Fire and Ice: Rekindled (The Fire and Ice Series Book 2) (18 page)

Kellan

As Hailey's breath hitched, I felt a surge through my veins.
God, how I wanted to devour this woman. I lowered my lips to meet hers, swiping
my tongue past her lips as I deepened the kiss. Gentle- I'd need to learn to be
gentle with her for the next few months. Had I known earlier, I would have held
back. Shit, I don't even know if...I mean are we even able to...allowed to make
love? It will be torture to endure not being able to have her wrapped around
me, as we bring each other pleasure. This wasn't exactly an area of expertise
for me. I either needed to ask Hailey, or get the go ahead from a professional
before this went any further.

I slowly ended the kiss, but continued to peer down at her
with such adoration a lump began to form in my throat. This was a lot of
information to absorb in one day. But her body was beckoning me, and my mind
was warring with itself.
Bring it down a notch
. I usually wasn't one to pass on
taking what I wanted, but I needed to be convinced I had the green light to
proceed.

I drew in a hesitant breath and asked softly, "Is
this...ok?"

Hailey gave me a confused look before a smile spread across
her lips. "Mmm," she moaned. "Do you even have to ask?"

"Yeah, I do," I stated. "I mean, I've never
done this before- is this safe?"

The smile slid from her lips and panic filled her eyes.
Fuck. I wish I would have known this before we'd let things go too far earlier.
If I've done something irrevocable, I won't be able to forgive myself.

I immediately pushed myself away from her and flopped onto
my back as I ran my hand through my hair. My heart was pumping furiously.

Hailey turned to face me and propped herself up on her
elbow, "Shouldn't I be asking
you
that question?"

"How would I know?" I answered. "I've never
done this before." I paused, adding, "Well, I mean except for
earlier, but I had no idea about it then." My voice was rising along with
my frustration.

I turned to face her and her puzzlement was evident.
Knitting her brows together, she asked, "What do you mean you've never
done this before? You acted like you were some sort of expert at it. How the
hell am I supposed to learn about this shit if
you
don't even know about
it?" Seems like I wasn't the only one who was frustrated here.

I sat upright and balked, "Why the hell would you think
I'd be an 'expert' about this?"

I quickly rose to my feet as she sat up on the bed. As I
studied her, wearing a simple lace bra and panties, I took in how beautiful she
really was. Though her body didn't seem to be showing any signs, yet, the
'glow' I've heard people talk about was radiating from her.

She slid to the edge of bed, looking into my eyes deeply as
I said, "I think it's best if we get a doctor's opinion before we do this.
If
we can do this," I ushered towards her.

Her eyes widened as she exclaimed, "They have doctors
for this?" She looked around nervously and nibbled on her bottom lip as
she added, "Look, Kellan, if this is something potentially dangerous that
neither of us seem to know about, I'm not sure I want to go through with
this."

"What?" I looked at her as if she'd just slapped
me across the face. "First of all, I think it's pretty common knowledge
that they have doctors for this." I looked at her with indignation as I
continued, "Why this is news to you, I have no clue; but..." Fuck, I
didn't even want to say the words out loud. I threw my hands up, saying,
"Listen, its your body, its your right to choose- but don't you think you
should take some time before you make a decision like that? I mean, Jesus,
Hailey, I don't want to make you feel guilty, but you just found out today
and..." I hesitated, wanting to choose my words wisely while still
expressing my concern. "You know, this is a permanent decision. Once
you've gone through with it, you can't ever take it back." I was getting
sick to my stomach.

Hailey's face paled as she said quietly, "But, you said
I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do. I'm more than willing to try
it out for a while, but I don't want to be forced into anything," she said
looking at me with pleading eyes.

I placed my hands on my hips, gritting out, "You think
I'd force you to do this? And I may be way off base here, but I don't think
this is something you just 'try out for a while'." I was fast losing my
patience with her ambiguity towards the matter.

She stood to face me, so close I could feel the heat from
her skin, but that fire...that fucking fire in her eyes was blazing as she
hurled her words at me. "You are making absolutely no sense, Kellan. First
you tell me I have a right to choose, then you tell me it may not even be
safe...that we should get a doctor's approval first? Then you turn around and
tell me if I decide to go through with it, I'm...what- locked in, or something?

 
"I get
it," she said with a sad chuckle, brushing past me to walk towards the
door.

I grabbed her by the arm before she could escape, asking,
"Where are you going?"

"Look, Kellan, you have my head spinning, here."
She looked to the floor then slowly met my eyes; her own filled with
disappointment, as she stated blandly, "I'm not sure if
you
even
know when you're lying anymore."

Yeah, the jab spiked my anger and I was cocked, locked and
loaded, but there was no way I was about to push her away again. I was sick of
us punishing each other over our transgressions. I could empathize with her; a
life altering moment took some time to process, and she wasn't thinking
clearly. Before she made a decision she may regret for the rest of her life, I
needed her to know where I stood with it- at least then maybe I'd be able to
come to terms with it eventually, knowing I'd done everything in my power to
show her that I honestly had her best interests at heart.

I shook my head back and forth slowly as I implored her,
"Don't...go, Hailey. Please. Let's talk this over. Let's make this
work...I want this to work so badly, Princess." My eyes were filling with
tears as I continued, "I'll support your decision, but fuck, Hailey, I
need you to know how I feel; how I truly feel in my heart."

She stood gawking at me as I continued, "I love you,
Hailey. If that's not as plain as day at this point, tell me what I can do to
prove it to you. I'll do anything. I don't want you," I stated flatly as
she gasped. Quickly jumping back in, I said, "I
need
you. You...you're it for
me. I'll take you anyway I can get you, sweetheart, but before you do something
rash, I want you to know that I want you both."

I scrubbed my hand over my eyes, ridding the moisture that
had nearly spilled over. "I realize I don't get a say in this, but don't
lump me in with some guy who could care less about the two of you, and would
probably be more than fine if you went through with this."

I pulled her back flush against me chest, sliding my hands
to rest over her abdomen as I whispered into her ear, "A few hours ago, if
you would have told me this, I may have run for the hills, but I told you- I'm
done running." Her breathing became heavier and she relaxed into me. I needed
to keep pressing forward. "Stay here with me, give it a day or two.
This..." I massaged her stomach as I continued, "This child is a part
of you, and without him or her, I'd feel like I was losing a part of you. I
want you, I want Andrew, and believe it or not, if some asshole wants to
denounce his rights, I promise you, Hailey, I will love this child as my own,"
I swore with every fiber of my being.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Hailey

I stepped out of the calming cocoon of Kellan's embrace,
slowly turning to face him as I stood staring at him speechless for a beat.
"Come again?" I finally stated, my voice coming out a bit shaky.

He stepped towards me, and I held my hands up, taking a step
further back from him. He bowed his head and rubbed the back of his neck before
he spoke, his voice weary. "Look, Hailey, this isn't just lip-service. I
get it if you don't trust me- hell, I've fucked up so many times, I'm surprised
you're even standing in front of me right now." He refused to look me in
the eye as he continued, "I don't know how else to make you
understand."

He finally brought his eyes to mine, his deep brown eyes,
filled with conflict, and pain shadowing his face as he said, "I
just..." he sighed before continuing, "Since I found out about
Andrew, I've done a lot of soul searching. I mean, that's my son, Hailey...he's
a part of me. How I could love someone I've never met is beyond me, but I
do...I already do. And you
have
to know, please tell me you know that I love you-
that I've
always
loved you, and always will. Your child is a piece of you, and I love everything
that is you; every particle of you. I know this sounds absurd, but..."

I held my hand up to halt him as I quickly cut him off. He
stared at me blankly as I said, "You think I'm...
pregnant
?" Time came to a
standstill as we both stared at each other, unblinking for a bit before he
volleyed his eyes from mine to my stomach.

"You...you said you were," he stammered. My eyes
went wide as he ushered his hand towards me. "You said you and
Michael...you said you didn't want him to be a part of this. You said
he..."

"Oh my God, Kellan! What in the hell have we been
discussing all night?" my voice rose. "I came here to tell you that
Michael and I talked at lunch today. Jesus." He stared at me, as if he was
unaffected. I sighed and huffed out, "I thought he had some sort of
connection with Leila." No response.

I continued, "I'd seen her at his office before, I had
no idea who she was, no idea she had anything to do with you until she'd shown
up with the band. I had scattered pieces of a puzzle and I confronted Michael
about it. I found out that she was his patient, he'd treated her in
rehab." His brows rose but I forged on, "He knew about you from what
she'd told him while she was there. He knew
of
you; and then..." my
voice trailed off as I suddenly got nervous to admit that I'd spoken to Michael
about him. I summoned the courage to explain further, "And then, I'd
spoken to Michael about you...about us."

I winced as his jaw ticked, his eyes becoming filled with
anger. "When? Before or after Jordan?"

I bowed my head, ashamed to look him in the eye; ashamed of
myself for grieving the loss of Kellan while I was still married to Jordan;
ashamed for grieving the loss of Kellan more than the loss of my own husband.
"Both," I admitted softly. "He concluded on his own that Leila
and I were both involved with you, but felt it wasn't his place to say anything
to either of us."

"So why would he tell you out of the blue now?"
Kellan asked, clearly agitated.

"I told you, I confronted him about it. Believe it or
not, he's a good man- he was only trying to help."

Kellan scoffed, "So you thought you needed some random
guy that happens to have a fucking certificate on his wall, who knows dick
about me to...what...give you some sort of justification, a reason to convince
me that I need to do the right thing?" I shrugged, feeling guilty for
going behind Kellan's back. "Why didn't you just come to me?"

I stared at him blankly before I stammered, "I...I
thought..."

"No, you didn't think, Hailey. I'm not the same man I
used to be. I was a fucking punk kid who thought the world owed me a
favor," he huffed out.

"Why'd you push me away then?" I whispered.

"Why do you think? I had just found out I had a kid,
you had just lost Jordan; Jesus, Hailey, I was trying to protect you," he
stated with exasperation.

I shook my head back and forth, saying, "I meant, why
did you leave me?" Tears pooled in my eyes as the pain of three years
without him washed over me like a surging wave. "I needed you," I
sobbed. "We had it all planned; you asked me to go with you. You made me
believe I was special to you. You made me believe in forever, and then you
just...
vanished
,"
I cried out.

Kellan stalked up to me, pointing in my face as he gritted
out, "Don't you fucking dare pin that on me. I heard you- I heard you and
Georgia, and I wasn't about to be left standing around with my thumb up my ass,
waiting for you to make a decision while you got your shit sorted out."

My hand flew to my mouth and I shook my head furiously.
Nonononono...
Oh,
God, all these years he'd thought I'd abandoned him. All of it, and none of it
made sense, at the same time. "Tell me what you heard, Kellan," I
urged him.

"What do you mean? You fuckin' said it...I heard what
you said."

Tears spilled over my lashes as I sank to the floor,
slumping against the wall, and wrapping my arms around myself. "You
misunderstood, Kellan."

"Get the fuck outta here," he said dismissively.

"What you heard...I can see why you thought what you
thought. But I was telling Georgia that you and I were leaving...together. She
wanted me to stay, finish school. I told her it could wait, that you were more
important to me, and school would be there when...whenever- it didn't matter to
me; I just wanted you!" I felt like I was going to vomit, and it sure as
hell wasn't because I was pregnant. Until tonight, I hadn't been with anyone
since Jordan, and he and I weren't ready to start a family, we'd used
precautions. In hindsight, it was probably the only truly wise decision I had
made in years.

Kellan shuffled over to the bed and sat in a daze as I
croaked out, "When you left...it destroyed me, Kellan. It destroyed
us
."

He looked at me with regret filled eyes as he said,
"I'd never felt so much pain in all my life. Hailey, losing you was nearly
my undoing." He stood and came to kneel in front of me, taking my hands in
his as he spoke through his own tears, "It hurt like fucking hell." I
nodded, knowing exactly how he felt. "But look at us. We're here- right
where we belong; together. It
tried
to destroy us.
We
tried to destroy us. Don't
you see?" he implored me. "Without night, there can't be day. Without
darkness, there can't be..."

"Light," I whispered.

His lips lifted into a small smile as I stared at him speculatively.
He continued, "My heart was frozen solid before I met you, Hailey, and
when we collided, you consumed me. I melted into you, and we became one. We're
like..."

"Fire..." I breathed.

He smiled broadly and finished my sentiment, "And
ice."