Finn (37 page)

For the ten days I’ve been attending these meetings, today was my day to talk. I went into it with the same preparations I’ve always relied on. My notes were precise, my thoughts were clear, and I even had tissues handy.

But tonight, when I stood in the room of survivors, I saw Finn’s face everywhere. Well, except for the four chairs in the back of the room. Those were my family—Dad, Johnny, Reese, and an empty chair in respect of Simon. I wanted to speak on script, but with Finn’s face popping into my head, I choked and fumbled through my story. It was the story of why I found this survivor’s group and the meaning of it to me.

I talked about my mom, my brother, and finally facing the loss of the man I loved and how it triggered something in me. People cried, people cheered me on, and people nodded in understanding. For the first time in years, I felt weightless.

When I was done, Reese stood up and led a standing ovation with tears pouring down her cheeks. Dad and Johnny looked equally as moved, but didn’t make a spectacle.

They stuck around, waiting for me to step off the small platform, then swarmed me with hugs and kisses. I held on until Dad started sniffling, claiming allergies. We agreed to meet at his house the next night, and everyone left as I mingled with the other members of the group.

I leave the building with lightness in my step, saying goodbye to a few of the other women and walking to my car.

There are two men leaning against my trunk, and I stop dead in my tracks. Not because I’m scared, but because I recognize Robbie and Tripp in the slight shadows.

“I carry a taser gun, pepper spray, and I know kung fu!” I shout gingerly.

They chuckle and come into the light with small grins.

“What are you doing here?”

Tripp gives me a head jerk then looks around, seeming bored. I’m not surprised. Since the night I broke down and Reese found me bawling on my floor, we haven’t spoken. Things were fragile after I left the hospital, but he was always cordial. However, the night Reese found me sobbing when she returned with groceries, she called him. He came over, got me in bed, and looked at me with raw hatred. His last words were, “You did this to both of you.”

Robbie, on the other hand, has been somewhat decent. I found a prenatal Yoga and Pilates class for Ember to attend at the gym and try to join her. He’s come in to watch and drive her home, but rarely makes eye contact.

So the two of them here is strange, but oddly, my mind doesn’t jump to conclusions.

“We listened to you tonight. It was eye-opening for us.”

Eye-opening? I spill my heart out, and these guys use the term eye-opening?

I try not to sound offended, but it comes off as bitchy. “Glad you had your eyes opened.” I walk past them to my car and toss my purse to the passenger seat. Before I can get in, Tripp clears his throat.

“You think Finn knows all that stuff?”

“Not a chance. I didn’t know a lot of it until I went to see a counselor the week after we broke up. Dad insisted because I was almost comatose. I wanted to tell Finn, but he wouldn’t see me. When I finally talked to him, a hussy was calling his name from the other end of the phone as he visited Max.”

“Don’t you think he has a right to know?” Robbie slices his eyes to Tripp in irritation, then looks at me with concern.

“Yes, I think Finn has a right to know everything. But that ship has sailed. He told me he’d call me when he got back from his trip, and I haven’t heard from him.”

“He’s hurt, Presley.” Robbie crosses his arms and widens his stance. If he’s trying to intimidate me, it backfires.

“Well, so the fuck am I! I know what I did was juvenile, underhanded, backstabbing, ridiculous, off-the-cuff, betraying, hurtful, deceitful, despicable, shameful, irreprehensible, appalling, loathing, and UNFORGIVABLE!”

“Oh, man, here we go.” Tripp whistles, but I’m on a roll.

“I wake up every day, live through it, and go to bed every night knowing I fucked up! I don’t need you to show up and remind me of the ignorant mistake I made. Every single fucking minute of the day, I know. So why are you here?” I deflate against my door and sense the depression sinking in.

The weight of my mistake with Finn plagues me, but seeing these guys brings it to the forefront of my mind. I wasn’t strong enough to be the woman for Finn; no need to remind me again.

“Jesus Christ.” Robbie rushes to me as my knees finally give out. “That’s not what we meant.”

Stars cloud my vision, and I let out a strangled cry. As hard as I try to stay still, I sag into Robbie, shaking.

“You’re not driving. I’ll get you home,” he says into my hair, and I panic, leaning away from his grasp.

“No, I’ll be fine.” I wriggle free. “Please, leave me alone.”

“He’s hurting, Presley. You need to talk to him.”

“I did, Robbie. Remember the call he answered with girls fawning over him? The same time he said he’d call me?”

“He hasn’t been with anyone else. You’re it for him.”

“Is that why you’re here, to pressure me into talking to him?”

“Fuck no, we’re here because that jackass is moving.” Tripp throws his hands out in exasperation. “You need to make this right!”

My heart drops. “Moving where?”

“Virginia,” Robbie confirms.

“Oh, shit, he’s really leaving me.” My throat burns.

“He’s leaving all of us because of this shit. It’s time to settle it.” Tripp finally looks at me with a touch of tenderness. “We came to settle it.”

I lay my head on Robbie’s shoulder and let it sink in. I have to do something to make this right.

Evelyn looks around my apartment and zones in on the cluster of pictures taking up two of my bookshelves. She gives me a gentle smile, but it doesn’t conceal her disappointment with me.

My hands tremble as I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans. The jitters in the pit of my stomach roll into nausea, and I wonder for the tenth time if this was a mistake.

“Thank you for coming. I’m sure this puts you in an awkward position, but I promise not to take up too much of your time,” I spit out.

“It’s only awkward if anyone finds out.”

“He doesn’t know you’re here?”

“It would be a big conflict, don’t you think? He’s in pain, stumbling through life and making rash decisions because he’s heartbroken. Me coming here to see the very girl who caused the pain may push him deeper down the spiral, so no, he doesn’t know I’m here.” Her words are clipped and rash, slicing into me.

“I’m so sorry. This was never supposed to happen. It’s all my fault.”

“What’s done is done, Presley. I came here today because I respect you and needed to see for myself how this break-up was affecting you. Finn won’t talk to us, but a mother knows when her child is in agony. The second we walked into that hospital room in Baton Rouge, I knew what was happening, but I could only hope it worked itself out. Obviously, that didn’t happen.

“Now that I’ve seen you, it’s apparent you’re as bad off as him. So why am I here?”

“Evelyn, you have every right to hate me, but I need your help. I’ve seen the error of my ways and fought like hell with myself internally to rationalize my actions. But nothing works. It all boils down to being a big fat idiot with a penchant for fear.” I fall to my sofa and lean my elbows on my knees, staring at the floor, not able to take her disapproving glare. “You may not believe me, but I love Finn with every fiber in my soul. When I left him in the hospital, I also left behind a huge chunk of my heart. I tried to get him to talk to me, and it was useless. Then I gave him space.

“It’s been almost a month, and everything I’ve done was with him in mind.”

“Can you explain?”

I figured I’d have to spill my guts before she’d decide if I was worth helping. If the end result is getting Finn to listen to me, I’ll gladly tell her anything she wants to know.

“How much do you know?”

“Does it matter?” She raises one eyebrow at me and tilts her head in the signature ‘mom’ move.

I choke back a giggle, but a small cough escapes. “I’m sorry, you remind me of my mom when she gave us an expectant look.”

I scoot over and pat the sofa next to me. When she sits, I launch into the whole story—my nightmares, the decision to break things off, our fight, Dad pushing me to a counselor, and finally, my confession two nights ago to my support group. I don’t glaze over any of the details, and when I finish, she’s in tears, holding my hand tight.

“Oh, dear, you’ve been holding in so much, taking on responsibility for things out of your control.”

“I lost Finn, and I don’t expect a reconciliation, but I’d like to share with him what his love and losing him did to me. If I could go back and change things, I’d do it, but as it stands, he made me a better person without even knowing it.”

“You said you need my help. What can I do?”

“Showing up at his condo with this forlorn confession doesn’t seem like enough. I’m looking for a grand gesture, the kind that will make him truly listen to me and understand I won’t ever ask him to be someone he isn’t.”

She scrunches her eyes, tapping a finger against her lips. Then she snaps her fingers and turns to me with a cunning grin. “I think I have it! But we need to move fast!”

“Fast is fine, the quicker the better!”

“Let me tell you my idea, and then we need to make some calls. This is going to be tight, but I’ll make it happen.”

Her enthusiasm is contagious, and I finally feel like I can put an end to this nightmare.

Finn

T
he heat of their stares singe into the back of my head, and I struggle to keep my temper intact. What the fuck is everyone’s problem tonight? I veer off to the restroom with an audience on my heels.

When the door slams, I spin and point at Robbie. “What the fuck is going on?”

He, Tripp, and Max look to the ground, the walls, the ceiling… anywhere to avoid eye contact. Right then, the door swings open and Johnny walks in with Jeff in tow.

Fuck! It pains me to see them, but knowing they’re here solidifies my theory that Presley is, too. Mom warned me their family RSVP’d to the Gala. Knowing this, I had the perfect excuse to bow out of this year’s event. Until Governor DeSantis called me personally and asked me to sit at his table.

This Gala has always been about supporting, recognizing, and empowering the men and women of the Armed Forces. This year, they chose to hold the event on the Saturday after Thanksgiving because so many servicemen and women tried to get home for the holiday. She wanted to honor as many as she could.

Jeff and Johnny come to me together, both of their faces blank. I’ve spoken to each of them once since being released from the hospital and coming home. The subject of Presley never came up, mostly because I shut them down when they mentioned her name.

Jeff stops and lays a hand on my shoulder gently. “Son, good to see you again. Glad you’re better.”

“Thanks.” I force the words.

Jeff steps up next and extends a hand toward me. “You look a lot better than the last time I saw you.”

“Thanks,” I repeat.

An uncomfortable silence falls on the room, and there’s a shuffle on the other side of the door. Without a word, all five men file out, leaving me standing there wondering if I stepped into the Twilight Zone.

I splash some cold water on my face, mentally preparing myself for what the night may bring. A paper towel is slid into my line of sight, and my heart stammers in my chest. I don’t need to look up to know she’s here. The fragrance of her perfume combined with the scent of her shampoo and body wash. That same scent used to grace my sheets, my pillows, and the shirts she’d steal to sleep in.

I raise my eyes to the mirror and see her behind me, staring with a mixture of emotions in her glossy eyes.

I twist enough to face her, but keep my hip to the counter for support.

No matter what I’ve convinced myself of over the last few weeks, nothing could prepare me for this moment. She’s still the most breathtaking woman in the world. My eyes rake down her body, appreciating the way her red dress hugs her curves in all the right places and stops right above her knees. There’s one sequined strap that covers a shoulder; otherwise, her chest, neck, and shoulders are exposed. The silver heels have thin straps that wrap around her feet and stop at the ankle with some sort of jeweled clasp.