the three of us,” Annie said, and tossed a potholder at Jane.

Jane laughed and turned to kiss her husband. Annie watched them a moment, a faint smile of amusement on her face; then her smile died and she turned back to her preparations. “The two of you take the coffee stuff into the breakfast room,” she said over her shoulder, “along with that tray of rolls, and I’ll be in with this once it has a chance to set up.”

They obeyed, Richard snagging a cup of coffee and smacking a kiss on Annie’s cheek on the way past. Annie laughed, but when they were gone, she rested her elbows on the counter and put her head down in her hands.
Damn it,
she thought. She should be happy for Davey. Yes, it would be a tough road for him if he wanted to drive it with Zach, but she knew that all along it had always been Zach that Davey loved. The months after Zach’s disappearance had certainly brought home that fact; the endless nights of holding Davey while he grieved, listening to him weep late at night until she’d moved her bedroom downstairs to the guest room in self-defense, being patient with his abrupt mood swings, and the suppers gone cold and uneaten as he worked into the nights on the software he swore would have protected Zach.

She’d watched David get involved with other people, all the time knowing the relationships were doomed to failure, but she’d kept her mouth shut and let him struggle. She’d do the same this time. But God knew it wasn’t going to make her happy.

“Mom, you okay?” David’s voice came from behind her.

She whirled. “Oh, honey, you startled me! I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Sorry. You okay?”

“Oh, yes, of course. Just waiting for the strata to set. Where’s Zach?”

“Stopped off at his place to change. Sleeping in your clothes makes for the dreaded grunginess, and not the Seattle-and-Nirvana kind, either.”

“Good,” Annie said absently.

“Seriously, Mom, are you alright? You seem sort of distracted.”

“No, not really. Can you give me a hand with the burritos? They just need the cheese added and then they need to be wrapped. I’ve got to cut the strata.”

“Sure,” David said, and took the cheese out of the refrigerator and set to work. After a few minutes, he said, “Are you angry with me about Zach?”

“No,” Annie said, “not angry. Worried. But you’re an adult. I have to let you make your own choices.”

“Are you worried that it’s going to blow up and mess up your relationship with Dick and Jane?”

His mother shook her head. “No. I hope not. Maybe. No, I don’t think so. Oh God, Davey!” She put down the knife and covered her face with her hands.

“Shit,” David said, and put his arms around her. “It’ll be okay, mamacita,” he said softly.

“I’m just afraid, Davey,” Annie said. “We’ve been a family so long, but I
know
that if it came down to choosing sides, it would be us against them, and I don’t think I could stand it.”

“If it came down to choosing sides,” David said seriously, “you side with them because it will be me that’s in the wrong. I made a promise to Richard when I was nine that I would always take care of Zach.”

“You were
nine
, Davey!”

“A promise is a promise.”

“But Zach’s not a puppy or kitten that you can make a promise like that. Zach has to go his own way and find his own destiny. You won’t always be there to protect him.”

“No, I know. But I won’t be the one to break his heart, either. If someday he wants to move on, that will be his choice. I won’t.”

“David, I don’t want to hear that! You have to think about your own happiness too!”

“I know, I know.” David sighed. “I don’t want to sound like a stalker, Mom, but Zach’s what I want. What I’ve always wanted. If he decides later on he doesn’t want me, that’s okay.”

“But you’ll be so hurt.”

“Yeah,” David said. “I’ll be hurt. I’ll survive. Just like we did when Dad died. We survive, we Evanses.” He squeezed her tightly.

“I take it more than just sleeping went on last night, then?” Annie sighed and shook her head. “No, never mind, don’t answer that, it’s none of my business.”

David grinned. “I’ll tell Sandy and Alison that next time I see them. It certainly was your business back when they were dating. Bet they’ll have something to say about it, gender inequality and all.”

“Don’t you dare, David Philip Evans. Don’t you dare.”

David grinned and went back to the burritos.

“
Y
OU
’
RE
sure you’re okay?” David asked one last time as they went into the breakfast room.

“Drop it, Davey,” Annie murmured back.

Mike Pritzger was already there, talking with Jane and Richard. David set the tray of breakfast burritos on the table, then turned and held out a hand to the young officer. “Morning, Lieutenant,” he said cheerfully. “Sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you yesterday.”

Mike shook David’s hand. “It’s Mike, and no problem. Hope you had a good time on your date last night.”

“Oh, it was… interesting,” David said.

Zach burst into the room through the French doors. “Shit! I’m late,” he gasped. “Sorry!”

“Don’t be silly,” Jane said with a smile. “It’s just breakfast.”

Sliding into the chair beside his mother, Zach whined, “But it’s
Sunday
, and it’s
strata
.”

“Boy after my own heart,” Richard said.

Zach grinned at them both, and squeezed his mother’s hand gently.

The eyes Jane raised to Annie’s were stunned. Annie gave her the faintest of nods; then Jane turned back to her son. “Do you want some juice, honey?”

“Sure,” he said.

Annie pressed David’s shoulder. “Sit down, boys,” she said to David and Mike.

“Can I help with anything else?” David asked.

“It’s all out and on the table,” Annie replied, and took her own seat to start passing stuff around.

They were quiet a moment as they passed plates. When everyone was served, Zach squirmed around in his seat to dig in his pocket. “Here,” he said to Mike, and reached across the table to hand him a twenty-dollar bill. “The money I owe you.”

The others glanced up. “Just a private bet,” Mike said, grinning widely.

“What about?” David asked curiously.

“Whether he could beat me in WD,” Zach said. “Well, not
me
. My first score. Whether his first score could beat my first score. He did.”